184-KALEISOSCOPE WEDNESDAY- THE IMPORTANCE "RHYHTM"

Chuck (00:01.762)
Hello everybody, watchers, listeners, supporters. Welcome to another episode of the Kaleidoscope Wednesday on the Ashes to Awesome Podcast. I'm your host Chuck LaFleurange and with me in Virtual Studio rocking an awesome lumberjack kind of shirt is Ryan Bathgate. How you doing today, Ryan?

RBK Kaledoscope (00:16.301)
I'm pretty good, I mean, you know, the lumberjack shirt is an illusion. You know, I always say I'm a man, like a real boy, you know. Except for, I'm walking around like an 85 year old because I pulled my groin and my abdominal muscle, which I didn't even know I had any. I guess underneath the layers and layers of comfort.

Chuck (00:22.528)
Ha ha!

Chuck (00:28.168)
Yeah.

Chuck (00:39.434)
haha

RBK Kaledoscope (00:43.225)
uh... there is actually a muscle

Chuck (00:43.298)
Ha ha ha!

Chuck (00:47.122)
And I'll bet every single listener right now just flex their abs a little bit underneath their own layers of comfort, right? Myself included, right? I'm like, oh yeah, I can feel them. Okay, no, that wasn't that. No, I think that was something I ate earlier, not digesting, I think that's what.

RBK Kaledoscope (00:51.181)
HHGHH! Alright, we're good. Oh my god.

Chuck (01:06.556)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (01:07.778)
I thought I'd go and play baseball. I haven't played in a few months. Friday night under the lights, had a great game. Right at the end of the game I pulled my lower ab strained or some shit. Either way.

Chuck (01:22.646)
Something uncomfortable, right?

RBK Kaledoscope (01:24.341)
Yeah, and that was it. Like, I couldn't play the rest of the tournament. I woke up the next morning like a creaky old wooden door. Yep. So, yeah, here's what I'll say. If you were young...

Chuck (01:31.69)
kidding eh? No kidding. So alright.

RBK Kaledoscope (01:41.325)
Don't be dumb Okay Yeah, I know this is one of my favorite. It's one of my favorite things youth is wasted on the young you ever heard that before Poster child or a poster child man like

Chuck (01:44.422)
It's inherent, the two things go together. Right? Like there's nothing you can do. Oh, of course I have. I think I've heard it from you multiple times as a matter of fact. Oh yeah, without a doubt, right? Yeah, yeah. Remember how limber we were back in the day? Right? Yeah, not that playing with matches and shoplifting was all that, you know, physical of an activity, but let's be honest, right? You know? Right? The hustle.

RBK Kaledoscope (01:59.989)
Oh man, like if you think about it, it's like, you know, like...

RBK Kaledoscope (02:07.27)
Or collecting the Safeway shopping carts for quarters. The hustle, yeah. So yeah man, I mean, I also didn't think I was going to make it this far, so I didn't even give a shit. Well, here's the thing, if you're in the school of thought, you're not going to live past 30 something, you probably are. So take your vitamins, stretch. Don't jump off that cliff if you don't have to. You know, you don't have to go head first into everything.

Chuck (02:11.926)
The hustle, yeah.

Chuck (02:23.293)
Yep.

Chuck (02:31.18)
You know?

You know, for myself, you know, I was a mover for most of my life, right? So most of my work in life. And I still remember them old movers don't jump off the truck, use the walkboards, you know, ah, blah, blah. And now if you put me on a moving truck and I saw somebody jump off the walkboard, I'd bend them over my knee and spank them for it. Right. You know, just, you know, yeah, absolutely. I used to like, I would do crazy shit. Like I remember carrying dryers by myself out of the house, right? Cause you use your straps right way and you know, cause I could.

RBK Kaledoscope (02:37.567)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (02:44.973)
What do you know?

RBK Kaledoscope (02:49.897)
Yeah. Well... Then...

RBK Kaledoscope (02:57.059)
Dumb.

Chuck (03:00.854)
And these old drivers would go, it doesn't matter if you can, you're still an idiot for doing it. And, you know, well, I was. I feel every single one of those steps and every single one of those appliances now, right? Every one of the jumps.

RBK Kaledoscope (03:11.765)
So there's a... do you know who Ryan Adams is? Not Bryan Adams, but Ryan Adams? No, no, not like... Whatever, Robin Hood, no, no.

Chuck (03:15.926)
No, I was going to say, no, I don't. No, no. I'm thinking like a cover band. Right? Hey, hey, hey

RBK Kaledoscope (03:24.665)
Ryan Adams, remember the show Old School? That movie? At the very start of it, there's a song, the intro song, is by Ryan Adams and it's called When You're Young, I think. And he's coming down, catching the red eye back from Dallas, you know. And the song says, when you're young, you're dumb and you get high. Yeah. And I was like, okay, yeah, this guy's reading my mail.

Chuck (03:27.99)
Yep, yep, yep.

Okay.

Chuck (03:45.967)
Sounds about right. Accurate representation of most of my life.

RBK Kaledoscope (03:54.157)
So yeah, anyways, stretch, take your vitamins, get proper sleep, eat your freaking vegetables. Listen, yeah, you're not unique, you're not different.

Chuck (04:01.903)
Listen to your elders, all the thing. It's a lost cause, brother. It's a lost cause. You know, it makes me think. When I was 18, I was really close friends with a guy that was like 28. And just whatever, we worked together in the moving thing. And he used to say, you're such an idiot. Like the things that come out of your mouth, you're an idiot. But I knew everything.

Well, 10 years later, we're still really good friends. So I had a unique perspective, because not many people are friends with somebody that much older than themselves in the first place, much less 10 years later. And we would sit around and talk about what a moron I was at 18, right? Because I would actually, like, you said this, I'm like, I did not. He's like, no, you totally did. Okay, well, I was an idiot then, wasn't I? Right? And then, but what's that done? Carry on through my life. At 28, I was still an idiot, but it took me till I was 38 to figure that out.

RBK Kaledoscope (04:29.228)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (04:35.286)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (04:38.762)
Hahaha!

RBK Kaledoscope (04:44.986)
Content for days.

Chuck (04:54.142)
And now at 46, pretty sure at 36 I was a moron, and what's gonna happen 10 years from now, right? So, you know. Yeah. Right? Well, obviously, you're walking around like an old man now, so, right? Right?

RBK Kaledoscope (04:59.129)
Dude that was a moron yesterday.

RBK Kaledoscope (05:07.581)
Yeah, exactly, I couldn't believe it. I woke up at eight in the morning and I'm like, I can't move. I had to do the pregnant roll out of bed, which my wife taught me.

Chuck (05:19.884)
Yes, yes, yes.

RBK Kaledoscope (05:21.813)
Yeah, yeah, so yeah, anyway, so yeah, that's uh, This is the whole, like, I'm trying to make myself feel like more of a man by wearing lumberjack. I'm gonna go cut some kindling. Yeah. Nobody will know. No one will know. He's got a beard and lumberjack is a man. That's a man.

Chuck (05:25.079)
Ha ha

Chuck (05:31.702)
If this flannel's gonna cover my weakness up. Yeah, yeah, right, absolutely, absolutely. So, well, you know, hey, I'm wearing a tuque, quite possibly for the last time, right? You know, for, well, for the foreseeable. Little bit, tuque's more about my hair than it is about the cold, right? But, well, no, I guess it is. It's like minus one here now, so yeah, it's pretty cold. Yeah, yeah, right.

RBK Kaledoscope (05:45.65)
Yeah, well, what is it? Is it cold there?

RBK Kaledoscope (05:52.619)
Okay.

Whoa! Shit, I thought it was cold here at 14.

Chuck (06:02.998)
Fuck off, Ryan. Anyway. Yeah, yeah, right, yeah, I guess that's where it goes, right, so, yeah. Yeah, do you know what white sand is? I did have that conversation with you, right, for benefit. It's parrotfish shit, that's what it is. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, right, so.

RBK Kaledoscope (06:04.249)
Well, I'll be saying that to you pretty soon, so don't worry. Oh, what am I going to do with all this white sand in my toes? This is so annoying. Yes I do. Yes, I don't know if you do, but I know what white sand is, yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. It's great in a bunker in a golf course.

Chuck (06:27.349)
Yeah. There you go. Right. So.

RBK Kaledoscope (06:28.405)
And so, and then like, oh, my skin's burned from all the hot sun in January, like fuck you. So, just preemptive, I'm already resentful.

Chuck (06:38.277)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I am going at high season to boot, right? So it's going to be rather nice when I get there. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So.

RBK Kaledoscope (06:45.533)
Yeah. Alright, so listen, I wanted to get into something a little more in depth, but maybe I'll just touch down on it.

Chuck (06:56.498)
Okay, okay, yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (06:57.961)
Okay, so it's really a simple navigation tool that I think that we overlook it.

Chuck (07:02.07)
Yep. I hear $20 words are about to happen. I can just sense them coming. I can see it in you right now. That's okay, that's okay, that's okay, that's okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (07:06.361)
Uhhh... I'm gonna try... I'm gonna... Well, look at it, I'm gonna make an effort here...

Chuck (07:14.374)
Hey, if you don't use $20 words, I don't have a job. Because somebody's got to dumb it down, right? That's kind of my thing. So yeah, right? Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (07:19.081)
Alright.

Okay, so let's take an epistemological perspective. Okay, no, no. Okay, so, you know, we think about, you know, I don't know about you, but like I always have an anxiety disorder, you know, different diagnosis of depression, things like that, right? And, you know, like I'm wondering about, like, you know, I was thinking about how

Chuck (07:26.846)
All right, easy now, Fireball. Let's just rein that one back in a little bit. OK, yeah, yeah.

It's at 2900. Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (07:50.729)
originally how we're always looking for the next thing and never appreciating the now. And then I was like, okay, what is the now though? What does that feel like? And what the now feels like is thoughtless, sensational connection to the earth as it's spinning around the sun.

Chuck (08:08.371)
Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (08:09.161)
So you have to lose your mind to come to your senses. In other words, I have to stop thinking in order to feel, in order to make connection to the earth as it's spinning around the sun. That's what we call the now. It can happen through conversation. It can happen through the medium of connection, whether it be love, joy, shared interests, whatever that might be. But what is it about having an off day that makes it an off day? And I'm really trying to...

Chuck (08:12.846)
Okay.

Chuck (08:20.594)
Okay.

Chuck (08:29.908)
Okay.

Chuck (08:37.87)
I'm pretty sure I know the answer here, but I'm gonna let you kind of continue to explain. Cause you know, right? It is, it's just about being on a rhythm. And we've talked about this quite a bit, right? You know, yeah, yeah. And early days of the show is when we really covered this. And I think as our listener base grows, and after, you know, new listeners and all that, it's important to circle back to some of this stuff, to kind of bring everybody up to speed with where we're at. So we're not constantly progressing and leaving, you know, people back, so.

RBK Kaledoscope (08:42.117)
I'd like to hear what you got.

Ah, right, so this is exactly where I'm going, yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (09:04.021)
Yeah, and you know what? And so I'm gonna, earlier we talked about it in much more of a academic way, I guess. I just wanna make it really simple. We are human beings, we are organic in nature. We came about, grew, and through an organic process that had nothing to do with us as human beings. We were at, we are at...

really the mercy, if you will, of the organic environment or our world. Okay, so... Right. I mean, you know, we're trying. We cloned a goat, you know? We're trying to, you know... Like, there's efforts, scientifically, but... You know, and that's not something I want to be messing around with, but here's what I know. I know that when I'm having a good day, I'm in alignment. When I'm in alignment, I'm in rhythm. What else is in rhythm? Rivers...

Chuck (09:34.686)
And we are absolutely beholden to all of the things, right? Yeah, yeah.

Chuck (09:47.135)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (09:59.317)
trees, plants, even glaciers moving. Everything organic happens in rhythm. And so we are human beings and we happen in rhythm. That's the way we, as we go through life in the moment, we're in rhythm. And so when we find ourselves out of rhythm, if we're paying attention, if we're focusing on what this rhythm thing feels like, because we can't think it, we have to feel it. And it feels like everything is working together. And I'm in concert with both everyone in my world and everything in my world.

Chuck (10:06.359)
Yes.

Chuck (10:22.326)
Yeah, fair enough.

Chuck (10:28.918)
Yes.

RBK Kaledoscope (10:28.929)
When I'm out of rhythm, it's like, if I'm paying attention, it's like somebody stopped the record. You know what I mean? And so...

Chuck (10:35.026)
Yeah, yeah. I think paying attention though, that's into itself is an art, right? To really understand, right? And I think we've talked about that with the locating and some different exercises to do that, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (10:43.101)
Absolutely. Yes, it is part of the practice of art, the art of living, as I often refer to. So I know when I'm in rhythm because everything is great and I'm having a great day and everything is wonderful, right? Now what is it that takes us out of rhythm? And I think that this is an important thing to note because when I feel out of rhythm, I almost want to go through the checklist, right?

So I can, I start with my values, because my values are my identity, my identity is who I am and it creates alignment. So if I'm at a rhythm, chances are I have been, not, lacked, I've lacked in integrity, I have not put my family first, I have not been honest, what else is, I have not been compassionate, maybe I'm apathetic, which is, apathy is the opposite of empathy, it is to be, to not feel with, to the opposite of that, you know what I mean?

Chuck (11:15.081)
Yeah.

Chuck (11:39.786)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (11:40.613)
So apathy is to not feel at all. It's more, and to me it's a duvet, like I told Lisa many moons ago, apathy is not an indictment of character, but it is an indicator of compassion fatigue. And so.

Chuck (11:45.971)
Yeah. Yep.

Chuck (11:54.698)
Yeah, or can be, can be. I don't think that that's necessarily the case all the time. Sometimes apathy is just what it is. It's apathy if you don't empathize with people, right? No, I don't mean you individually, I meant some people, right? I mean, I don't think, some people just aren't empathetic, right, for whatever reason, right? And that's not an indictment of them either, you know? Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (12:02.298)
I've never come across it where I'm not tired.

RBK Kaledoscope (12:12.782)
So I think that it's, so I disagree, I think that it's an indicator that empathy hasn't been practiced. So we all have the same thing, man. We all have the same sense of feeling. It's our thoughts that are fingerprints, it's not our feelings. We share this pool of emotion. And so...

Chuck (12:22.438)
Okay.

Chuck (12:29.036)
Yeah.

Chuck (12:33.618)
Okay, okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (12:35.529)
When I, I think we all have this capacity, but I mean we're not taught emotional intelligence. And so if I had no emotional intelligence, then I'm not gonna know whether I'm at a rhythm or not. All I know is that I have anxiety, I've had it for 12 years. Like that's an indication of a lack of emotional intelligence.

Chuck (12:44.13)
Yeah.

Chuck (12:51.04)
Without a doubt. But that doesn't really speak to some people just aren't empathetic, does it? I mean, it's.

RBK Kaledoscope (12:57.833)
I think, here's my point, is that we are all designed to be empathetic. I just don't think we practice it. I don't think we're taught it. And so, you know, like, I guess the best way to describe this is that human beings are the closest thing I can parody.

Chuck (13:00.396)
Okay.

Chuck (13:04.17)
Okay, okay. Yeah, yep.

RBK Kaledoscope (13:18.625)
human experience with is a weather system. That's the closest thing that we are to anything and that means that we are irrational we are always in movement and we're always dependent on our environment to change shift and you know have different characteristics and so So when I'm out of rhythm What's that?

Chuck (13:33.27)
sounds like a woman more than a weather pattern. Right? So it sounds like more like a woman than a weather pattern to me, right? Ha ha ha. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm talking tough in front of my friends. I don't need to, don't send the hate mail. Please don't send the hate mail. Yeah, I know you're not, yeah. I just, I gotta poke the bear, right? You know, yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (13:40.114)
I'm a human being. No, I'm not biting into that. I'm not biting into that apple. So I guess what I'm saying is, I mean, if we can, because what happens when we're not paying attention, we go out of rhythm a little bit, and as we carry on, we just...

our trajectory shifts away from who we are in our essence. And so if I'm paying attention to what rhythm feels like, all they need to do is pick up a guitar, do a meditation, draw, paint, any of these things that remove our thoughts away from a somatic or a feeling of being in the moment with something, we call focus. So to focus is to be a void of thought, a void of thought.

Chuck (14:04.063)
Okay.

Chuck (14:20.054)
Yep. Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (14:27.761)
impacting or influencing ourselves while our body creates this thing. And I always think like when I go up to bat at baseball, you know, when I'm in rhythm I'm hitting well. When I'm at a rhythm, when I have a batter's slump, what do I do? I try to think my way through it, which is the wrong thing. It's like where's my hands? Where's my hips cleaning? You know, where are my feet? Am I at the back of the plate? Am I in front of the plate? You know, all these different things. And the reality is I need to just sing a song in my head and let my body do what it already knows how to do.

Chuck (14:38.391)
Yeah.

Chuck (14:43.966)
Okay.

Chuck (14:47.872)
Yep.

Yep.

Chuck (14:55.466)
Yeah, fair enough.

RBK Kaledoscope (14:56.201)
Okay, so the things that we can look for that would take us out of rhythm are ego would be a big one. Fear-based or fear-driven behavior. Lack of integrity. Lack of honesty. You know, what else is there? Crippling insecurity.

Chuck (15:03.947)
Yep.

RBK Kaledoscope (15:24.765)
I guess any of those, when those intrinsic resources are decreased, so I'm going to say self-esteem is low, self-worth is low, self-respect is low, I'm probably at a rhythm. And so what do we do to make those things happen? I always go back to my values. My values are always an indicator of where I'm at a rhythm and if I'm accountable, because we know that responsibility is freedom, so accountability is under the responsibility umbrella. So if I am...

Chuck (15:37.708)
Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (15:51.049)
If I am accountable to the value that I have not been following, then I should find myself back into rhythm. For example, Chuck, I don't know, maybe I was arrogant, which happens often with us. So let's take a real life example. I was acting in ego, because I'm a bit of a snob like that. What am I protecting? I don't know. What you think of me?

Chuck (16:08.374)
I prefer to call it diva-ish, right? But yeah, okay.

Chuck (16:19.031)
Ha ha

RBK Kaledoscope (16:20.949)
But the bottom line is, and you always say it all the time, I always come around, right? And so that's me practicing this in action. I come around because I'm accountable to myself. And once I'm accountable to that value, which is humility, then I find myself released of that prison that I'm creating that is out of rhythm.

Chuck (16:24.91)
Yes, yes you do. Yes you do.

RBK Kaledoscope (16:45.757)
and I find myself back in alignment and there's no trepidation. There's no thought. It's like, yeah, I'm human being.

Chuck (16:52.214)
It's funny, because I'll toot your horn for a minute. You're probably the only human being that I've ever dealt with consistently that immediately owns something you feel wasn't okay. And it's usually really fast, and you come back and say, hey man, I'm sorry for this. Quite often I haven't taken it personal or in any way, shape, or form, but the fact is that you have felt.

that way, and you were very quick to come forward and say, hey man, I'm not happy with the way I handled that situation. So you're definitely practicing what you preach and kudos to you for that, right? So, you know, yeah. No, and I know that, I know that, 100%, right? Yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (17:21.698)
Yeah, and...

I appreciate it. The reality is that I don't do that for you. Yeah. And I, you know, a story is never for the other person. It's always for me and my sense of intrinsic freedom. Because as soon as I'm wrong and I don't be accountable to it, I've created oppression within my own life world. The walls get smaller. Every time I lie or something, another layer of paint goes in that and the room gets smaller and smaller and smaller. And so, so really like...

Chuck (17:35.894)
Yeah.

Chuck (17:43.975)
Yeah.

Chuck (17:51.294)
Yeah, yeah, right.

RBK Kaledoscope (17:54.337)
We know what it feels like to feel in rhythm once you've felt it. You know it. There's a knowing. It's it. And now, how do I maintain that? Well, you can't all the time, because we're human beings. We're fallible. It's part of the characteristics of being human, which is to be fallible. If we weren't, we would be divine, or whatever you want to call that. And we would be beyond this world and making millions of dollars on Ricky Lake or Geraldo or whatever. So I don't even know what's out there anymore. Yeah. Selly. Ss. What? Ss.

Chuck (17:59.036)
Yep.

Chuck (18:16.808)
Oh my god, we just dated ourselves. Heraldo, right? There isn't a single person who would be young enough to be one of our children that knows who Heraldo is. I barely know who he is, right? Damn straight, or Donahue.

RBK Kaledoscope (18:27.508)
How about Sally Jessie Raphael? Yeah.

Chuck (18:32.062)
Donnie, right? Absolutely, right? Those were all sitting around watching Silver Spoons, I guess, back then and, you know, fam family ties before, before things got shaky and Mikey's world, right? You know, right. Oh,

RBK Kaledoscope (18:42.317)
Yeah, yeah. There was that, what was it? Was it, no, Valerie's family. That was where Jason Bateman came from. Valerie's family. Then they turned, because she actually, Valerie ended up dying in real life, so they changed it to the Hogan family. And that was, that's where, what's his name? Bateman started, and his sister was in the one with Michael J. Fox, Justine Bateman.

Chuck (18:50.466)
from which show?

Chuck (18:56.634)
OK. Oh. Oh, I didn't know that. OK.

Chuck (19:07.118)
Oh, I didn't realize it. See, you know all the, like I never, we could never keep up. You know, I'd name that tune, I'd get my ass kicked every time I tried, right? So, yeah, yeah. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

RBK Kaledoscope (19:13.129)
Man, I have a memory for the dumbest shit. I can't remember anything important. But I can tell you all about anything that isn't.

Chuck (19:22.935)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (19:23.993)
So anyways, so I guess my point is like we have the capacity to find ourselves back in rhythm at any time as long As we're practicing the sensation of rhythm and how it makes us because when we're in rhythm, we're connectable That's the most important part of that Anything that takes us out of rhythm takes us out of the ability to be connectable, which means we're entering into isolation When it's unattended calls for maladaptive behavior as a solution, right? right, and so

Chuck (19:48.95)
and coping strategies and yeah, right, yeah, yeah. And that's when things get ugly and leads to, you know, for this show's little listener base purposes anyway, right, relapse, right, yeah. Yep.

RBK Kaledoscope (19:55.367)
And then if we're not paid.

And if we're not paying attention, those compound and compound and compound until there's no other option than the ultimate, which whatever your maladaptive cue is, I mean for most people that we talk about, it's very explicit. Like a drug addiction or gambling or something like that, it's very explicit. We know, I took a lot of cocaine and now I'm addicted to that. I mean that's very explicit. What about the people that are being celebrated for their maladaptive behaviors?

Chuck (20:05.214)
labs. Yes.

Chuck (20:25.175)
Yeah.

Yeah, right. Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (20:28.905)
you know, salesman of the year. Hasn't been home in five days, doesn't know his kid's birthday but his numbers are great, you know. You know what I mean? And that unfortunate part of that is that person's never going to get the help they need because they'll never know that there's a problem until, you know, they're having to take their son to rehab.

Chuck (20:34.002)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chuck (20:47.262)
Yeah, yeah, right, right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (20:49.257)
or to come and see a counselor like me. So yeah, so that's my little just my little spiel on rhythm and I you know I'd like to I'd like to pull a thread on that one of these days but um seeing as how we are uh under the microscope for time here a little bit um I'll just kind of leave it there.

Chuck (21:05.662)
Yeah, we are so, we are so. And I think that's one of those topics that we could, there's a series there if we really wanted there to be, most certainly a couple episodes worth, right? I mean, it's you talking, so we could go on for six hours about anything, right? But I mean, that was love, brother. I mean, that was love, so, you know.

RBK Kaledoscope (21:15.017)
Well, you know what, listeners, if you guys want to hear more about rhythm, please write or email or whatever, because there's a lot there. And to be honest, I'll tell you, I'll tell you.

Chuck (21:25.534)
Yeah, yeah, let us know, let us know.

RBK Kaledoscope (21:33.321)
you know, as original as I want to sound, nothing I say is original. It's my perception of some theory that I read somewhere along the lines. This one specifically is a talk from Alan Watts about the squiggles and goo, he called it, and it's about how everything organic in the world does not have a straight line or a right angle. Everything is either squiggles and goo, and that everything, so everything organic works in a rhythmic fashion. And he talks about to live life like we were dancing.

Chuck (21:53.599)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (22:02.073)
Because dancing, you dance to dance for the joy of dancing. If we're doing it for any other reason, then we're rotting ourselves of the joy of that. And dancing is about rhythm. It doesn't matter how we move. It just matters about the expression. And there is no destination. You dance to dance. You don't dance to get somewhere. You don't dance to win something. Some people do, but then it's not really the joy of dancing. And he talks about jazz. Jazz has no rules. Jazz is...

Chuck (22:02.271)
Yeah.

Chuck (22:06.175)
Yeah.

Chuck (22:16.338)
Okay, yeah. I'm a pretty bad dancer, so I don't know about that one, but yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Right.

RBK Kaledoscope (22:31.977)
is all over the place and that's the way that you know I want to live my life is to live my life in a way that is not restricted by rational thinking or somebody's concept of what my life should be. I use the should but rabbit ears. You know should is a shame word. Yeah. And when I hear that word up my question is according to who? Like you should have done this.

Chuck (22:33.847)
Yeah.

Chuck (22:47.654)
Yes, yes. Because should's a shit word. Yes, you know. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah.

Yeah. Right? Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. My trigger word is just. Just gets me riled. Oh, it gets me going hard, man. Yeah. All the time. Right. You know. Yeah. But the episode I recorded with Chantel Huell for the Weekend Ramble, which by the way, celebrated my one year in sorbriety on Saturday.

RBK Kaledoscope (23:00.153)
Because according to me, I did it the way I wanted to. So get bent.

RBK Kaledoscope (23:09.777)
Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

RBK Kaledoscope (23:21.597)
Oh yeah, hey, congratulations.

Chuck (23:23.202)
Thank you, thank you for that. As much shit as I talk about, not counting days, right? I tell you what, it mattered all of a sudden. So yeah, it is, yes it is. So anyway, Chantelle, she said, maybe you should just educate yourself, to which I replied, you're a better person than I, because often it's maybe you should just punch yourself in the face, but.

RBK Kaledoscope (23:29.292)
And honestly, first year's a big deal, to be honest.

RBK Kaledoscope (23:45.015)
Hehehehe

Chuck (23:46.998)
I get pretty wound up about, you know, well you just need to do this to get over your trauma, or you just need to not do drugs, or you just need to, oh, never thought about that. I never considered about just dealing with it and facing my trauma. I never even considered that before. You should just piss off, right? Like, you know. Yeah. Why not? I'll rock it, I'll rock it, I will.

RBK Kaledoscope (23:50.249)
Yeah. Oh.

RBK Kaledoscope (23:55.801)
Oh, thanks.

RBK Kaledoscope (24:05.133)
So maybe I'm gonna get you a green t-shirt that says, just say no.

RBK Kaledoscope (24:12.705)
by Nancy Reagan. Yeah.

Chuck (24:15.342)
I will, absolutely. Hey listen, before we get into the mail bag, Ryan, I do wanna take a quick minute to be a little bit shameless and talk about my GoFundMe thing that I got going on for Thailand real quick. It's a delicate thing to talk about here now in that, I'll just call it the way it is. One of the people that has been sponsoring me quite generously since the early days of the show has run out of money. I just lost 30% of my funding in a month.

right, and I didn't have much to start with. I'm going to Thailand, I've got a GoFundMe thing going on, it'll be in the show notes, it's on the Facebook page. I hate asking for money, guys, I really, really do. But if you could, like anything, five bucks, 25 bucks, 100 bucks, it changed my life. Everybody that donates anything will get a mention on the show, of course, of course, of course. And...

You'd be making all the difference in the world. I'm going over there to address my traumas. I'm going over there to live in a place that is sustainable so I don't have to constantly rely on my family and that for help every month. And because of the cost of living. So I'll be able to spread the message and you know, every dollar helps to maintain that and to sustain what we're trying to do. Because I can't now, there's no way I could do this full time if I stayed. The problem with that is I can't imagine myself doing anything else. I just can't. My heart is in this.

RBK Kaledoscope (25:24.365)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck (25:29.146)
100%, right? So, you know, right? So it's important to me that I keep doing this work. So if you guys can help out, you know, every dollar counts. With that said, I should make a couple mentions. Dr. Lee's family made a sizable donation right off the bat. My old employer in Saskatchewan, Terry Simonson from Jays Transportation donated, he made a nice little chunk as well. And I'll tell you what, that one was really cool for me.

RBK Kaledoscope (25:30.502)
Mm.

RBK Kaledoscope (25:34.486)
Yeah.

Chuck (25:59.486)
I messaged him to say, hey listen, the last days of my employment with you, I wasn't telling my best behavior, I won't get into specifics because I'd rather not put into text anything that, but I don't know that I need to, I think you probably know what behavior happened in my absence, yeah. And I said, I want you to know that I...

RBK Kaledoscope (26:10.361)
Mm.

RBK Kaledoscope (26:17.289)
I could guess. Yeah.

Chuck (26:22.43)
I've always looked up to you and I'd really do it if I could go back in time, but I can't. Here I am, celebrating a year sober in a couple days and leaving for Thailand. That making amends shit, there's something to that. Whatever your thoughts are on 12-step and making amends is awesome. It's so freeing. You know, it's so freeing. Let's hear them. Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (26:38.389)
I do have thoughts on that specific step.

RBK Kaledoscope (26:43.801)
So you're talking about step nine. It is, that is one of the few that I completely agree with. I just wish it was articulated in a better fashion than it has been traditionally. Step nine is specifically about shedding the label of victim. Everything about that step is about freedom. It is no coincidence and I'm gonna get into...

Chuck (26:56.129)
Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (27:13.057)
don't tell anybody. But, as soon as you read the promises, right after that you go into step 10 and the second paragraph, I believe it's page 64, it says, you have now entered the realm of the spirit. In other words, you are now free of the prison you've created through your own victimhood or victimization and now have found accountability and accountability is freedom. It's an existential premise.

So you can start to grow, find yourself and find out who you are, once you've been accountable to the things in the past. And that's why we don't say sorry. We say things like, I want to honor you by this drastic change. They use the word amendment, which is to change. And so I always, I used to, I would say that, you know, I'd like to honor you in this change in my life for the rest of my life.

Chuck (27:52.331)
Yep.

Chuck (28:01.462)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (28:11.817)
And every time that this change happens, I will think of you. And you'll be a part of that. And it's unfortunate that you had to go through what I put you through to get here. But no, it's not for nothing. And that it has created a greater human being in my life. And for those that are affected by me or attracted to me, it's because of these things. I had to find out that the shit I went through is actually fertilizer for the beautiful flower that's been created.

Chuck (28:40.574)
Right, right, fuck. It's been a while since you've done that to me, buddy. Ha ha ha.

RBK Kaledoscope (28:44.643)
Hahaha

Chuck (28:47.986)
Oh my. You know what? I started thinking about mom. You know, that's really right. And I'm going to get to see her here in a few days. You know, I love seeing her. You know why I love seeing her? Because I can look her in the eye. You know? Yeah, man. Like, what a difference. What a difference. That is priceless. After, you know... I'm not going to go into my whole story.

RBK Kaledoscope (28:48.606)
I must be getting boring.

RBK Kaledoscope (29:02.933)
Yeah. Freedom.

RBK Kaledoscope (29:10.39)
Yeah.

Chuck (29:15.774)
I remember once having to get my brother to pick me up for Mother's Day brunch, because there was no way in hell I was gonna pull up in a brand new, you know, Tahoe LTZ, whatever I was driving at the time, and have to answer another round of questions. Right, because family events to me were lying. Christmases were lying, Christmas, everything was lying all the fucking time, right? And everybody knew I was lying, but it was easier for everybody just to kind of roll with that, and my mom's not stupid. Mom was one of the furthest from stupid I've ever met.

RBK Kaledoscope (29:30.73)
Uh.

Chuck (29:42.818)
She didn't believe any of that crap. Most of my family didn't. And I knew they didn't. They knew they didn't. We all just kind of played the game because it was easier. But yeah, so I'm pretty stoked about that. Pretty stoked.

RBK Kaledoscope (29:50.104)
Yeah, didn't want to ruin the evening.

RBK Kaledoscope (29:56.053)
Well, I'd like to quote Martin Luther King, from hillside to mountaintop let freedom ring.

Chuck (30:02.142)
Yeah, yeah, right, you know, so yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited. But yeah, guys, if you could jump on that GoFundMe, I really would appreciate it, you know, I would, I would, I would, so. And, I mean, also, alternatively, if you wanna send an email transfer where they don't collect a bit of it on the GoFundMe, but you know, that's an option as well. And you can just send it to the email address, ashstossapodcasts.gmail.com.

RBK Kaledoscope (30:13.817)
Just go fund him. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Chuck (30:29.038)
It's not an auto deposit, so make it a question that I can answer, right? Make the answer Ryan. How about that? There we go. So. OK. Listen, let's take a quick break for public service announcements and then we can get in the mailbag. How's that sound? Yeah. OK, great. Great. Edit, edit, edit. OK, so we are back from the break. That public service announcement brought to you by TWC, of course, together we can.

RBK Kaledoscope (30:29.34)
Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (30:34.831)
Heh.

RBK Kaledoscope (30:43.862)
Yeah, sounds good.

Chuck (30:56.926)
Together with Ken is my very, very first sponsor, guys, out in Vancouver, BC, and definitely somebody to recognize. I actually had a conversation with somebody in Ontario last week who was asking about different treatment options, and together, TWC is one of the ones that they are already considering because of the show. So how that played out, I don't know, but it still remains to be seen, but it felt kind of good to be able to say that to them and have that conversation with them, right?

RBK Kaledoscope (31:16.18)
Excellent.

RBK Kaledoscope (31:23.869)
Well, I can tell you, I've known the ED there for years. Stacy, one of the best human beings around, and has always, always been there for what, even when I don't need something, he checks in. He's just a really good dude, and always looking, yeah, you can't ask for a better quality than a friend.

Chuck (31:34.094)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck (31:43.642)
And he is, he is, right? I mean, hey, when he started sponsoring this show as my first sponsor, when they started sponsoring the show, there was no big win in it for them. They were doing it to help out, right? And that's, and that's, you know what? The other thing, and I gotta talk about it if I'm talking about sponsors, is Devin over at Revolution Recovery. Guys, he's got empty beds, which is rare, unheard of, right? And best I can tell, he never said this in so many words, but...

RBK Kaledoscope (31:53.961)
No. Yep.

Chuck (32:09.166)
I think the epidemic has brought on a bunch of money hungry people who are opening recovery houses with That are more profits driven than they are results driven. I think is It's kind of the impression I got he didn't say that in so many words, but Yeah

RBK Kaledoscope (32:21.825)
Here's what I'll say. I'm not gonna have a comment other than I don't disagree with what you're saying. What I can say is that Revolution has the best culture of any place I've ever been around, that I've ever seen or been to the way that Devon creates in a community environment that is just... I want to use the word Mashedil.

Chuck (32:36.798)
Yes, you have. Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (32:49.149)
That's typically a negative term, but it's not it's a it is infused with love and understanding and Just acceptance. I you know, I don't think I've ever seen anyone go there if they can if they can last a week They're gonna be there for a long time because they just can't you can't get away from the heart-touching Explorative culture that he's created there and so many people get so much out of it

I have the privilege to do some counseling there once a week and really see how lives change and it's phenomenal. Even if I won a billion dollars I'd still go and do my sessions there every week because I absolutely love the work. I love the way that he, what he does is introduces individuals to not just to who they are but who they want to be in a simultaneous effort which is really cool.

Chuck (33:33.995)
No kidding, eh?

Chuck (33:46.082)
Helping men recover and become the best selves, I think is the tagline that we use in the show, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, if you're in that part of the world, even if you're not in that part of the world, I mean, hey, sometimes the treatment center way the hell away from everybody is the best thing for somebody, right? So, yeah, often it is. So check them out, guys, check them out. And keeping in mind, Devin was another guy when he came out as a sponsor. He didn't do it at a...

RBK Kaledoscope (33:49.557)
Yeah, and without a doubt, it's 100% accurate.

RBK Kaledoscope (34:03.037)
Often it is.

Chuck (34:13.438)
out of any gain for himself at all, he came on to 100% benefit me, you know, and the show and to help us sustain and spreading the message. So if there's business to be given, consider them, consider TWC, because these are guys that are helping and giving back to the community, right? So yeah, yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. So all right, mailbag, mailbag. We have...

RBK Kaledoscope (34:30.313)
Yes, altruism at an all time high.

Chuck (34:40.77)
Doreen in Cincinnati. Doreen says, what are some of the most significant personal challenges you have faced that led you to seek counseling yourself, and how did those experiences influence your approach to counseling others? Thank you, Doreen, for a great question.

RBK Kaledoscope (35:01.561)
Well, I don't talk about myself a lot on here, as you know. So, you know, first and foremost, you know, I think, I think just coming up underprivileged, especially from an economic status, was difficult. But ultimately, 1995, the death of my sister was definitely...

Chuck (35:04.162)
Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (35:30.833)
a massive impact for me in the rest of my life. It is where I truly felt and understood how loneliness can change the human spirit. The anger that comes with it. To be resentful at somebody that's dead, it seems like a really...

idiotic thing to do, but I mean I was so angry at her for leaving me here by myself For years And you know so I was I was always in some form of counseling as soon as I hit Public school in some way or another and it was really an embarrassing thing like getting pulled out of class to go see the counselor and you know

Chuck (36:06.739)
Uh-huh.

Chuck (36:11.576)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (36:27.361)
them telling me things like, you know, your parents are drug addicts and, you know, like, thanks for letting me know. Like, you know, really appreciate it. Never understanding what safe meant. And the first time that I felt peace was at, was downing at two-sixths of Southern comfort. You know, and I don't think that that's how children should find peace. I think that...

Chuck (36:34.25)
Yeah.

Chuck (36:48.802)
Southern comforts.

Chuck (36:54.702)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaledoscope (36:57.629)
I want to raise my children in a way that they know peace because they might experience the opposite of that instead of vice versa. I think that I was always in fear at some level of either people finding out what was going on in my home or going home and experiencing what was going on in my home. In the 80s it was different. I don't think there was as much.

Chuck (37:07.182)
Yeah. Yep.

RBK Kaledoscope (37:26.857)
of a lens from a social service or social work perspective, especially in the schools as it is today. And then, you know, I followed a path of...

Chuck (37:32.195)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (37:40.593)
trying to be somebody I wasn't and based on the tools that I had picked up on from what I'll call unreliable sources. And so, you know, if we looked at what the script was for me, if I were to have lived out that script, it would have been me dying in a jail cell or, you know, in a drug deal or something like that. And this is proof that the future is unwritten and we have the power to write our own narrative if we choose to.

Chuck (38:02.21)
Yep.

RBK Kaledoscope (38:09.773)
bring upon the awareness and then also go through those difficult processes of trauma integration. And so those and those experiences have influenced me that was part of it right about influencing something influencing what my life or my practice.

Chuck (38:17.958)
Exactly.

Chuck (38:30.396)
Let me pull it back up here. And how did those experiences influence your approach to counseling others? Yes.

RBK Kaledoscope (38:35.253)
Oh, okay. So yeah, to be honest with you, because of all those things, I'm an effective counselor because I can mix life experience with the academic side. And so, I know what it's like to be in psychosis. And that's a really good... So when I talk about reality construction, if I want someone to understand...

Chuck (38:43.746)
dance where you can.

Chuck (38:47.66)
Yeah.

Chuck (38:51.734)
Yep.

RBK Kaledoscope (38:54.645)
If I say, have you ever been in psychosis? When you talk about reality construction, a light goes off. Then they instantly understand what reality construction is. If you've ever done mushrooms or been on acid, you'll understand reality construction because it's so fractured and augmented when you're under those substances that when life is back to normal and your reality is back to where it is, you've now constructed something that is really within your locus of control, which is obviously perception. And then,

Chuck (38:58.402)
Yeah.

Chuck (39:02.578)
Yeah.

Chuck (39:10.857)
Yep.

Chuck (39:21.139)
Exactly, exactly, right.

RBK Kaledoscope (39:24.065)
And then also like, I guess, you know, I have an ability to be extremely empathetic to a lot of the experiences that my clients have because I've been through a version of myself. You know, and I guess the other thing is it forced me into understanding emotional intelligence and the importance of its role because of the amount of ego that I live with. And ego served me for a long time and it protected me for a really long time. And so I don't want to discredit.

Chuck (39:41.995)
Okay.

Chuck (39:50.047)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (39:51.021)
that ego actually had an important role. It's just it kind of took too much. It got a little too, got a little too gluttonous in its, in its throws of power within my own psyche. And so, you know, ego is a disconnect. That's the way I look at it. It's a shield, keeps you out, you know, nothing gets out, nothing gets in. And when nothing gets out, nothing gets in, that means I'm headed to isolation. And isolation, again, leads to the need for maladaptive coping.

Chuck (40:20.202)
Yes. Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (40:20.957)
And so now the other thing is like I'm an introvert. I had to learn the difference between alone and lonely, which are two completely different states of being. I love to be alone. When I'm lonely, my life falls apart. You know what I mean? So yeah, so no, it's, my life experiences is what has made me the counselor I am today. The academic side of it, all it did was put a language to it.

Chuck (40:34.378)
Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah, I do.

Chuck (40:51.211)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (40:51.909)
that some appreciate, not everybody clearly. But I will say, my clients have a way stronger lexicon after seeing me than before. Lexicon of the Week, yeah. And so, because as you know, I don't believe in dominating down.

Chuck (40:55.042)
Ha ha

Chuck (41:06.102)
Well, I bet they do. Lexicon is vocabulary for anybody that's, yes, yes.

RBK Kaledoscope (41:14.769)
I would rather use the big word and explain what they mean so that person understands it and therefore expanding their horizon of understanding, which adds to their access to potential. Yeah.

Chuck (41:24.99)
Yes, yes, 100%, right? So, okay, okay. Leonard in Montreal. Have we had a Montreal question before? I don't know that we have. Montreal, Quebec, yeah. Leonard says, can you tell us more about your approach to counseling and how you create a psychologically safe environment for your clients?

RBK Kaledoscope (41:35.287)
I don't know.

RBK Kaledoscope (41:45.153)
So, my approach to counseling is person-centered, Rogerian, I guess, for those studying counseling. However, Rogers was not enough for me, a little bit too soft, a little too kind for me. As in, like, the client isn't always right, you know, like, their feelings are, but I'm going to offer my challenge where I can to be able to really understand how these realities are created.

RBK Kaledoscope (42:15.365)
and phenomenology, which is... So phenomenology is the study of consciousness, to make it really simple. It's obviously way more complicated than that, but it's the easiest way to open the door with that. So understanding what consciousness is, how it works, and then what is outside of our awareness or beyond consciousness that impacts how we live our day-to-day life. And so when we're using a phenomenological approach...

Chuck (42:38.879)
Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (42:43.425)
We're looking at what is and what appears and how to expand outside of that so we can bring... Once it's outside of our awareness, we don't have any control, we don't have any idea of what this thing is. And so we want to expand the horizon of understanding, which is called the Gadamerian Principle, and then bring that into our reality so we can use it whatever way we want. When it's outside of our awareness, it uses us.

Chuck (42:45.802)
Mm-hmm. Yep.

Chuck (43:13.202)
Okay.

RBK Kaledoscope (43:13.789)
Alan Watts, every day ordinary consciousness leaves out more than it takes in. So from a human perspective, we cannot possibly know everything that's going on in the universe at any given time. And I always say, 300 years ago, everyone thought the earth was flat. So that goes to show that there's so much that we have no idea about what's going on in the universe. And when we put it in perspective, and that's another thing about phenomenology, is it puts

Chuck (43:19.17)
Gotcha.

Chuck (43:36.522)
Right? Right.

RBK Kaledoscope (43:42.237)
life in its perspective that we are this little rock infested by humans in the middle of some tiny little solar system in the corner of something we have no idea what it is, like how much does it really matter that I missed a credit card payment? It just puts life into perspective. Then I also use existentialism, which is the study of human beings, what it is to be human. Honestly, a lot of it is about returning to the state of human opposed to the social tapestry which influences...

Chuck (44:00.691)
It sure does.

RBK Kaledoscope (44:11.821)
influences us to believe we are less than so we try to achieve more and consume more. So low self-worth, low self-esteem, low self-respect, the top three intrinsic resources equals a consumer.

Chuck (44:17.826)
Gotcha.

Chuck (44:28.726)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (44:30.301)
I will buy things to make myself feel better. Shop therapy or whatever they call it. So yeah, the permissions is an existential thing. Do I give myself permission to not be perfect? That was a huge thing for me. I still suffer from perfectionism, which is a complete distortion.

Chuck (44:38.003)
Retail therapy, that's the word, yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (44:52.941)
Brene Brown talks about it at length and she talks about replacing this perfectionism with the striving for excellence, which means that we can strive all we want, wherever we end up has to be good enough. You know, we're perfectionists and if I'm not perfect then I'm not enough, which is obviously shame based. So yeah, those are the main ones. I do a little bit of CVT stuff here and there. You know, I guess motion focus therapy, EFT.

Chuck (44:52.95)
Yep.

Chuck (45:09.866)
Yes, of course it is.

RBK Kaledoscope (45:25.151)
I would say I work out of a multitude of modalities, but predominantly the baseline is phenomenology and existentialism.

Chuck (45:33.654)
Okay, okay, okay. I like it, I like it.

RBK Kaledoscope (45:38.257)
Oh, there's more to that question. How do we create a safe environment? Do you know the answer to this?

Chuck (45:42.04)
Yes.

Chuck (45:48.667)
Ah.

Perception, oh, feel seen, to be seen, to be heard, to be loved, and to feel lovable. The most important one, to feel lovable. I often say that one. And didn't you add that one? Isn't that one of your own, yeah?

RBK Kaledoscope (45:52.777)
Nope. Wrong one. Wrong four.

Boom.

to feel great.

RBK Kaledoscope (46:05.001)
Yep. I had to be honest with you, those are all mine. Yeah. The other one that I added was perception to the locus of control. That was my mentor Mike. Well, he's the one that taught me environment, effort and commitment. And I was like, Whoa, but perception, I think is a big one there that we can control. And so I added that one. But the other four I came up with is to like, what do I need to feel?

Chuck (46:11.946)
Really. Okay. Yeah.

Chuck (46:20.047)
all okay

Chuck (46:28.694)
That's right it is, right? Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (46:35.17)
safe in a relationship. And those are the four things that I feel like I need.

Chuck (46:35.466)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, all four are very important. I don't think any are any good without the rest, but I think the hardest one to accomplish is to feel lovable. And that said, once you accomplish that, the rest can fall into place, right? You know, right, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (46:47.869)
Absolutely, because it's the intrinsic resources. Yeah, and that's just about the intrinsic resources, about getting your self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect up at a high. And that way I feel like I deserve. And so, yeah, and then the other thing is that, you know, no judgment, active listening, and seeking to understand rather than be understood. And that's how I create that safe environment. Yeah.

Chuck (46:56.662)
Yeah.

Chuck (47:11.306)
Yes, I love that one too. I absolutely love. Yeah, yeah, that's good, that's good, that's good. Okay, okay. Marie in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia. I think we've already kind of touched on this, but hey, I don't want to turn the question back. Ryan, what inspired you to get into the field of counseling? Thank you, Marie.

RBK Kaledoscope (47:31.18)
Um...

RBK Kaledoscope (47:35.495)
It kind of found me. I've always been somebody people talk to on some level, like people feel like they can be vulnerable with. It's always been something. I don't know why that is. Yeah.

Chuck (47:37.495)
Okay.

Chuck (47:50.91)
I think I can relate on that, not to put myself in, you know, to compare or whatever, different things, different journeys, but yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (47:55.281)
Yeah, and then so then I went I went and saw a career counselor and she said define success for me And I this is one of the moments that changed my life Was I realized that I was reverbing everything that I've been told in other words I was living a life that was told I should live instead of making the choice which acts as a freedom to live the life that I want to live and so Um, it was kind of like the original answer was a writer and I wanted to be a writer

Chuck (48:04.126)
Yeah.

Chuck (48:15.99)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (48:20.877)
Consequently, I'm writing a book right now, so both things are coming to fruition. And then the other thing was I really enjoy authentic connection with other human beings and that's what counseling offered me. And I know that, oh I guess the other big part was like, I thought about like, man, I've really lived this life and from the outside looking in, from a social value perspective, I've lived a really...

Chuck (48:41.739)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaledoscope (48:47.025)
shitty life? Not a shitty life. I've lived outside the lines most of my life. I've done a lot of things that you know, illegal or unethical or whatever and I thought well here's a this is what the only thing I can think of that I can actually use all the really shitty things I've done in my life and use them to help other people. And so I could take this life that is not desirable

Chuck (48:51.307)
Yeah.

Chuck (49:05.001)
Yep.

Yep.

RBK Kaledoscope (49:13.033)
and turn it into something that can match somebody else's undesirable life and now they're not alone in it. Because I understand, I've been there, done that, you know what I mean? They're talking to somebody that understands from an emotional perspective what they were going through. That really influenced me to go down this road. The other thing is, talk about rhythm, as soon as I made the phone call to go back to school, everything took care of itself.

Chuck (49:19.793)
Yes. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaledoscope (49:39.733)
It was just like, it was like life was waiting for me to make that call to get into school. And then boom, as soon as I got out of school I met my mentor and then he taught me all these things and then I, you know, I got my own treatment floor and then I learned so much from that and became a manager and it's just on and on and on and it went and everything just became easy as soon as I figured out what I was put on the earth to do.

Chuck (49:39.763)
Okay, okay, yep.

Chuck (49:45.951)
Okay, yep.

Chuck (50:04.49)
Okay, yep, yep. All right, it's a good answer. It's a really good answer, actually. Yeah, yeah, of course it is. Like I said, it brings us to my favorite part of the show, and that's the Daily Gratitudes. What you got for us today, right?

RBK Kaledoscope (50:06.049)
So yeah, that's...

snapshot anyway, lots to that.

RBK Kaledoscope (50:22.017)
Oh, my beautiful wife and two children. Um... Yeah. And I was watching a... I was watching a movie on the weekend about a guy and his daughter. And I swear I lost 15 pounds in tears. Like, ew. Like, I don't know what happened to me that turned me into such a softie. Oh yeah. Leaker.

Chuck (50:36.272)
Yeah.

Chuck (50:43.435)
Oh, what does that show? John Q. Do you ever watch John Q? Right? Like 10 minutes in, that's it. Right? 10 minutes in, I don't care who you are, man. If you're not crying, then we're not gonna be friends. Cause this, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (50:53.37)
Yeah, yeah, total leaker. Yeah, so, yeah, I mean, yeah, I love them and they, you know, I work really hard for our family and I know that they appreciate that and I feel appreciated and I know they're proud of this and what they do. Mackie always shows her friends on YouTube. My daddy's on YouTube, which...

Chuck (51:17.012)
Makes my heart happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (51:17.905)
Yeah, totally. And so, and then I'm going to say...

RBK Kaledoscope (51:25.606)
I'm grateful for good health, which I don't know I have. I'm pulling ab muscles that I didn't even know I had. Yeah, but you know, on the other side of that is that I played a really good game of baseball. I was fast, I was quick, I hit the ball hard, which goes to show that the last year of working out every, or trying to get there every day has really started to pay off for the reasons that I want to, which is less about the cosmetics and more about...

Chuck (51:31.801)
Everything's relative, right? Everything's relative.

Chuck (51:48.109)
Awesome.

RBK Kaledoscope (51:52.129)
being 45 and able to get up on a water ski again or play baseball. So yeah, I'm grateful for health and I'm grateful for a lot of information in the world about how to live a healthier lifestyle.

Chuck (51:56.414)
Yeah, right, right? No kidding.

Chuck (52:04.334)
Cool, cool, yeah. Myself, oh, go ahead, go ahead. Yeah, hey, yeah, yeah. No kidding.

RBK Kaledoscope (52:07.569)
Oh, one more. I'm grateful for my homeboy Devo. Yeah, and Revolution. And talking about this today, I just realized, I've been counseling there for seven years now or something, and all of the amazing turnarounds I've witnessed in people's lives, and a lot of them I still talk to today, whether I see them therapeutically still, or we just keep in contact, it's truly been a gift, and it goes well beyond.

the reasons I thought I got into this for and certainly has nothing to do with whatever compensation I get for that. The compensation I get from that is people getting their degrees and having kids and getting married and living their lives and finding out who they are and not being afraid of the world, you know, so And I can thank Devon specifically for that. He got me He got me that gig when I couldn't afford my mortgage when I bought a house I can't afford because I live in the Lower Mainland

Chuck (52:51.287)
Right?

No kidding, eh? No kidding.

RBK Kaledoscope (53:05.025)
He really went over and above to make sure that I was okay. And now I'm in a place that I am, and I still go there every week because I love Devo. I have a great deal of respect for him and what he does. And I especially love the guys in the house. Yep.

Chuck (53:18.654)
Yeah, man. Yeah, right, right. So again, and we said it earlier, there's room there, that's a rare thing. So if somebody in your life, or if you need to help, what a great place to get to help, right? So yeah, yeah. No, no, well, in your opinion, hold some weight in my mind. Hey, listen, and for myself,

RBK Kaledoscope (53:32.573)
Excellent place. There isn't any better, in my opinion.

Chuck (53:41.518)
I'm thankful for a year, man. You know, like it's kind of cool. It's kind of cool, not gonna lie. I'm thankful for a year. I'm thankful for my mother.

RBK Kaledoscope (53:44.214)
Yeah.

Chuck (53:51.474)
I am thankful for every single donation I've received. Today, since we were recording, Tammy and Dan Preston from Ontario, from Brockfield, Ontario, who are, Tammy of course contributes to the blog every week. Well, not every week. She's been, she's, I just submitted another post while we've been talking as well. And Dan is gonna be coming on the show. I record with him a couple days from now, so he'll be on later on this week. Finally, you've actually talked to Tammy in the past.

RBK Kaledoscope (54:01.485)
Yeah.

RBK Kaledoscope (54:16.801)
Yep, we have, yep.

Chuck (54:17.098)
She's the one with the daughter still in it, right? So her husband's gonna come on the show and record with him in two days time from now. So he'll probably be on for Friday, Thursday or Friday. I'll release that episode. I'm really excited for that. Oh, most certainly I will. Most certainly I will, right? Yeah, so they've just made a donation. Attic J, my cohost, has made a donation just this afternoon here as well. So, you know, for that, I'm really thankful guys. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, right?

RBK Kaledoscope (54:22.37)
Very cool.

RBK Kaledoscope (54:26.189)
Would you tell him I said hi?

RBK Kaledoscope (54:39.885)
Awesome.

Chuck (54:44.238)
Hey, listen, and the other way you can help out is by liking, sharing, commenting on any one of the platforms. You can leave a voicemail on the website. I keep forgetting to mention that, but it is absolutely a thing you can do. Just come to the website, hit that Leave Voicemail button under the Contact Us page, and leave me a voicemail. Whether it's a question for Ryan, whether it's a comment about the show.

RBK Kaledoscope (55:00.321)
Yeah.

Chuck (55:03.062)
What there is to tell me that I'm too damn ugly to be doing video episodes. I don't care. Leave a voicemail. I'm happy for that. If you're on the YouTube, smash the subscribe button, please. You know, they love to see those things. Anytime you do any one of these things, you're getting me a little bit closer to living my best life. Of course, my best life would be to continue making a humble living, spreading the message. The message is this.

RBK Kaledoscope (55:05.229)
Ha ha!

Chuck (55:21.506)
If you're in active addiction right now, today could be the day that you start a journey of a lifetime. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call in to detox, go to a meeting. I don't care what you've got to do, just do it, because it is so much better than the alternative. And if you have a loved one who is suffering in addiction right now, you're just taking the time to listen to us go on and on. You just take another minute and message that person, let them know they are loved. Use the words.

RBK Kaledoscope (55:47.882)
You are loved.

Chuck (55:49.494)
because that little glimmer of hope just might be the thing that brings them back.

Chuck (55:56.054)
Done.

RBK Kaledoscope (55:57.033)
Alright.