Facing Addiction's Chaos: A Mother's Journey of Pain, Hope, and Resilience
Are we at the end stage of addiction yet? How much worse can it possibly get?
I had to take some time before I could write about this and what is going on because I was really frustrated and upset with my daughter and I needed time to work through that at my own pace. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in their issues and needs that we don’t allow ourselves the time to feel all of our own emotions, anger being one of them.
A planned night to myself while my hubby was out of town quickly changed to the latest crisis with my daughter. She showed up at my house shortly after I got the kids to bed with quite the story. She claims to have been assaulted, confined against her will by a local neighbourhood dealer. She also claims that she came by to warn us that a threat had been made to our home. I am not going to share any details here for obvious safety concerns. As I listened to her I was trying to determine if this could be true or is this another lie. I am seething mad at this point, mad that I have to play the role of detective to figure out what her angle is, mad that once again my time was hijacked - i just wanted to read my book, mad that her lifestyle and her actions continuously put her family and children at risk, mad at the criminals that think their intimidation tactics work on law abiding citizens and a pissed off Mom with years of unleashed anger and hurt.They poison our communities and profit off other people’s pain and suffering. I realise they are likely struggling with their own issues but for these dealers I have no empathy, there comes a time when accountability for your actions becomes necessary and justice should prevail.I will not be intimidated by them because I am not someone to turn a blind eye and I will stand up and take notice for my family, my neighbours and my community. She was asked to leave and I told her that I need a break from her and the chaos she brings to my life. I spoke of the harsh realities that she doesn’t like to hear, but it’s time for her to stop running and start facing it, was it harsh? - yes, damn right because she needs to hear it and start to own her problems. She knows what she needs to do, she just isn’t ready.
I am tired of paying for the consequences of her actions. Now I had to figure out how to tackle this problem, I needed to call my husband and let him know what was going on knowing full well he would be very upset and would likely cancel his plans to race back home but we could discuss this and rationally decide what action to take. Since we have a good relationship with our local police service, we decided it would be best to report her story on the off chance that there was truth in that and maybe they could do a wellness check for her. I was reassured that they would try and locate her and would arrange for regular patrols in our neighbourhood. Coincidentally, a few days after this a raid happened in the neighbourhood and justice is being served.
My daughter has recently informed me that she has arranged for treatment and is next on the list, expecting to start a program next month. This is a great step on her part and I will be her biggest cheerleader but in the back of my mind there is still doubt. She shared with me, one of her worries is that she could be away during Christmas and she doesn’t know if she could handle that. What she hasn’t realised yet is that it’s possible with her current destructive path she might not be invited, she has already missed out on more than what one holiday would give and what better gift could she give to her children. As long as she is working a program and doing her best we would do everything we could to ensure she saw her children during the holidays. She worries that her children are going to forget her and they don't need her anymore because we have replaced her. She is completely wrong - they will never forget her, will always need her and never could be replaced. We have taken on a parenting role but we are and will always be Nana & Papa and she will always be Mom.
