161-KALEIDOSCOPE WEDNESDAY - CONNECTIONS SERIES 3 OF 3

Chuck (00:01.647)
Hello listeners, welcome to another edition of the Kaleidoscope Wednesday on the Ashes to Asa podcast. I'm your host, Chuck LaFlandre, and today joining me in virtual studio is Ryan Bathgate for our third part in a three part series about connection. How you doing today, Ryan?

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:16.03)
I'm pretty good Chuck. Yeah, it looks good man. To be honest with you, I'm going on vacation here in a couple days again and then it's like this is the one where I have to like rest, relax because the grind from September to next summer is a real thing. So yeah, things are well man.

Chuck (00:34.113)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I'm glad to hear it, I'm glad to hear it. Right, so back to the connection. So today, do you want to give us an idea what you want to talk about, and you know, to finish off the series?

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:47.586)
Yeah, I think, you know, just in the chronological order of things, I think it's, you know, what we've done is we've taken an interactive process of evolution, personal self-evolution, and broken it into three different kind of phases. And so in the first phase, we kind of looked at, like, the paradox. And paradox is essential in order to be able to understand really anything.

Chuck (01:07.982)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:17.68)
I keep going back to that saying that life implies death light implies dark What implies drive we don't we can't have one without the other we can't have an understanding of one without an understanding of the other They you know the basic I guess the most common would be yin and yang would everybody understand so that is right and so like So we talked about what loneliness is which is which is what I think connection implies And so we really you know

Chuck (01:33.636)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:47.52)
like we went and then we went into kind of how that paradigm shift starts to happen when we start to realize that loneliness is not a state of being I want to exist in for you know anytime but I do realize it's important for me to be able to understand what the other side of that is I mean my goal here is to be as human as possible as comprehensive in that in that humanity as possible and understanding that from a core of me so that I can take that and

use it for self-evolution and connection, especially against the midst of social programming and the elements of shame and disconnection.

Chuck (02:27.407)
So just for a very kind of obvious example to that, I guess, but maybe not so obvious to people that haven't been through it. For me personally, that lack of connection, and I've said it many times on the show, it was kind of the boot on my neck for the last couple years in addiction, right? So now the way I appreciate connection is a totally different world, right? Right, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:41.61)
Yes, yes.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:49.598)
Exactly. Yeah. And that's just it. You nailed it. Like without an understanding. You know, it was like I wish I could have done this differently But like dude if I could have done my life the way I plan to do it, I would probably be on my third marriage Rich as hell and such a douchebag, you know, like yeah. Yeah, like yeah. Yeah totally like

Chuck (03:05.923)
and fifth girlfriend, fifth mistress.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:10.742)
suck childs. It's just I'm glad things didn't go the way that I was planning on things going. But I needed to I needed to go through some dark times to get to any understanding who I wanted to be in the world. So like um

So I guess, you know, the paradox, so, okay, just to wrap up that explanation of the series, so in part two we talked about how that shifts and how we turn and start to like, you know, embody things like hope and the importance of hope and understanding what love is and understanding what joy is and we don't understand any of that really without understanding the other side, what it implies. And so paradox is absolutely essential. I think, I don't know if you're familiar with a guy named Carl Jung.

Chuck (03:47.679)
Absolutely.

Chuck (03:54.158)
No.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:55.701)
He was a therapist back in the day, kind of a Freudian disciple that went rogue. And he is the first one to talk about metaphysics or spirituality within psychodynamics. And so in those days they thought he was crazy and it turns out that actually he was really accurate and way ahead of his time. And so he has a saying that says that the paradox is one of our most valuable spiritual possessions. Only paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life.

Chuck (04:05.922)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:23.94)
unquote. Okay, so in order...

Chuck (04:24.803)
Yeah, okay, okay. So essentially exactly what we were just saying, right? Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:28.61)
Exactly what we're saying. So paradox is it's an appearance of contradiction between two related components. So like Like like I said, I don't understand the true meaning of light without darkness you know, so I don't understand the true meaning of connection without loneliness and so Until today I just want to talk about like the anatomy of connection. Like what is it? What is it comprised of? What does it feel like? and so I

First and foremost, I think we need to lean into, you know, I guess, you know, the problem is, is that loneliness, it changes who we are as a being. So when we get into this phase of transition, it's because we've come to a place that the only thing at times we have left is hope. And I think that, you know, hope is such a big deal. Because...

Chuck (05:19.831)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:26.515)
You know, we can't... it's at the core of everything. We have to have some sense of belief in ourselves and what we're what we're trying to accomplish in life in order to understand what hope really means to us. And so when...

Chuck (05:38.659)
Mm-hmm. That's at the end of the show, the monologue, the exit monologue, right? That's what that is an entire, 100% that's what that's about. Right, that little glimmer of hope, and it might just be the only thing somebody's got, right? So.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:43.99)
Right? Exactly. Yeah. And you say it. You say it. You're right. You say it every show. And like, we need hope. Like, we need air. It is such an essential part of existence. And so I think, like, let's look at that for a second. What is hope?

Chuck (05:57.433)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:08.514)
Yeah.

Chuck (06:08.95)
Well, I wouldn't know how to define it. That's your job. Right? Ha ha ha.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:13.304)
I You know what like I don't know if I know how to completely define it as well But I know it's about self-worth it's about self-esteem it's about a sense of belonging And I think like it's really easy to make it actionable because

Chuck (06:25.531)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:31.55)
You know, we can, okay, so let's just take our place of the depths of loneliness and we're in this transition. The first thing we do is we get the courage to get on board and on the table that maybe life can be different, maybe things can be different. Now I understand the depths of loneliness. I understand struggle. And me, so let me just set little goals. Like, I don't know, man, making my bed every day was my first goal I ever had, to make myself a better person. And I call those the micro movements, right? So we set,

Chuck (06:49.519)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck (06:56.431)
Yep.

Chuck (07:00.236)
Of course.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:01.824)
We set goals that are attainable and we knock them down. I'm gonna get to the gym today You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna do my best to eat well today I'm gonna do my best to make smiles contagious today, you know what I mean? And then as so yeah, they are right and so then we start developing these pathways of hope as we knock down these little goals and then so our understanding of our own consciousness starts to expand outside of the darkness of the

Chuck (07:15.945)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:32.598)
of loneliness. And so as I'm sitting there and I'm thinking about going through this process, I realize that, you know, we need courage because we've got to face shame. We have to access transparency and vulnerability.

Chuck (07:44.067)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:48.726)
You know, and with that, we find this sense of like authenticity that is just something we've never experienced before. You know, it's a new freedom that we just didn't even know existed. And so, you know, to be in this, again, you know, contradiction or paradox. To understand hope, we need to understand hopelessness. You know what I mean? Like, because, you know, like, it's kind of all snowballs together, but we have to have the courage to be able to step up.

Chuck (08:11.533)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:19.56)
and be able to like not choose comfort over courage. Right? And I think that's really important because we don't... I mean everything starts with you know bravery and how we do that. So like in order for me to be vulnerable I'm gonna have to have courage. That's a fact. Like in order for me to be... I can have hope without courage but it'll never be actionable.

Chuck (08:45.635)
Right? Right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:45.734)
You know what I mean? I'll just be a dreamer. And like hopelessness and despair, man, I mean it's a tough place to be, but it's a beautiful happening when we use it to propel ourselves into whatever that next dimension of existence is for ourselves. Um... You know, and I think like...

So I think when you look at like, we go from that place in the middle scared and worried and like, I don't know what's gonna happen next. And then we find like, we knock these goals down and we start to create almost a sense of humbleness, transparency, we just find out who we are in those moments of tension. And so this is I think where like,

Almost at a left, I don't know about you, but at a left field for me, I was so shocked at how much love there is in the world. When I started to step out of that. When I opened my heart to vulnerability. You know? And like...

Chuck (09:38.267)
Uh, mm-hmm. Yeah, right. I talk about this often. I just talked about it the other day. I don't know. It had come up in some sort of post I'd written or whatever. We surround ourselves. Ah, I shared. Somebody from your part of the world had shared one of our episodes. Can't remember his name. Anyway, it's on the Facebook page.

but it was just somebody doing something really nice for a guy that, you know, he's buying him a bike, because, that, right? And I spoke to it in there and said, you surround yourselves in these people that are desperate and doing desperate things, and your view tends to get skewed really fast, right? But then you come out of that, you step away from that and into, for instance, you know, I came back to Calgary, I've got my support network, I've got you guys, everything that's happening, and all of a sudden, you understand that the world is actually.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:08.93)
Oh yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:20.502)
Oh yeah.

Chuck (10:31.983)
pretty great place and most people, most people are genuinely loving creatures.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:33.803)
Man.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:37.886)
Right? And it's like, isn't that such a shock though? And you come from like...

You know, and I know, like, when we're kids, like, we are, we are, love is everywhere. It's almost taken for granted, and as the world turns, we start to get hardened by, you know, the hurt side of love, the pain side of love, and that becomes, like, you know, like touching the stove, hot stove. We don't want to do that again, like ouch, that hurt. Well, and that's not really the reality of it, I mean, love is such a...

Chuck (11:02.265)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:08.85)
It is the thing that makes this world go round. And I know he said it so many times, but I think it's also important in this process to talk about how do we make ourselves lovable, I beg your pardon, the fourth component. And I think that has a real strong attachment to our sense of belonging. Okay, so my belief in myself is directly correlated to the strength of my belonging.

Chuck (11:26.147)
Yeah, yeah, well, yeah.

Chuck (11:35.191)
Yeah, absolutely it does. Yeah, of course it does. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:35.586)
Does that make sense? So confidence, those intrinsic resources, you know what I mean? And wherever those things aren't, where love and belonging aren't, when they're not there, you can guarantee there's suffering there. You know what I mean? And we've, and like, you know, like, uh...

Chuck (11:45.751)
Yeah, yeah, I thought it dealt.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:50.798)
You know, I know how to be poor and I know pain. You know, those are the two... If there's anything in this world that I have a lot of practice at, it's... You know, the... Yeah, exactly. Unofficial. I'm gonna write my own... I'll get my daughter to write me one up with crayons. Uh... Um...

Chuck (11:58.726)
I've got a PhD. Yeah, I get it. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:09.182)
And so belonging, I mean, again, it takes like, belonging is part of how we find our authentic self. And if we put that in concert with an understanding of our value system, if we put that and then add our feeling of the cosmic alignment or rhythm, when we have all of that stuff together, that makes this incredible cocktail, finally a good cocktail, of openness and connection.

Chuck (12:28.079)
Yep.

Chuck (12:36.251)
I'm going to go ahead and turn it off.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:39.116)
connectable. So what did I say? Our sense of self-worth is directly correlated to belonging, right? Okay. You know what? And I think there's another element there now that I'm sitting in that space. And I think there's an element of self-acceptance that is also, so I think it's a three-headed little cocktail.

Chuck (12:50.359)
Yes.

Chuck (13:05.376)
Okay. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:06.13)
Okay, so like if I, and it's really simple, like I, self acceptance, um, I am bald, but that is not who I am.

You know what I mean? Like, that's a part of me. But it's not who I am. You know, like, uh, you know, I'm, I'm not really incredibly fast anymore. You know, just little things like, all these things that I could, I could take and make him securities and blow him up into like, I'm not good enough. Let shame come in. I don't have to do that as long as I, so myself, my, and now I'm just like, as I'm processing this, my level of self-acceptance is also directly correlated to my level of shame resilience. Does that make sense?

Chuck (13:18.002)
Yeah, yeah.

Chuck (13:45.947)
Okay, yep. Yeah, it does, of course it does, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:48.079)
Okay, so then, so have we even defined connection yet?

Chuck (13:54.967)
I think, I mean, it's not gonna hurt to do it again. Right? You know, that was like, that's a lot of recording between then and now. Right? Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:58.673)
Okay.

Thanks for watching!

And I'm asking you a question and you've done 15 shows in between. Sorry man, I should... Not very understanding of your... By the way, for all you listeners, I hope we have a moment of appreciation for Chuckie because he does a lot of work on this. He does a lot of work. So I'm doing this thing yesterday where I'm messing around with TikTok and it took me like... I couldn't figure out how to get this link to go over here. And I was like...

I'm so frustrated right now that I've been at this for 10 minutes. I can't even imagine what your 16 hour day looks like You know like it's crazy

Chuck (14:34.427)
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

Chuck (14:39.887)
It was funny and it gives me a chance now. I was, by the time you're listening to this, I will have been on the Hard Knocks Talk Show Sunday previous to this, right? So, yesterday we went to go do our initial, you know, the thing that you do at the beginning. You've been on the show yourself, right? What was that, about a month ago now? Something like that, right? Yeah, a bit more than that. Yeah, yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, so check that out guys. But he...

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:58.9)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I think it was a while ago. Yeah, great shot. It's a great shot. I absolutely love that shot, yeah.

Chuck (15:08.687)
He does this thing to do the promo where he cuts video and all that. You understand, right? You gotta give him that. So we went to go do that yesterday morning and everything blew up. Everything blew up, right? And the level of zen from him, right? He's just like, yeah, man, this is the way things go, right? Put things in perspective. I get stressed out and I'm doing everything I can. This guy's running a live show. Can you imagine? The shit show, sorry for my language.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:21.422)
Wow.

Chuck (15:36.315)
Can you imagine the insanity that happens? You hear me, you read my texts when I'm working these and editing, I can't imagine doing what he does over there.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:38.548)
or rewatch it.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:46.12)
Yeah, I know it's crazy like

Yeah, the struggle is real people. Okay, so listen, I want to throw a little I want to I'm gonna we're gonna throw down a A definition of connection right now just so we can say yes, we have defined connection. I mean we define everything else, but um, okay, so Connection, I think I think it forms as an energy Uh, and it has to it has to imply Another so it's transactional, right? So there's so it within that transaction within that medium

Chuck (15:51.331)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:22.712)
We need to be heard, we need to feel loved, and we need to feel lovable. And yeah, right, which really means that it encompasses the comprehension of being valued and valuable. Right? Of course not.

Chuck (16:26.479)
Be loved, feel lovable. Sorry, yeah.

Chuck (16:33.815)
Yeah, yeah, I speak about that one often and sorry to interrupt you again, Ryan, that the feeling lovable is by far the most important and by far the hardest one to do. When it's tough, it's tough, right? So that's, you know, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:46.078)
Yeah, yeah, totally man. And like, so like, I don't know about you, but as soon as like, I need to not feel judged in connection. So like that is a safety piece that I need.

Chuck (16:53.327)
Yep.

Chuck (16:58.071)
Now that you've said that, yeah, I never would have verbalized it like that, but bang on. Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:02.27)
If I'm judged, man, my walls are up and I'm defensive, I'm shut down, or else I put on an ego or whatever, you know what I mean? Like, whatever it takes. And then I think we walk away with a sense of strength and sustenance in whatever that connection is. So, I guess our definition is... Now...

Chuck (17:09.717)
Absolutely, I do.

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:32.194)
Are you hearing that?

Chuck (17:34.104)
I heard something.

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:35.659)
Yeah, yeah, sorry, okay.

Our definition is an energy that exists between two people that is non-judgmental and is comprised of being heard, being seen, being loved, feeling lovable, and walking away feeling valuable. So that includes a vulnerability. Protection has a vulnerability. And if you think about it like turning a water spout on or off, when we turn the water spout on we make that pipe vulnerable to the flow of water.

it off it obviously disconnects so I guess you know maybe it's helpful to look at what the disconnection is if we're going to talk about what implies what so disconnection is the you know feeling judged social exclusion isolation and you know ironically enough it disconnection

lives within the same area in our brain as rejection and pain. Yeah, and so we experience it as almost an evolutionary reactive state. That's why when we have disconnection, if you think about when you're in it, when you're in the throes of addiction, there's very little sense of who you are in the world.

Chuck (18:40.419)
Yeah, that will make sense to me.

Chuck (19:00.941)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (19:01.918)
We're talking isolation at its premium. So we're not actually able to access our own identities. We're not able to create goals. We're not able to harbor these things. Any sense of joy we have is usually synthetic. And that's why we keep coming back. So in order to sustain the idea of what connection is and how it works and how we keep it going on our day-to-day life.

the intrinsic resources of self-warm, self-esteem, and self-respect. And so, so like this the to feel secure within ourselves is absolutely essential and when we're secure we're feeling you know we're open to the world. You know when I'm when I have high level of confidence I'm your judgment is my choice.

Chuck (19:50.411)
Yes, yeah, absolutely.

RBK Kaleidoscope (19:51.086)
Do you get what I'm saying? Like I can choose what I take personal or not when I'm in a connectable state, which means I don't need to turn the tap off. It just means that like I don't have to let that become part of the flow of our connection. It's just like your judgment's not, it's your opinion. You can have that. It's not part of my reality. And I think there's an important element of like accepting our own fallibility, our own humanness. Like I said, like, you know, like, dude, I'm bald.

Chuck (19:59.515)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck (20:03.512)
Yes.

Chuck (20:16.644)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (20:21.1)
way it is. These days I'm alright with it. It took me a while. I wore a hat for a long time. But it took me a while to get to a place that was okay. We have all these insecurities, but those insecurities don't define us and they are not an indictment of character ever. But when I'm in a place of disconnection, those are an indictment. Those are an identity. I can only see myself. I mean, look at the body dysmorphia, things like that.

Chuck (20:22.613)
Hahahaha

Chuck (20:28.261)
Ha ha.

Chuck (20:50.863)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (20:50.98)
you know, all I see in the mirrors, my love handles. Well, that is, I'm probably in a state of disconnection and I'm probably experiencing loneliness to a high degree and where I can't accept my own fallibility or my fallibility, and by doing that, because I don't own it, it owns me. Does that make sense? It's so.

Chuck (21:12.768)
It makes perfect sense to me.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:19.018)
I think I, you know, I hate jumping back, but like, I'm gonna ask you a question. Do you think that there is a sense of invisibility when it comes to loneliness?

Chuck (21:36.18)
I think for a lot of people there would be. What I'm trying to do is put myself back in those days of when I felt unbelievably and horribly lonely, but I think...

for somebody who's been in it for a lot longer than I was most definitely, right? The longer you're in it, though I, hey, there's an answer, there's my answer. The longer you're in it, the more that sense of invisibility would take over, right? You know what I mean, right? So for somebody that's been on the street for two years, you know, as compared to six months or 10 years, very different degrees of that feeling invisible, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:51.456)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:00.3)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I do.

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:09.078)
Yeah, absolutely. I couldn't agree more. I think like, um...

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:15.702)
when it becomes normalized, then it takes so much courage to muster the hope to be able to get that change. And this is why the little glimmers of connection become so important and just the little openings that happen little by little and this is how we enter into that state of self-evolution and becoming the human being that we've always hoped we could be. And I think, as long as we have hope, we have a chance. And I firmly believe that.

And like even in hopelessness because it implies the other it means we have access to the other So I don't think we ever really lose hope You know truly I think that we can experience hopelessness without losing hope just because one implies the other if hopelessness exists That means hope is has potential Okay

Chuck (22:50.159)
Yeah.

Chuck (23:02.831)
Gotcha.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:06.57)
So, so, so then let's talk about how important that the element of what love is. So like, you know, I keep, I keep the definition of love really simple, like the act of doing without expectation of return. And so like I used to practice this by just like holding a door open for somebody as they walk in. That's an act of love, helping a lady across the street or an elderly person. You know what I mean? Like just these little acts of kindness.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:36.464)
You know, if you give your buddy a cigarette, that's an act of love. If you expect him to give you one back, that's not. That's a transaction. Yeah.

Chuck (23:42.671)
that's a transaction that's totally different. You don't do nice shit for people because you want something back that is not nice shit anymore. I've said that for years. Yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:50.418)
Yeah, and I think that the more that we practice this art of cultivating love, the more we get a deeper sense of like its power through. So the more vulnerable I can be, the more access to love I can have. You know what I mean? And like to be seen deeply. And like, you know, it's kind of an interesting new paradox in being, you know, doing the show and stuff because we get seen by people that have no idea who we are all the time.

Like sometimes I have to muster a lot of courage up to be able to be seen deeply and like man I am as fallible as we get. You know what I mean? Like I make mistakes like nobody's business. You know? And so, but by honoring that connection, by honoring that depth of being visible, being seen in a very authentic way, we're cultivating a sense of connection and love.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:50.432)
And it's like, byproduct is like kindness and, you know, respect, affection, which is a big one for me to learn. And it turns out now, that's part of my love language, you know what I mean?

And so I think the other thing we need to talk about love is like how it works Because it is transactional and so It's almost like it's just the it's a Completely turns like our understanding of economics on its head, you know, like and we're you know being capitalist society We always think that if I give you this dollar, I lose a dollar Love doesn't work like that, you know So if I if I call to the more of love I cultivate the more I get back

It's an organism that needs to be grown, to be nurtured. And we do that. And it can only really happen in the medium of connection. So if we think about it, connection is the conduit, and love is what flows through it. Does that make sense?

Chuck (25:44.923)
Okay.

Chuck (25:56.187)
Okay, yeah, that makes perfect sense. Yeah, I like that. That's beautifully worded.

RBK Kaleidoscope (26:00.978)
And I think that the more we can appreciate and love ourselves, the stronger that and more abundant our ability to transactionally or I shouldn't say transactionally. I think the more we're able to like give or grow with.

It's like a vine. Love grows together. It happens with the more people that we have within ourselves and then it grows out and intertwines with one another. That's how we have this amazing network of connections throughout all 7.8 billion people in the world. We're going to be constantly faced with shame. It's going to be knocking on the door all the time.

It's hurt from betrayal or blame or disrespect or things like that and like so that that's where like the stronger my love is the more choice I have which means the more freedom I have so you know I can feel shame coming in most of times sometimes it gets in without because it's so it's so insidious oh My god, yeah, and like so sometimes it gets in but when I just need to shut my head off And go into my heart, and then I'm like oh my god James here

Chuck (27:12.161)
pervasive, right? It's just, yeah, right? Yeah, no.

Chuck (27:22.071)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (27:23.412)
And so when we, and that can be really damaging, but the damages can actually become scars of existence that create strength. So there is a tension, but we have to know intrinsically who we are and then have an understanding of these outside forces that come in and really, and in my history, all of those things have turned, made me shut that valve off.

and not all is in, you know, it's like, yeah, nothing's getting in, but nothing's getting out. And so that's, and what happens when that happens? I enter into isolation and loneliness, you know? So I think that we can be survivors of pain in an effort to access a stronger sense, a stronger sense of cultivating love through vulnerability. And then we experience like the beauty of like joy, you know, and like,

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:23.222)
Joy is just... You know, it encompasses what love truly is. And so, you know, I can appreciate things like happiness. Like, I don't know about you, but I have rejected happiness in my life because I didn't feel like I deserved self-worth being loved. You know what I mean?

Chuck (28:42.455)
I think that understanding that takes a level of self-inspection that most people just don't, I don't know about most people, that's tough to get to. Maybe that's a better way to put that, right? To really understand, right? To understand that, oh shit, did I actually do that? Right, I mean, that takes a level of self-understanding that most people, a lot of people don't have.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:47.316)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:56.499)
Yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:02.806)
But I mean...

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:07.382)
but everybody's capable of. And it's it.

Chuck (29:09.315)
without a doubt. And that's why I should have said it's harder to get to instead of most people don't have.

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:11.998)
Yes, and it's a matter of practicing. Like, you know what I mean? This is what I always want to caution, like having happiness as a goal. Happiness is usually conducive of environment, and it's an emotion, and it's gonna change. And so I don't think we ever wanna be, I just wanna be happy. Well, I don't just wanna be happy. I wanna be all of it. I wanna be as human as possible. That's why I think there's a big difference between the trait of peace and the emotion of happiness. So peace I can maintain.

Chuck (29:33.539)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:41.952)
at any time. And so when I'm in connection, I'm in peace. I don't and I can experience the other side of love, which is pain or, you know, betrayal and things like that, and still maintain a sense of peace. Like you're saying about Dan, like he still maintained peace in the midst of frustration. Like that is a master, that's an indicator of a lot of self work happening, a lot of, a lot of contentment, you know? And like, and so like that's more like where I want to be is, is feeling.

Chuck (29:49.239)
Yeah.

Chuck (30:04.852)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (30:11.792)
feeling content and peaceful, those two together. And being content is just like a feeling of completeness, of appreciation, the antithesis of shame, which is to feel like I am enough and I am capable. And so what comes along with that is just like, so when I have peace and contentment, my ability to access connection is wide open. And there's not a lot of things that can really take my

choice away as to how I want to feel in any given situation.

Yeah, I don't know if that makes any sense. I think another, biochemically, I think another important element of connection is gratitude. And what gratitude does is it actually alters our brain in a way that creates an ability to be more right-side brain, more curious, more creative. And so when I practice gratitude, I actually practice growing a part of my brain that is, that cultivates the essence of connection.

Chuck (30:49.248)
It does, yeah.

Chuck (31:15.515)
Absolutely. With that said, something that's been on my mind these last few weeks and I've just decided to do. We're gonna do gratitudes in the middle of episodes from now on. I think, yeah, I think it's too important of an element and it's easy for people to check out and I think it's important to do. So, it's time for my favorite part of the story. Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:17.035)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:28.398)
Oh, okay. Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:35.754)
Okay, before you do that, here, and I'm sorry, but I'm not messing with it after this time. Let's define, I wanna define it. Okay, so I have something here. It says, gratitude is an emotion that reflects our deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others. Right?

Chuck (31:39.908)
Yeah. Yep.

Chuck (31:44.063)
Okay, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:00.054)
Okay, I'm just not sure that I've ever... I like to define things for myself. I think it's important to... Hehehehe Exactly, yeah. Sure.

Chuck (32:04.227)
Yeah, well, we understand that. The emotional lexicon, right? You know what, I'll speak to that real quick before we do the gratitude. I had a conversation with Chad Top from Moose Draw, Saskatchewan, he runs the Wacomo Social Detox out there, the program, he started it, I guess it'd be about 11 years ago now, I was there for the 10th anniversary anyway, so yeah, it'd be about 11 years. They, it's an amazing, just an amazing program, but.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:21.386)
Yeah, yeah, I've heard of that, yeah.

Chuck (32:34.243)
It was there that I first saw that feeling wheel that you talk about with the emotional lexicon. So I've been talking to Chad about coming onto the show. I'm really excited, like really excited to have him on. He's a hell of a guy, he runs a hell of a program. And for me personally, he's kind of a beacon of, you know, the beginning of me getting my, you know, my head out of my ass, for lack of a better term. So, I mean, I relapsed after I was there, but the fundamentals stuck with me. And I was saying to him, I had helped make that feeling wheel and I might've told you about that for the emotional lexicon.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:36.59)
And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:51.435)
Yeah.

Chuck (33:02.819)
And I was saying to him, it's the one thing that I wish I understood the importance of at the time that I learned. Everything else just kind of clicks when it needs to click. That's the one thing that I wish I would have paid a lot more attention to at the time because I think it would have made a big difference. I mean, I am where I am and all that and I'm happy and proud to be here, but I think it would have made a big difference on the timeline had I really understood the importance of emotional lexicon at the time. So I've asked him to send me a picture of it. You and I are gonna do an episode when I do get it, so.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:08.482)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:23.486)
Yeah, well...

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:31.69)
Oh cool, yeah. I mean, it sounds good, yeah. Um, okay, so, yeah, we can definitely put a pin in there. There's another little thing I wanted to go on about around, uh... Well, I just think it's important to understand that, you know, like, uh, I talked a little bit about joy, and I think one thing that I didn't add is that joy is extremely... frightening. Um... Because...

Chuck (33:32.673)
Yeah, yeah, right. So, yeah, yeah. So anyway.

Chuck (33:40.881)
You can do it if you want to, yeah, absolutely, right? Yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:58.358)
If we allow ourselves to feel joy, I think somewhere in our mind, we have this like defense mechanism that says disaster is coming. You know what I mean? And so like that's why it becomes, it's a beautiful place to be when we can appreciate it. But if we don't have that self-awareness and access, yes, exactly. And like living in that space of like, when's the shoe going to drop? You know, like I don't want to, I don't want to live that way. To me, that's a prison. And so I think it's a very important to understand connection being an outlet of

Chuck (34:12.823)
It's terrifying.

RBK Kaleidoscope (34:28.272)
vulnerability to be able to mitigate that feeling of I'm not enough or that the shoe is going to drop. Tragedy is going to happen. Trauma is going to happen in our lives. I'm much better equipped to navigate those happenings now that I have a better understanding of both my emotional lexicon, my self-awareness, my self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem. And I understand the medium of connection being such an important avenue.

you to access vulnerability to release the pressure of what that is and how I experience it. Anyways, okay, so there we go, pinning it.

Chuck (35:04.535)
Absolutely. Yeah. OK. Well, that makes it my time. Our time for my favorite part of the show. That's the Daily Gratitudes thing. All right. What you got for us today?

RBK Kaleidoscope (35:20.65)
You know what? Like... Yeah, it is, it is, it is.

Chuck (35:20.891)
It's weird to do it in the middle, isn't it?

RBK Kaleidoscope (35:27.143)
I am, first and foremost, my beautiful family, always number one. My little girls and my amazing wife. My mom lives in the basement and that's cool too to have her around and hanging out with her. She gets to hang out every day with her grandkids. If I was a good grandparent, that would be just amazing. My family. I am super grateful for all of the loneliness of experience.

Chuck (35:32.036)
always.

RBK Kaleidoscope (35:54.396)
for all of the pain I've experienced, the struggle, the trauma, everything that it's taken to get to where I am. Because as you were talking about, hey, it's really difficult to get to that place, to have the self-awareness to understand that. And I would not be able to understand any of this. I wouldn't be able to be on the show. I wouldn't be able to talk about any of these things that I talk about if I didn't go through the things that I went through. So I'm extremely grateful for the difficult times I've had in my life. Yeah.

Chuck (36:21.743)
Great, great, great. And for myself, we'll change up how I do the gratitude. Obviously, we're not gonna end the show right now. So, my gratitude, you know, I'm gonna copy you. I really am thinking about it right now. And, you know, I'm thankful for your family. No, I'm just kidding. I'm thankful for all the strife, right? Like it's just, it's something, you know, that's quite the statement, you know, but it's true at the end of the day, we've...

RBK Kaleidoscope (36:39.886)
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

Chuck (36:51.987)
I've been through some insanity and it just, it's at the forefront of my mind right now because of this appearance I'm gonna have on Hard Knocks Talks. I've only ever been interviewed once before, right? So I've only ever told, yeah, well Scott from No New Friends did it, right? It was a hell of an interview too, but I've never been interviewed to tell my story like that and I'm thinking about it now going, oh wow, that's a story, right? So I'm really glad for all of those moments. I am super glad for the connection that I've been able to make with all my old friends, yourself included.

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:01.737)
Really?

Chuck (37:20.815)
since I came back to Calgary and how that support, it's turned into a support network that's absolutely mind blowing at times. So, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:28.13)
Yeah it is, yeah. And it's become something that like, I don't know, something I never envisioned, that's for sure. It's interesting to be able to impact and influence people that I didn't even know existed on the planet. You know, like, getting questions from Raleigh, North Carolina, like, whoa. Yeah, anyways, yeah, so that, yeah.

Chuck (37:36.182)
Yeah, right.

Chuck (37:43.347)
Right, right, I know, I know. Yeah. Yeah, I know, we got a random message the other day, I shared it on the Facebook wall. Somebody from your part of the world again, from Vancouver area, or maybe it's the island, but yeah, she said, I absolutely love it. She's been telling her kids, you are loved. Over and over and over again all night, and you saw that message or that post, right? It was something else, right? It's just like, wow, that's the reason for doing it, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:03.006)
Yeah. I did. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:10.207)
Yeah, absolutely.

Chuck (38:10.967)
I'm sorry. I think you're Tori something or other. Thank you for that message story. That was beautiful and very, very much appreciated. So yeah, speaking of messages, I got some. I got some questions, my man. I do. I do. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:17.527)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:22.694)
Okay, all right, I'm gonna get my reflex out on. Okay.

Chuck (38:26.731)
Yeah. Okay, so.

The first question is from a local celebrity on the show here, right? Tammy from Brockville, Ontario. You might remember her from episodes 92 and 92.5. She came on and told this story about her daughter, Brittany, who's still in active addiction, still that struggle still goes on. She's writing a blog now on the website as well. If you go to the website and look for, well, if you search Tammy or shattered voices, something.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:34.734)
Thanks for watching!

Chuck (39:01.947)
There's a whole blog section there. I can't remember the name of it right now, but I really should, but that's not, yeah, that was horrible, right? Well, I wasn't planning on doing that. It just popped into my head and I was like, oh crap, here it goes, right? But yeah, we have a blog section there from her. Myself, I've got a couple of posts. There's another anonymous fellow, Darcy, who's in on it as well. And we've got some more people coming on, including therapists, including memorial moms, who I have much reverence for, and all sorts of different angles on addiction. So check it out, guys. Anyway.

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:05.398)
Nice prep.

Chuck (39:32.227)
Tammy from Brockville says, how do I practice detachment from addiction as a coping skill while maintaining connection with my loved one?

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:40.87)
Oh, how do I practice detachment? It's really... Yeah.

Chuck (39:44.803)
So to put this in context, right, for you and maybe you and the listeners most definitely, this is because her daughter is still in active addiction and she's having a hard time, you know, and she's done everything. We've heard Tammy's story. I mean, that was an epic interview, right? I mean, it just went on forever and for good reason too. She's getting to a point where she is, she feels like, you know, it's gonna end one way or the other and she needs to prepare for that. And you know, it's.

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:54.67)
Hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:11.802)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's a really tough spot to be in So I like I don't know I don't know that I would use those words although we're probably gonna talk about the same thing I don't think I would focus on the practice of detachment To me that is disconnect and Anytime we disconnect we're I believe we're inviting shame and all of its lonely components in there So I think as a coping skill It's more about developing the intrinsic resources

is understanding who we are as people within that. And it's like, you know, like I love how Dr. Lisa says, like, you know, I am not my cancer. Well, I, you know, to be almost removing ourselves, but we can still see the field, you know? And so like, again, choosing what I take personal, which is a really difficult thing to do when it becomes a parent and a child, but and understanding that, you know,

doing this to me they're doing this in spite of a love for me which is a must be a difficult thing and I think like maintaining the connection is about building the foundation of myself to a place that I can be in that space without taking things on having very firm and clear boundaries while still participating in the act of love you know and that does not include

RBK Kaleidoscope (41:38.658)
call it when we... yeah, thank you. Enabling is not an act of love that is done for ourselves and it just is a nasty little... I shouldn't say little, it's a nasty thing to get into.

Chuck (41:40.747)
enabling.

RBK Kaleidoscope (41:55.326)
So I don't think detachment, it's an understanding that I am an agent of love and peace in this. I am not taking on things that aren't mine, but I am willing to support the things that you're going through. And I think for me, it's probably easier said than done. I'm a counselor, I've been practicing this for a long time, so I know how to not have somebody's issues be mine. And I know how to be in this space without taking those things on. And so again, it goes back to

self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect, where is that at? Where are we? And then leading into our values. And so really it's about being concretized in my own self so that I can attend to the, I can be in that space without absorbing what it actually is. And so, and then it's like love, support, the saying we say every day on the show, you are loved. Like you said, I think that kind of communication, giving that whatever that family member is or loved one

Chuck (42:39.011)
Yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (42:55.32)
Um, the sense of, of connection of belonging. Right. As best as absolutely. And so like, we want to stay away from judgment. We want to.

Chuck (42:59.652)
as best you can anyway, right? You know, yeah. And as best you're capable of as well, I should say. I mean, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (43:06.73)
Yeah, and everyone's at different places in the idea of self-evolution, but I want to... I want to look at the things that I don't want to do, which are judgment, shame, projected fear, projected insecurity, projected...

RBK Kaleidoscope (43:25.914)
I wanted to say shame again because I went to this place of like I don't feel like I'm enough to handle this so I'm gonna like take it out in anger or disconnect in on my loved one and like so like always knowing that and I think we talked about this a while ago like You know coming to a place that That they may not make it is a really difficult situation to be in our own in our own space And so I like to always

RBK Kaleidoscope (43:56.808)
It's like I always find myself coming to a place of like, well, OK, their suffering is over and that is that gives me peace. And then the other thing is like if I do if I did my best to like cultivate connections, if using connection as a medium of love, then that person gets to pass knowing that I did everything I could to love that person the best I could. And and and, you know, it's a really awful place. But at least we can find some peace in knowing that we did our best

need to do our best for the rest of our lives and we will use whatever we've learned from this to honor that individual that has passed. It's just a really hard space to be in Tammy and I wish that there was a magic button we could push to make everything better but that's just not how it works. So I don't think we want to detach from anything, I think we want to concretize in what we are and maybe that creates a sense of detachment as a byproduct but I don't think it needs

Chuck (44:45.915)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (44:55.448)
the focus. I think that we need to like, you know, it's like trauma, like it has to become part of us or else it becomes all of us. And so I worry that if we detach from it, it actually engulfs us outside of our awareness and we'll never find peace and we'll never find reverence.

Chuck (45:14.123)
Yeah, yeah, well said, man, well said. So we'll move on to the next one. And I hope that answers it for you, Tammy. Well, you caught my direct line. You can always talk to me or drop a follow-up question. I know she's got one for next week too, so we'll definitely play that. Because Tammy's, she's the original warrior love. I think she was the first mom that I did those interviews with. As a matter of fact, I'm almost sure she is. Yeah, yeah, right, so. And she's been following the show from the very beginning. So she's quite the incredible woman. Anyway, thank you for that, Tammy.

RBK Kaleidoscope (45:27.714)
Cool. Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (45:34.495)
Is it so, yeah?

RBK Kaleidoscope (45:43.838)
Can I just say something? Just to the listeners, if you send a question in, it'll get read. We have a bit of a queue happening. And so I just want to reassure people that if it's not read in the next episode, it will get read. We have it in our queue.

Chuck (45:45.003)
Yeah, of course you can.

Chuck (45:59.011)
Yeah, we're only about one episode behind right now, not behind, but in the queue, right? So yeah, if you don't hear it, you'll hear it in the next one most likely, right? So yeah, thank you for that. And that said, if you're listening and you do want to send a question, ashlessawesomepodcast.gmail.com, you can hit me on any one of the socials. You can go to the RBK page, you can ask it there. You can ask me on the Ashless Awesome page or on the Ashless Awesome Instagram, TikTok.

RBK Kaleidoscope (46:03.178)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. So I just, I don't want people to feel unheard.

Chuck (46:26.591)
LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, wherever you're running. Wherever you see the logo, you can ask a question. So yeah, yeah. If the other thing you could do, actually, Spotify. You can drop your question in the comments underneath the Spotify play there. So anyway, next question. Rebecca in Helena, Montana says,

RBK Kaleidoscope (46:27.406)
Twitter.

RBK Kaleidoscope (46:31.147)
Oh, yeah.

Chuck (46:48.323)
When life becomes a relentless cycle of monotony and hardships, it's easy to lose sight of our goals and aspirations. How can individuals reignite their sense of purpose and motivation even when faced with seemingly insurmountable obstacles?

RBK Kaleidoscope (47:04.366)
Very good question. And I think we kind of talked a bit about that today. I mean, we have to start with those two elements of courage and hope. And then, you know, I've talked in the past about like, it's funny, the word monotony, like it is such a...

Chuck (47:06.991)
Huge question.

RBK Kaleidoscope (47:27.838)
It makes life bland, you know what I mean? Like, you know, and so like, when we get into a monotony and hardship, and that's my life world, I have to reframe that. So if everything is...

Chuck (47:41.347)
So yeah, perception is definitely an element of that, right? I mean, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (47:43.23)
Absolutely, and that's one of our things we have in our locus of control. And so, monotony is an opportunity for change. You know what I mean? Hardship is an opportunity for strength and building, and always understanding that the paradox is an essential part of spiritual growth. And so, I think that, you know, she says we lose sight of our goals and our aspirations.

then why don't we slow down and why don't we find that vision again. So this is why I like, let's go to hope. Even if we're in hopelessness, we know hope exists because I'm hopeless. And one implies the other. I wouldn't know one without the other. So that means I have access to hope. So I can move into that space by just, like I said, setting, let's take the big goals of like, hey, I'm going to be the President of the United States, which is impossible for me, but you know, and turn it into, today I'm going to go for a walk.

Chuck (48:24.983)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (48:43.224)
you know, little things. And I say, start to build a structure of new things you want to try and start trying on, trying out, seeing what fits, seeing what doesn't, and explore. And so I think reigniting the idea of curiosity and exploration. And I think if we can start to do that, life becomes a brand new adventure. So if we were in monotony and hardship, we've lost essence and we've lost

Chuck (48:43.747)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (49:13.604)
the... well, ignite. So we've lost purpose and motivation. How do we get that back? Purpose is... Purpose is an active meaning, you know, like... and so... to give my life purpose I spend more time with my kids. Why? Because kids are my meaning. My kids are my everything, you know, and so... and I can find them anywhere. Any relationship I have, anyone that I, you know, admire or that I

Chuck (49:18.472)
Ah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (49:43.804)
This is why I like these podcasts. They help inspire me to be more. And so whatever it is. And if you don't know what you like, what you're into, what gives you fire, try things on. And that will break the monotony. And hardship is, you know, hardship is... it's not fun.

but it's part of the experience of life. I don't want to miss out on anything as far as, as long as I'm here. I got one life to live, and I want to be as human as possible in that time. And I want to experience, when I went back to university, I wanted to be a poor student. I wanted to experience that. And I definitely did. I was poor as poor gets. But it was like, it was cool. I was going to class. I had a backpack. I was on campus. And I was in my 30s, man.

so fun and then again in my 40s. And so and every obstacle there is no such thing as insurmountable I don't believe. We only put that on there to almost talk ourselves out of making it possible. And so all obstacles are an opportunity for change. Okay.

Chuck (50:50.32)
Yep.

Okay, okay. I hope that helps, Rebecca. Again, drop us a line if you want to follow up on that. Most certainly we'll get to it. I mean, I think it's, yeah, find some inspiration, I guess, find something, right? Next question is from Cecile in Pierre, South Dakota. I didn't know that was a place. There you go, okay. So, in the midst of our struggles, self-doubt and negativity can take a co-

RBK Kaleidoscope (51:14.318)
I'm gonna go.

Chuck (51:21.871)
can take a toll on our mental health well-being? Sorry, wow. We're gonna start that edit, edit. Okay, I said it. Who's that? Cut that out? Alex, cut that out. Yeah, yeah, okay. Cecile in Pierre, South Dakota says, in the midst of our struggles, self-doubt and negativity can take a toll on our mental well-being. From your experiences, how can someone cultivate a more positive mindset and build resilience, especially when faced with the setbacks that make them question their worth? Almost a double up question here, but.

RBK Kaleidoscope (51:30.942)
Alex. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (51:51.67)
Yeah, I mean.

Chuck (51:53.615)
kind of brings it all together question even if you wanna look at it that way, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (51:57.665)
Yeah, so like...

I think doubt is a natural part of process. So when I see, like, when I question my worth, I'm doubting my worth. And so what doubt to me, doubt is an asset. I don't believe it's a deficit. I think it is a indication of extreme care. And so if I'm questioning my worth, then that means I care about my worth. And so that's an opportunity for me to invest in that worth and start to do the things, again, like, find the things you love to do,

Chuck (52:20.611)
Yeah. Okay.

Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (52:29.296)
inspire you, find the things that fire you up, find the things that make you feel alive. And most of all, share it, be in connection with people. Don't keep these things to ourselves because when we put the power of word or pen to what we're experiencing, it takes on a whole new meaning when it's externalized. It's funny the way the human experience works because when we have something negative within our being and we hold it in, it festers and turns into something nasty.

And so it's something we need to communicate to disempower it. When we have something beautiful happening, if we keep it in, it loses its power. And once we externalize it, it starts to cultivate growth and connection.

You know, so, so again, like, yeah, it is kind of a piggyback, but, um, uh, self doubt negativity or a choice, I think. And, and although they imply if I'm in a place of negativity, I'm in a deficit lens, I know for a fact. So the one thing I love to do is use a lens of beauty. If I put the lens of beauty on and see the world as a beautiful place, it kind of just pushes negativity out to the side. Like it's not really part of that component. And then, and then.

Chuck (53:37.881)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (53:41.588)
something happens within myself that propels me into like the state of courage that I need to be vulnerable and access connection like but you're right it does take it Takes a toll on our mental well-being Which creates a high propensity for entering into a state of loneliness? Which is a very difficult place to navigate but essential in understanding how important life is and the spice of life can be

Chuck (54:06.211)
Okay, yeah, great answer, great answer. I guess that takes a say, right? That's a show, yeah, yeah. I was kind of expecting something else there all of a sudden. Right? Yeah, I know, yeah, it's kind of weird, right? Yeah, I don't know, it's awkward. I'll figure out something though. I'll figure out a way to end these episodes with a bit more grace, right? I am looking forward to some of the things we've been talking about coming up, some other series to do. I really, I quite like this format.

RBK Kaleidoscope (54:13.003)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (54:17.514)
Well, we usually give gratitudes now, right? So, what do we do?

RBK Kaleidoscope (54:35.65)
Yeah, you...

Chuck (54:36.059)
where we can take some time and really deep dive into something, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (54:39.562)
Yeah, and you know what, there's been some pretty good feedback. So I like this idea of exploring different parts of existence in a series-based way. And I think... Yeah.

Chuck (54:43.792)
Yeah.

Chuck (54:53.011)
with a bit of structure and some really deep dive into it. So you're able to expand something like, say, emotional lexicon, just because that's in the top of my head right now. There's a whole series to be done on that and really understanding, to really get your head around that, right? So most certainly, we'll figure out what the next one is here before it's time to record the next one.

RBK Kaleidoscope (55:01.91)
Yeah? Oh, oh yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (55:06.775)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (55:13.182)
Yeah, that one's like a Dostoevsky novel.

Chuck (55:17.984)
Yeah, right. But again, you know what? Let's, yeah, we'll talk about doing this series. But to me, it's the one thing, had I known that. Because it gives you so much power and freedom understanding what those things mean. So maybe that will be the next one we get into, right? So we'll talk about it and see how it goes.

RBK Kaleidoscope (55:32.352)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (55:35.614)
Yeah, it is. I know I put a lot of importance on defining things for ourselves because I believe that when we define things for ourselves, we are creating a sense of choice that gives us access to a new freedom. And so I'm choosing to see the world based on this definition that I've created for myself. And within that, I've concretized myself in my own life world and access freedom to potential and expanded my horizon of understanding. So it's just growth, growth.

Chuck (56:02.859)
Absolutely, absolutely, right? So I just had a couple of great title ideas coming to my head, so we'll have to talk about that. We'll talk about that when I hit stop. All right, so. Excuse me. Guys, please keep doing what you're doing, and I didn't throw you in as a gratitude, but you always are a gratitude to the listeners. Thank you so much for everything you're doing. The numbers keep climbing. It's working. If you see the logo, drop a like, comment, share.

RBK Kaleidoscope (56:06.478)
Good stuff, let's talk, yeah? Heh heh.

Chuck (56:27.375)
Do whatever it is you gotta do to keep helping us out because we do appreciate it. Every time you do these things, you're getting me a little bit closer to living my best life. My best life is to make a living spreading the message. The message is this. If you're inactive addiction right now, today could be the day. Today could be the day that you start that lifelong journey. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call into detox, go to a meeting, do whatever the hell it is you need to do to get that journey started because it is so much better than the alternative. And if you are the loved one of somebody who's suffering in addiction right now, you're just taking the time to listen to our.

Our mini-series here. If you could just take one more minute out of your day and text that person, let them know they're loved. Use the words.

RBK Kaleidoscope (57:02.794)
You are loved.

Chuck (57:04.847)
That little glimmer of hope just might be the thing that brings him back.