197 - KALEIDOSCOPE WEDNESDAY- INSIGHTS ON HEALING & FREEDOM

Chuck LaFLange (00:03.222)
Hello everybody, watchers, listeners, supporters of all kinds. Welcome to another episode of Kaleidoscope Wednesday on the Ash is Too Awesome podcast. I'm your host, Chuck LaFlandre, and with me in virtual studio, fuck sakes, what just happened? Oh, okay, we're gonna do that thing, okay, I'm gonna start over. Just don't fucking laugh, okay, okay.

Okay.

Take two.

Hello everybody, watchers, listeners, supporters of all kinds. Welcome to another episode of the Kaleidoscope Wednesday on the Ashes to Awesome podcast. I'm your host, Chuck LaFlandre, checking in from Phuket, Thailand at the Autra Treatment Center. And with me in virtual studio on the halfway around the world, I should say, is Ryan Bathgate. How are you doing today, Ryan?

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:48.898)
Oh hey friend. Just taking in a book. I'm just taking a book in here. How am I doing? Yeah, I'm good. I mean, it's game day. Dolphins wine. Wasn't too pretty, but anyways, it was great.

Chuck LaFLange (00:51.695)
I love it. I love it. We were going to try and keep a straight face for that. We just couldn't do it. Right. So for

Chuck LaFLange (01:08.03)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yay, I don't care. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:19.663)
Honestly, it's been like...

one of those weeks that like, you know, life's short until you have one of those weeks. It feels like, you know, so it's been, yeah. Just like, oh, you gotta be kidding me. So to be honest, like, I...

Chuck LaFLange (01:32.792)
A very long life, a very long life.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:42.898)
I've felt off. I've been completely out of rhythm for this last week, and I think it's stress induced, to be honest with you.

Chuck LaFLange (01:48.758)
So we've talked about that before, rhythm. What exactly are you saying when you say that? Because I think it's rather, well, it's always relevant, right? But in this, you know, let's run with that and see where it goes.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:01.83)
Okay, so rhythm is kind of, I mean, if I were to use like some linear terms, I would say it is an assessment tool based on how, you know, here's what I know, like, when I can transcend time and space, I'm in rhythm, and it usually happens because of some kind of elated emotional experience. But you know what I mean? Like, I have a deep connectable. Well, no, I mean, like,

Chuck LaFLange (02:11.639)
Okay.

Chuck LaFLange (02:25.294)
Okay, so elated, like exaggerated kind of, yeah. Not exaggerated. A good, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:32.918)
I mean, okay, so when I say trans-dispense space and time, it means that I'm so in the moment that there is no yesterday and tomorrow. You know what I mean? And it comes from a place of, it's really an emotional connectable. And so when human beings connect emotionally, something happens. You know what I mean? Where time and space don't exist anymore. There's just this happening. And it's the only thing that matters. It's a state of concentrated connection. And so...

Chuck LaFLange (02:43.515)
Okay, okay, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (02:50.027)
Yep.

Chuck LaFLange (02:53.346)
Yes.

Chuck LaFLange (03:01.794)
That's funny. To interrupt you there, just briefly, my time here at Yatra is full of mindfulness, meditation, all trying to get to that space, right? That space, 100%, right? So, yeah, I can, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:14.206)
So you're probably gonna see some things click in your head as I talk about this. Yeah, it's probably gonna keep happening because it's such a interesting and fruitful process that people just don't do, or I don't know if they don't understand or don't know about, but it does take a lot of phenomenological understanding.

Chuck LaFLange (03:20.106)
Yeah, well, I just did. That's why I interrupted. But yeah, right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:40.634)
And that means study of consciousness. And so it takes a lot of... Because... How do I put this? When I'm in rhythm, I have a few things in place. So usually I can't achieve rhythm until I've been practicing the disciplines of meaningful existence. And... Okay, so...

Chuck LaFLange (03:44.363)
Okay.

Chuck LaFLange (04:06.057)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:08.294)
If I, so values are important when it talks about finding rhythm. Values are important because it's usually your values that you go to when you're feeling out of rhythm. Okay, so having some self-awareness and understanding of how your reality is constructed is really helpful to get to that space. And then, okay, and then, so like once we've achieved this, and we know what it's like because we will, we will,

Chuck LaFLange (04:17.226)
All right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:38.462)
Leave. How can I put it? OK, let me ask you this. You know that feeling you have when you have a deep connection with somebody? Like, I don't know, you sound like you've had quite a few in the last couple of weeks. And that transcendent time and space, everything is in alignment. Think about where your self-worth is at that point. Your self-esteem is at that point. It's just like, right? Yeah, it's maxing out. And so and then you think about how your values are, because the chances are

Chuck LaFLange (04:50.186)
Yeah, absolutely.

Chuck LaFLange (04:58.946)
It's always fantastic, right? Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:08.41)
You just had a connection that was built in vulnerability instead of a fake connection that was built with the vulnerability of a mask, not your own vulnerability. Do you know what I mean? Because the mask that we put on, they can have variations of vulnerability, but it's not real. It's like fake vulnerability. And that's something I'm really good at, is I've traditionally been able to do that because they're getting close to a mask and I can pull away from that mask at any time and walk away and really not feel much.

Chuck LaFLange (05:18.034)
Okay. Yeah. Yes, I do actually.

Chuck LaFLange (05:38.23)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:38.33)
I call it having your hand here. Like, at any time I can push off. And so listeners, I'm just pushing off from my hand. So yeah, I mean, so the problem is, so we live most of our life not understanding this concept. And what happens is we don't know how to process what it is to be at a rhythm. It's usually an event that attacks our values. And so if we do that enough times and become

normalized or desensitized to what it is to be out of rhythm, then that becomes the new norm. And I spend my entire life living a couple degrees off of where I would be to feel fulfillment. Now in that space, and we all know that because it's, we learn about this when we start learning about what it's like to be in the rhythm space, in alignment, right? And then it's like, so you know like I think I've done a pretty good job of getting my life to be at mostly at

Chuck LaFLange (06:11.298)
Okay.

Chuck LaFLange (06:25.966)
Okay. Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:34.026)
a point of in rhythm. So when I fall out of rhythm, it's so noticeable. Just like how noticeable it is when you're living your life at a rhythm and then you have this deep connection with someone you never forget for the rest of your life. You know what I mean? You can achieve that for all the time with practice and discipline. And so big markers, just big markers for that rhythm. So usually, you know, we talk about our values and how that is all a part of that construction. The driver

Chuck LaFLange (06:45.704)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (06:51.672)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:04.402)
which is this is always a sustainable factor in any behavioral shift or conscious shift. It always is an emotional thing, emotional driver. Okay, so when I think about what... I'm gonna go right to it because let's not do the dance around here. I could ask you some questions and we could do that. If I was in session, I would kind of probably do it that way, but... When we understand the role of meaning and purpose in every human being's life,

Chuck LaFLange (07:14.195)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:34.622)
we can start to understand first how short this trip is from the morgue to the, or the hospital to the morgue, delivery room to the morgue, you know, like, and we've also probably lived a life. I wish I could say that I knew somebody that has this understanding of how to live in alignment and in rhythm at 20 years old, but I've never met one. And I hope that changes, I really do. Because like, I wish we were learning about this.

Chuck LaFLange (07:45.364)
Yep.

Chuck LaFLange (07:58.698)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:03.438)
at five, six years old, instead of being 35 or 36 or whatever I was.

Chuck LaFLange (08:05.674)
No kidding, eh? No kidding. And having to go through all the struggles and strife and all the things, right? Before you're even curious about it, right? Nevermind, you know, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:11.45)
Right. Yeah, but we spent way too much time out of rhythm that it was desensitized. And so to practice in rhythm is, well, first we look at, you can tell when you're out of rhythm when you are attracted to negative things. And I'm going to get a list off the what's called an existential vacuum. OK, so an existential vacuum is.

Chuck LaFLange (08:30.466)
Such as. Yep.

Chuck LaFLange (08:37.303)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:40.514)
Simply, it's to live life without meaning. When we have meaning, it's not a knowing experience. It's not a knowledge experience. It's not even a consciousness experience. It informs our consciousness because it's an emotion or a feeling. We feel meaning and purpose. We feel meaning. Purpose is a bit of a... They get grouped together, but it's a little different. The way I see it, anyway.

Chuck LaFLange (08:58.407)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:08.874)
So, this is a Victor Frankl concept for anybody that's interested. If you wanted to read, I'm going to plug his book here because it's awesome. This book changed my life. Man's Search for Meaning. So he talks about, oh that's a good one. So I should have been fake reading this part.

Chuck LaFLange (09:14.982)
Okay.

Chuck LaFLange (09:23.21)
Manse search for meaning. Yeah. Victor Frankl. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:38.314)
when we started for efficiency reasons. Now I know. Okay, so like the feelings of, he calls it Sunday neurosis, which is like a feeling of deep sadness like depression, but not sustainable. But he's saying that it actually is sustainable, but because it can, existential vacuum can turn into a clinical issue.

Chuck LaFLange (09:52.642)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:08.41)
Just to be clear. So, um... I wish I had that written for my face, cause... Ah, you know what? I'm gonna go off memory. Um... The existential vacuum manifests in boredom. So if you're bored, you're probably lacking meaning. In gossip, in drama, if you're attracted to that, if that's something that you find yourself in all the time, you're probably lacking life of meaning. Yeah, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (10:08.706)
Okay.

Chuck LaFLange (10:34.326)
You're a big Jerry Springer fan. You're probably lacking meaning in your life, right? Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:39.191)
I correlated it to cops watching cops. Like why would I want to watch people get busted? You know what I mean? Like why am I watching this? Yes. The car accident effect, you know? Yeah, so another way it manifests is in like anything, he uses the term deviant sexuality, but that's a little bit old for me. I think it's more like.

Chuck LaFLange (10:42.802)
Okay, yeah. Yeah, right. So you're being attracted to something negative. And that's what you're meaning by that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (11:04.526)
That's a pretty judgy term these days, right? Yeah, yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:05.818)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, so like in today's modern day, I would put it towards anytime you feel shame about it, about anything sexual, like you just walked to something weird and had, as soon as you're done, you slam the laptop shut in disgust. Ha ha ha, me either, me either. Ha ha ha. Oh, they're open-minded. Yeah, so like that, I think that is, like when I hear,

Chuck LaFLange (11:12.616)
Okay, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (11:21.252)
It's literally never happened to me. Right? I don't know what that says about me if that's a good or a bad thinking about it now. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:34.882)
hear in the nerves of my clients, I would hear that and think existential vacuum, when shame is put on. And yeah, then Jerry Springer, like, why are we watching all these negative things? So we're tracking to the negative and the deficit. And that just compounds that existential vacuum. So in order to go the other way, which is really, if you think about it, if you think about how long you've lived your life in existential vacuum...

Chuck LaFLange (11:41.01)
Okay. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (11:49.783)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:03.77)
And then, oh my God, sorry, before I go down that road, when I learned about this, I think at the time I went to meetings a lot, and I saw a lot of that in meetings. And when I worked in the treatment center, there was a lot of existential vacuum. And so...

Chuck LaFLange (12:19.286)
You know what? You know what? I'm going to interrupt you because it just occurred to me. There's been a shift in the show, in the other episodes of the show, at this show, where I'm no longer interested anywhere near as much in the horror stories, in the craziness, in the chaos stories, right? Where now I'm much more, and I like to think that the appetite is there for the stories about recovery.

as a concept and how we're going to continue leading our lives in different ways and how to make a difference in people, all those things. I like to believe that there's more of an appetite for that. I know there's a part of me that knows, that accepts that, you know what, there's a huge portion of the population is always going to want to hear the crazy, I was trunked, I was tortured, I was whatever stories, right? But I think that's, yeah, maybe as a result of what you're saying here, right? More in rhythm now and not, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:11.818)
So that's exactly what I'm talking about. What you're talking about is exactly what I'm explaining right now is the process of developing a life of meaning and coming out of a central vacuum. And it doesn't happen with, nothing in the human experience is a light switch event. It happens over time and with practice and consciousness and discipline. And so you're doing those things, but it's like you're at baseball camp.

Chuck LaFLange (13:18.242)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (13:22.943)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:39.898)
you're honing skills that you have fun honing. You know what I mean? So it's not work. So when I say practice, it's not, but I mean, it can be intentional. And I think that for me it was certainly like, and then once we're in that state, we've discovered whatever meaning is, meaning is interesting because there's no like real, I've never heard a definition that really fits.

Chuck LaFLange (13:40.545)
Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Chuck LaFLange (13:49.175)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (13:53.198)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:08.702)
what meeting is. So let's look it up. Meeting.

Chuck LaFLange (14:11.038)
Yeah, yeah. I'm having multiple epiphanies all at the same time as we're sitting here talking right now, I'm gonna tell you. Well, great example, you project what you reflect, right? The conversation that you and I have had. So my shift all happens when I'm not enjoying my life. You know, when I was still back in Canada and things weren't going well in my home life.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:19.242)
Say more.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:28.979)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:38.464)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (14:40.026)
I'm like, but there's this appetite for people to hear all this crazy shit, right? Like all these bad things that have happened and now that I'm in a better place and I'm thinking about it now, when that shift really starts to happen is the day I decided I was leaving and gonna come live a better life and all of a sudden, what I think the rest of the world wants to see, what I am projecting is a direct result of what's reflected back at me in the mirror and how I'm living my life.

So there's that, I mean, that's a big one. That's a really big one, right? And I was convinced for the first six months of the show, I was convinced that those recovery stories and the blood and guts and the, you know, those were in an absolutely integral part that you would have to have that, you know, in the show. And now that I'm where I'm at and growing and learning, I'm seeing that, no, you don't, you don't need to have all of that, right? You know, so, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:10.854)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:33.303)
There's not an appetite for people that are healthy. And people with meaning in their life. Well, but understand, like, I'll just say draft beer night gets a draft beer crowd. Like, you know, and so the people that are using these tools to put their life together and live a meaningful existence, you get, when you're not in existential vacuum, you have, it's almost...

Chuck LaFLange (15:36.842)
Yeah, right, right. And I guess we are trying to reach many people. So maybe that reflection in, you know, right, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (15:47.754)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:01.086)
The opposite, I'm almost like turned off by the stories. You know what I mean? Like.

Chuck LaFLange (16:05.83)
Yeah, right. Well, yeah, I certainly don't want to do to me. It just brings up memories and I don't really feel like we live in You know what I mean? Like especially in the current situation, right? You know, like, you know, i'm just i'm yeah Yeah I don't Yeah

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:10.523)
And like a kiddo.

Yeah, that kid don't live here anymore. I got no, I didn't know, I don't care how many units you moved or, you know, like how much money you made and how many girls, and I don't care. To me, like that, when I hear that, I think there's a depletion of intrinsic resources manifesting an egoic appetite. So to break that down, no, egoic.

Chuck LaFLange (16:23.838)
Yeah, right. All of that shit. Who cares? You know, yeah, let's talk about how we're going to do better for ourselves and for our people, right?

Chuck LaFLange (16:39.924)
Yeah, yeah, right. Egoic appetite, did you just say? Egoic, oh, okay, okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:45.318)
Yeah, which consequently, David and I have an argument that's not a word.

Chuck LaFLange (16:52.766)
egoic. Well, that's easy. We live in the world of Google. We don't have to do bar room arguments anymore. Right. So, you know, that's the next year. See you. I'll tell you in a second here.

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:53.256)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:58.15)
Well, I'd like to keep it going. What does it say?

Chuck LaFLange (17:06.462)
simply means pertaining to ego or pertaining to I. Yes, 100% it is a word. Yeah, yeah. Ha ha ha.

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:09.226)
Jackpot. There you go, David. And actually, because I didn't make that one up, I saw it in the book, and I was like, no, it's a real word. Anyway, and so what was I saying about that? When we have this egocentric set point, we are depleting our intrinsic resources, making it.

more impossible for us to find rhythm and alignment. So the lower my resources are, self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect, so when I say intrinsic resource, intrinsic means deeply internal, I'm saying self-esteem, self-respect, self-worth as the poster children of intrinsic resource. So how do I...

Chuck LaFLange (17:49.426)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (17:59.698)
Okay, so the vacuum then when you say existential vacuum, does that because those are depleted, is that making room and creating the vacuum or is the vacuum coming from outside? What's the, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (18:09.65)
So the way I can, with your metaphor here, I see it as it's full, you remove meaningful existence, and that starts to pull, and that creates this void. In that, it's pulling everything that thing is made of. So it's deteriorating your intrinsic resources. So when I lose my meaning, that's the vacuum, it's like, it creates a space.

Chuck LaFLange (18:32.819)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (18:38.93)
that we try and fill with garbage. And the more we fill it, the more it.

Chuck LaFLange (18:39.947)
Okay.

Okay, okay. So it's the vacuum pulling existential shit into it. Not so much.

RBK Kaleidoscope (18:48.267)
It's actually extrinsic things because we're taught to think that If I get this thing, it's like it's good Consumership. My low self-esteem is here and this Commercial is telling me that if I drink that beer I can get to hang out with those girls. Never happened by the way. You know like so we're not we're always looking outside to fill the hole within and

Chuck LaFLange (19:09.405)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (19:15.842)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (19:16.282)
really the answer is to fulfill meaningful existence. So when I have a meeting, and purpose is the culmination, like the conception of meeting, coming into action, that becomes the purpose. When your meaningful becomes actionable, meaning that your meaning becomes actionable.

Chuck LaFLange (19:31.554)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (19:38.938)
Yeah, I must have dusted here or something, I get stuffed up all of a sudden. Anyway, so... So... How do we get back?

Chuck LaFLange (19:43.275)
Uh oh.

Chuck LaFLange (19:50.095)
Sorry, I just read something. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I read a comment that just came through on the Happy Bananas page and I had to laugh.

RBK Kaleidoscope (20:07.566)
I couldn't find Johnny Chimple.

Chuck LaFLange (20:08.118)
Finally, we're going to take a quick break right now just to reset and hear a word from a sponsor. We'll get right back to this. All right. Fox six. Sorry.

RBK Kaleidoscope (20:23.946)
By the way, what?

By the way, what?

Chuck LaFLange (20:29.422)
Did I say by the way? I don't even know why.

RBK Kaleidoscope (20:30.086)
Yeah, well, but Banana Group.

Chuck LaFLange (20:33.662)
Oh, banana group. Okay, so we'll come back and I might as well tell it now that we're here because it gives me a chance to talk about the happy banana group for a minute. Because you know what, it kind of fits in, right? The whole theme being let's have something to fucking smile about in a day. Right. So, yeah. Okay. Okay, so we're back from the break. And I guess now that I mentioned happy bananas, Ryan, I better talk about it briefly. So when I got here to Thailand, one of the first things I noticed I had a banana, well, within an hour of getting to the Otter Center.

RBK Kaleidoscope (20:38.122)
Good. Okay, yeah, do that.

RBK Kaleidoscope (20:45.312)
Yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (20:52.906)
Yeah, please do.

Chuck LaFLange (21:02.89)
And it was like, holy shit, these are like dessert. They're so good, right? And as is all the fruit, all of the fruit. I had grapes the other day and I was like, these are candy. It's not even, you know, everything here is just amazing. Because it's picked when it's ripe or much closer to anyway. So I was talking to Lisa and Attica, my co-host from the Weekend Ramble. And I had mentioned like the bananas are so good. And Attica, of course, is from Indonesia, pretty close to where I'm at now. And says, yeah, like the bananas in Canada are like sad bananas.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:12.35)
Heh. Uh...

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:17.706)
Yeah, it's a rainforest too.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:32.894)
Where? No, no. No. In place.

Chuck LaFLange (21:33.53)
And which in first of course said here they are happy bananas. So what I started to do, what I started to do for the weird, this is ADHD for you, clear cut. I get this weird idea and at like six o'clock in the morning I'm walking around the property here and there's statues everywhere and I'm placing bananas on the statues. And I'm taking pictures and I'm sending them to this little group chat that we're having which was named happy bananas by Attica.

just to give a little giggle, just stupid. Like they're not even, some of them are a little suggestive, but that's it, right? It's just ridiculous things to post in the group. Right? Like it's gonna happen. So I, and then, you know, it was a few days ago now, four or five days ago, or maybe even a week, I decided I was gonna start a Happy Bananas group. So I'm like, why am I just sharing this little bit of silliness with two people? Actually, what it was, it's our guest, Angie Hamilton, from last week's Weekend Ramble. I had her come on.

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:06.682)
It's going to happen when you're dealing with bananas.

Chuck LaFLange (22:30.322)
are into the group chat. And I was like, well, see, but now I wanna share it with more people. It's just stupid and funny and it's something to smile at every day. And yeah, right? As you know, and I know, and most of the people I deal with in a day are dealing with some serious shit. You know what I mean? Whether they're therapists or psychiatrists or people with lived experience or whatever, or outreach people, whatever. Everybody that we talk to in a day is dealing with some serious shit.

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:36.202)
Yeah, I'd be laughing at it. Eh.

Chuck LaFLange (22:59.074)
And I was like, why not just spread a little bit of laughter in a day? So my rule to myself is no, like I don't share any posts from the Ashland's awesome pager group. I don't do anything to do anything with any of that crap. Happy bananas is just for some ridiculous pictures to smile at in a day. So anybody that's listening, by all means go ahead and join, right? I kept it as a private group only so I could control that. It was only happy shit happening inside that group. Right. So find us and join, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:13.194)
Roos.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:22.495)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (23:25.13)
You'll know because it's the picture of the group is a bunch of happy bananas on statues. And there we are, right? So... What's rule 62?

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:29.706)
Do you know what rule 62 is?

Don't take yourself too serious, it'll kill ya.

Chuck LaFLange (23:37.834)
Right? You know, so yeah. Out of where like, what, what rule is? Okay. So, so as we're sitting here talking, a Facebook comment came in, I went, I read it, I shouldn't do that while we're talking, but I'm whatever, I'm human. So I look at this Facebook comment and it's one of one of our repeat guest, Shan Berness. Um, I, she had made a comment about something in there as like, Oh, I thought somebody else is posting a picture finally, because I'm the only person that's posted any pictures in this. I've just been kind of waiting for it to happen.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:38.771)
Rules. Rule 62. I don't know what the other rules are. No idea.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:05.501)
I posted... Oh, you mean other bananas? Yeah, I posted... I posted... Yeah, yeah, I commented a couple gifts.

Chuck LaFLange (24:06.174)
Well, you have in the comments, yeah, right? Like something, yeah, in the comments, right? Yeah, right? Which are funny, right? But I was like, finally, I'm gonna, oh, I was kind of sad that it was just her saying, thanks for adding me to the group or whatever. So I said that to her and she says, and she messaged her comments and said, I'm at the grocery store right now, bananas are going on the shopping list. So yay, right? So that's what I was smiling at, right? So, you know.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:19.474)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:27.81)
Heh.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:31.871)
Alright, good stuff.

Chuck LaFLange (24:34.086)
Anyway, that's the happy bananas group for you. So yeah. And hey, while we're talking early on, Ryan, we did commit, I just, I wanna do one more quick thing here. We did commit to talking about Norris, so I don't have to play that punch you in the face with an ambulance commercial. Well, during, so guys, Norris is really close to my heart. It's a system where users in Canada can call in, get registered anonymously. And when you go to, when they go to use, they can call.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:36.938)
Yeah, nice plug.

Chuck LaFLange (25:03.81)
and either get a call back or they call back in X amount of time. If something went wrong, if they're experiencing a drug poisoning or something that had an effect, there's an emergency plan that they help the Norris Volunteer create so that they can get them some help, much needed help. It doesn't have to be the ambulances and all the shit that goes with that. It can be your buddy that lives up the hall with some Narcan or something, right? But they're looking for volunteers desperately. They need more and more volunteers. If you do volunteer,

You decide when you sign on, you decide when you sign off. It's not a big commitment. It's a very small footprint on your life. And you can have a massive impact on a lot of lives by doing it. So 8,500 phone calls, no deaths. That's where they're at right now, right? So yeah, right. So yeah, there you go. So let's segue back into our topic now after hijacking it on you, right? Good job.

RBK Kaleidoscope (25:43.562)
Save lives, yeah. That's meaning.

RBK Kaleidoscope (25:52.07)
Yeah. Wow, that's a funny comment. Uh, okay. How do we... Okay. I don't know. I don't wanna do this. What is meaning? What is meaning? Good question. What is it?

Chuck LaFLange (26:07.958)
So you mentioned the difference between meaning and purpose. They are grouped together, and in my mind they are, so explain that to me, how you came to that.

RBK Kaleidoscope (26:16.242)
Meaning is intentional and purpose is...

Chuck LaFLange (26:25.686)
driver to the intention? Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (26:25.823)
Accomplishments.

the accomplishment of. But I mean, also like, it can be a conduit of. So, you know, the mean, maybe, simply put, bad example probably, I wanna be, I'm an old father, 45 with a one-year-old, you know? That means like 63 at grad. Yeah. So, my meaning is to be more healthy for my kids.

Chuck LaFLange (26:35.914)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (26:45.169)
Yep.

Chuck LaFLange (26:52.48)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (26:57.978)
So going to the gym is my purpose.

Chuck LaFLange (26:58.702)
Okay.

Okay, okay, okay. Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (27:02.998)
You know, and so what.

Chuck LaFLange (27:06.53)
So relate it back to me, because I'm still struggling with that, right? Be honest with you. My meaning and purpose, what I would call my meaning and purpose is the show and helping people and trying to crush the stigmas and all those things. So how does that relate to my situation specifically, so I can understand it better?

RBK Kaleidoscope (27:25.319)
Yeah, well, I'll do it really simply. The meaning was to fucking stop the chaos. And really, ultimately, that's, you know, I don't know if you've gotten there yet, but it's probably going to evolve to something like peaceful existence for the rest of your days. You know, like, right. Me too. So then now the purpose becomes how are you accomplishing that intention?

Chuck LaFLange (27:34.079)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (27:42.818)
That's why I'm searching for the swam in Thailand, bro. I'm searching for that intentionally.

Chuck LaFLange (27:53.938)
Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (27:53.994)
So going to Yatra, for example, is purpose, it's purposeful. It's giving purpose to your meaning. And it'll create, you know, you're already, like you said, you've already started to step out of the existential vacuum. Like that is an accomplishment to the meaning that you started with, you know? Or we can make it broader as in like, you know, I wanna give my daughters a good life.

Chuck LaFLange (28:01.458)
Okay. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (28:10.952)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck LaFLange (28:15.999)
Yes, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:24.382)
And I'm pretty sure I can't do that using heroin.

Chuck LaFLange (28:31.198)
I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I think that's a safe bet. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:31.706)
fentanyl, you know. So, you know, I believe what we fight we empower. And so, when I look at like things like maybe a heroin addiction, I don't think about it. It doesn't fit. It doesn't fit with my meaning. You know what I mean? And so, I'm not fighting it. It's not, you know, something I've touched in a long time. But...

Chuck LaFLange (28:50.05)
Yeah. Okay.

Chuck LaFLange (28:59.966)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:00.746)
So it's not a fight anymore. It's just, it is an inanimate object in a room somewhere. It doesn't have feelings. It doesn't have a heartbeat. It has no control over me. It only has the control that I attach to it. And that's the only control it has. It's not like another human being where I can be manipulated and give my control away in other ways. It literally is an inanimate object. All drugs are. So is alcohol. It doesn't have any power. We assign it power.

Chuck LaFLange (29:14.838)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck LaFLange (29:24.082)
Okay. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:28.978)
And the addiction would do that. So it's really the coping mechanism. So you know what I mean? So when it's, anyway, my point is, is that I think it's important to understand that something inanimate cannot have power over you. You have to give that to it. You have to allow that power to happen. You know, and it's such a mind fuck because it's all internal. You know what I mean? It's like, freaking, let's talk banana, like banana peels, man, like.

Chuck LaFLange (29:29.587)
Yeah, right.

Chuck LaFLange (29:35.243)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck LaFLange (29:44.426)
No, absolutely.

Chuck LaFLange (29:53.686)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:59.102)
Like, who is it? Is this a government thing maybe? It says like, if we could all smoke bananas and bananas got us high, then we'd all be banana peels, then we'd all be banana peel junkies. It's what we attach to it. So if we had things in our system that would attach to banana peels and get us high, then that's what we'd be doing. You know, and.

Chuck LaFLange (30:26.4)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (30:26.878)
Whereas, so, but my point is, is like, that's, it would not be Happy Bananas. Well, so yeah, it's like the old, you know, you know, the tale, started off great. Then it wasn't. Yeah, so, yeah, I don't know if that, if that makes sense to you, it's the, yeah, purpose is the, how we accomplish the meaning, you know, and so,

Chuck LaFLange (30:30.218)
and that would not be Happy Bananas. No, what would start as Happy Bananas, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good idea until it wasn't. Yeah, yeah, story of my life, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (30:51.122)
It does. It absolutely does. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (30:56.458)
There you go. That's a good way to simplify it and don't break it down any more than that because you'll make it fucking harder to understand. Okay, right. So yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:01.226)
Heh, okay.

Yes. And, you know, it's all long term. We don't think about it in the next week. It's like, you know, when I think about living a life full of meaning, I look at my life and what I have from here until I go. And how am I, what is the drivers? And I ask myself this all the time, like, what is driving me? I want to understand that because I want to be able to capture it or recreate it. And so...

Chuck LaFLange (31:14.345)
Mm-hmm.

Oh man.

Chuck LaFLange (31:23.138)
right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:32.058)
when I'm in rhythm, which means my values all need to be in order, and I need to be in a space of choice and freedom. And so it's funny, I was thinking about something else relative to this, about how we oscillate so much from hemisphere to hemisphere. Anyways, that won't fit here. But a good idea, nonetheless. Yeah, yeah, it is not, but I was thinking about how like.

Chuck LaFLange (31:53.931)
Sounds forced, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:57.654)
because we are often creative than linear, like creative than linear, you know what I mean? And I'm thinking about personality types actually, because I was like, people that are dominant right-sided are awful at paperwork and scheduling, you know what I mean? Like, it's so like, yeah, yeah. So yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (32:11.182)
Yeah. You just reminded me I have homework to do for Mike that I still haven't done shit. Okay. Yeah. Oh, man. Right. And I, I've literally never done homework my entire life. Not once. Right. So I'm in therapy with Mike here. And he's like, Okay, I've got some homework for you. I'm like, Okay, right. We're gonna do this dance again, are we? And I promise to do it. And I mean it to my core. And I'm going to

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:18.387)
Nothing like the last minute.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:25.034)
Huh. Really?

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:33.174)
I promise. Yeah. Dog ate it.

Chuck LaFLange (32:40.542)
And then it's five minutes before my next session. Shit, here I am.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:44.758)
Shame. Yeah, well, they're not on.

Chuck LaFLange (32:47.946)
Yeah, a little bit, a little bit. Not gonna lie. Not gonna lie. I'll tell you what though, the meditation and that finding the living in the now thing is doing a couple things for me and I'm just barely into that journey, Ryan. And I don't want to be that JC guy or the, you know what I mean? I'm trying to sound like I have all the answers. But what I'm finding is that, as you know, I struggle with ADHD in a big way. Right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:00.499)
Mm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:12.906)
Yeah, where's my keys?

Chuck LaFLange (33:15.998)
If the monkey show, right? What I'm finding is that it's not bothering me as much when I do those things because I do, I spent most of my day pissed off at myself, right? Like, and it's that, somebody said, is it that terrible as well? If you stub your toe at like a level six, it's not that big of a deal. If you stub your toe at a level six, 20 times a day, it gets pretty terrible.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:28.278)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:41.329)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (33:42.506)
Right? Like it's a shit thing to deal with. So that's how I kind of relate it. Like, oh shit, I'm so dumb, I lost my keys. It sounds like a ridiculous thing to say, or to be like, you know, to let bother you too much. But if you do it 30 times in a day and you let it bother you a little bit, it becomes quite exhausting. Right? You know, right? So, yeah. So that living in the now combined with some CBT, right? It's helped me to like, I don't get as angry at myself for it.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:57.854)
Yeah, the body of work, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I totally get it. But I mean, but.

Chuck LaFLange (34:12.598)
But as well, the chaos goes away. The chaos goes away when you can do that, when you're just like, fuck everything else. Go ahead, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (34:14.582)
that. Hey, hey, let me ask you something. What do you think the opposite of chaos is?

Chuck LaFLange (34:23.358)
Organization, yes, right, isn't it? No, harmony, okay, yeah, that'd be better, definitely, right, so, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, right, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (34:25.202)
I'd say harmony, synergy.

RBK Kaleidoscope (34:30.122)
For peace.

What was the meaning?

You know what I mean? So like, it's all, it has a lot of texture when you apply it to your life. And this is sort of what I mean. Like the thing about meaning is, it's hard to define because it's a fingerprint. Everybody's meaning is different, you know? And even if it isn't the same umbrella, it has different elements. And so like, we have to really, this is why like existentialism really helps because you can understand how to access freedom to make choices and choices to make freedom. And so...

Chuck LaFLange (34:49.963)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (35:04.914)
When I choose to live my life in meaning, everything changes. You're starting to hear things quiet down a little bit. Wait till the sky opens up, and you realize that potential is everywhere. And the human experience is bountiful with emotional drivers. And that's when I find life most beautiful, is when I'm in feeling, I'm in vulnerability. And even allowing my vulnerability to a sunset gives me this weird...

Chuck LaFLange (35:14.484)
Yeah, hey.

Oh man, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (35:33.102)
energetic connection that I can't explain. You know what I mean? All I know is that I fucking love sunsets and I really do. I do, man. Like I drop everything because I have an emotional response to them. I feel vulnerability with it. I mean I feel connected to the world. I feel connected to the universe and when I'm in that space, where do you think my self-esteem is? Where do you think my, yeah like I believe and like you know this is actually how all this came about was I was

Chuck LaFLange (35:36.03)
Yep. Yeah, right.

Chuck LaFLange (35:45.111)
Yeah, yeah, no kidding.

Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (35:57.59)
That's through the roof, right? Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (36:02.41)
Thinking about this, I'm watching the sunset, thinking about potentials in Mexico. And I was thinking, and I was like, man, like, what does it take to be somebody who changes the world? And I'm like, I look at the people that I look up to, specifically Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Dessa Mandela, even like Bobby Seals, Louis Farrakhan.

to a degree, they're a little extreme, and what do they all have in common? And like when I boil it all down, they all believed in themselves and that they could change the world enough that they fucking did and died for it in some cases. And that like Martin Luther King, to believe in something so much, knowing at any given day, you could take a bullet, and he did, and still, we have a Martin Luther King day.

Chuck LaFLange (36:38.19)
They're just people.

Chuck LaFLange (36:45.866)
Yeah, right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:01.246)
You know, that was 1963 he was killed. You know, like, right. And it started with

Chuck LaFLange (37:02.015)
Yeah, right.

Yep. Yeah. So that's legacy, right? But that is like, yeah. Right. And a great kind of legacy, not that ego shit where you get a, you know, a street named after you. That's like, that's like, right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:12.39)
No, it was... You got to holiday in multiple countries. You know? Like... And not even that stuff, but like look what he did. So you think about this. He was shot in 1963. In 1864, the 13th amendment was reached that gave Forbidden slavery. So, 99 years later, he died for the same movement.

Chuck LaFLange (37:27.722)
Look what he did. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:42.47)
And we're still not even close to there, especially down south. But like I said, those weren't called licorice babies when I was a kid, and I didn't even think twice about it.

Chuck LaFLange (37:42.646)
No kidding, eh? No kidding.

Yeah, right.

Chuck LaFLange (37:53.702)
Yeah, no, none of us did. None of us did, right? Oh, no. Right? No kidding. No kidding. Never thought about that. The yeah, right. Yeah, no kidding. There's there's another one that is in Calgary. Really nice weather this last week, I guess. I was talking to Lisa on the weekend, Rambo and, oh, it's nice weather here. I was like, you know, when I was a kid, you remember what we called that in the fall? Right. In Indian summer.

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:54.706)
No! Eenie meenie minie moe! Didn't think twice about it. No!

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:03.56)
Until you start saying it, you certainly will.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:19.09)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:22.61)
You'll see, you'll see it, come on.

Chuck LaFLange (38:22.782)
Right? Like who did like, well, it's, we said it and it's whatever, why not say it? I'm not saying that it's okay. Right? I'm not saying I refer to it now as I'm saying that back then it was acceptable and it was normal and it was not okay. Right? You know, right? Like, you know, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:28.351)
Hey.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:34.238)
I know, that is my heritage though. But I mean, they still like, it was still, you know, it was the Indian act for how long, you know? And I don't know, down south, they still, it's part of the legislature as Indian. Like, come on, get with it. You know, I don't know. So yeah, I mean, yeah, okay. So I went on a bit of a rip there, okay. Ha.

Chuck LaFLange (38:43.498)
Yeah. Right.

Chuck LaFLange (38:51.582)
Yeah, right, right. So, right. It's, it's messed up, man. It's messed up.

Chuck LaFLange (39:03.286)
That's okay. We are getting close to mailbag time here, brother. But that's okay because I think we've just kicked off a three-part series here is what I think. Because we can go down. Yeah, I think so. I think so, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:04.262)
Oh yeah, wow. Wow, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:10.74)
We did?

There's so much here. If it's about rhythm, but we can't really, we'll talk offline about that. Cause that's a bit tough to market. You have to have an understanding of what I'm talking about. You have to listen to this podcast.

Chuck LaFLange (39:20.978)
Yeah, yeah, right. So by the time you've listened to this much of it, you'll have an idea why it was named, what it was named, and you'll be looking forward to part two, hopefully, if we're doing our jobs right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:37.054)
Yeah, well, we will be. If history shows us, we've missed three shows in the almost a year. But.

Chuck LaFLange (39:42.208)
Yes.

Chuck LaFLange (39:46.578)
Yeah, well, I mean, if they're looking forward to it, if we're doing our job, right? I mean, we'll get the show done. Right? Right. Yeah, you're not you know, I'm saying, I'm saying so. Oh, oh, it's gonna work this time. Ah, it's gonna work this time. Yay. We're going to do the commercial leading up to mailbag. And it's gonna work this time. Yeah, I know. Yeah, but now they do. Right. So yeah, okay. All right. So

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:49.242)
Alright, yeah, right, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I can't, yeah, maybe, yeah, nevermind. Heh.

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:59.087)
I know what I'm saying.

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:06.214)
Nobody knows what you're doing. Oh!

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:14.006)
Go Dolphins.

Chuck LaFLange (40:16.701)
Let's get in the mailbag and before we do that, here it is.

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:48.029)
Radio voice. You got a face for radio.

Chuck LaFLange (40:48.959)
There you go, there you go.

Chuck LaFLange (40:54.306)
So it's time for the mail bag. Right? Yeah. That's what I was trying to play last week when I couldn't get her done. So I had to cut it in the episode later. Right? But yeah. Yeah. So and by the time you listen to this episode, I don't know who's coming up this week. But yeah. Last week, you can go back and check it out. I will know who was on. Last week.

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:56.394)
That's funny. Oh no.

RBK Kaleidoscope (41:03.432)
OK.

Chuck LaFLange (41:16.182)
Friday we had, and you can go and find them live on the Facebook page, or not live, but pre-recorded on the Facebook page. It's the only place you'll find the Black Ash Radio so far anyway, until we, you know, such time as we make a change to that. Ryan, of course, was the one that one, and so was Quinn Stone. Quinn Stone is a social media legend. He is massive, he has a huge following, and he's all about different recovery methods. He's a micro-doser, he's got some things going on. He seems like a pretty great guy, can't wait to...

meet him we're gonna be recording with him sometime soon here today so yeah all right all right all right so mailbag my friends you ready for that

RBK Kaleidoscope (41:54.355)
Yeah, okay, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (41:57.342)
Yeah, okay. We have three countries today covered, which is kind of cool. First question, do I read them in accent? No, we learned last week we don't do that, right? Yeah. It is our first UK one. Yes, it is. Yes, yeah. So question from Sophie in London, United Kingdom. Hi Ryan, I'm Sophie from London. In my recovery journey, I've often felt that overwhelmed by the pressure to bounce back quickly.

RBK Kaleidoscope (42:06.111)
Oh look at that! Hey! Is that our first UK one?

Cool, okay.

Chuck LaFLange (42:25.91)
How do you suggest dealing with the internal and external pressures of recovery? And what are some realistic expectations one should have during this process?

RBK Kaleidoscope (42:33.419)
Um bounce back quickly. Um, I don't like I don't know what that means.

Chuck LaFLange (42:35.574)
Thank you, Sophie. Thank you.

Chuck LaFLange (42:42.954)
Well, I think it's, if you think back to early recovery, and your days when that was your mission in life, I think it's an expectation where, it's tough. It's tough to be broken. It's tough when you're sober and all that, because you just want things to get better now, right? And there's a lot of work. It's like I'm a year into it, man, and I've still got a lot of work to do. So, I think that's what we're talking about.

RBK Kaleidoscope (42:58.457)
Oh, okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (43:04.442)
Okay, okay, so how okay?

RBK Kaleidoscope (43:09.946)
So we kind of talked about this actually. The way that I would look at this is whose journey is it? First of all, I would qualify the pressure. So the pressure physics, a constant force against a lack of space creates pressure. And so life is a constant force. Yet we can often.

The pressure is actually perceptual. So I would qualify to say that it's my life that I'm living and I make the rules here. And your opinion of my journey needs to be qualified. And so that's why I say that people have to earn the right to hear my story. That's a Brene Brownism. And like, so, you know, what are these,

What are you bouncing back from? And like, whose timeline is this? Because you can own your own life timeline and you can stand in your own truth and it helps build your self-worth and your identity. And so when I'm like, you know, like, and I know how that is early on and I wish you would have learned this early because what I did was I took those pressures and I kind of excelled at them, but it was for the wrong reasons. And that ended up turning out to be an empty endeavor.

Chuck LaFLange (44:19.55)
Yeah, it does.

RBK Kaleidoscope (44:37.174)
where like the real work I needed to do, it wasn't about how many sponcies I had or you know like my ability to always say that I'm good, you know which is a crock of shit. And those are the these are the pressures of like and we see like you know if shame or in comparison is an agent of stigma then we're constantly, sorry if comparison is an agent of shame, then we're constantly feeling less than because what do we do? Like what's the first question? How much time do you have?

Chuck LaFLange (44:49.418)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (45:08.234)
Yeah, always, right? I catch myself, you know how I feel about counting time, but I catch myself all the time wanting to ask that and trying really hard not to, until I know that person quite well, until I've heard so much more about them and then it just kind of comes up in an organic way. It's like, oh yeah, so how much time do you have, right? But it is never the first words out of my mouth anymore. Absolutely not. Nope, I just refuse to, right? You know?

RBK Kaleidoscope (45:11.572)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (45:19.042)
Yo, I-

RBK Kaleidoscope (45:30.564)
I have before looked at my watch, said, oh, it's 5'10", walked away. What did you do?

Chuck LaFLange (45:38.398)
Right? There you go. There you go. And again, I think you said it right. Who has the right to hear your story? Who earns that right? You know what I mean? So once I know you quite well, oh, well, how much time do you have? Right? And when I'm asked of it, I can say, well, it was a year on October 21st because that's when my father passed. But, you know, that's still the only reason I know. Right? You know? Right? Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (45:43.166)
Yeah, like...

RBK Kaleidoscope (45:54.59)
Why are you never gonna hear that from me? Cause that to me, it's like, something else I would answer is like, that's really unimportant to me. What is important to me is I can tell you about the moment that I felt free. The moment that I was, I felt I could stand in my own truth, which was not the day that I put a fucking drug down. You know what I mean? Or even in that first year, or even in that first try.

Chuck LaFLange (46:10.654)
Wow. Ooh, I like that.

Chuck LaFLange (46:20.214)
Yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (46:23.09)
Never mind that, you know? And so, yeah, like even, it's all like, okay. Locus, sorry, Locus, our control mechanisms, what we control, I've learned it. I thought everyone in the world knew that word. Okay, it is effort, commitment, environment, and perception. So.

Chuck LaFLange (46:24.363)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

Chuck LaFLange (46:38.989)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (46:44.833)
Thank you.

Chuck LaFLange (46:48.882)
of an inside joke there folks but yeah okay sorry.

RBK Kaleidoscope (46:50.994)
This would fall underneath the realm of perception. Your expectation of me is your problem. Not mine. It's not my problem to fix. You know what I mean? And so like...

Chuck LaFLange (46:55.178)
Yes, yes.

Chuck LaFLange (46:59.894)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (47:03.23)
100%. So quickly is to who? Quickly.

RBK Kaleidoscope (47:07.206)
Yeah, yeah, like, according to who? What, who's making the rules that I have to be at this certain place at a certain time? Well, you know, I need my step four done by this time or five done by this time or whatever. Like, who's making those rules? Because honestly, it's my life and I'm the only person that gets to make the rules. I like some of other people's rules and I use them. You know, and I hope that's a flattering moment, but it's because I chose to. Not because I didn't choose and I let my low self-esteem history.

Chuck LaFLange (47:32.906)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (47:35.942)
decide for me that what you think matters, or what I think you think matters. Because I'm probably not asking questions either.

Chuck LaFLange (47:39.958)
Yes.

RBK Kaleidoscope (47:45.018)
You know, so yeah, the pressure is subjective and it is part of our ability to create perception. So I would shift the lens and I would be kind to myself. I would be proud of myself. I would be strength based. I would not listen to anybody else's expectations and I would think about my expectations. I would set my expectations, turn them into goals, allow myself some space as a human being to fuck something up.

Chuck LaFLange (47:45.118)
Yeah, yeah, right, right. So.

Chuck LaFLange (48:00.778)
100%. Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (48:14.982)
I would do my best to reach that goal. You know? Thank you. It was a Ryanism.

Chuck LaFLange (48:16.501)
Hahaha

Chuck LaFLange (48:20.43)
Treat yourself like you would your best friend. You know? Yeah. Right? 100%. It is a Ryanism. Yes, it is. Okay. Let's move on to the next one, buddy. All right. Thank you, Sophie, for that. And thank you for listening in from London. So, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (48:29.191)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (48:34.354)
Thanks, Ovi, and thanks for being our first international.

Chuck LaFLange (48:39.61)
Yes, well, the US is international too, right? So, yes, yes. So, so for our second international question of the day, like what I did there, question from David in Chicago, I just love saying Chicago. So, USA. Hello, Ryan, this is David from Chicago. I've been sober for a year now, but I still face a lot of stigma from people who learn about my past struggles with addiction.

RBK Kaleidoscope (48:42.682)
Oh yeah. Yeah, forgot about that.

RBK Kaleidoscope (48:50.462)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (48:54.922)
It's like Alex saying Charlene.

Chuck LaFLange (49:07.074)
How can I navigate these situations in a way that educates others and reduces stigma around recovery without feeling like I'm constantly defending my past? Can I take a stab at this one? Don't defend your past. Don't feel like the need. Don't, who the hell do you need to defend your past to? Right? You know, right? Yeah, right. I think that your last answer almost answers this one, but continue. I don't mean to take away from David. Right. You know, so.

RBK Kaleidoscope (49:22.43)
earned the right to your story.

RBK Kaleidoscope (49:28.35)
Well, no, hold on. No, no, no. Because the first thing I would challenge David on is how are you creating that identity that people are absorbing? And you know, like, my name's David, I'm an addict is one way. And if you, and I bet you, if we go to these recovery communities and you ask how many people are, their identity relies upon those rooms, those church basements.

Chuck LaFLange (49:40.243)
Okay. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (49:46.026)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (49:57.158)
Most of them would say no, but the reality is, I would say, a strong percentage of people, their identity is being an addict. In recovery...

Chuck LaFLange (50:05.014)
100%. Mine has been for quite a while myself. It was until recently with the, you know, getting rid of that existential vacuum that I've really started to not, right? So, yeah. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (50:11.486)
No. That's what I mean. And like, this is these those extrinsic fillers that we try to fill and replace meaning and purpose. And like, so yeah, how are you setting yourself up to be, are you walking around telling everyone that you're an addict? Cause you're gonna get stigma. And I'm not saying that you need to change, David. The world certainly needs to change without a doubt. But what are you doing to perpetuate an identity that people...

Chuck LaFLange (50:34.628)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (50:40.402)
That's more true to you that people can absorb instead of this I'm an addict and then talking about your life as a drug addict like you're gonna get you're gonna face stigma And then when we find that part out then you can be an agent in the shift of the social tapestry To change the way people are seeing But yeah, and yeah, and then they have they earned the right to hear the story like, you know what I mean? And you assign power So whatever is bothering you probably let it in you probably invited it and you probably say

Chuck LaFLange (50:47.91)
Absolutely.

Chuck LaFLange (50:56.522)
Yes.

Chuck LaFLange (51:03.698)
Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (51:09.79)
Get in here. I'm feeling too good. I need some chaos in my brain. So come on in. Here's a bunch of power. And go run amok. I don't feel like sleeping tonight. Yeah, so. Yeah. So yeah, I hope that answers it. And David, also like, please refer to the question before. Because it's all relative. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (51:17.578)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (51:27.15)
True story, true story. Alright.

Chuck LaFLange (51:37.215)
Yeah, it is, it is, right? So, all right, next one up. Question from Grace in Vancouver, Canada. Hey Ryan, Grace from Vancouver. So you're part of the world. I'm finding it challenging to maintain motivation in my recovery, especially during times of stress or when old triggers resurface. Could you share some insights or techniques that can help you, someone say, motivated and focused on the recovery path during.

RBK Kaleidoscope (52:00.547)
Well, Grace, refer to the first part of this episode. Challenging to maintain motivation.

And that sounds like existential vacuum if I ever heard a statement.

Yeah. So why? Like, where are you going? How are you getting? I don't think I can ever be bored again. Sometimes I'll just sit and think about how everything at my desk here, if you look at it in molecular level, nothing is touching. This whole planet is floating at a molecular level. That's super interesting to me. You know what I mean? And so like, there's, there's like, there's a million, I'm trying to think about

Chuck LaFLange (52:18.314)
Right? Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (52:36.01)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (52:43.306)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (52:46.742)
uh where you where we are it's almost a scary thought but we are what we know based on science is that we are a tiny little galaxy or solar system out in the like middle of the corner of something massive that could end up being a molecular structure for the brain of some alien animal for all we know you know what i mean like we have no idea

Chuck LaFLange (52:50.902)
Yeah. Right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (53:16.21)
what we are, what we're doing, but that leaves us with all the room in the world to do whatever we want as long as we maintain responsibility. Responsibility is a very important part of meaning to be clear and so when we act in response when we act as responsible especially to the to our driver of meaning then we find alignment and rhythm and life takes off.

Chuck LaFLange (53:16.675)
Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Chuck LaFLange (53:26.623)
Yes, yes it does.

Chuck LaFLange (53:30.975)
100%.

Chuck LaFLange (53:34.795)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (53:46.666)
Yeah, it does. Yeah. Awesome. Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (53:47.858)
Yeah. So yeah, motivating, focused in a... I think there's more here.

Chuck LaFLange (54:00.118)
So, yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (54:01.658)
Yeah, I mean, honestly, like, every day, asking yourself the question, do you, who do I want to be today? And then trying to live that out. Expanding your emotions.

Chuck LaFLange (54:09.962)
Yeah, right. And it's almost cliche and you've heard it before, but fast forward the tape, right? It's such like, really, if you're looking for a technique to deal with that craving or that, you know, fast forward that tape, man, cause like, woof, right? I tell ya, you know, when I was battling with this, I've told you about it before, like all it takes is 40 bucks and a phone call for the chaos to go away, you know, because I'm not medicated for my ADHD and.

RBK Kaleidoscope (54:13.906)
Yeah, yeah, please, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (54:35.146)
It's like, all I gotta do though, man, is think about what tomorrow and the next day and the next day look like, and it's real easy to just take it back. And let those cravings happen is a big one for me too. Yeah, if you're gonna fight it, you're giving it power. So just, yeah, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (54:41.525)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (54:46.448)
Get out of the way.

Exactly. Thank you. Yeah. Get out of the way. And, you know, to be honest with you, that is that's how we process just about every emotion. The ones we label as good emotions, we hold on to those a little longer, but they're going away. They're feelings. You know what I mean? Everything will pass. And the other thing is, like, if you're in a state of, like, not being motivated, think about what you're inviting in right now. You know, like, if you're if you're sitting in it, you're leaving the door open for it. You're pretty much looking for.

Chuck LaFLange (55:02.826)
Yeah. Absolutely.

Chuck LaFLange (55:13.718)
Yeah, yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (55:18.85)
Anything negative and you could be building your case for your next relapse you know and so like I'd say there's nothing I need to do to stay motivated in my life and I work a lot and I don't want to Every day I feel like how are you gonna get out of this today? Well You have two beautiful children and wife that need you to go to work today You know what I mean? Okay

Chuck LaFLange (55:24.278)
Yeah, yeah, right.

Chuck LaFLange (55:34.391)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (55:43.818)
Yeah, right, right. Look at some successes around you. Look at like, you know, use them for inspiration or whatever too, you know, so, you know, yeah, you know.

RBK Kaleidoscope (55:49.786)
Yeah, and there's a lot. And it's a really good point too. I think the other thing is like, you know, I would ask Grace, um, how was your connection to your support network? And what does that look like? Is it healthy? Who are the members of that support network? Network? Do they qualify? You know, like, uh, and so, because to me it's like, Hey, you're, you know, and you've had this where you've gone into a bit of a law and I'll call it, I'll call it out and we'll talk about it. And that to me is what support is.

Chuck LaFLange (56:05.418)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (56:17.898)
Yeah, 100%, 100%. Something a dear friend of mine back in Regina who went back out recently and I've talked about quite a bit, Jess. She went back out recently and I sent her a message last night. She's like, if you think it's tough to get clean, think about how tough your life is right now. Like you can do it because you've done this for years.

RBK Kaleidoscope (56:20.522)
You know?

RBK Kaleidoscope (56:40.906)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (56:46.378)
Let me tell you, that's tough. Right? You know what I mean? Like, so you can, because it's, you know, you got this in you. So, you know, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (56:52.222)
Yeah, and I always, you know, I used to always tell myself, now I have kids, it's a little different, but I used to always tell myself that nothing can hurt me as much as I really do.

I'll never feel that depth of pain again. Now, I could challenge that by saying if I lost my daughter, yeah, but losing my sister's never gonna die again. That's not gonna happen. And so, and I got through that. So I can get through anything.

Chuck LaFLange (57:02.431)
Yeah, right.

Chuck LaFLange (57:09.73)
Of course, of course, right. Yeah, yeah, right, so.

Yeah. Listen. Thank you for that, Sophie. Thank you very much. That does bring us to grace. Sorry, I already thanked Sophie. Sorry. I got thanked an extra time, Sophie. That's what you get from the other side of the pond. Well, my side of the pond now, I get kind of, I guess, right, depending on how you look at things. But yeah, yeah. Right. Anyway, this is my favorite part of the show. That is the...

RBK Kaleidoscope (57:17.834)
You know, and I have evidence.

RBK Kaleidoscope (57:23.551)
Grace.

RBK Kaleidoscope (57:29.025)
Ha! And Sobi, and David. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a... That's a long stretch between pawns. Ha! Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (57:45.622)
daily gratitudes. Good thing. Which got for some gratitudes today, Ryan, my friend.

RBK Kaleidoscope (57:51.415)
Oh, it's not a gratitude week. To be honest with you, I'm uh...

Chuck LaFLange (57:56.905)
But it is, but it is, all the more important to make it one then, right? So, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (57:58.642)
Yeah, and yeah, yeah. Don't learn shit on your good days, right? So I guess I'm grateful for the struggle of life in all it gives me relative to wisdom, knowledge, and experience. Always grateful for my wife and children, of course, and I didn't put that first, dammit. Broke a streak. She's even listening. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (58:04.903)
Yep.

Chuck LaFLange (58:18.198)
course. She knows you are. She knows you are. Yeah. Oh yeah. There's that.

RBK Kaleidoscope (58:27.782)
Yeah, I don't, uh, yeah. Yeah, man, just life's hard and I got to enjoy the ride. So I'm grateful for perspective or perception.

Chuck LaFLange (58:35.121)
Yeah, true story, right? True story.

Chuck LaFLange (58:39.326)
Yes, yes, there you go. Myself, I'm grateful for yoga, grateful for my health, grateful for being in a position to end the chaos. I am, like my list of gratitudes grows every single day by leaps and bounds. It's just, it's amazing, right? When the life I'm living and the life I'm about to live, if I keep on this path are pretty great, are pretty great indeed, right? So.

Chuck LaFLange (59:09.086)
I'm grateful for every single person that messages or drops a comment with encouragement. You know, I got one randomly from a buddy's wife who I've never met before. She's like, you know, my husband so and so today, you know, and I just, you know, she had a comment to make about my last vlog. And she said, you know, and I just want you to know what you're doing. It's great, you know, and it's awesome. And I'm proud of you. Right. Every one of those things makes a big difference, you know, right? Like it's, it's a driver for me and it's pretty cool. So.

I'm also grateful to every single watcher, listener, and supporter. You guys are amazing. You're so amazing, right? As I share the vlog, it feels egotistical of me sometimes. And I'll but whatever else, I'll bathe in it for a little bit. I'll bathe in it for a bit because it's nice. It's nice to get those words of encouragement and all that stuff. Right. You know, what's up? There you go. All right. Well, if we can get everybody to listen for eight months. Yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (59:42.454)
Good luck.

RBK Kaleidoscope (59:50.398)
No, no. You know what I'm laughing at? You said driver. And you used it right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:00:00.246)
Dumb it down, hey?

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:00:06.602)
Ha ha ha!

Chuck LaFLange (01:00:08.718)
All right, anyway, the argument continues. Okay. And lastly, and most certainly not least, I'm thankful to every single person that likes, comments, shares, supports us in any which way that you do. Anytime you do any one of these things, you're getting me a little bit closer to continuing to live my best life, and that is to make a humble living spreading the message. The message is this, if you're in active addiction right now, today could be that day, today could be that day that you start a journey that goes the rest of your life.

Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call them to detox, go to a meeting. I don't really care, just do something to get it started because it is so much better than the alternative. And if you have a loved one, if you have a loved one who's still suffering an addiction right now, just take the time, listen to us. Maybe just take a minute out of your day and text that person, let them know they are loved. Do not assume they know they are loved. Let them know.

That little glimmer of hope. Hope. Use the words.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:01:05.19)
You were loved.

Chuck LaFLange (01:01:08.182)
That little glimmer of hope just might be the thing that brings him back. I went and messed with it all myself and then I, yeah, all right. As soon as I change it up.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:01:12.094)
Uh-huh. Was me. Was me.