159-FAMILY FRIDAY- COMING TO TERMS WITH AN UGLY TRUTH

Chuck (00:01.398)
Hey listeners, welcome to another edition of Family Friday on the Ashless to Wellston podcast. I'm your host, Chuck LaFlandre, and today I am joined in studio by Nefertari Geiss. Did I get it right? Nefertari, Nefertari Geiss. Ah, close enough, okay, good stuff, good stuff. I'll be totally honest with the listeners, I haven't really heard any of her story yet outside of a couple of kind of tertiary things, so I'm as curious as you are to know what's going on with Nefertari here. So thanks for coming to the show, Nefertari. How you doing today?

Nefertari Guice (00:11.912)
Yes. Yeah. All right.

Nefertari Guice (00:29.336)
Good, thanks for inviting me.

Chuck (00:31.394)
Hey, yeah, no, I'm glad you accepted the invite. So, and I guess we'll pull back the curtain a little bit for the listeners on this. I went into the rather large spouses and partners of Attic's group on Facebook, which I've been a member of for a while, and I've interviewed a few members there, and just kind of put up an open bill, I guess, to say, hey, if you've got one of these type of three stories, I think it was, and if you'd like to come on and tell us, let's go for it. Well, what ended up happening, the response was unimagined.

I was getting messages and comments. I was like, oh my lord, what am I? And I'm a busy guy, right? I got this podcast. So I was like, okay, I'll do that tomorrow. And then tomorrow would come in and it'd be a bigger job and I'd have less time. And I was like, oh crap, what am I gonna do? So I just kind of put up an open bill and said, hey, book yourselves in for an episode and let's get it done. So this is the first one of those actually that we've done right now in Efriteri. So I'm really excited for that. It's kind of coming into a cold. I have no idea what we're gonna talk about. And I have an idea, but I know none of your details. That's for sure. And I think that's, well, that's great.

So, what are you doing here in the cafeteria?

Nefertari Guice (01:35.38)
What am I doing here? God led me here. I'll tell you that. It's definitely always Spirit led. This is uh, you know, I want to help and uplift others. They're going through this or may go through this and whatever just like I do in the group try to encourage others to keep going, you know, as a as a partner or spouse of someone who's addicted to drugs.

Chuck (01:41.598)
Hahaha

Chuck (02:05.378)
Okay, okay. And where does, how does that story intersect with yours? Where do we, boyfriend, partner, what's, you know? Okay, okay. Tell us about it, tell us what happened. Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (02:12.904)
Yeah, my boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah, you asked me. Well, you know, it's an interesting story. I'm gonna try to keep it to do. But but yeah, we met 20 something years ago, actually, in college. 2099. So yeah, I'm at a music festival. And it wasn't a rave.

Chuck (02:27.586)
Hehehehehe

Chuck (02:40.023)
Okay.

Nefertari Guice (02:42.424)
And we're cool and everything and nonverbal just hit off right off the bat. They had a little while, then he had to leave San Jose and go to go to. I'm in California, go from San Jose to Sacramento, California. And then I had to stay there and graduate and I left and then back in the day for those of us who were under, I would say under 40.

Chuck (02:58.26)
Okay.

Nefertari Guice (03:07.892)
You know, you had to write your phone number down. And if you lose that piece of paper, you lose touch with the person. You know, it wasn't like it is now. It's like it's gone. So we lost track with each other. He came back to look for me after I had graduated and he came back and he went to look for me. I was already gone. So that was it. And then we reconnected a few years later after that. Once again, little Holy Spirit led. I just.

Chuck (03:14.734)
I remember, I remember, yeah, absolutely, yeah. Yeah, mm-hmm.

Nefertari Guice (03:36.076)
felt it on my spirit that I needed to reach out to him and looked him up. He was locked up and we connected. He did some time, got out. We didn't make it through the three to five year incarceration. You know, I had gone. That relationship didn't work out. And then in Christmas time 2019.

Chuck (03:55.863)
Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (04:05.672)
The week before Christmas, it was on my spirit. And even during these 20, I forgot how many years that is, was 24, 25, 20 years, 24 years, something like that. Whatever, during this old, this period of time, whether we're in connection or not, I can always tell when he's going through something and he can tell when I'm going through something, whether we're in communication or not. And so, we reconnected 2019. I just got in a relationship.

Chuck (04:26.706)
Okay.

Nefertari Guice (04:35.48)
and I was trying to ignore it. I was trying to ignore that feeling to reach out. And I did and then I didn't you know I couldn't I couldn't ignore it. It was just like weighing my own down on me. And then after like I finally just followed through and reached out sent him a letter sent him a Christmas card and we reconnected again. And he told me he'd been praying for me to come back in his life.

those four days. So that was really cool. And one of the things I found out that is, you know, the PO had told me that, you know, he has a serious drug problem, you know. So that was going on underneath the service method.

Chuck (05:21.976)
What was this drug of choice if you don't mind me asking?

What was his math? Okay.

Nefertari Guice (05:27.637)
Yeah, smoking it.

Chuck (05:31.582)
And up until this point, just so I can kind of keep current, was drugs a problem throughout these years of disconnect and connect between the two of you, or was that a new element to the equation now? You know.

Nefertari Guice (05:31.94)
He doesn't marijuana too.

Nefertari Guice (05:42.469)
No, what

Yeah, it was a new element in terms of me being cognizant of it, being aware. I don't use drugs, I never have. I've smoked weed in the past, whatever, but I have asthma. I can't do it anymore. So what I found out now as our relationship has grown each time and we talk and everything that he does, he was using different drugs even back then. I just didn't know. Back in the 90s, for those of you who don't...

Chuck (05:54.695)
Ah, okay, okay. Fair enough. Yep.

Chuck (06:01.535)
Okay.

Chuck (06:15.743)
Okay, okay, yeah.

Nefertari Guice (06:16.036)
didn't live it. That's why I said they made the joke about raves. That was the thing. People would go to raves and do E and all that kind of stuff. So, you know, so I didn't, but he did, you know, I didn't know, I didn't know for sure, but I, so over time I've learned, you know, about all these things.

Chuck (06:20.047)
Yeah.

Chuck (06:24.062)
Yeah, right, yeah, exactly.

Chuck (06:28.824)
Yeah.

Chuck (06:33.79)
Yeah, yeah, with the benefit of hindsight, you could, oh, I guess I should have known or whatever, right? But if you're not experienced, if you're not experienced in that lifestyle, then who's to say, right? So, okay, so, P.O. tells you he's got a math problem. How does that change the dynamic between the two of you?

Nefertari Guice (06:37.386)
Right.

Nefertari Guice (06:51.556)
Um, you know, just me, I mean, I accept that I'm an enabler. That's something that I've been, um, this is the thing that I've been coming to. Uh, I guess acceptance about the last few weeks, um, as I w as, you know, as I was saying to you, I fell and fell recently and, um, I couldn't write, I couldn't do my business, I couldn't do anything. So I had a lot of time to just sit there thinking, watch TV, right?

Chuck (07:09.096)
Okay. Yep.

Nefertari Guice (07:20.804)
And, uh, and so like, you know, and reaching out to co-people supports, and I really kind of come to this place of like, yeah, I am. Instead of like contemplating whether I enable, I'm like, yeah, you know, I am enabling. You know, I didn't think some of the things I'm doing were enabling, but I am. And so.

Chuck (07:22.526)
Yeah, yeah, right.

Chuck (07:37.494)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chuck (07:45.171)
And that's the reality of it, right? That's, you know, so now that you know that though, right?

Nefertari Guice (07:45.668)
Right. So now it's a, mm-hmm. Now that I know that and now I'm contemplating like, okay, well, what's, you know, what do I need to do different, you know, besides just reading the different books and stuff like that.

Chuck (07:53.066)
I'm sorry.

Chuck (08:02.67)
And now you've got me curious, genuinely curious, is while you're deciding to do that, because you're still kind of in that position now, am I hearing that correctly? Right, like you're still, yeah, yeah.

Nefertari Guice (08:11.164)
Oh yeah, like so literally, so to fast forward to right now, literally right now, he, I can tell you this, he literally left a week ago today, in the middle of the night, early morning and left. I have no idea where he is.

Chuck (08:25.576)
Okay.

Chuck (08:31.566)
Oh, okay, so. Do you have a history to know that he's probably gonna show up back soon? Or, like I can tell you from days in active addiction, there's patterns that usually follow, right? So somebody would disappear for a week and they'll come back with their head down, whatever. Or do you have that history with him so far?

Nefertari Guice (08:32.722)
I have no leads or nothing. So.

Nefertari Guice (08:43.484)
Yeah. I mean, well, it's like the thing is, is that we've always been apart. Like he's been where he's at because I live in a different county. So he lived where he was at and I lived where I was at. And so this past month is the first time of us 24 seven being in front of each other.

Chuck (08:57.954)
Yep.

Chuck (09:02.965)
Okay.

Chuck (09:07.95)
Oh, okay, okay. And with new knowledge of his habits. Okay, so that's gotta be something else, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, we'll tell you all sorts of things. Yeah, yeah.

Nefertari Guice (09:11.58)
Yeah, and he's told me that he's not, you know, that based on thinking he got really sick and everything in his last incarceration and he's not going to use that stuff anymore and all that, right? So now he's, now his drug of choice is weed. Supposedly, supposedly he hasn't relapsed to meth yet.

Chuck (09:24.318)
Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.

Chuck (09:33.384)
Okay, okay. I won't ask him if you believe him because it doesn't really matter if you do or not.

Nefertari Guice (09:34.776)
But right now, I know I'd say no, I don't believe him now because he's been gone for like a week. And yeah.

Chuck (09:42.622)
Yeah, yeah, right, so. So let's back up a bit then, because we kind of got to where we're at now. So you find this out, how does that change things between you? Like, how do you begin? There's so many questions. You said you've come to learn that you were enabling. What were you doing to enable, and how did you figure that out? And, yeah, go from there.

Nefertari Guice (10:03.92)
Um, I would say the way I knew that was what the, what the way I've been contemplating about renabling is, um, you know, having excuses, you know, for his behavior, um, when he, he went missing before, uh, three years ago, almost three years ago now, and he ended up because of the drugs, I think, and also because of, I think of an assault on him years ago.

Chuck (10:27.519)
Okay. Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (10:34.104)
Um, and I'm having seizures, so he ended up in the hospital. And they, and they, and he said, he was, he finally got cognizant enough to say my name. They found my phone number and called me. So.

at that time, the trick of the hospital system, you can say, is that trying to get him out, you know, they got those beds to fill, right? So they, you know, they fix you up and kick you out, right? So they're trying to push him out for me to come pick him up, right? And when they were thinking about singing the skilled nursing, and so when I look back, I think, that's the biggest mistake I made. Maybe I should have just,

Chuck (11:03.934)
Yeah, they do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Chuck (11:12.277)
Ah, okay, yep.

Nefertari Guice (11:18.42)
like not even picked him up because then you know

You know, there's a lot of guilt that comes with it. You think about like, what do you do, what you do, what you did or what you do and all that. You know, so, yeah. And so, so I picked him up, tell the PO, he's like, okay, yeah, you can, because he can come home with you for a few days and then be back on Monday or whatever. Took him a month or two to really get right, to get kind of like right, but I really didn't think he was gonna.

Chuck (11:25.607)
Yeah, yeah.

Chuck (11:34.554)
Oh yeah, of course you do, right? So.

Nefertari Guice (11:54.5)
come back from it. For a moment there, I wasn't sure if we were going to come back from it. You know, so that's one of the examples of, to me, when I think back during my contemplation season, that's one of the things I've, that's where we're in now, my contemplation season.

Nefertari Guice (12:18.656)
You know, because that's a... Yeah, so I had, so right now in my contemplation... Ooh. That's one of those things that's like... I wrestle with, you know the things I wrestle with is like...

Chuck (12:19.322)
uh... yeah what you can't go back to the rights of the but if he showed up tomorrow what would you do

Nefertari Guice (12:36.264)
I called like the hospital. So where he is now here with me, if that same scenario played out, there's no way to connect him to me. Cause we're in a different county. And he left out of here with no wallet, no ID, no phone charger. So I've contemplated about calling the coroner. I haven't done it yet. I've contemplated, I've called the hospitals.

Chuck (12:59.15)
Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Nefertari Guice (13:06.261)
I've driven around.

Do I have what?

Chuck (13:10.414)
Do you have money up for him or something? Do you have anything to lose by him? You don't have any bail or anything on him, do you right now? Any of your own personal, you don't have bail, you're not covering bail? Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (13:18.024)
No. Oh yeah, oh you mean like, oh yeah yeah, no no.

No, no, no.

So if you show up tomorrow, I think I would just listen to see what he had to say. But I think I would be like, yeah, you need to go back. This ain't working. And you need to go figure yourself out. And like, I need to just cut that enabling altogether and you need to go figure yourself out. And I have no doubt that he loves and cares about me and I don't care about him dearly. I have no doubt about that. But the thing is, is this addiction is a...

You know, it was the enmity, as you say, in the spiritual realm. It's the enmity that interferes. That's...

Nefertari Guice (14:01.74)
Cause like, like I was telling you I had to move. Yeah. You know, so remember I was telling you like I had to move, like I'm moving here where I'm at right now. And, you know, this is not my space. It will be in the future, but it's not, it's my space temporarily right now, I guess you could say. And, and so I'm like, okay, well.

Chuck (14:04.33)
Yeah, yeah, right. The demons of addiction, right? So, yeah, yeah.

Chuck (14:12.502)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Chuck (14:23.596)
Uh oh.

Chuck (14:28.574)
Okay.

Nefertari Guice (14:30.584)
This is not gonna work, you can't just keep coming and going and disappearing for a long bridge time.

You know, and when we were at my, my space. Oh, I said he did that 1, night overnight at my space too, before. Came here to this space moving stuff to this space. And I could just go to here. I have no idea.

Chuck (14:41.718)
No, you can't, right? So do you think though, oh, go ahead. Do you?

Nefertari Guice (14:58.208)
I mean, I have ideas, but not really.

Chuck (15:01.066)
Yeah, yeah. I know a lot of people know what they should do, or what they feel they should do, because who am I to say what they should or shouldn't do, but I know a lot of people know what they feel they should do, but doing it's a totally different thing, right? So I know I don't want to enable this person. I know, you know, I've decided I'm not gonna let them in the door, but then they show up at the door and it's like, ah, okay, you know. Do you think you got that in you right now? The strength to do that? Or the...

Nefertari Guice (15:19.028)
Yeah, I'm not 100% that I'll do what I need to do, but each day that passes, I think that with each day that passes, I get more and more like that. I get more and like, I think I do have it in me more and more because it's like, like I said, I'm healing from this fall and sprain and contusion is like, you're not helping me out. Like, I already took each day. I do something that I know is moving me along. So, for example,

Chuck (15:31.222)
the stubbornness or the whatever you want to call it.

Chuck (15:42.387)
Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (15:47.924)
I got all this stuff out the main area and I put it out here in the patio. It's all stuff is like right here. You know? It's like each day I get closer and closer to like, okay, just when you show up, all right, time to go. And then go do that over there. And then when you're ready, let me know.

Chuck (16:03.517)
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Chuck (16:11.874)
Fair enough, eh? Fair enough. Yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm. Um, I'd be curious to see how that goes if he does show up at all, right? So, um, have you been through...

Nefertari Guice (16:14.688)
Yeah, I'll do the follow up with you when it, when it, when it.

Nefertari Guice (16:21.788)
If you want, you know, I'll give you a story.

Nefertari Guice (16:28.151)
Huh.

Chuck (16:28.614)
Oh yeah, I'm sure you will. I get all my guests. There's a whole, I call them the alumni, right? So we have a Facebook group. It's not just for the alumni of the show, but there's plenty of them there. But I talk on Messenger with almost everybody that's been on the show, yeah, right, so.

Nefertari Guice (16:33.208)
Oh, okay.

Chuck (16:45.27)
You're breaking up really bad there. Yep, yep. Yeah, you're breaking up really bad. Oh dear.

So have you been through any of the, you know, in some situations, because it hasn't been that long, but like any of the crazy mood swings, what's it been like around him when he's smoking meth, or does he do it around you, or how does that go?

Nefertari Guice (16:56.628)
Now he keeps all that away from me. I mean, he might smoke weed, but even then I'm like, you gotta go do that outside, you know, because I have asthma and stuff. So it's like, if we're in the car, you gotta have the windows down, if you're, you know, otherwise you gotta be outside in the backyard or on the balcony ledge or something like that. So he's very good about, I guess, respecting that. But I can still, but I've been around him in these four years of, you know, seeing the mood, you know, seeing like these

Chuck (17:11.667)
Okay, okay.

Chuck (17:16.949)
Yeah.

Chuck (17:26.03)
Of course, of course, of course. Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (17:27.136)
you know, moody and stuff. And I've talked to friends of mine who's been through this. I have two girlfriends that have been through this and it didn't work out. And, you know, they've taught me stuff and then the group and different things. I'm one of those people that, I used to be a librarian before all this. So I'm a researcher and knowledge gatherer person. So I take it all in.

Nefertari Guice (17:54.256)
So I just see it and then.

Go ahead.

Chuck (17:58.398)
Okay.

Chuck (18:02.157)
Yeah.

Fair enough. Math is such a.

Chuck (18:10.894)
Meth is so different than other drugs. It's so wildly different in the way it affects people. So for instance, for me, I could smoke 200 bucks worth of meth right now and I would never even know I was high. It was, it never did a single thing for me. The guy beside me.

to take his first hoot ever and he's a ninja giraffe for the next six hours. Because it's completely different person to person, right? More than that, when people inject it, now it's a different and a different, right? Like there's like 52 ways that can mess people up. So it's so unique in experience to experience, right? So.

Nefertari Guice (18:47.12)
Oh, yeah, he's had that. So the night so you dipped out a week ago Thursday night. Or I realized it Friday morning and. But earlier in that week. And, you know, he's got multiple factors because he's got the. He's got the, you know, the incarceration factor that affects you. He said that they help fix your sleep and stuff, too. And then.

Chuck (18:48.798)
It's scary too because people are not meant to stay awake for six days, seven days at a time, right? That's when things get really bad. Do you deal with the sleep deprivation at all? Sleep deprivation with him or does he sleep regularly at least?

Chuck (19:09.728)
Okay.

Nefertari Guice (19:15.316)
you know, and the drug and all that too. But yeah, there was like two or three days, a week or two ago, I was like, dude, you need to sleep. And he got like upset with me, like, I don't wanna hear about sleep anymore. I'm like, oh my God. And we laughed about it later. Like when he finally rested, he finally slept with sleep, and I was telling him about it, we laughed about it, I was like, dude, you were like saying sleep to you was like a curse word.

Chuck (19:30.103)
Yep.

Chuck (19:38.166)
Yeah, right.

Nefertari Guice (19:45.14)
You know, you know, we laughed about it.

Chuck (19:48.51)
Yeah, yeah, right, so.

Nefertari Guice (19:51.892)
Yeah.

Chuck (19:56.426)
Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, lack of sleep is pretty, yeah, it gets intense, it gets really intense, right? You know, that's about, for me, I've never hallucinated until I've been awake for three days, and then shit starts to happen, right? So, you know, yeah, right, so, mm-hmm.

Nefertari Guice (19:56.86)
Yeah, right. So, you know, so I could, I could, I could, I could say I could look back in retrospect and say, okay, maybe that wasn't, it could have been the drug. Let's see that two or three days of him being awake. I don't know if it was that. I don't know if it's the prison stuff. I don't know if it was just being in a new environment. I don't know.

Chuck (20:14.762)
Oh dear. Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (20:24.594)
Yeah.

Chuck (20:28.874)
Oh yeah, yeah.

Chuck (20:34.89)
It was the drugs. If somebody, if they're a meth user and they're awake for three days, they use meth. That's what happened, right? Nothing does it quite the same, so yeah. Typically, I mean, I shouldn't say that with such confidence, but yeah.

Nefertari Guice (20:35.364)
I mean, he would like not offer, you know, a little bit, but, you know, yeah. So that was like, I was paying attention. I'm an observer. So I was paying attention. You know what I mean? And, um.

Nefertari Guice (20:54.864)
No, he's always been, prior to, maybe now, right? He's always been truthful about whether he's used or not. Like, I could straight up and he would tell me. So that's, so this is, I don't know if this is another level, another depth of use, like, now he's gonna start like hiding it or what, you know what I mean?

Chuck (20:59.666)
And typically he's not admitting that he's doing it then or he's lying about it?

Chuck (21:20.39)
Okay, okay. Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (21:27.008)
Yeah, he's always been like transparent.

Chuck (21:35.99)
Yeah, and again, all the experiences are so different, who's to say for sure? I mean, you could expect, expecting things to degrade is a pretty safe bet though, right, you know, as far as we're all never gonna do this until we're doing this, and then we're all never gonna do that until we're doing that, and then, you know, it's just the natural progression of things, right, it's just kind of the way addiction works, so.

Nefertari Guice (21:38.061)
Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (21:56.78)
Well, I always have during the whole time, especially during these times, you know, and for me, just like praying and it's like talking to people who know and reading and listening and, you know, listening and learning, you know, all those different things. So, right now it's like, okay, so what are you going to do when, like you said, what are you going to do when he shows up?

Chuck (22:01.814)
So yourself, you said you've taken some time now to research and to try and understand addiction better. Is that what I gathered correctly?

Chuck (22:13.651)
Okay.

Chuck (22:22.21)
Cough cough

Nefertari Guice (22:24.856)
See it again.

Chuck (22:32.551)
So do you find yourself in a position of...

Chuck (22:37.374)
Do you find yourself in more of a position of empathy now that you've, or anger, right? And I ask this because of the group you're in, it's supposed to be partners. Very polarizing group there, right? There's this hard stance of, you did a drug once, get rid of it forever, he's a devil.

And then there's the other people that are, hey, I just wanna love my partner and I wanna try and help him get better. And then there's a bunch of people in the middle, but there's this very divisive issue, right? And I actually, I started a thread in that group that went 93 comments and I was in shit for that. And oh my, it got really ugly. That was a couple months ago, but where do you kind of stand on all of that now?

Nefertari Guice (23:08.92)
I'm a type of person that I understand the different kind of perspectives. I have a clinical psychology background too. You know You know, I'm that I'm that one that person you're perplexed about like you're a highly educated person come from a good family Da da da. How in the world are you involved in this crap? You know, like that's I'm that person You know, I mean

Chuck (23:26.282)
Yeah? Okay, okay.

Nefertari Guice (23:35.672)
Yeah, I'm the one that they look at, they're like, you know, how in the world you could do better, da da, and all the different things, you know, you're cute, you're smart, and how in the world, you know, I'm that person. So, you know, I'm definitely naturally always empathetic, just part of that is my gifts, my spiritual gifts and stuff too. So like, I'm empathetic. So actually it's created a, what I was telling you, what I was leading to telling you about off camera was like, I have this,

Chuck (23:42.449)
Oh, I hate it. Yeah, a lot of people would. I'm not one of those people that would question it because it's. Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (24:05.216)
this thing with my best friend that went through this. So where she landed on that other side, that hateful enemy side, right? And I landed on the empathy side. Like I believe in okay, it's a disease model, like based on education, experience. I've had, I mean, my uncle was deceased now. Back in the 80s, he was on coke and then destroyed his family. And you know what I mean? So I'm on the...

Chuck (24:28.634)
Okay. Mmm, yeah. Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (24:34.796)
The empathy side love like, okay, well, this is a good person, but there's just caught up in this disease as a disease is illness. So that's, that's where I land on it. But I empathize with, with people who land on the other side of it, because whatever, you know, it's for like your life experiences and stuff, you know, and what you experience. Like I haven't experienced until maybe now of maybe him hiding it and all that. And you haven't stolen, you never stolen from me or anything like that.

Chuck (24:55.027)
Yeah.

Yep.

Nefertari Guice (25:03.988)
or brought anything to my house or he always keep yeah all the stuff that the movie stuff you see like i haven't had any of that he does not bring that drama to my life like to my doorstep type thing that people you know worry about huh

Chuck (25:05.398)
Yeah, yeah, right, so.

Chuck (25:16.646)
Yeah, or violent or all those things that can happen, right? Yeah.

Chuck (25:23.724)
yep

Chuck (25:31.766)
Well, at least that, that's something else. So that's something else then, yeah, that's a good thing. That's a good thing.

Nefertari Guice (25:36.676)
Oh, yes. So, um, in the middle of all this, right, I'm still a tight person, like I still got to do me and take care of myself, you know. And so I was working, my career was in the library. So I was library supervisor in the end. And then I started having hip problems, and hip arthritis really bad and hip recitus and then it turned to hip, now it's like 90% of my left hip is arthritis.

Chuck (25:41.726)
So you mentioned something about your colouring and activity book. You have me curious about that, how that plays into this now. Do tell, right? What's going on with that?

Chuck (25:59.854)
Of course.

Nefertari Guice (26:04.388)
It's like grade three and four. I was like, let's get another MRI. She's like, no, it's just like doing it for prizes. She's like, it's bad, you know, it's bad. I'm like, okay. I was like, okay, doc. So we don't even do that. It's just like certified bad. All right, so I lost my job over it, right? Because...

Chuck (26:22.702)
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Nefertari Guice (26:27.332)
You know, it was the same time as like during COVID, I have ulcerative coli, the big transparent, I have ulcerative colitis and I started getting institutions for that too during COVID, the same time COVID hit, you know. So, um, and my job, good job. And they were like, yeah, we're trying to medically accommodate, you know, trying to accommodate for you, da da. Turns out, even though it's a scowling job and they're good job and all that, behind the scenes,

Chuck (26:36.543)
Yeah.

Chuck (26:53.853)
Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (26:58.284)
They were still working on getting rid of me. So they were saying this in front of me, but still working on this. Also, I had him.

you know, going, doing these things that I'm enabling by going and picking up, taking hotels, the real mellow out and all these things too, is going on too in the background. The seizure thing that happened and all these things happen in the background too. But I'm not telling anybody, remember I was telling you, I kept it to, so I'm just dealing with this only one or two people know I'm dealing with this. So, uh, they, uh, Christmas 2020 Christmas, Christmas 20, uh, Christmas 29, no Christmas 20.

Chuck (27:15.006)
Yeah.

Chuck (27:22.462)
Yeah, doing whatever he's doing. Yeah.

Chuck (27:27.408)
Yeah.

Chuck (27:31.087)
Yeah.

Chuck (27:36.315)
Yes, yes, right?

Nefertari Guice (27:38.628)
22, no, 2021, 2020. Around Christmas 2020, they're like, okay, you know, no, I'm gonna be a sub you and other people are gonna be supervisors come January. And then, okay, I'm like, fine, you know, I'm still getting paid, same, blah, less responsibility, less stress. Like I don't have all in my head, I know what I'm dealing with in my life, so fine. And then,

Chuck (27:47.31)
Cough cough

Nefertari Guice (28:04.32)
And then I guess that didn't make me flee and whoever else to flee. So then it was like, uh, okay, you're going to have to either reduce your restrictions or resign and reapply. Or go out, apply for disability, uh, retirement. It's like, okay, happy, happy MLK Christmas, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year to me. And, uh.

Chuck (28:14.296)
Yep.

Nefertari Guice (28:33.408)
You know, and the happy MLK because it needed to be decided before MLK 2021. And the day I was going to tell them that, okay, well, I'm going to apply for the disability thing, um, they decided to fire me. You're like, we can't medically accommodate you. And it was like, I had like five days to decide. Like if you think about your life and you're working and all that, and you've been working for somebody for 20 something, your whole career, and all of a sudden like, boom, you got five days to make a decision when he's, when he's things like, what, hold on, wait, what, you know,

Chuck (28:36.926)
Okay. So.

Chuck (28:45.809)
Oh dear.

Chuck (28:51.784)
Okay. Yeah.

Chuck (28:58.613)
Oh wow.

Nefertari Guice (29:05.224)
Yeah, it's like beyond, it's a trauma. It creates a trauma for you, whether you know it or not, PTSD, complex trauma, whatever you wanna call it. So I decided to go the early disability route because I knew the other routes were traps. I'm not gonna sacrifice more of my body for this job.

Chuck (29:06.196)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck (29:15.934)
Wow, wow, frustrating, frustrating.

Chuck (29:24.074)
I'll believe that. Yeah.

Chuck (29:28.075)
Yep.

Nefertari Guice (29:29.996)
I gotta live this by to the end and I'm not gonna resign and reapply because that's a trap. What they frequently do, they tell you that, then they put the supervisor over you just that their job is to get rid of you, you know? So I chose that last option. I fought for a year and a half, didn't get it. I don't, to this day, I don't have disability. But the beauty in like just ashes to

Chuck (29:57.834)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nefertari Guice (29:59.244)
The Ashes is, you know, lost everything. But the beauty was that I met somebody, one of my friends, through another uplifting group about what are you gonna do with the rest of your life? And he started a coloring group. And so I joined his coloring group. So I needed to kind of decompress and relax while I'm going through this fight, right?

Chuck (30:29.172)
Okay.

Nefertari Guice (30:29.932)
and at the same time praying wondering why God's telling me to fight and then I still lose it and still lose right the battle you know pension everything I'll get it eventually I'm just not young I'm just too young to get it right now.

Chuck (30:34.144)
Okay.

Nefertari Guice (30:47.54)
So, I basically got put in on my spirit in the fall of last year. I think it was October, I saw the little advertiser for the class, which is going to teach us how to make the, how to take the thing. Oh, I forgot to say, the jewelry thing. That's why I first started doing. When I first lost my job, I was like, well, I got to get this hips, you know.

Chuck (31:16.108)
Mm-hmm.

Nefertari Guice (31:16.58)
right? So let me go back to swimming. Can't walk, can't bike. So I used to be, I used to play rugby, all these type of things. So let me go, let me go swim. Go back to your childhood, right? Go back to your first passions. So I'm gonna start swimming. So I started swimming and I, and I did a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society and I made a necklace similar to ones I have on and started

Chuck (31:24.023)
Okay.

Chuck (31:38.514)
Yeah, yeah.

Chuck (31:46.038)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep.

Nefertari Guice (31:48.061)
And did that and said, okay, when I got done with the fundraising for American Cancer Society, I tried to give the necklace away to the lifeguard, and she goes, no. She's like, no, you need to sell that. I'm like, what? And I'm like, and then my dad's like, you need, you should think about starting a business with your jewelry. And I'm like, okay. And then I go down to this festival.

down the Marina near me and some non jewelry vendor dudes like, where's the necklace you have on? Where'd you get that? I'm like, Oh, I made it. He's like, you need to sell that. So for me, I believe in like signs, the three signs, father, son, Holy ghost, three, right. Right. So to me, I look at it like those three things that's like, okay, if you're not paying attention at three, three people independent of each other. So I launched the advocacy creations, jewelry business. And then I was doing that in the coloring group.

Chuck (32:16.215)
Oh Ha ha

Chuck (32:42.128)
That's a lot of validation. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nefertari Guice (32:45.044)
I was doing the coloring to kind of keep my sanity. I missed all the crap I'm going through with the boyfriend, the job. Every single aspect of my life was screwed up. Academic, in psychology they say academic. There's something's a problem, right? Something is a certifiable mental illness or addiction or anything like that when it affects your academics or your work life, your personal.

Chuck (32:50.378)
Yeah.

Chuck (33:07.799)
Yeah, I've just...

Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (33:13.336)
your mental, your spirit, like every single aspect of my life was now like financial, like everything was affected. So I gotta do something for relief, right? I gotta do something to relief, relief that's positive. So I started coloring and then when he did the class, God was like, take the class and do a coloring book. And I'm like, I don't know how to, like, what you mean, what you mean make a coloring book? I don't know how to make a book.

Chuck (33:34.506)
Yeah, yeah, right.

Nefertari Guice (33:39.68)
What's the... You're like, what you mean, God? And he's like, get it done before Christmas. I'm like, what you mean get it done before Christmas? This is like October. I'm like, what you mean get, this is gonna be a best seller or something? Why, why did you get this done before Christmas? Like, what's up with this? All right, this is that whole thing of you gotta just kinda go with it, even though it doesn't make sense. Cause remember, I listened and I still lost the job and it's like now what, year, almost two years in, I'm still unemployed. I've got this jewelry business. I make a little bit of money here and there, but it's not like, you know.

Chuck (33:40.17)
Yes, yeah, absolutely.

Chuck (33:52.622)
Mm-hmm. Ha ha.

Chuck (34:01.006)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Mm-hmm.

Nefertari Guice (34:09.252)
So I'm like, really? All right. So I took the class. He was telling me October, I kept hearing October 28th. I'm like, what's up with this October 28th? Besides the Christmas thing, it was October 28th. And October 27th, I did this vending event and I got sick at the event and had laryngitis, bronchitis, got really sick, got a collapsed lung, all these things. This is right when I'm first starting to take the class to learn how to do the coloring. So it's like.

Chuck (34:12.552)
Yeah.

Chuck (34:16.114)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Nefertari Guice (34:37.928)
Okay, you told me to do this coloring book and then I get sick and now I can't do nothing. What's up with this? And you want me to get it done before Christmas. What the heck, you know? What's up with this? So you're right. It's like, really? So October 28th thing was because the October 27th was the day that I got sick. And the Christmas thing was because I still proceed to get it done. Thankful to the assistance of everybody there and support and, you know, get it done.

Chuck (34:58.229)
Heh. Ha ha ha.

Chuck (35:03.458)
Yeah, yeah, no kidding.

Nefertari Guice (35:08.246)
And four years ago.

I think it was before I reconnected with my boyfriend. God told me this phrase, serve the silence.

Chuck (35:12.863)
Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (35:23.424)
Like God told me this phrase, serve the silent, just the phrase and I had no idea. So now it was coming to fruition that I was on doing the book to create this coloring book, serve the silent, an activity in coloring book for the justice impacted in their families. And it was all coming together. So it's like taking everything that's happened in my life in general in the four years and everything and the Christmas thing, guess what that was?

Chuck (35:35.434)
I'm sorry, what was that? Oh, serve the silence, okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Nefertari Guice (35:53.644)
The book published December 20th that morning. That same morning, yeah, it published that morning, December 20th, that same morning, my grandmother had a stroke.

Chuck (35:55.231)
Okay.

Chuck (36:02.935)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, what was that?

Nefertari Guice (36:05.896)
a TIA stroke and pneumonia and dementia. So it was like all that's why I'm here. All, all hands on deck. Move here.

Chuck (36:10.514)
Oh wow.

Nefertari Guice (36:17.644)
So it's not about being a bestseller and all that. I mean, I hope it does become bestseller, but it was about, but the whole thing was like, that's why I lost the job.

Chuck (36:18.406)
Oh wow, eh? Jeavers. Yeah.

Oof.

Nefertari Guice (36:29.424)
He's instrumental in my part in my life because it's this book has been uplifting to anybody that's going through stuff you know because that's what was being spoke to me about like you need to uplift and encourage.

Chuck (36:34.83)
hahahaha

Chuck (36:43.586)
kidding.

Nefertari Guice (36:49.372)
Oh, on Amazon, serve the silent under nefertari guys. You can just serve the silent coloring book, coloring and activity. And it's yeah.

Chuck (36:51.19)
No kidding, eh? No kidding.

Chuck (36:58.182)
I'll get the appropriate links from you to put in the show notes for the show, but where does somebody get their hands on that book?

Nefertari Guice (37:03.788)
So that's that long story of how it.

It's like integrating all your ashes into making it awesome.

Chuck (37:11.051)
Okay. Absolutely, right? And again, we'll put that link in the show notes so listeners can get to it real easy too, right? So, yeah.

Chuck (37:23.222)
Hahaha

Nefertari Guice (37:23.908)
I'm going to go to bed.

Chuck (37:28.11)
I like it, I like it, absolutely. So, well, that brings us to my favorite part of the show. That's the daily gratitudes. Do a thing here. Yeah, edit, edit. I gotta say edit, because then I can search it in transcripts and find it and edit it out. Okay, so, all right, so when I do have a guest on the show, I like to get some daily gratitudes from them. What you got?

Nefertari Guice (37:39.296)
Well, since we're talking about my coloring book, I'll pick something from here.

Nefertari Guice (37:46.684)
This is one that's popular.

Think positive.

Nefertari Guice (37:56.476)
Yeah, that's a good, that's a popular one. Let go, let God.

Chuck (37:57.457)
Okay.

Nefertari Guice (38:02.988)
Something I have to remind myself now. And I put Bible verses on my, um, on my thumbs. Probably can't see it, but, uh, Romans 12 20. Yeah. Romans 12 21 is do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Chuck (38:09.614)
I think positive. Oh yeah, okay, okay. Yep.

Chuck (38:16.44)
Yeah.

Nefertari Guice (38:20.396)
And Philippines 413 is I can do all things to Christ whose strength is me. And that's personal to me when I've been able to, when I go through both of them, when I go through stuff that's what's in my heart and mind to.

Chuck (38:25.126)
Okay. No, I can't, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Chuck (38:33.928)
uh... yes uh... like that

Nefertari Guice (38:37.624)
keep me going, you know?

Chuck (38:52.65)
I'm just kidding. I hope that, I hope your partner shows up and I hope he's okay when he does and I hope you do whatever you need to do to be right about it and feel right about it and only you can tell that. You sound like you've got the right heart for it and hopefully things go your way.

Nefertari Guice (39:04.032)
Yep, you know, I hope so too. Everything has got its God intends, God's in control.

Chuck (39:18.945)
Um.

Chuck (39:22.251)
of.

Okay, okay. For myself, my gratitude, it's always to a great guest for coming on. I appreciate that you have. I know it's hard for you to tell your story. It's not something that you've been really doing actively. You mentioned before the recording, so I'm that much more gracious that you did come on the show and shared it with us, right? Hopefully, hopefully somebody out there needs to hear it. And well, somebody does, like the energy of that much, right?

And my final gratitude goes out to you, the listeners, guys, whatever you're doing, please keep doing it. If you're on Spotify or YouTube, drop a comment. If you are on Apple, rate or review. If you're on any of the rest of them, subscribe. If you see our logo anywhere, please like it and comment and do all the things on all the different social medias. Because every time you do any one of these things, you are getting me a little bit closer to living my best life. My best life is to make a humble living, spreading the message, the message is this.

If you are inactive addiction right now, today could be the day. Today could be the day that you start that lifelong journey. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call into detox, go to a meeting, do whatever the hell you need to do to get that journey started, because it is so much better than the alternative. And if you are a loved one of somebody who's suffering an addiction right now, you're just taking the time to listen to this episode, if you just take one more minute out of your day and text that person, let them know they are loved. Use the words.

Nefertari Guice (40:32.788)
You are loved.

Chuck (40:49.194)
That little glimmer of hope just might be the thing that brings him back.

Boop, done, just like that. So that was easy.