Chad Valyear suffered some of the worst childhood trauma one can imagine. Like so many with untreated trauma, Chad turned to the self soothing behaviors that lead to a life in shambles. Throughout all of it, the one consistency has been his music. These days, Chad is a powerful advocate for those that suffer in addiction.
For more on Chad visit www.a2apodcst.com/120
Title sponsor is The Yatra Trauma Centre www.yatracentre.com
Chuck LaFLange (00:01.107)
Hello everybody, watchers and listeners, supporters of all kinds. Welcome to another episode of the Ashes to Awesome podcast. I'm your host Chuck LaFlange checking in from Krabi, Thailand, halfway around the world in a virtual studio coming from Oshawa, Ontario, this is Chad Valyear How you doing today, Chad? I'm great, I'm great. It's 28 degrees now here at 11 p .m., so life could be worse. Life could be worse, right?
Chad Valyear (00:14.482)
I'm good brother, how are you?
Chad Valyear (00:22.77)
Yeah, you could be freezing to death in Oshawa.
Chuck LaFLange (00:27.859)
Ah, I just can't do it, man. I can't. I do not miss even a little bit winter, right? I left on November 1st, like two days after the first snowfall in Calgary where I was. And there's just no turning back, man. There's no turning. The only white shit getting in my shoes now is sand at the beach, right? You know, like I'm OK with that. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (00:40.626)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (00:47.09)
I finally get why old people move to Florida and shit.
Chuck LaFLange (00:52.179)
Oh, fuck, without a doubt, right? Never mind the cost of living, right? Never mind the cost of living. So, you know, it's just crazy. I was telling you pre -recording, like, I live in a nice place, right? Like, it's a half duplex. It's two levels. I've got a yard. And I pay 140 Canadian dollars a month, right? It's just nuts, right? If I showed you what $8 got me for food, it would just, it would blow your mind, right?
Chad Valyear (00:58.418)
Oh yeah, true, true.
Chad Valyear (01:12.818)
It's insane.
Chuck LaFLange (01:20.339)
Like two bags of bags of groceries for eight dollars, right? Yeah, it's absolutely nuts, right? It's actually.
Chad Valyear (01:23.09)
Goodbye.
Chad Valyear (01:26.61)
I refuse to buy groceries because...
Oh, I refuse to buy food or buy groceries. I buy daily because I'm a guy who I cannot watch things go to waste and the amount of money that I have to spend on groceries, right? Like what we get for even $50, you know, but if it went bad and I didn't eat it, I'd fucking lose my shit. I'd be like not a chance. So I eat daily and, and.
Chuck LaFLange (01:49.267)
You know what, hey, we're in an addictions podcast. Let's talk about this real quick, because this is very, very relevant. For me, I buy daily as well, and I buy daily because I do things to excess, right? So like, if I have three bags of groceries here, I'm gonna eat three bags of groceries until I don't have three bags of groceries. Like that's just the way it is, right? You know, right? And so,
Chad Valyear (01:58.586)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (02:14.354)
That's right.
Chuck LaFLange (02:17.651)
I have to put myself in check, like I'm like, fucking, yeah, I'm gaining weight again. So, okay, let's get back to daily. Like, let's not try and stockpile because we know it doesn't work like stockpiling. I'm just gonna sit here and binge eat until it's all gone, right? Just like my crack back in the day, you know, right? Like, yeah.
Chad Valyear (02:17.906)
Yeah, well, I go through little phases.
Chad Valyear (02:33.618)
Right, and that's the difference. So like, I know now, right now. So I go through these little phases. So first, you know, if I'm really hungry, I'll put on my shoes and I'll walk across the street to the grocery store, right? If I'm just snacky, I'll pull out of the cupboards, right? But I go through these little phases because...
Everything is excess for me, even my healthy stuff is excess. You know, multiple meetings, like anything I can do to be of service, like things like that is always excessive, right? So I'll go through these little phases where I'll go on health binges.
and I will have say a bunch of junk food in my house and say it's Saturday and I'm like okay so I'm gonna go back to the gym Monday and I'm gonna pound it out when I go I go hard and in my head my addict brain tells me well you got to get rid of all the bullshit that's in your cupboards.
Right? So I'll start like eating all the junk food and getting rid of it because Monday I don't want it there. Right? Like all this stuff and I'll be sitting there. But I can't leave it there because I have to start fresh. But it's my brain and I know I'm wired that way. It's everything. It's everything. Yeah. It's so bad.
Chuck LaFLange (03:34.483)
Hahaha.
Yes. Yeah, right. Yeah, sounds about right to me. Yep.
Absolutely, right? Absolutely. A friend of mine once was describing her husband and said, anything that goes near his mouth, right? It's like, oh, you kind of describing me right now, right? Like anything that comes in this general area, right? It's gonna get done way too much, right? So yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, hey, listen.
Chad Valyear (03:55.954)
Hahahaha
Chad Valyear (04:04.018)
Well, as soon as I could taste again and my nose wasn't burned off my face.
Chuck LaFLange (04:08.307)
Yeah. Septum, that's deviated as fuck. That's what I like to say. Yeah. Right. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (04:12.146)
You
But it's like I could taste food and I was just like, this is delicious. This is what I've been missing for 15 years, 20 years.
Chuck LaFLange (04:22.899)
Right? Right? Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Anyway, hey listen, before we get into some deeper conversations, Chad, I'd like to, as we talked about pre -recording, kind of establish, you know...
some credibility for the audience, I guess, right, is who you are and what's going on in your life. And I know you've had some pretty big pivotal moments in your life that I'm aware of through that 10 minute documentary, which is awesome. I'll put the link in the show notes for you guys. And as well, of course, the live stream that we did on Blackcast Radio this past Friday. So why don't you kind of give us a Reader's Digest version of how you get to a point where you're on a recovery podcast and kind of go from there. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (04:48.242)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (05:05.33)
Sure, well, I mean, I grew up in a house with addicts. My parents were addicts. There was always partying at my house. I grew up to think that, you know, the lifestyle of partying and carrying on in motorcycle clubs and things like that, like that was a way of life. I didn't know really any different. So, you know, in that process, I mean, there was...
My parents didn't know any better either, right? They were raised very shabbily and they brought me up in like they did better than they had mind you, right?
But the way they brought me up, like I was in a house with like, I have many siblings, like my dad had 12 kids. I also have a stepsister, so there's 13 kids. Volume and violence was in my house, punishments, cruel and unusual. You know, spent a lot of time in my room, learned how to sing, you know, became a musician, you know, from the time I was 11, I sang.
Chuck LaFLange (06:01.491)
So when you say, so when you say cruel unusual, what do you mean by that? Right?
Chad Valyear (06:08.722)
Well, cruel and unusual, so like there was no real spankings, there was like beatings, right? And it was like you get punched out, whatever was in my mom's hand would go across the head or the back or wherever you, you know, you try to do these kinds of things and it's like, you know, you're getting these, right? Or, you know, my dad was, my dad was very violent. My dad was very aggressive and, and, you know, he, you know, women, men, it didn't matter. They got it if he was angry, right? So, um.
The thing I talk about in the documentary is there was a time I got sent to my room when I was 11 years old and I went in in the winter and I got out in the spring. Right? And I've talked about this before. When you think about, like I've never done any significant jail time, but when you do time in prison...
Right? In order to punish you, they take you out of the environment, the population, and put you by yourself. So you could be sitting there with murderers and arsonists and these people that could inflict great harm on you. And to punish you, they put you by yourself because this is not a good place for people. Right? So at 11 years old, when I'm in this room, the only thing I'm allowed to do is go to school, come home, eat supper, and I'm in my room the rest of that time. Right? So the only thing I was allowed to have was a radio.
So I was blessed because I got to, you know, I learned how to sing, right? Or I realized I could. Like it came, some of it came really natural. So that was my thing. It was just music. But to me, that was going to be like, like music to me, those guys were like superheroes, right? You know, and I've said this lots of times, there were, there was like the sweat, the leather, the hair, the fire, you know, and all the pretty girls and all the great things that looked like rock stardom. That was super attractive to me.
Who doesn't want that when you're living in this shitty environment? I didn't long to be a hockey player. It was like, no, these guys look like they're having way more fun. And in my parents' defense, like my mom...
Chuck LaFLange (07:54.611)
Yeah, yeah.
Chad Valyear (08:10.546)
My mom is not the person she was then and I want it very clear, right? Like she's a great grandmother to my children and my siblings children, but she didn't know better either, right? So I gotta, you know, I gotta put that out there because I've wrongfully represented her I think in the past, but I mean, my upbringing was still real and it still happened, right? So like.
Chuck LaFLange (08:25.875)
I think that's a really powerful thing to do, man. I think a really powerful thing to do. Acknowledging that, yeah, this is how I got to where I was, but understanding that people change. No different than I as an addict, or you as an addict have changed in your recovery. Our parents are very different people than they were 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago, right? And I think it's all too often we sit and we focus on that, right? You know?
Chad Valyear (08:49.906)
Right, well, how can I walk around expecting to be forgiven if I can't forgive? Yeah, for sure. But how can I walk around expecting to be forgiven if I can't forgive? Right? And it just comes down to, today I know that those things wouldn't happen, but sadly, you know, we were the casualties, and I made my children casualties, you know, and that's what happens. Like, I have three children.
Chuck LaFLange (08:57.779)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chad Valyear (09:15.698)
And you know, my son is 28, my daughter's 26, my other daughter's 15. Right? And they were casualties of the same behaviors because that's what I knew. Today I would never do the things in front of them that they saw. Like I was not physically abusive. Like I didn't beat my kids or anything like that, but I wasn't a good dad. Like I wasn't, I didn't show up. You know what I mean? I just, to me partying and like I said, like it was music. So I was out playing the shows.
you know, living the life and not showing up as a human for the people that mattered because I was so caught up in a selfish, self -centered, self -seeking life and behaviors that I didn't know. I was in survival mode because, you know, regardless of whether I had a home and food and a roof over my head and all that stuff, nobody showed up for me. Right? So selfishness became really easy. You know, when children's aid are showing up at my house and I'm hiding dope.
Chuck LaFLange (10:06.707)
Yep.
Chad Valyear (10:14.386)
You know, and nobody, people know in my world, like my parents, pardon me, my parents' friends and the people around us knew that was going on and didn't do anything. Who was showing up for me and my sisters? You know? And it was like, so you learn how to survive and that's what it really, I didn't realize it at the time. It wasn't until I started really getting into recovery that I started realizing what was making me tick. You know?
Chuck LaFLange (10:25.299)
Yeah, yeah, right.
Chuck LaFLange (10:39.827)
So when's the first time you remember getting loaded, once that happened for you?
Chad Valyear (10:48.306)
Yeah, that's funny because I was stealing the... like it's a story told and you know, it used to be told around the table and you know, everybody would laugh about it because again, you know, back then it wasn't uncommon for kids to run around the table and steal drinks or you know, at least not where I come from, right? And I remember getting all... like I don't remember it. I just remember the story being told, you know, at Nausium.
where I'd be stealing drinks off the table Christmas Eve when I was like two years old. And Christmas morning, they're trying to wake me up and I'm too sick and hung over and I'm like, leave me alone, leave me alone. I won't get up to open my gifts. And I remember so many times when that story was told, everybody'd be laughing. And I'm sitting here like, after I got to an age when I realized that I was fucked up, I'm starting to wonder like, why is this funny?
Like if my kid was hung over at two years old, I'd want to kill the person who contributed to that. You know what I mean? So yeah, it started that young. And then from the time I was like, you know, old enough to find out where my mom hid, like hid her dope, I would steal that or the parties going on in my house, nobody would see me stealing the booze out of the fridge at 10 years old and hiding in my room and pounding a couple beer. You know, like just because to me,
Chuck LaFLange (11:50.803)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (12:13.01)
Like my mom's reasoning was if she exposed us to it, she would, it would deter us from wanting to do it. But the thing was is until things, you know, it looked like everybody was having fun until the fight would break out near the end of the night. And to me, that still didn't seem odd because it wasn't uncommon. Like I didn't realize my life was different until I went to someone else's house. When I got into school and like some of these kids,
you know, they'd come to school and they weren't obnoxious and they weren't like, you know, um, I'd go to their house and there'd be multiple forks on the table or, you know, like dessert or, you know what I mean? Like just weird shit that to me was like, wow, these guys are rich. They're eating dessert. I think it's cause they're rich. You know what I mean? Cause we grew up in next to poverty. Like we grew up in low income housing and, and, uh, you know, I remember, you know, moving into like,
you know, a south end of Oshawa. They called it the other ghetto where I lived. There's two main ghettos in Oshawa and they're both in the south end, but one's farther south. And I hung out down there and a lot of my friends that I grew up with are there, were there, but I was in, they called it the other ghetto, right? The Malaga Mansions. And I grew up there and you know, I met guys and we were sharing, we were sharing one cookie amongst seven of us. You know, we'd share milk. If we got, one of us got a glass of milk, holy shit. You know, we all took a sip of it.
You know, and it was just like, that's how we roll. We were swimming in like the sewers. The sewers would back up because the way the townhouses were, the concrete would go like this and there'd be a sewer and then it would back up and we'd all be like diving in it because that was like swimming to us, you know? It was dumpster diving, just like total ghetto shit. But we didn't know any better. We didn't know any different.
Chuck LaFLange (14:03.827)
Yeah, right, right. Jeez, eh? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, right, right. So, I know there's a couple key moments in your life. It sounds like your life is a key moment, but you know what I'm referring to. Do you want to, you know, do you want to talk about that for us? And kind of, just...
Chad Valyear (14:23.154)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (14:28.178)
Yeah, well, so like I said,
Sure. You know, I share this a lot simply because I'm trying to get into a field where I can make a difference. And the whole point of me coming out with this, so let's just get into it. So with all the partying going on in my house, you know, there was a lot of people in there and in and out of there. And to me, you know, I would sleep in front of my little sister's door, right? Because if somebody ever tried to get in there, they had to go over top. Me,
And for some weird reason as a kid, I thought I could control that, right? And you know what I mean? But that puts you at risk. And you know, eventually that's what happened. Like, you know, I had a relative sexually assault me when I was very, very young, right? And it wasn't, you know, here's a piece of candy, don't tell your mom. It was violent and it was aggressive. And that is really what changed the course of everything, I feel, right? And when that happened, you know, he was a very terrifying man.
Chuck LaFLange (15:24.819)
listed.
Chad Valyear (15:29.49)
Right? And he was a guy that looked like one of those guys and he was, you know, associated with a lot of those fellows I was talking about earlier, like motorcycle clubs. He was never one of them, but he carried himself as though he was. And, you know, his biggest victims were always women and children, you know, and he didn't look like the kind of guy that would do things like that. Right? And I don't believe, like, I never took the chance in telling anybody.
But I also knew at a very young age that when I started kind of figuring it out that nobody would probably believe me anyway because of the type of man he was. And it wasn't until somebody else came out with it. And this person was treated as though he was a liar and it didn't happen. And I had been to a meeting where I heard a man share his story. And this man, he was also a survivor and...
The person that had got him had gotten many other young men. And when they were children, and these, you know, this guy picked up a newspaper and he saw a headline where these two men had killed themselves. And it was due and they left notes and basically it said that, you know, they were gonna kill this guy, but instead it was easier to kill themselves. Like they couldn't deal with it anymore. And when they were treating this kid like he was lying, and I knew it had happened to me.
I knew I had to get honest and I had to come forward because you know, a lot of us don't. So there's many reasons why I kept it a secret. One out of fear, two, as you get older, whenever you hear of somebody getting caught doing that, the first thing they always say is it happened to me, right? The last thing you want anybody to ever think is that you could do something like that, right? You know, to me, that's the only part of my recovery that I can't overlook if somebody has done.
Chuck LaFLange (17:10.995)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (17:22.482)
Like when I meet somebody and they're in some kind of recovery of any kind, I can overlook anything they have done except that. Like to me, those people still to this day, in my opinion, need to be buried under the prison. Like I will never be accepting of anything that, you know, I don't care how sorry somebody is. It's unacceptable, right? And it's, you know, I refuse to keep letting people die because I was ashamed of something that I had nothing to do with. Right?
Chuck LaFLange (17:30.451)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yep. Yep.
Chad Valyear (17:51.986)
So I'm just at a point now when I finally come to terms with it and I was open about it, trust me, man, this, you know, I've had quite a few public conversations about it, but you know, sometimes it's tough, but it needs to be said, it needs to be understood, you know, and I don't mind being the face for it, you know, I know that I didn't do anything wrong and that took a long time, you know, a lot of overcompensation through time, promiscuity.
Chuck LaFLange (17:52.243)
powerful.
Chuck LaFLange (18:06.963)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, right.
No kidding, eh?
Chad Valyear (18:17.778)
things that happened in my addiction, you know what I mean? Like there was a lot of things to overcompensate, making sure you always have a pretty girl on your arm. You know, don't ever call me the F word, because I might stick something in your neck, right? And it's like, because when you're a kid, you don't know what any of that stuff is. I didn't know what gay meant. I didn't know what that was when I was a child, but I knew something was not right with what happened, right? And things are, you know, we're older guys, you and me.
Chuck LaFLange (18:25.747)
Mm -hmm.
Chuck LaFLange (18:29.235)
Yeah, yeah, right. Yep.
Chuck LaFLange (18:37.607)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chad Valyear (18:45.234)
So that stuff was also like, I mean, any kind of sexuality was looked at different, right? So I was very cautious, you know, and I'm not gay, but I mean, there's, you know, when that kind of stuff happens, questions, there's questions, what's going on, you know, what's, you know, and so the last thing I wanted was anybody to think something I wasn't, because I was already struggling with identity, you know what I mean? So, and disconnect and all the things that made me feel not part of.
Chuck LaFLange (18:51.987)
Damn straight.
Chad Valyear (19:15.282)
So why would I throw something else on or a concern or a question or a thought that might separate me even more? So you come out with something like that, right?
Chuck LaFLange (19:22.803)
Just kidding, eh?
Wow, wow. Yeah, no kidding, eh? No kidding. So, I mean, really, let's be honest, you're not gonna trump that with anything that's happened as far as traumas go, right? I mean, that's about as big as it gets right there, right? And it's...
Chad Valyear (19:27.57)
Sorry, that's a lot, I know.
Chuck LaFLange (19:45.107)
I mean, we can sit around, we can make some bad jokes here and there, but I mean, I think there's a whole episode to be done on sense of humor and once you've lived it, your bar moves and all that stuff, so. Ah.
Chad Valyear (19:48.994)
Which I've done throughout time.
Chuck LaFLange (20:01.331)
What else, I mean, in your addiction, and we've talked about this, and kind of a peek behind the curtain to the listeners, the one thing that I'm kind of done doing now is talking about all the dumb shit and bad things and keys of this and fucking women that, and all the things that we do in addiction because, I don't know, I'm just, I like to focus more on the message now than the mess, as we tend to say, right? What brings you to recovery?
Chad Valyear (20:12.53)
Right.
Chad Valyear (20:22.994)
Sure, yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (20:30.899)
your real first kick at it. Right, because I mean, quite often there's a bunch of like, I tried to quit, I tried to quit, but we all know as people that are in recovery or for any amount of time anyway, there's a point where it's like, Kate, my first real kick at the can. When is that for you? Right.
Chad Valyear (20:45.65)
My first real kick at the can was eight years ago, almost nine years ago. So I was in, so okay, so I had gotten busted, right? And I got caught with a bunch of dope and a bunch of money. And I'm not glamorizing this if anything is shameful at this point. But I had decided at that point, like my life, I mean, it didn't change at all, but that was the one point where I'm going like,
Okay, like this, you know, something's got to give here. How can I use drugs successfully? Right. And I got out and I, you know, I got, you know, my sentence, whatever it was, like I got some, some probation and a bunch of stuff. And, um, I remember the guy that I owed the money to found me and you know, regardless of whether I kept my mouth shut or not, this money was still owed. So I had.
I had to go back to work, which was not, you know, not my ideal situation, but I was with a girl and I'd been with her for quite some time and it only took, you know, getting the product in my hand for us to go right back. Right. And, and she wasn't where I was. She didn't use drugs like I did, but it only took me being in charge of the product for her to fall into where I was. Right. So this went on for a little while and, and she left, she had had enough and she was done. And she's like,
Chuck LaFLange (21:59.155)
course.
Chad Valyear (22:14.482)
And I had been living a life that was like, put it this way. Um, she was actually afraid to tell me it was done. She had to text me. Right. And we had been together six years. So that to me was like, I was supposed to start a tour with my band and the door got kicked in by my tour manager and I was just sitting there. And at that point I was like, okay, I got to go. But you know, I went like, we couldn't even start the tour. Nothing.
Chuck LaFLange (22:24.979)
Yeah. Wow.
Chad Valyear (22:41.778)
And I had to, so I went to rehab, but when I went to rehab, I still was only trying to use drugs successfully. That's all I wanted to do. You know what I mean? I was like, I don't, how am I going to do this so that my life doesn't suck? You know, how can I do drugs so I don't keep blowing up my life? So I went to a CBT one, like cognitive behavior therapy, and it was very army like regimented, right? And I went and I got out and then I got out and I was only out a short time when I knew I had to go back.
Chuck LaFLange (22:53.267)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (22:57.779)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (23:10.61)
But the only one available was a 12 step one. And that was my first introduction, right? So I got out and, you know, again, you know, I just felt like I was a drug addict so I could drink. I was going to drink and be fine. And I drank right up until, you know, I found my drug of choice again and I went right back. Right. And then it was a two year run and it, you know, and after that, you know, I had my rock bottom this time. So when I went to rehab the first time in my life had fallen apart.
Chuck LaFLange (23:32.787)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (23:40.722)
I was all skinny and frail and I was all methed out. I had sores all over my face. And it was a very physical, mental rock bottom. My life was shit. There was nothing left. You know, everything, my kids didn't have anything to do with me at that point. My partner had left me and you know, I went to rehab basically to try to get everything back, right? And that's a common mistake with drug addicts. We just think we're gonna get everything back when we do all the right things.
Chuck LaFLange (23:52.083)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (24:01.651)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (24:06.547)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (24:07.986)
So I get out of both of these rehabs back to back that I did and altogether I think it was probably six months altogether between the two of them. And I continued to drink and I started going to a 12 step program. But I was still drinking and lying and hiding and doing all this shit. And then within a year of that I met a woman and we ended up married. And we walked out of the program. We didn't need it.
Chuck LaFLange (24:24.083)
Uh, yeah.
Chad Valyear (24:37.106)
those guys were fucked, we weren't, we're good, right? We're gonna continue to drink and carry on and then I found drugs. At my job I found a bunch of drugs and I brought them home and that was a two year run for me. And my rock bottom looked a lot different that time because it was spiritual, right? I still had a job, I was still heavy because I still maintained a life, I looked good, I smelled good, I made it look as though I was doing okay but.
Chuck LaFLange (24:43.571)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (24:50.259)
Wow.
Chad Valyear (25:06.2)
Spiritually, I knew like I was done. I just couldn't and I just remember waking up and I'd had my daughter. My daughter was out on the couch and I actually kneeled down beside her. She was sleeping and I prayed, right? And not to get all God on everybody, but I prayed my ass off and I begged for answers and I begged him just show me and that was it. And at that moment I knew I couldn't, couldn't again, like I was just mentally, spiritually like at that point.
and I've shared this before, I didn't feel like I was gonna relapse or like I was gonna die, I thought I was gonna kill myself. And I was just at that point where I wanted to fucking die, like there was just, you know, there's no way I'm gonna be able to stop this. I never had a good time, not once in two years of doing drugs, do I remember having fun once. And I couldn't stop, that's how fucking messed I was.
Chuck LaFLange (25:53.491)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, right.
I got you man. You know what? This isn't my story, but I'll share something with you. For the last year, year and a half, it's all gray, you know how that is. It's hard to put a timeline on it. I carried, like I was never an opiate guy, I never did fentanyl, I never, you know, heroin, none of that stuff. But I carried enough Fendi with me. I was, was making sure I had at least a half gram with me, in case that was the day.
Chad Valyear (26:11.216)
You're welcome.
Chuck LaFLange (26:26.643)
In case that was a day that I decided that I finally had the courage, I'll use air quotes for that, to do it, right? Like what a messed up way of thinking, but it's that, it's that addict brain, right? You know, it was just horrible, man, horrible, you know, yeah.
Chad Valyear (26:32.882)
No, I know.
Chad Valyear (26:42.866)
Well, when my partner left before that tour was supposed to start, I didn't have the, like, and people, okay, so like, let's be clear, like, suicide is a selfish act, but I don't think it's a cowardly act, because it's fucking hard to do, right? So I don't believe it's, you know, having the courage to kill yourself, I get that saying. You know, it's very selfish, but I know for a fact that when my partner left me,
Chuck LaFLange (26:59.571)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (27:10.866)
you know, eight, nine years ago, I know that all I wanted to do was die. But to me, the thought of, you know, my parents or my mom or one of my sisters finding me, you know, smushed because I jumped in front of a train or hanging myself or something like that, you know, that would be very tragic. But if they found me in a room with a pipe in my hand or a rig in my arm, it was almost expected. Right? So my goal at that point, like now,
Chuck LaFLange (27:35.347)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chad Valyear (27:38.77)
If I'm being 100 % honest, if I really wanted to, I could have found a way to die, but I wanted to use until I died. Right? And that was my goal at that point until, you know, I went to rehab. Right? And it was like, for people to, you know, I have half my family are addicts and half aren't. So the ones that aren't don't understand why we're all so fucked up. Right? They just don't get it. Right? And they will argue back and forth, you know,
Chuck LaFLange (27:47.091)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (28:03.955)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (28:08.754)
And we can do this till the cows come home, but science genetics and medical fact will prove it's a fucking disease. So argue that all you want. I don't care. You're wrong. Right? Look it up. Right? So, but you know, my, you know, I didn't, I didn't become a drug addict because I thought I was cool. You know, it was far beyond that after drugs didn't make me feel good anymore and I couldn't stop. Right.
Chuck LaFLange (28:15.827)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (28:24.947)
Yeah, yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (28:31.795)
Yeah, right, right. A good friend, actually, I'll see if I can pull this up. I might be able to. Dr. Lisa, who's my co -host on the Weekend Ramble, who's, oh man, she's next level awesome. I know, she's one of my favorite humans, man. Her brother, and just what she said about the family, so her brother...
Chad Valyear (28:42.322)
Yeah, I'm looking forward to meeting her. You've talked about her a lot, so yeah. Good.
Chuck LaFLange (28:56.817)
suffered an addiction or has suffered an addiction for 20 plus years and she never having, she's never even smoked a cigarette. She quit her job as an oil field engineer in her 30s or late 20s, 30s to go back to school and become a psychiatrist to further understand her brother's struggle.
To put that, so the lens that, which she views things is so different than what, than anybody, right? It's a one in a million view, man, right? That lens to have it, to have. So I'm forever grateful to have her in my life. But she made a quote about addiction being a choice, and I'll see if this will play properly. If not, I'll cut it in after the fact, but see if this works.
Chuck LaFLange (30:44.499)
Isn't that just beautifully articulated? Right?
Chad Valyear (30:46.492)
profound and you know I've always said this too like so you know like I said half my family are addicts half aren't so when I think about somebody arguing about whether it's a disease or not so there's two big points that that I like to make when this comes up and one of them is if drugs were the problem they would do the same thing to everybody they would have the exact same effect on everyone.
It's a spiritual malady. It's the way we're wired and not all of us are wired the same. We know this, right? And I often have said this. So like, when somebody goes sun tanning and they get skin cancer, you know, does somebody tell them they don't have cancer because they chose to sit in the sun? You know, you don't have a disease because you made a fucking choice. You know what I mean? I don't have lung cancer because I chose to smoke.
Chuck LaFLange (31:11.603)
Well said, man.
Chuck LaFLange (31:18.035)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (31:32.051)
No, diabetes, you can, absolutely, man. There's so many correlations here, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (31:40.498)
you fucking arrogant fuck. You know what I mean? Like it drives me insane, but I used to do that. I used to run to the aid of every addict on social media. I felt like it was my job and I would fucking like go hard. And then it just gets to a point where you realize that people aren't gonna fucking hear you if they don't want to.
and it's judged, and are you till you're blue in the face, and well, no, it's a choice. No, dude, I can show you medical documents stating, no, it's a disease. It's a choice.
Chuck LaFLange (32:00.083)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (32:08.883)
We have brain scans now, we know. We know the brain does not have cognitive function when somebody is suffering an addiction. We know that, it's a thing. There's fancy computers and brain scans and stuff that are showing us that now, right? So, I mean, like, that's not even an argument worth having, really, in my mind. Like you said, if somebody doesn't want to hear you, they're not gonna hear you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, it's crazy, it's crazy, right?
Chad Valyear (32:14.898)
Right.
Chad Valyear (32:21.906)
Hmm.
Right. No, but I'm just saying like just people who will fucking do it, you know.
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (32:33.683)
I just, for so long I looked for a way to verbalize that and when she said that in that episode it was just like boom, right? Like how can you argue with that? How can a person argue with that? You know, right?
Chad Valyear (32:41.138)
Yeah. Right?
Right. Yeah. But I find the people that tend to be hating on addicts are usually people who have somehow been hurt by addicts. If you've ever thought about that, like...
Chuck LaFLange (32:55.955)
And so here's the thing, I think about it often because, and you know, I'll take a moment to talk about my sponsor here, the title sponsor for the show is the Yachter Centre here in Krabi, Thailand. Now that, and I won't use the term trauma -informed to describe myself, but now that I am closer to trauma -informed than I ever was before, every time I hear somebody say something horrible, I wonder where it comes from, right? So...
Chad Valyear (33:06.93)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (33:24.883)
A great example, there's a couple major, like big Facebook groups for partners and spouses of addicts, it's ones that's actually called that, that I'm a part of. Kudos to them. If you are a partner of a spouse, you might want to check that out because, and I know there's a lot of loved ones here that have people that are suffering an addiction that listen to us. They vetted me big time before letting me join that group because I'm not a partner of a spouse, because I am somebody who is in it.
But I had to prove to them that I'm really trying to spread a message here and help people. So what ends up happening all too often, and I think I've never been to an Al -Anon or an Ar -Anon meeting, but I think sometimes it happens, sometimes it happens there, I'll just say it the way that it is. It turns into this feeding frenzy of people that are hurt, that have been hurt by people's behaviors.
And they're like, Kate, you have to leave them. You have to this, you have to that. Don't answer that phone. And I can argue with them. But because I'm a little closer to trauma -informed now, after my experience at the Otter Center, I have to wonder where that comes from. And maybe it's not my place to argue with that person. Maybe it's my place to maybe point them in a direction where they can get some knowledge or understanding or something. I'm not sure, but to...
Chad Valyear (34:32.402)
Right.
Chuck LaFLange (34:48.467)
That's all earned, man. If somebody's decimated the life of you and your children, you've earned some anger.
Chad Valyear (34:54.738)
Right.
Well, sure, and I go to Naranon because my wife, and we're not together right now, but my wife is an addict as well, so I've had to learn in getting clean how to deal with the damage done, because I was never on the receiving end of an addict's behavior before, right? So it was a big remember when, but I joined Naranon, and basically what Naranon taught me...
Chuck LaFLange (35:15.155)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (35:22.45)
was to just keep my side of the street clean. Like never once, and maybe it's the group I belong to, which I'm very blessed, is they're never about telling anybody what to do. But they do tell you how to love an addict, right? They're like the do's and don'ts of Naranon. The one thing I tried to do as a man in recovery is trying to love...
Chuck LaFLange (35:35.219)
That's huge, man. It's huge. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (35:45.171)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (35:50.098)
the, or trying to love the human and not the addict and trying to separate the two. And that is next to impossible. And if anything, it only showed me what people had to do with me and me having to deal with consequences that weren't mine constantly, you know, and it got to a point where, you know, I had to leave, right? Yeah. And, and it wasn't because I don't exactly, and it wasn't cause I didn't love my wife. It was because I couldn't.
Chuck LaFLange (36:05.747)
Yeah, yeah. Conscripted soldiers, I call them. Right, that's what they're there. They're conscripted soldiers in a war, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chad Valyear (36:19.826)
You know, all the things that were happening and I would have my friends, you know, the people I trust in my recovery say to me like, you're living in a house with a using addict and what do you think is going to happen? Right? Like you're playing this, you know, and I did, I played a victim. Like she's doing this to me, she's doing this to me. What I didn't take into consideration as an addict, we will do that to anybody. It was never personal. You know what I mean? And gaslighting and narcissism are two huge things that come with addiction.
Chuck LaFLange (36:30.867)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (36:42.515)
Yeah, yep. No, no.
Chad Valyear (36:49.362)
It's a lot easier for me to point out how fucked up someone else is to take the emphasis off me. You know, I'm this martyr, you know, let's get the polish ready for my cross, because I'm doing all the wonderful things and this person is hurting me and this person is hurting me. And look, you know what I mean? And once you just don't, you don't have to participate in it anymore. Right? And that's what it comes down to. And that's a hard thing to do, you know? And then you re sort of, you start realizing where your codependency comes in.
Chuck LaFLange (36:49.703)
Yep.
Chuck LaFLange (36:55.027)
Yeah, yeah, right.
Chuck LaFLange (37:10.387)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, true story.
Street.
Chad Valyear (37:18.64)
and things like that, right? But that's a whole other thing. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (37:19.475)
Ah, which, funny you say that. CODA, right, is where I find myself directing people or suggesting to people to go to CODA meetings. If the Al -Anon or Narn -on experience has not been what they were looking for, right? Because it...
Chad Valyear (37:30.098)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (37:36.722)
Right.
Chuck LaFLange (37:38.323)
Any 12 step group, just like any group of anything, anywhere in the world to do with anything, is gonna be with different souls in it, different people, you're gonna have different things. So I don't mean to say that Narnon and Al -Anon teach this feeding frenzy kind of mentality, I mean to say that sometimes that's the experience some people have in some rooms, right? I think with CODA, it's just because the focus is let's just work on me.
Chad Valyear (37:52.018)
I didn't take it like that.
Chuck LaFLange (38:02.899)
Like this is my codependency, I need to fix that. So I think it's kind of easier for it not to go to that place, if that makes sense. Having never been in any one of these rooms, I'm just going off what people tell me. So I'm really just, I'm speaking out my ass when I talk about it, to be honest with you, right? But, you know, yeah.
Chad Valyear (38:09.938)
Right. 100%.
Chad Valyear (38:19.698)
No, not at all because I mean, like the thing is, is people I find from my experience is that a lot of people when they're not, so I remember when people would talk about 12 step rooms and whichever fellowship that is, and they would say, all people do is sit around and talk about getting fucked up. And it's like, actually that's frowned upon in those fucking rooms. Like nobody wants to hear. And it's actually in the preambles. We don't care how much you used.
Chuck LaFLange (38:48.051)
Yeah, yeah. Well, your connections were with any of that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chad Valyear (38:48.146)
You know what I mean? It's like, we don't want to hear that shit. You're here to share hope. Right. So it's like, but it's some person who really didn't want to be there, who found some reason to tell somebody who doesn't know, you know, all they do is talk about this. And it's like, you know, no, that's not true, but I understand why you're doing this, right? Cause you don't want to be here. So you're going to find, you know, all the things wrong with it. And that's the problem with any of it is if you're looking for the differences in anything, you'll find it, you know,
Chuck LaFLange (39:04.275)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (39:15.603)
Oh, and there's addicts, eh? We can find some resentments. Woo! We can find them. Right? That is... Yeah.
Chad Valyear (39:21.106)
When I walked out of the rooms the first time, I was like, I found, you know, I didn't like this person and fuck this guy and fuck that guy. And I walked out like this, man, and walking back in with my tail between my legs. That was, you know, but I knew I couldn't do it by myself. And I'm not the kind of guy that can't, I know people that do and good on them, man. Like that's fucking amazing. And I'll cheer you on. Like you don't need to do what I do as long as you're not dying. I'm cool with that. But for me,
Chuck LaFLange (39:30.963)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (39:35.923)
What?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (39:46.611)
Yeah, right. I think when the goal becomes to save lives and not to be right or to project our experience on other people, when the goal becomes to save lives, all recovery modalities work, right? Like in my mind, right? Whatever that is. I can tell you, resentments, and again, I'll put one of my own experiences into the episode here. I was at 34, 35 days or something like that when I relapsed.
Chad Valyear (40:01.436)
100 % like I agree.
Chuck LaFLange (40:16.051)
And it's why I never went back to the rooms. It's why to this day, if you ask me how much clean time I have, I have to do the math. Because on any given day I can't tell you. My clean date coincides with my father's passing and it's the only real, like, so if you say how much clean time I have to, you'll see me every time, I have to look at the, down at the bottom of the corner of the screen to see what the date is and then do some quick math and then I can tell you.
because keeping track of clean time as it's kind of, it's not a tradition per se, but it's certainly the norm in the rooms, right? For me, I found a huge, it was a resentment, well, there was a resentment attached to that too, but I could go back to zero. I couldn't look at myself and go back to zero and go into that room, and that kept me in relapse.
what would have been a day and a half or two days and I mean would have, could have, should have, all that stuff. But I feel strongly that like I would have come back from that after a day, day and a half, because I knew, like I was like, fuck, this is not good. But I couldn't go back. Right, I couldn't go back, I couldn't say zero again. I just got, for the first time ever since I was 14 years old, I had 30 days clean. I had never done that.
Well, maybe in juvie, when drugs weren't so, like they weren't everywhere. Like real jail, of course, they're everywhere. But like, I had never, like I had never, certainly as an adult, I had never gone 30 days without getting high or something, right? And it's like, I was so proud of that red fucking key chain. And boom, now I gotta go back to zero. I just couldn't do it.
Chad Valyear (41:33.842)
Right.
Chuck LaFLange (41:50.131)
That's why I never went back to the room. So that was kind of my experience that way. So yeah, I don't keep track of clean time, right? Until I look at the calendar and I went, I'm two weeks away from a year. I started keeping track of clean time in a hurry. Right? It's when I was like, fuck yeah, I got a year coming, right? But no, anyway, continue. Yeah, yeah.
Chad Valyear (41:50.29)
Yeah. Right.
Chad Valyear (41:58.322)
I like use for the simple.
Chad Valyear (42:07.922)
Yeah, well I find most addicts and I mean not, you know, not every addict obviously, but I find most addicts it goes, you know, you remember the first time you did a drug and the last time you did your drug of choice, you know what I mean? And it's like, for me, I'll never forget it because the change was so profound, right? And it was just, I had to, you know, I keep track for the simple fact. I mean, well it's part of the program as well, but I mean, I do it because every day that I'm...
Chuck LaFLange (42:19.699)
Right, right, yeah.
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (42:36.946)
doing something different. If I relapse tomorrow, I would have absolutely no problem walking in and grabbing that tag. You know what I mean? Because the way it was put to me the other day, one of the biggest sayings is keep coming back. And it's like, I know people that go up every meeting and get a white tag. And I think I'm always proud of them because they do keep coming back. And that makes me happy. However,
Chuck LaFLange (42:46.099)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (43:02.835)
Yeah, of course.
Chad Valyear (43:05.234)
when it was put to me in a way that I had a hard time wrapping my head up, because I used to go like, fuck man, why aren't they getting it? And it was like somebody said one time, we clap because you can come back, but we're not going like, it's okay that you relapse. We're saying, keep coming back, because if you don't, one of those times you're not gonna fucking make it back and you're gonna die. And for most of us, it is life or death. And I think that is lost on people, right? Like I didn't do drugs anymore to feel good, and I don't know how to do a little bit.
Chuck LaFLange (43:27.059)
It really is.
Chuck LaFLange (43:33.875)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (43:34.226)
So how many more times do we think we have? I don't have another time to me. If I did, I would try to come back, but I don't think I would make it back because I think I would just do it until the end. You know?
Chuck LaFLange (43:37.459)
Exactly.
Chuck LaFLange (43:42.515)
Yeah, yeah. Right, right. And let's talk about that. The reality now is changed, right? The reality has changed in a big way. Never before in history have we seen what's happening right now. The kind of death that's attached to drug use, we haven't seen since plague or war. Those are the only two things that have even come close, right? What's happening right now makes COVID look like...
Chad Valyear (43:51.41)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (44:12.177)
What the hell was COVID? Who even cares about COVID? The kind of death that's happening. Yeah, man.
Chad Valyear (44:14.77)
Well, that's it. And where I live, they're doing it right on the fucking street. Like I'm seeing families walk by some guy with the tin foil, you know what I mean? And I'm like, and part of me wants to go and fucking drag him behind a dumpster and go, do it here. Right? But the other, cause I mean, but I mean, but then it's like, fuck man, what do you do?
Chuck LaFLange (44:26.227)
Fuck man, right?
Chuck LaFLange (44:31.251)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and that's it, right? Like, oh man. Well, just, there was a story from right close to you just the other day in the news, man. Like, five people all at the same time dropped. Somebody was watching it on the street corner. The emergency rooms, like it was an overdose, like emergency. Somewhere not far from you. Oh, I'm trying to remember where it was now. Ah, crap, it's lost on me, it's lost on me. Somebody, somewhere in Ontario.
Chad Valyear (45:03.972)
I told you.
Chuck LaFLange (45:06.547)
Yeah, it was five people all at the same time out on the street hit sidewalk. And then the emergency rooms were full. Every hospital in town was full of people overdosing all at the same time, right? Because, yeah.
Chad Valyear (45:16.338)
I believe that. I was leaving church the other day and I was coming around the corner and a dude went down and I jumped out of the vehicle I was in and I ran over and the first time in my life I carry Narcan in every bag in my house. Like I have Narcan kit and I totally, I have to man. I refuse to not but that was the one day I forgot my bag. And so I didn't have a Narcan kit on me and I ran out and another guy jumped out and the guy that jumped out was an OPP or something so he had training.
Chuck LaFLange (45:30.323)
I fucking love that you said that in the in black ash man. Yeah, yeah, I love that.
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (45:46.13)
And people are just walking over this guy, stepping over top of him. And I'm trying to wake him up and they're going, oh, he's still breathing. He'll be back. And one guy made a fucking joke, like he'll be back in business in no time. And I looked at him, I go, fucking really? Like that's, you know, that's funny to you. This guy, like, I don't even know if this guy's alive at this point. And you just walked over top of him and made a joke. Like that's how desensitized people are getting to the, to the, that's to me, the real pandemic right now.
Chuck LaFLange (46:00.243)
Yeah, right.
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (46:13.874)
Right? Like when I look at my city and I walk downtown and every up end, like every store that closed down over COVID, every cubby is now full of homeless people with tarps and they built their own. And we got 10 cities everywhere. And these 10 cities are full of addicts who have made their own civilization. They got their own language. They got their own set of rules. They've got their own everything. And all we're doing is shoving them deeper into the fucking hidden areas of the city.
Chuck LaFLange (46:15.283)
Yep.
Yep.
Chuck LaFLange (46:41.107)
Yep. Yep.
Chad Valyear (46:41.51)
you know, to these people who have no rules anymore. And they will bite your face off for a sandwich because they're in survival mode. They don't fucking care. And nobody's giving them any reason to care. Because we're just trying to hide them. So even if we get them off, what are we going to do?
Chuck LaFLange (46:44.851)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (46:48.753)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (46:55.891)
They're feeling not loved and they're feeling not lovable. And that's the worst, man. That's the worst right there. By the way, Belleville, Ontario is where that was. Yeah, I don't know how far that is from you, but yeah. How?
Chad Valyear (46:59.826)
No!
Chad Valyear (47:05.33)
That's right. Yeah. I got family there. Yeah. You know, my nephew, I had two nephews overdose last year from Belleville, you know, two of my nephews. Belleville is about an hour East, about an hour and 20 minutes. Yeah. And I spent some time out there. I worked out there briefly. I did, you know, but, and you know, I was, I was a mess when I was working out there and sure enough, I always find the guys, you know, you always as addicts, we always find the fellow addicts.
Chuck LaFLange (47:15.955)
How far is that from you? Bill, Bill.
Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (47:34.515)
You give me two minutes in any city, man, right? You give me two minutes, I'll be high. You give me two days, I'll be plugging, right? Like every fucking time. It doesn't matter where I go, right? I'll find a way, you know? Right, thanks, yeah.
Chad Valyear (47:35.058)
You know? Dude.
Right.
I went out to see a buddy of mine play and I was with some friends of mine and I don't go to bars often but I'm a musician so I have to be in them sometimes. So I was in a bar and I was watching a friend of mine play and I was with a couple friends and you know they said to me you know are you comfortable and I'm like I'm good I'm good and I'm looking around I go but I can tell you every drug dealer in this place and they start a laugh and I go that guy that guy that girl and that guy.
Chuck LaFLange (48:09.715)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (48:12.786)
Right? And sure enough, I'm never wrong. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (48:12.915)
Yeah, right. Damn straight. Oh yeah, you just know right away, right? Yeah, you know. My thing was I would set up shop in a pub, right? That was my thing. And I was like, yeah, right. Yeah, you show me a bartender that does coke and I'll show you a booming business about to happen. Right? So, it's like, that was my model, my business model for sure, right? Let's talk about your music, Chad. How has that changed as you've gone from...
Chad Valyear (48:21.842)
Right? Why not? Right?
Chad Valyear (48:28.786)
That's... That's so true.
Chuck LaFLange (48:43.053)
addict to personal recovery and all those things. Like, how has that changed?
Chad Valyear (48:47.218)
Well, for one, within a very short time of getting clean, I got signed. So in my 40s, I got a worldwide distribution deal. Now, when people say it's too late, to me, I laugh because it's like, don't get me wrong, I'm not making any Matchbox 20 money or anything like that. I'm a, you know.
And at this stage of my life, I'm not willing to jump in a van and go across the country and smell my bass player's socks. I'm not into it, right? But this works for me on the level I do my life today, right? And so it got, so for one, it got a lot better. My voice doesn't blow out anymore. I'm not there, I'm not doing 10 shots and a few rips before I go up on stage. I'm a lot easier to deal with, you know what I mean? And...
Chuck LaFLange (49:12.403)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (49:19.443)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (49:24.819)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (49:38.323)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (49:41.97)
The guys in my band, like I have a really great bunch of guys in my band. Like they're my best friends and Valier, Chad Valier. Yeah, yeah, it's called Valier. And you know what's funny is it's like, I have never, like the guys in my band, they're so fucking awesome. And they're such cool guys. They wave that flag bigger than I ever could. And when I was at a point, so like I've been clean since May of 2021. So I'm coming up on three years clean.
Chuck LaFLange (49:46.579)
Yeah. What's Japan called? I know. I know the answer, but I want you to say it on the thing. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (50:11.922)
Right? While I, thanks man, well while I was putting my shit together and I was trying to get my life together, so this incarnation of the band has been together for eight years. Right? Pretty much since I got out of treatment right around. And so those guys carried it for me when I couldn't handle the work part of the band. Right? So while I was getting my recovery in order, while I was doing all the things, these guys carried it. And they're not like you and me.
Chuck LaFLange (50:12.435)
Congratulations, man. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (50:21.191)
Okay.
Chad Valyear (50:40.242)
these guys can sit down at the bar and have a beer. And I don't think either of them, if I remember correctly, have ever even done a line of Coke. Right? Yeah. So, yeah, how amazing is that, right? And so these guys right away, like they come out when I'm speaking somewhere, like they'll come out. You know, they check in on me when we're at the bar, when we're playing, it's like, you good, everything good. You know what I mean? If not, we don't have to play.
Chuck LaFLange (50:44.191)
Showoffs.
Chuck LaFLange (50:49.631)
Muggles. Straight muggles. Yeah, right? Yeah.
Chad Valyear (51:08.218)
You know, I've had them say that to me too. We can pull out of this anytime you want. It's like, no, you guys are fucking amazing and you're great foundation. They, you know, our show has just gotten like so much better, you know, and I love doing it again. Like I really lost sight of why I was there for a long time. It was just fuel, right? And music, I always came by it honestly. So like if I was writing about something, I meant it. But there was that whole fear that,
Chuck LaFLange (51:08.563)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (51:22.675)
Yeah. Yeah. Right.
Chad Valyear (51:37.97)
I wasn't gonna have anything to write about. When my whole life was drama and the different incarnations. So my band, I've been playing music since I was 15 years old. And when you're a degenerate and you're hanging, when you're being a degenerate, you hang out with degenerates. So my previous incarnations of the band were just guys like me, aside from a couple guys that I'm still friends with throughout time, but.
I mean, most of the guys that were in and out of the band were low lives because I was a low life. You know what I mean? And now I got some serious cats and my bass player, I've known him since I was 10 years old. We used to run home from school to watch The Power 30. So I just dated myself, I already told you I'm in my forties. And you know, I met my guitar player, I've known him for almost 20 years. And to have these guys in the band is great. We...
Chuck LaFLange (52:20.945)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (52:28.531)
Hmm.
Chad Valyear (52:32.562)
You know, we got signed a few years ago. We're in the middle of doing a new album, which is really cool. I'm really excited about that because this is a side of us that I've been allowed to explore. Right? I haven't had a chance to tap into this, this version of me. And when I hear, I have some board mixes of some of the songs, right? And I'm listening to them and you know, I always come out my music from an angle. If I wasn't in this band, would I listen to it? Right? And I'm telling you, when I hear these new songs,
Chuck LaFLange (52:57.811)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (53:02.867)
Oh, that's exciting. That's exciting.
Chad Valyear (53:03.058)
Fuck yeah. This is the shit, man. Like I fucking love this band. Who are these guys? And it's fucking great, you know? And, you know, I'm so proud of these guys because these guys pulled it together while I was pulling it together, you know? And I'm so grateful to have them. And the music we're making now far surpasses anything I've ever done, you know? And if this, it won't be, I can guarantee you it won't be, but if this is the last album I ever put out in my life,
Chuck LaFLange (53:09.427)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (53:20.307)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (53:27.091)
That's awesome.
Chad Valyear (53:32.658)
I will be fucking so happy that this is how I went out. You know? Yeah. Yeah, man.
Chuck LaFLange (53:32.819)
Yeah.
What else do you want, right? Yeah, yeah, right. That's awesome. That's awesome. When's that one good? When's that due to come out? I mean, summer. Okay, okay. Yeah.
Chad Valyear (53:42.13)
I'm hoping summer. We're playing a first show. We haven't played in a little while. We had drummer problems. We got a guy lined up. I can't tell you who it is yet. But we got a guy lined up and we're playing a show in June at the Biltmore. It's called Sober Palooza. So some friends of mine, it's raising money for some treatment centers and backdoor missions out here. So Alpha House of Toronto and backdoor missions here in Oshawa. We're raising money for that. And all the bands involved are...
Chuck LaFLange (53:50.035)
Thank you.
Chuck LaFLange (53:57.403)
Oh.
Chuck LaFLange (54:04.563)
Okay. Okay.
Chuck LaFLange (54:10.067)
Yep.
Chad Valyear (54:11.986)
It's going to be a non -drinking event, which is amazing. And it's pretty exciting. June 22nd at the Biltmore in Oshawa. So there's some time, but it's going to be really fun. And I'll tell you, getting on stage when I'm sober is a lot less nerve wracking, believe it or not. Like I was actually afraid the first time when I got up there. And when you know exactly what you're going to do and what you're going to say and how you're going to act, there's something freeing about that. I don't like unpredictable anymore, man.
Chuck LaFLange (54:19.443)
Sweet. Sweet.
Chuck LaFLange (54:28.147)
Ha ha ha.
Chuck LaFLange (54:37.203)
Right? Yeah, yeah, no kidding. And just the attic brain, right? We convince ourselves that we need this to do this. And it's like, no, man, we need not to do this to do this. That's like, you know, to really do it well anyway. But we convince ourselves, right? You know, it's like, yeah, yeah, of course we do.
Chad Valyear (54:45.298)
Right.
Chad Valyear (54:53.106)
Yeah. Well, it was a weird thing because I remember one show I played and I was still lying about using. So when I first, like I said, when I relapsed and I was on that two year run, I was still playing shows and stuff and under the guise that I wasn't using. Right. And I can remember before I would leave, I would do do some dope and the paranoia that would, you know, the overthinking the in my head and like, like we were talking earlier, I think before we started recording.
You know, the way my metabolism and my brain works, when I did the up, it slowed me down, right? So I would go in my head and I would get silent. And like, when I'm up on stage, you know, you gotta rally up the crowd, you gotta talk, you can't be in your head, you know? And I would get up there and I would just be like, ugh, and I'd be, like, you look at these performances and you can see, like, even if I performed well, I wasn't much of a stage presence, because I was too busy trying to hide behind the lies.
Chuck LaFLange (55:25.395)
Yep, yep, yep.
Chuck LaFLange (55:33.555)
Yeah, yeah, right.
Chuck LaFLange (55:44.883)
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, right, right.
Chad Valyear (55:48.018)
Right? And now I don't have to do that anymore. And now I'm like way more outgoing. And who would have thought that being sober gave me more confidence? You know.
Chuck LaFLange (55:56.147)
I hear you, I hear you, yeah, 100%. Listen, we're getting to the hour mark. There's so much we can keep talking about, right? There's so much. So I think we're just gonna have to have you back on, right? To keep the conversation going, man. Absolutely, you've been a wonderful guest.
Chad Valyear (56:06.544)
Yeah.
Anytime, dude.
Yeah, me and you seem to have a vibe. Like, I dig that anyway.
Chuck LaFLange (56:15.699)
Yeah, right, right, you know, it's just fucked for me. You know what, man? You speak English. You're from Canada. Like the bar set pretty low for me. So right. Like, you know, I'm like I'm the only white person and I shouldn't say white person. I'm the only foreigner. Right. Because fuck that sounded really like low key racist. I am not.
Chad Valyear (56:22.034)
Yeah.
Chad Valyear (56:29.244)
What do mean?
You live in Thailand.
Chuck LaFLange (56:33.715)
I'm the only foreigner for like a two mile radius, right? Like literally nobody else in this housing project. Because when I moved to Krabi, I moved like in Dukrabi, right? I'm not with the tourist area. I'm like, I'm in it, right? So nobody around me speaks English. It's very, very rare, right? That I have like an in -person English conversation with somebody is really fucking rare, right? So I'm trying to learn the language, right? Right, right? I'm trying to learn the language, but it's tough.
Chad Valyear (56:49.746)
Right, right.
Chad Valyear (56:54.894)
That's awesome. I'm glad I could be part of it.
Chuck LaFLange (57:03.443)
You would think, like I've been here for three months now, you would think that a person could pick it up, but like Thai is a really tough language, man. It's like really tough. The alphabet is nothing like ours. Nothing like ours. Like it's, no, it looks like, you know like Arabic when you see that with the weird symbols? It's very similar to look at, right? I'm sure somebody that knows both alphabets and like you're an idiot, no it's not, Chaka, it's very, very different, but like.
Chad Valyear (57:13.458)
Yeah, I would imagine.
Chad Valyear (57:18.97)
Pretty sure it's not.
Chad Valyear (57:24.946)
Yes. Oh, really?
Chad Valyear (57:31.666)
Well, it's like Chinese and Japanese to me looks the same even though it's completely different. Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (57:32.851)
It just kind of like...
Chuck LaFLange (57:37.203)
Yeah, exactly, exactly. Same idea, right? Even though, no, right? Like that's not, you And it's tonal. Now I don't know if you know what that means. But there's five tones, right? So one word can sound, can mean five different things, right? Depending on the, in the tone it's set, right? So, for instance, there's a TikToker, I can't remember her name, it doesn't really matter anyway. But she talks about how when she got here, she was trying to learn Thai. And she would travel on her own.
Chad Valyear (57:44.658)
Yes. Yeah, it's right.
Chad Valyear (57:52.154)
I said in the right, yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (58:04.659)
And she would ask people, where's the person that sells the tickets? Said in the wrong tone, that's where's the hooker. Or are you a hooker? Or, right? Yeah, so like tone matters, you know, a lot. So, yeah, right? Yeah, fuck, right, whenever, right? When in Rome, no, right? Fuck. You know what? I'll speak to that real quick.
Chad Valyear (58:22.386)
I'm 8 -0 to model, I mean I'm up for either. No, I'm just kidding.
Yeah
Chuck LaFLange (58:32.339)
So like my life in drugs was full of white women in song, right? Like it was sex, drugs, rock and roll. It was crazy. I've got more stories. They're horrible. They're wonderful. They're awful. They're great stories. Anyway, I've lived that way. Like as far as sexual experiences goes, I've lived my life four times over. Now connection. Like if there's like I have zero interest in anything casual, zero interest in anything casual.
Chad Valyear (58:44.914)
Yes.
Chad Valyear (58:51.858)
Yes.
Chuck LaFLange (59:00.851)
I guess if there isn't real connection there then I know thank you, right? So I know I'm on the longest dry run ever as an adult I've ever had and I'm in Thailand where Let's be out like this big part of the norm here and as a foreigner, it's kind of expected almost right, so You know, I did talk to a couple, you know girls online and right away how much money do you make?
Chad Valyear (59:16.498)
Nice.
Chad Valyear (59:21.906)
Oh, yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (59:29.491)
Right? Like it's just like, it's a very transactional thing here. And so for me, that's actually, it's been a real source of like, kind of frustration. It's like, I'm never gonna date here. Right? That's just the way it is. Right? Because, you right? Fuck that.
Chad Valyear (59:38.098)
Yeah. Right. Well, I'm done with the casual thing too, man. Like I just was, I was never really, I mean, back in the sex, drugs and rock and roll, of course, right. But I have no desire for a fling. Like I just, I'm looking for meaning, man. And you know what I mean? Like.
Chuck LaFLange (59:47.463)
Yeah.
Chuck LaFLange (59:51.635)
No, hey. Yeah. What did that change? One day you're dishing out rails and trying to figure out how to get them into a threesome. And the next day you're like fucking like, oh no, I don't want anything casual. Is that so wrong? Like I really meant chill in Netflix. I meant to chill. Two years ago it was Netflix and Bukaki, but today it's Netflix and chill. Honestly, yeah.
Chad Valyear (01:00:01.938)
I just want to be loved. Can we just watch this movie?
I
Chuck LaFLange (01:00:18.365)
Wow, I don't know, that one might get me canceled. So anyway, it's the beauty of podcasts. They can't cancel you. It's not like network TV. I mean, I guess your sponsors could hit you, but you know, right? Yeah, yeah, so. Listen, that takes us to my favorite part of the show, that's daily, gratitudes. So what you got first for some gratitudes today, chat.
Chad Valyear (01:00:19.986)
You
Chad Valyear (01:00:27.146)
Right? Is that great?
Chad Valyear (01:00:38.13)
Wow, I'm grateful for so much today. I'm grateful for my higher power. I'm grateful that I keep meeting people like you. I'm grateful that my message is reaching people that it needs to reach. Like my inbox, I love what my inbox looks like today. People reaching out and saying, you know, I relate and thank you for sharing so that I can, you know, I know I can get through it now too. Those are the things I live for. I'm grateful for my program. I'm grateful for my health.
I'm so grateful for just about everything. So I'll leave it with that.
Chuck LaFLange (01:01:10.515)
That's awesome, that's awesome, that's awesome. For myself, I always come to his house with this stupid dog all the time, hey? Sunny, fuckin' Sunny, Sunny you're an idiot, whatever you wanna call him. He's so great.
Chad Valyear (01:01:20.786)
I love Sonny.
Chuck LaFLange (01:01:26.847)
On that note, I'll do a quick plug. Sonny and the Sidecar, check him out on Facebook, guys. I'm kind of building that page up. It's me and my dog in my sidecar. It's really a milk crate on wheels here, but the sidecar is a very different thing than it is at home. We cruise around Thailand, I got GoPro set up on it, and a couple different angles that I work with, and we just kind of jam.
It's a really good time. So I'm very, very grateful for Sunny. I'm also very, very grateful to every single person who continues to like, comment, share, subscribe, do all of the things down at the bottom there, wherever the buttons are. Every time you do any one of these things, you're getting me a little bit closer to living my best life. My best life is to continue making Humble Living, spreading the message. The message is this.
Chad Valyear (01:01:50.002)
Thanks.
Chuck LaFLange (01:02:06.291)
If you're an active addiction right now, today could be the day. Today could be the day that you start a lifelong journey. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call in to detox, go to church, pray, I don't care. Do whatever it is you have to do to get that journey started, because it is so much better than the alternative. If you have a loved one who's suffering an addiction right now, you're just taking the time to listen to our conversation. If you just take one more minute out of your day and text that person, let them know they are loved. Use the words.
Chad Valyear (01:02:33.458)
You are loved.
Chuck LaFLange (01:02:35.667)
That little glimmer of hope just might be the thing that brings it back. Boom. Just like that.
Shattered Stigma
Yatra
Morning Cup
