182- ONE YEAR CLEAN- A WEEKEND RAMBLE WITH A LEGEND

0:00

Mama, I got bad news, bad news.

I've been running with some bad news, bad dudes I've been trying to get back to.

Hello listeners, Welcome to Ashes to awesome Podcast Rising.

Here we go.

Our podcast provides light, hope and.

0:15

The following is a national emergency.

A new study out shows there may be gross underreporting of opioid related deaths.

Overdose deaths have been caused by toughness of passion, St. jobs stating effects on families and communities across this country.

0:31

One Canadian dies approximately every 53 minutes to overdose.

That's 27 deaths every day and 837 deaths each month.

That makes 405% more deaths to overdose than car accidents in 2022.

Are you listening now?

0:48

So who does this affect?

Everyone from pro athletes to celebrities to business people and kids.

This crisis affects us all. 77% of overdoses happening in people's homes.

1:03

So how did we get here?

These drugs were designed to ease.

But their overuse has caused hundreds of thousands of Canadians to become addictive.

Most addictions begin with prescription opiates, but later shipped to unregulated substances like heroin and fencing.

Due to availability and cost.

1:20

This is a huge problem.

The vast majority of overdose deaths are caused by a toxic St. drug supply.

The National Overdose Response Service is a 24 hour phone line providing anonymous support for substance users.

Norris will Co create safety plans, dispatch EMS or contact someone to administer naloxone without involving EMS.

1:44

Please don't use alone.

If using in the USA, please call, never use alone and download the Brave app.

Hello everybody.

Welcome to another episode of Kaleidoscope Wednesday on the Ashes Too Awesome Podcast.

2:01

I'm your host, Chuck and Flange, and with me of course, in virtual studio is my cohost Ryan Bathgate.

How you doing today, Ryan?

Pretty good.

I'm tired.

Tired.

Yeah, yeah, just.

You know, we get, we just think we're fallible, all of us, you know, and so like.

2:21

Smoking on camera again.

Look at that.

Sorry.

It's fallible.

What do you know?

Welcome to humanity.

So yeah, I mean, I, I, I, I have this issue.

It's kind of this neurotic issue that I have that really started about it started when I tried, when I started to do like, you know, deeper trauma processing.

2:43

And what happens is, is I'm not sure chicken or the egg thing, but I started to sleep walk and and and eat in my sleep.

OK yeah.

So you know I've always had sleep issues like as long as I can remember sleeping has not been a friend to me.

3:04

And so you know, I take some meds and so I find is like I take my meds and then I end up.

Coming to sitting in my chair in the living room with freaking Oreos in my face at 3:30 in the morning, you know what I mean?

And I'm like, how did I get to 230 pounds?

3:23

Well, yeah.

And then so is like, and then I so then like, it takes everything.

And I'm talking like, like, addictive urge, man.

Like I got this line in my living room to the kitchen that I cannot cross or I'm going to eat everything in there.

You know what I mean?

3:39

And so So what I do is I I stop taking sleep meds And so like last night I didn't take any cuz I didn't I really want to put a stretch together, not night eating.

And when I do that, like last time I did a two weeks of no night eating I lost £28.00 just like that.

But wow, yeah, unbelievable.

3:55

And so and then consequently I back up to I'm about 2:15 I think right now.

Now.

We're not looking for a summer bot again, and here we are, right.

Yeah.

So, yeah, yeah, going in the wind, but you know, so.

Yeah.

Anyways, I get about two hours of sleep last night because I got, but I didn't night eat.

4:11

But I'm like, you know, five in the morning staring at the scene.

I'm like, you know what, I might as well just go to the gym, you know, and get on with it.

So I don't know how sharp I'm going to be today.

But, you know, I'll see what happens.

Yeah.

And so I'll keep you updated on the struggle of night eating.

4:28

And I think, I'm not sure if it was like the doing the trauma work.

It kept me up at night because it really.

You know, it's it's a it's a very impactful process to be witness to or to walk with someone through.

And so yeah, yeah, it's just like the correlation of of doing that work and then all of a sudden gaining a lot of weight and you know, I don't think that's an accident.

4:53

So I went from like, you know, I started, I was about £165 and I last summer I clocked in at 232 or something like that.

You know, part of that is metabolism and all that shit.

But yeah, Struggle's real, man.

The struggle is real.

5:08

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it is.

You know it.

It's funny as soon as you start talking about trauma like every my, my body, my psychosomatic starts like like instantly, right?

And I know I'm about to go and and it's all of a sudden me going to Thailand and and getting to do the work.

5:30

Becomes a very real thing, right?

And it's.

And you you mentioned it last night when we were talking about, you know, hey, there's like some real work you're going to do when you're there and it's oh, man.

And and now I'm thinking about that and confronting all these things and I'm like, holy crap, what things do I need to confront?

5:45

And you know, I'm just like my brain kind of went into OverDrive last night about the whole thing.

So you know.

Well, here's what I'll say.

Go to that.

You're confronting that every day as it is.

It's just outside of awareness and it's like, you know, marionette.

Just kind of controlling and and you know that's kind of how this like we we we're we're almost wired to to have all these intrinsic defense mechanisms or internal defense mechanisms that lay outside of our awareness and impact our lives and our daily interactions.

6:16

The way we see ourselves in the mirror, the way we talk to ourselves and have that inner dialogue, everything is impacted.

So to bring it into awareness, it's difficult, but freeing.

And that's why, you know, you know, we experience trauma.

We it doesn't happen as we experience it.

6:32

And there's a bit there's a difference because it's perceptual.

And it doesn't happen to us.

It happens within us.

Yes.

And and and you know what and it doesn't like when you go open it up it's not like it gets better you know it's just it it's now part of and the whole idea is integration.

6:49

You know it's it's it's not like we we don't want to pretend it's not part of us and and it's fester.

It's like, you know, like.

My pinky finger is a part of my body.

It's not my entire body, but it's a part of my body.

My trauma is part of my life experience.

It's not my entire life experience, but it's part of my life experience.

And that's the it's the ultimate goal and it's a lot like I don't know, like DID for example, where the idea is a dissociative identity to sort of multiple personalities.

7:16

And so that is where, you know, you're trying to almost bring awareness to the other entities that are within us.

So it's it's about.

Really creating a a comprehensive and aware being, if that makes sense, you know, because like like like Alan Watts says, everyday ordinary consciousness leaves out more than it takes in.

7:41

So if we we think about what that means, it means that our consciousness doesn't have capacity to take everything in.

There's so much happening, for example.

I don't know. 400 years ago, every human being on this planet thought the Earth was flat.

Yeah.

7:57

What are we going to look at 400 years from now and look back and go, what a bunch of idiots.

Yeah.

And so that was.

I mean, there's so much freedom in that.

Because anything is possible.

Yeah.

You know, like anything can happen.

I don't know.

Space travel I you know.

8:13

Who knows, man?

Who knows?

I don't know.

We were just talking, just talking before recording AI and and the potential that that has for you.

Which to me kind of kind of scares me to.

Be honest.

It's terrifying.

It's Skynet man.

Every single.

And I use it every day for the better part of the day and I'm no more.

8:31

I'm no less terrified than when I first started using you're probably more terrific ignorance that breeds if anything, right You know enlightenment to what AI is.

It's like if if anything it's breeds more you know terror, terror if you will at at what it's capable of right so but you know the the reality in today's society is.

8:50

Here, it's not going anywhere.

It's evolving.

So whatever is gonna happen, is gonna happen.

And I got enough shit I'm dealing with.

I'm not gonna start worrying about that too.

And actually that's just it.

I don't know what was it.

However, a million years ago a meteor crashed into Mexico and actually you can go there and they do, diving into that hole.

9:13

And that started the Ice Age.

So that can happen any second, you know they they say that.

Mars.

Yeah, they say Mars was hit by solar flare from the sun.

I don't know if you know this or not, but Earth is closer to the Sun than Mars is.

9:30

Yeah, yeah.

Well, of course it is.

You know what I mean?

So like anytime.

Yeah, yeah, We're the Wow third third planet out, right?

So I'm not going to sit here and worry about that shit.

Nope.

You know what I'm going to do is I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to take stock of what it is for me to live this life in the most fulfilled way possible and so.

9:49

That's going to Thailand and shooting from the beach, right?

Dude and man, I'm, you know, yeah, I'm, I'm jealous.

Plus you you'll get to hang with Mike like.

Wow.

Hey right.

The one time I met Mike face to face recently when Lisa and I got to go meet him in Canmore for supper.

10:07

Yeah.

The three or four hours of straight conversation we had left me feeling enlightened and empty at the same time, Right.

Because it's like, how much more, how much more can I learn from this guy, right?

Like, you know what I mean?

10:22

Like, and and it to have someone like him and, you know, Lisa in the same room was just like, holy shit, man.

It was just so much, so much did I learn?

Right.

So yeah, yeah, I'm.

I cannot wait for this experience.

And as as you know what, whatever is going on in my current living situation.

10:42

Right.

You know, yeah, I'll leave that.

One trauma inducing unto itself.

So right, you know.

Yeah, you know, yeah.

And you know and and and all of it, dude.

It's like we get to a point in our life where we look back and see value in it.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

And you know, so as hard as everything is like struggle, I'll say the time and time again.

11:02

Struggle in tension has always been my greatest professor.

I've learned more from struggle than I have sitting in university classrooms, you know.

Every day, as they say, did I said to the groove when I said.

11:19

Yeah, yeah, you know, I really, I actually really enjoyed.

I gotta say like I I, I.

I enjoyed last week's show a lot.

I don't.

And it was kind of a shoot from the Hip Show, like kind of like we do, you know?

Yeah, it was.

It was.

And but the way, you know, like I, I, I actually never really put together the characteristics of stigma and shame being so correlated until we were going through it and he was kind of like a whoa moment and it and and and then so then what, you know.

11:47

And then of course like humanness happens.

Right.

And I'm and I'm I'm, I'm sitting and I'm thinking about like.

God, like I'm gonna admit something that I don't want the world to hear, but we're gonna do it.

Yeah, I'm awful at TikTok.

12:07

From the guy that edits his stuff, I can yeah.

It's really.

Fucking bad at it, yeah?

And like, dude, and like, you know, and I have expectations, you know, like, I always say, like, I know what I'm good at in this world and I know what I'm not good at in this world.

12:23

And sometimes it's really hard for me to admit that I'm not good at.

So especially when it's in the realm of the stuff that I like, I'm passionate about, which is, you know, we've.

We've talked about it quite a bit.

It's to me it's funny because some of the best wheels I produce.

Out of these episodes, Kaleidoscope one says.

12:39

Right.

And some of the most profound things I've ever heard my whole life come from these episodes.

And I I can put them in a real and go, shit, yeah, this was, yeah, but you know, right.

This is fishing.

Water here, yeah.

Right.

You know, and then you send me something that I've got to turn into something workable and it's like, holy Frick, you know, you know, you give.

12:57

Me an hour to talk and I am no problem.

Give me one minute and I am absolutely terrible.

Hi, everybody.

This is Carl.

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13:16

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13:33

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13:57

Hello.

So we're back from the break.

We had a bit of a technical difficulty there for a second, but whatever sort of the notes before we went, before we went to the break, we're talking about how terribly you were.

Tick.

Tock, that's just too damn funny.

14:15

But at the end of the day, we're all we're all learning as we go, you know?

It's a funny thing and it's something we were talking about before the show and you might as well just kind of get into it now.

And it wasn't really the plan in the moment, but here we are.

We made a real yesterday that that revolved around projecting what we see in the mirror on to our projecting what we see in the world onto ourselves or vice versa, right.

14:44

Projecting is reflecting is projecting.

Is that what you said?

Is that the sound by.

Yeah, the.

Reflection is a projection.

Yeah.

So, like, yeah.

Basically, you know, it's funny.

There's just a really strong correlation between like, if we actually take the time and look in the mirror and like and and assess objectively what we see and, you know, and then we have a look at how we go into the world and we see people.

15:06

Like, you know, if I, if I look in the mirror and I'm judging myself for, you know, being bald, fat and short, I'm probably going out in the world and judging everybody for whatever else, what are the defects they might have or whatever.

And so like my own reflectiveness.

Becomes my projective lens and how I see the world and then and and I think it's just a nice tool to be able to use the mirror.

15:26

Sell that.

Bar to Eminem.

Just saying even WW or yeah, it's so like it actually was a really good clip, but it took me like 600 thousand tries to get this down in a way that, you know, you know, I have the propensity to.

15:45

Use words that aren't necessary and $20.

Words, yeah, you know.

And it's something I'm working on.

But you know, and so, like trying to get it into, like I said, like, give me an hour and I'll talk your ears off.

Give me a minute and I'll screw it up over and over again.

16:03

It'll take me an hour to get a minute clip, you know?

And so, yeah, but there was a lot of, like, I'm going to say.

Kind of like again that undertone of where they got self shame and that intrinsic dialogue and and or the OR the the inner critic is I think it's the term but we were talking about a a win because of you know something we always talk about is like how do we affect how do we impact the social tapestry how do we make changes for the future generations or how do we make transgenerational change right so.

16:39

I was hoping maybe you could just like me a little bit about that that what you saw on Facebook there because.

Yeah right.

So it's whatever stupid o'clock last night and I'm I'm scrolling through it through a Facebook group.

I can't remember the name of the group.

It whatever.

16:54

It's a general Calgary thing or whatever.

Right?

And I I come across this post about this lady and and her husband who at the end of it this does lead to a win.

But I guess I I should have said, and I I never mentioned this part to you in the beginning.

They, they came across a guy who's unfortunate, you know, in the cold, whatever.

17:14

They decided they're going to help him out randomly.

Which, hey, more people like that than were in the world, right?

You know, what a world it'd be.

But I mean.

You know, that also speaks to a paradigm shift, yeah.

Yeah, it really does.

It truly, truly does.

Yeah.

So these guys decide to help him out.

17:30

They can't find a motel that will take him regardless of the deposit they will put in, because they don't take homeless people.

And if if like we're talking Calgary, you have any idea how many motels are here?

Dozens and dozens, right?

17:46

This isn't a small town.

This is, this is a big city, right?

You know, a million people.

So.

But she posted on Facebook and said hey, this guy needs a tent and you know he needs a few things in a sleeping bag.

He's going to, he's going to rough it for the winter and and all those things and.

Right, right.

18:01

And I was just, I was thinking, shit, and there's 500 comments.

And I think I'm going to start scrolling through these comments.

I'm going to see people that are being judgy and shitty and.

Right.

And I'm like, I'm already going into battle mode because my own frequency versions, right, You know?

And I start scrolling through and damned if I could find a single person that didn't come from an enlightened perspective.

18:21

That's.

That's amazing.

It really.

Is right.

Every single person on there was saying, hey, you know, maybe this, maybe that, offering solutions, some of the word, you know, not not great, but they were all coming from the right place.

Right, so.

Yeah, and it's the I know like Marina is.

18:41

She's she's funny because she's always on our local neighborhood Facebook page.

Yeah.

And it's not as kind as as what you're describing and she is such a just a social justice warrior picking fights with anybody that wants to use the term junkie or oh you know and like and you get all the things like put them on an island and get you know oh man you know I think and I think we actually we touched on that you know last week with the stigma we did thing and and you know I just like.

19:14

You know, I'm 45 and I've seen such a dramatic shift in the tapestry and social tapestry in my lifetime, even just like, you know, I'm a counselor and you know, like you go to see a shrink, you're weak that, you know, I grew up in that era.

So you obviously, whereas and you know like even like you stopping using that term overdose and using poisoning has become, you know, you know we're starting to pay attention.

19:44

To how language and culture intersect for.

The negative or the positive well?

And so like, like, you know, overdose is actually a term that would would reinforce stigma because it's saying that, you know, and I use the example of like you never hear somebody talk about an alcohol overdose.

20:08

No, it's always poisoning, always alcohol poisoning.

And it's kind of like.

I'm an idiot.

I can drink too much out of the hospital, an idiot, you know, like, but but it's when you see the, the term overdoses, like there's a tension.

It's it's a moral issue.

20:23

It's a, it's a, you know, defectiveness.

Whereas you know, if, you know, if you were to say a drug I had a drug overdose or an alcohol overdose, be like, what are you talking about?

You know what I mean, right.

And like, let's talk, let's think about like alcohol is probably the most devastating drug that we have in society.

20:42

Without a doubt, right.

It.

It, you know, I, I mean now I guess you could start running some comparisons with with, you know, fentanyl and whatever, right.

And you know, the death.

Yeah, I mean, you know, it's a slower death for sure, but I mean, you know, car accidents, spousal abuse and spousal fatalities, broken homes, I mean paychecks gone to the bar like you know, it's, you know, it's, it's no deal.

21:11

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22:08

You know it's, you know it's.

It's no deal.

And the other thing is, like alcohol actually eats the Gray matter of our brain.

Right.

And I'll tell you, when I the first, second, third time, I went to detox one of those times.

Yeah.

22:23

Yeah.

That is I I I can picture it clear as as the sky is blue.

That the videos about what the different substances did to your brain and alcohol was terrifying.

Yeah, terrifying, right?

And they were actually pictures of brains that that had been, you know, Right.

22:40

Think, think about it.

Alcohol.

Like it's it's you drink too much wine and you were thrown up out of Commission for an entire day.

Yeah.

Like, you know, you do cocaine and you wake up the next day maybe a little tinny, but, yeah, you know, maybe a little tired.

22:57

Yeah.

Smart sniffles.

But yeah, I mean what alcohol does is it you when you pass out, you shut down.

It's not restorative.

You know, there's no, there's no regeneration of in your sleep.

It's like like like pulling the fucking power switch.

It's over.

23:13

You're done.

You know, like, so yeah.

Anyway, so they did.

So there's so much stigma with it and like it all comes from this like the the the need to suppress minorities.

And that's why I mean because the, you know, the colonialists celebrated alcohol as part of their culture, whereas the opium dens of the Chinese was part of their culture and cannabis as part of the Mexican culture.

23:44

So those things became illegal to suppress those workers.

Like the railroad ended and there was a plethora of Chinese workers.

And so they couldn't just throw them in jail.

So they attacked their culture by making opium illegal.

Now the most common user of opium in that time was in log them, which is the upper middle class housewife.

24:04

Yeah.

Right, right.

You know, and so, so, like, we think, well, the only reason that those, those are illegal and alcohol isn't is because of racism, plain and simple, you know.

And so when you look at that lens, like, flip it around, what if it was, you know, what What if, what if opium was the white culture DOC, right?

24:27

Yeah, You know what I mean?

So like, we'd be seeing, you know, pictures of people with, like smoking opium on the beach and bikinis.

Like, you know, you'd have opium dens in every corner and people would be downtown peddling like moonshine and you know.

You'd be you'd be getting arrested for like homemade gin vodka or or rice vodka.

24:48

You know what I mean?

Right.

Yeah.

Like like on mash they'd make the the rice, gin, haka and trapper.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So yeah, you know what I mean?

It would be like and and and the other thing is like we no prohibition doesn't work.

It didn't work in the in the 20s and 30s and it hasn't worked since they stood coin since Nixon started with the war on drugs.

25:09

I mean 60 years later and $60 billion a year later here we.

Are still an epic failure.

Yeah, it's it's still yet in some corners of, you know of of the of North America, it's still this big.

Push about the war on drugs, right.

25:25

It just blows my mind.

It's completely blows in mind.

Well, the reason it's not gone away is because it's very profitable.

You have entire, you have entire cities built around prisons.

I mean, to quote George Bush senior, You build the prisons, we'll fill them.

25:42

Right.

What it like, what an insane thing to say.

And you think about it, it's like, I don't, I don't.

I'm not sure what the exact percentage is.

It's on a It's on a documentary called The House I Live In.

The nonviolent drug crimes is like 60% of the prison population out of the three million prisoners in America.

26:03

Wow.

Now now China has a billion people and they don't have 3 million inmates.

Yep.

Yep.

So you got to think Tasers, cop cars, police, prison systems, prison guards, all of this big, huge, massive industry built on the war on drugs.

26:21

Absolutely and and and and if we were to legally regulate, completely disempowers the illicit market.

It creates safety and regulation.

Of course you're going to get like, you know like alcohol is now you're going to get people that say, well, now now you get I mean you've got easy access to drugs.

26:37

Well, I mean every, even, every even weed in Canada, if you.

Look at it that way.

Who knows a weed dealer anymore, right?

Wow.

I mean.

You're in BC, where there hasn't been one in 20 years.

But it's also like you don't have to.

26:53

Like, go and sit in your friends like a cousin's basement, move the big box of chicken bones over, and wait for some guy with a spider web tattooed on his face to to to bring you your 8th.

You know, so those days are gone.

27:10

But jeez, man, what a vivid.

Fucking memory you just, like brought up, Yeah.

Yeah, I haven't been there for, you know, now you just like, go down to the old cannabis store, you know?

But you know, honestly, I'll tell you one thing.

27:27

Cannabis is devastating to my diet.

You know, it's my.

My grandfather and I talked about earlier, Yeah, cannabis is not a solution for my sleeping issues.

My, my grandpa and I used to argue.

You know, and and like, what is the stigma around alcohol and drugs?

27:44

You know the difference back then before, before he got sober, he was drinking, you know, dozen beer a day, right.

And there's a problem for sure whenever nobody looked at it as a problem because it was only beer.

But Oh yeah, and he went to work and paid his bills.

So yeah, no problem.

But he.

28:01

Was a wonderful man and I I don't mean to ever say anything.

I'll of me, you know, he just passed a long time ago, but.

We would argue, I remember when I was like 1718 years old and and I'd say grandpa, nobody ever went home and beat the shit out of their wife because they smoked a joint.

Maybe the fridge, right, The fridge that took an ass kicking just about every time.

28:19

The RITO bag took a.

Shit.

You know, Yeah, yeah.

So that was, that was my my kind of classic argument with him as I would sit there and get drunk with him, right.

So whatever.

But I mean it's.

Hey guys, you know I hate to interrupt, but I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't tell you to check out the swag shop on our website.

28:36

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28:52

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We'd love to see people wearing our swag and it helps get the message out.

Now back to the show.

So true.

It's like reefer madness and like that whole like you know, pushing in the 1930s and 40s about making marijuana illegal and then like the 60s coming along and like it was just all about, you know, trying to maintain a nuclear family, trying to maintain that buzz cut, picket fence era where America was great and they were post war, they were FDR, the big, the New Deal.

29:30

Like, that was all very innovative solution to social issues like the depression.

And you know, how do they get out of depression?

War.

Death.

Yeah, death is an industry.

Yeah.

Anyways, totally up.

29:45

We we just went way off there.

We really.

Did yeah.

But that's OK.

I I think those subjects are are kind of hot button stuff for both of us and and they're they're easy to get lost on and I don't oh, I get real fired up to death.

Right.

So, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I mean you know, you know and that's all Tapestry stuff and like really like you know, I don't, I know people might be interested in that.

30:07

But I think predominantly our listeners are are looking to find a life of fulfillment whether it be you know looking at coping mechanisms or insecurities and you know like like we you know we were talking about earlier I I have as many insecurities as anybody into the sun and I do I the worst part is I know better, you know so like yeah I got notes how many?

30:31

Mechanics cars got a tick and a, you know, Oh yeah, Oh yeah, like that's.

Not working right.

So yeah, like I get you.

Yeah.

You know, like I I'm, I remember like Marina saying to me, like we don't communicate.

Well, I'm like, what you talking about fucking counselor.

You know, I'm like, yeah, it's because I get home, turns out.

30:47

Yeah, yeah, so.

But you know like having said that, like humility is just such a gift, man.

Like you know and and you know I I, I I don't always have the awareness but I always tell people like do as they say no as they do when ego shows up.

31:07

The question is what am I protecting?

Ego's a shield.

Anger's a shield.

Let's talk.

About ego, Let's talk about ego and story.

You told me, and I know we were a little trepidatious as to whether or not we're going to talk about it, but, well, I'm not going to talk directly to it.

No, no, no, no.

31:23

But you know what happened there?

What's you know?

OK, so you know, good.

A good friend of ours offered some really good advice to me and I took it as, you know, he said something to the effect of like, hey, like, you know, it's watching your clips TikTok, suck at it.

31:50

This is part of my realization.

I was like a lot of big words and you know, and the energy is kind of low and I took that as you suck at everything.

You're a horrible person and like, reflective.

32:06

Being protective maybe there.

Yeah, I'd like because like, you know, like I go and I play baseball and I suck and that's the way it is.

And I play hockey and I suck and that's way.

And I've come to terms with that a long time ago.

I still put the work in.

I still like to do it.

It's fine.

32:22

It's fine.

But when we get into the realm of philosophy and we get into the realm of like, you know, therapy or things like that, things that I typically excel at, I have an expectation.

So I overestimated myself and underestimated the difficulty of how it hard it is to get a one minute clip with impact, you know.

32:42

And so in the, in the, in the in this friend of ours, it gotten pretty good at it, in my opinion.

Absolutely.

And I said that I can mention like, hey man, it's really good.

So he comes along and I'm just like, fuck you like, you know?

Like, who do you think you are you're talking to, you know?

32:58

Now that's.

It that's it.

Anytime you come at somebody with unsolicited advice, you're you're.

It's a roll of the dice, right.

So I mean, there has to be some ownership on the other side of that too, you, you know, I agree.

But I don't like, I it don't.

It was completely unsolicited because I had a conversation.

33:15

It was like, wow, you're really good at that.

I'm trying to do this.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

You know what?

I mean, but that was not in my mind.

No, no, it was like, certainly.

Not when you told me about it, that's for sure.

Yeah, so like and honesty.

And then it was just like and I was embarrassed and so and it's so.

33:30

Some shame seeping in further, you know.

Yeah, yeah, but it.

But you know I went to accountability to be honest with you.

Like I I kind of came back and said like like I thank you.

And I'm embarrassed by the way that I, I my insecurities got the the the best of me and I was instantly free of it.

33:50

And then we had this really cool conversation about like you know the work we're doing in like having respect for one another and and and and admiration for for you know because you know like you know we're not.

I, you know I've definitely spent more than I've made as far as money goes doing this.

34:10

You know what I mean, 'cause it made that, you know, and so and and that's the same for like all of us in this thing, you know, like you got bar stool and they're 500 million.

And that is just like another planet to me, you know.

And so like, we're just, we're just, we're we're trying to help people.

34:28

It's why I'm moving to Thailand.

At the end of the day, it's cost of living, right?

But it's the driving.

Factor 100% as to why I'm going to stay when I get there, right And we we shows going now.

I don't.

I could never stand being away from my family for more than a day, I don't think.

But exactly, yeah.

And so anyways, it just becomes really this humbling experience and it was like this this voice.

34:47

It might so like we have this internal dialogue and it's sometimes inside my head.

It's like an elementary school at recess, man.

It's just like, bam, so many fucking screaming voices and all this shit going on in my head and it's always the loudest one that gets in that loudest one always says to me, Ryan, you're a loser.

35:05

Ryan, you are never going to mess with nothing.

Nobody, nobody listens to what you're saying.

What you're doing right now is a waste of time, you know, and all that and like and so and this is my experience and I'm.

So I'm sitting with somebody and there's this realization that like based on basic principle of communication dialogue, OK, let's just take a dialogue.

35:33

If I'm talking to you, if I'm speaking and you're listening, that identifies 2 entities correct in that conversation.

So what we don't realize is that there's a voice in my head that's always talking.

There's lots of them And when it's talking, I'm listening.

35:49

So I've identified myself as an individual within my own psyche by not saying anything and listening to this voice.

The problem is, I've never given myself enough credit to be able to say anything back.

So it's always been you suck, you loser in that one.

There's another little small voice way back there.

36:06

It says right, you're capable, you're smart, you're intelligent, you're powerful, you're an individual.

And This is why I always say we only need one person to believe in us, to make a difference in us to be able to rise up.

And and because that one person will match that little tiny voice in the very back that that has that belief.

36:24

Because somewhere in there I believe in myself and I always have.

It's just been drowned out by that elementary school recess and all of the voices happening.

And so I can literally stop and like, I've had enough.

What do we, you know, one the only way to deal with the boy is knock him out.

36:42

You know, like time to go back to your spot.

I don't need you right now.

I like to validate as much as I can because validation removes the need to fight.

And it's like, you know, there's a time in my life that that bully voice really helped me out.

And I don't know when, but I know it must be because it's still there.

But I can.

36:58

And so I'm having this conversation with other person and you can see the shift happen where he realizes that his he has, he has stood up to his voice and he's become this individual he wants to be And tears start flowing because it's for the first time in his life he realized that he had enough self worth to stand up for himself against himself or against his past.

37:24

Because those voices are a product of our history.

And if we listen to them, it's dad, it's coach, it's uncle, it's mom, it's brother, it's you know, it's influence, right?

And it's usually a distorted version of that, cuz most people aren't actually out to hurt.

37:39

They're just projecting their own hurt.

So yeah, we had this really cool happening.

And yeah, so we can at any time sit with ourselves and start to to listen to the voices and and put them in their place, 'cause there's one captain of the ship and that's me.

37:59

And that is the world that I live in, the reality I live in.

And if that voice isn't fitting with where I'm going, then it doesn't get no play, yeah.

Right, right.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

Wow.

OK, so I have.

All right, let's do a quick PSA and then jump into the mailbag, buddy.

38:18

Sounds good under there now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

OK.

Blah, blah, Edit, edit.

All right.

So, all right.

I got a couple quick questions for you today.

I know we both got things we've got to move on to.

Technical difficulties notwithstanding, kind of kind of mess things up a little bit.

38:34

Right.

So yeah, I did.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I do have a list here, so I'm going to pick.

OK, Mariah from Peterborough ON.

38:52

Thank you Mariah for this one.

You mentioned the importance of making internal shifts.

What is the most common barrier you find people face when trying to make these shifts?

Well, it's fitting, isn't it?

It is.

That's why I picked it.

The most common barrier is the programming of our history and us not taking the time to realize that we haven't identified or define something within our life, giving us choice and access to freedom or existential freedom and liberation.

39:28

And so most people don't challenge what they think they know because they've it's it's it's been put upon us.

So if we have an idea about ourselves, it takes like confronting that, this vision of ourselves and then actually asking ourselves, hey, is this who I want to be?

39:48

Is this how I want to be?

Is this how I want to feel?

Is this how I want to see things?

Remember, commitment, environment, effort and perception.

That's what we control.

And so when I look at perception, the biggest barriers people don't understand typically or we're not taught that we have the ability to shift our lens at any given time.

40:14

To whatever we want.

And I always talk about that lens of beauty because it's a really good place to start, a really good way to practice.

And so when I put on the lens of beauty my entire beat, I have a psychosomatic adjustment.

When I look at the world through the lens of beauty, when I look at the world through the lens of defect or look through the through the lens of insecurity, which is a very common set point for me as I just just portrayed in my story about our friend.

40:41

Then all's I see is insecurities.

So my insecurities.

I take that lens and I put it out to the world and I see everyone else's and I and then I it's really easy for me to dehumanize and attack.

But when I see the lens of beauty I can see I see hurt being a beautiful process.

40:57

I see pain being the Yang of love and how beautiful that can be.

And they work together, you know, and and and I and I, you know, like I can even look at death in a different way that I'm not afraid, you know, which is another, you know, something that I'd like to get into one of these days.

41:14

Yeah, yeah, right, right.

Yeah.

Fantastic cancer.

Fantastic cancer indeed.

How about how about one from Chicago?

Sure, Yeah, why not?

41:32

T Tim in Chicago says your bio mentions fostering positive transformation.

Can you share a particularly transformative experience you facilitated for a client?

Well, I just did, I guess.

41:47

You did, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah.

So like, yeah.

So like and there's just a ton of them because all you know the work I do is strength based right.

When you really think about it, person centered, strength based.

42:02

And so we don't there's not a lot of in sitting in the deficit.

And so I can, I can think of of a time like, you know, I I had a client who you know the entire script of his life was to be, you know end up either in a box or a 8 by 8.

42:27

And really the way he grew up, the way everything happened in his life was just all conducive to be being in this life and and and then it was matching that voice of like, you know, you're not, you're not a criminal, you're not defective.

42:44

What we've learned is that you're resourceful.

You have a great amount of social intelligence, you have a great amount of resiliency.

And if we applied that to an academic world, I think that you you would excel and and and and and that.

43:01

So through a process, the individual started to believe these words that I was saying because they match the same tiny little voice in the back of his head.

And you know, I could say that this individual is currently in grad school getting his master's degree.

This is a young.

Fella that you told me about some time ago, Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

43:19

You know and so you know and and and it's not a, it's not a bam impact now.

It's not like I said a sentence and that shifted.

It was this, this building belief of oneself, of capacity and potential.

And I think that when we look at ourselves as human beings, we so often misunderstand what our potential is.

43:38

Because if the reality is is we'll never understand it.

It is so vast and expansive that like we are capable of so much that we do not look at or give ourselves credit for at any given time.

But all we all we need is belief.

Like it just need to believe.

43:54

I can and it doesn't matter if I do it or not.

So I'll share one with you that that you said to me.

That's like rings through my brain all the time.

When I did the turn stories into thank yous thing, I said that inside the episode and you said you've got something to say.

44:12

And I like boom, right.

It's boom.

It's actually it was a really big deal, you know.

So yeah.

Yeah.

So that's.

So that's a way better example actually, right?

It's.

Yeah, yeah, right.

It is.

It validates, you know, it's I, I.

44:28

I'm very self-conscious of my lack of education.

Right.

I have a grade 9 you know at the end of the day and and and I don't I don't view that as a weakness, right.

I mean but I I'm still I still wrestle with it sometimes.

Right.

So to have that validation that yeah I do have something to say as a matter of fact, right.

44:43

You know, and huge, huge transformation within myself.

I, I I definitely relate to that insecurity of education and that's why I applied myself later in life to go get one.

You know, I didn't, I didn't go back to university until my mid 30s and didn't finish my masters until I was 4443.

45:04

And so like, I I understand that, but it but it took me 15 years.

I mean, for me, I'll be really transparent here.

I went at a high school and went to college, got wasted, totally screwed it up, and then I went up for another 15 years before I went back to school.

45:20

And the reason is simply because the only thing I felt I had to offer the world was my cognitive intelligence, which is something that I've always had.

And I figured that if I went to school and failed like I did the last time, then I wouldn't even have that.

45:36

And then I'd be completely empty and useless.

And it took me a long time to finally get the courage to face that long 15 years like.

And and and there's something we can certainly delve into.

I know you're on a particularly tight timeline, so.

45:54

Why don't we get into my favorite part of the show, and that's the Daily gratitudes.

Today's daily gratitudes are brought to you by Revolution Recovery, helping men recover and become the best selves through support and treatment.

They've been there and they understand.

What you got first day?

46:13

Always my beautiful family.

Yeah.

Yeah, good night's sleep like today and and I am grateful for when technology works and comes.

46:31

Together that's certainly made a interesting thing here right.

So yeah, yeah, we got crafty though My gratitude's The more I think about Mike Miller at Yatra, the more I am completely like in awe at at the opportunity that he's.

46:47

You know that he's offered me here so.

And of course my family for everything.

My very good friend Lena who it it might be a month before she gets to this episode, but she has like every day.

Right.

She helps me in some way.

Right.

And and you know, yesterday came, took me down with passport office, sat there with me for two hours.

47:06

You know, kind of people watching and waiting for our turn and whatever.

And you know, she's just done so much for me, you know.

So I I'm very appreciative and of course for you my friend.

Anyway, and and the final gratitude always goes out to listeners, watchers and supporters.

You guys are amazing.

47:22

You're absolutely amazing.

Please keep doing the things you're doing.

Specifically, come to the website, leave a comment.

I really do appreciate that.

There's also a link to my GoFundMe as I still do need some more cash, you know, for the trip to Thailand.

And I'm on a very tight tie line, so if you could check that out, I'd be much appreciative.

47:38

Anytime you do any one of these things, you're getting me a little bit closer to living my best life.

My best life would be to make a humble living spreading the message.

The message is this.

If you're an active addiction right now, today could be the day.

Today could be the day that you start that lifelong journey.

Reach out to a friend.

Reach out to a family member calling to detox.

Go to a meeting.

Do whatever the hell it is you got to do because it is so much better than the alternative.

47:58

And if you are the loved one of somebody who's suffering an addiction right now, OK, still get emotional every time.

I just took the time to start our conversation.

If you just take one more minute out of your day text, that person doesn't know they're loved.

Use the words you are loved the.

48:15

Little glimmer of hope.

Just might be the thing that brings him back.

Oh, I'm also thankful for one year of sobriety 4 days from now.

Yeah.

All right.

48:39

My body's getting cold.

My life is running low, bill me fallen.

My life is running low.

48:56

I pray I naked now, but if I don't.

It will be OK.

I'll find you another day and I'm not scared to go.

49:20

It.

Will be OK.

I'll find you another way and I'm not scared to go because because when I die.

I'll be happier in another light.

49:41

I'll be a ladybug soaring through the sky.

Please.

Search for me.

Please find me so please don't cry when I land on your heart.

49:57

Spread my wings and fries.