199-KALEIDOSCOPE WED - DISCOVERING FREEDOM ON A SCOOTER IN KRABI

Chuck LaFLange (00:01.243)
Hello everybody, watchers, listeners, supporters of all kinds. Welcome to another episode of the, of Kaleidoscope Wednesday on the Ashes Tossin Podcast. I'm your host Chuck LaFlange checking in from Thailand, halfway around the world in virtual studio is Ryan Bathgate. How are you doing today, brother?

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:17.326)
Oh yeah, I'm coming out of frazzled from technology because I'm definitely Gen X. I struggle with calculators. And so now I'm trying to make a camera work through software programs and patches. And they don't like me. And so if I was able to diagnose.

Technology, I would say that there's a severe personality disorder I might think A bipolar personality disorder to be specific yet with some kind of like strange codependent thing going on Because what'll happen is I'll put my I'll put my camera on and it won't work and then I'll go to turn it off

And right before it powers off, it'll flash like it turned on. Like, where are you going? You know? And so...

Chuck LaFLange (01:19.516)
Ooh, so some gas lighting happening in there, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:23.746)
Some gasoline, yeah, and definitely sociopathic. So after that clinical evaluation, I have surmised, or in conclusion, I am very frustrated, and it happened at the hands of something that doesn't even live. An inanimate object took all of my power

Chuck LaFLange (01:26.824)
That's Gaslady SF.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:53.17)
and made, turned me into a hate machine. Yeah, in the matter of a second. And then it was like, just to make it extra funny, right at the end here, you watch this. We're gonna really piss him off. They're doing this in the computer. Let's turn his mouse off. Ha ha ha. And then my mouse stops working. So my mouse, my headphone, my camera, and my mic all down.

Chuck LaFLange (01:56.363)
I saw that when we first checked in here. Ha ha ha.

Chuck LaFLange (02:21.843)
Ha ha ha.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:22.814)
in a matter of a couple minutes. And so, yeah, artificial intelligence. I don't know how artificial that is because that's a pretty funny humor and that kind of humor takes intelligence. Because if I could do that to you, man, I would laugh for days. I'd be like, watch this. I'm just gonna fuck his camera up a little bit. He won't be able to focus. It'll be so funny.

Chuck LaFLange (02:25.647)
That's awesome.

Chuck LaFLange (02:30.991)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (02:46.379)
it.

Chuck LaFLange (02:51.539)
That is totally something that I would do given the opportunity. Totally something I would do.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:52.59)
Quick turn his make off! Ha ha! Yeah! Oh yeah!

It's like a little thing, you know, I used to turn on all the buttons before someone started their car. And they'd have all the, they'd start the car, like windshield wipers are going and things are flashing and high beams are on. I always thought that was pretty funny. That like, the radio's cranked. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I have a theory that all technology...

Chuck LaFLange (03:01.621)
Yeah, I uh...

Chuck LaFLange (03:09.843)
Yeah

Chuck LaFLange (03:16.391)
Panic mode, right? Just like when my computer makes a noise. Ah, panic mode, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back when it wasn't all digital buttons, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:27.95)
I have a theory that all technology is in unison with the single aim of laughing hysterically at human beings and their idiosyncrasies. So, that's how I do it.

Chuck LaFLange (03:40.644)
When I used to work on cars quite a bit, it would be the, like this is going to sound mildly racist, but when I was working on imports, it'd be, oh, look at big dumb round eye. He's trying to get his hands in there. Wow, I can't just say that. I'll probably edit that out. I might not. We'll see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, speaking of Asia, I'm in Thailand. Yeah, so I moved into my place last night. I didn't get here till like...

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:53.934)
Ha ha ha, silly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dude.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:04.926)
Yes, yes, so...

Chuck LaFLange (04:06.711)
Nine o'clock, I'll tell you what though, it's a crazy day. So moving is a stressful day, right? We all know this. When I was in the moving business, it was my sales pitch. Moving is the second most stressful thing you ever do, right, you know, next to divorce. Quite often they go hand in hand, ha ha. It's kind of my opening line to my sales gate, right? So, and me being a mover for most of my life, and death and whatever, it was part of my sales pitch. I'm not saying that it was like completely above board, man. I was a salesman, come on, so.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:26.082)
What about firing? Isn't firing in there getting fired?

Chuck LaFLange (04:36.731)
Um, a salesman and active addiction at that. So, um, so yeah, so it's a stressful day for me. It's tough because this is what I've done for so long. And it's something I am very, very good at. Right. And people are like, everybody thinks they're great because they played a game of Tetris and they moved 20 times. And it's like, no, like there's so much, so much more than that to it. And yesterday was a good example. So, you know, I, I show up to help out, you know, at Mike's place and right away, these guys are loading the truck. And I'm just like,

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:40.909)
Yeah, so very ethical.

Chuck LaFLange (05:07.011)
and everything in me to just shut up. Because who wants to be that guy, right? But eventually I had to step in. Okay, okay Matt, no we're not making another trip. Do this, and this and it'll fit. But anyway, everybody has got their own priorities, their own things happening. Three hours, three hours.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:12.526)
I'm sorry.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:21.378)
How far away is it?

Hold on, it's a three hour drive from Mike's place.

Chuck LaFLange (05:29.731)
from well from Phuket to Krabi right so yeah kind of you have to go around the bay so you have to go north to get up off the island then you come around the bay and then you go south right so yeah so where the watermelons grow yeah so yeah there is something about okay yeah anyway

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:34.05)
Okay, in three hours south.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:44.662)
where the watermelons grow.

Isn't that a song? Down by the bay. Heh.

Chuck LaFLange (05:56.355)
Everybody's stressed out. They've all, like, a whole bunch of lives have just changed. Well, this is in this, what's all the staff that are moving with the center, right? So all of, there's like, there's Guy, there's Teddy, there's Stacey, there's Mike, there's Chu, there's the Thai support staff, three of them. Yeah, right? I think it's everybody except one person, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:56.942)
Back to my home. Yeah, okay. Who's everyone? Who's here? Who, what people?

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:17.358)
Oh, oh, everyone's moving?

Chuck LaFLange (06:24.215)
that's involved with the center didn't like move to here. Yeah, all into their own places, all into like, it's they moved towns to stay with Yatra. No, well it is because they moved the center to a new location. Yeah, Yatra is now based in Krabi, right? Yeah, yeah, right? Yeah, that makes sense. So everybody's got their own priorities, things going on. I jump in with a couple of people that don't typically get along that well, it seems.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:25.23)
And they're moving into the...

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:31.867)
Okay, so it's not like a new center.

And so YACH

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:40.502)
Okay, okay, okay that makes okay gotcha

Chuck LaFLange (06:53.603)
And it's like three hours of, like seriously guys? Is this like really? But everybody, I get it. People are cracked up and it's just, you know, I've been around this huge portion of my life. I know what the stress is like. So I'm just, I'm trying to stay optimistic, but at the same time, maybe there was decisions made that were completely selfish in there and miscommunication piled on top of it. And at the end of the day, everybody was just super, super cranky. And I'm like, can I just like get to my place? So now it's dark.

I have to come find this place that I've only been to once. All the addresses are in Thai, right? But here's what happens. What we came, so they're, I'm in Krabi Town. They're in the country where the new center is, like right on the ocean. So we come to Krabi Town because there's one of the staff and myself are both renting scooters from these people. It was like, it was a really good deal. So we came to Krabi Town to seal that deal and get it taken care of.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:30.947)
Perfect.

Chuck LaFLange (07:52.931)
So we do that and then we got to go out to the country to pick up my stuff and bring it back here. And everybody's stressed and it's a long day. And I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to, I'm just going to on a wing and a prayer, let's see what happens. So I text these people that we rented the scooter from and said, listen, I don't know anybody. And the one fellow speaks really good English. He spent most of his life in Europe. So I said, I don't know anybody, but like I can pay somebody to come pick me and my stuff up. So that because it's just I don't want to be one more problem on top of everything else that's going on right now.

It was one car and 42 things to do, right? So, yeah, no problem, we'll be around. On the way to help you, Chris. On the way to help you. And like this man and this woman, James and Ella, come down to come out to scoop me up, me and my stuff. We get to talking on the way back. He's in recovery, who knew? And they were just like salt of the earth, amazing people. And they're my neighbors. They live in the same complex as me.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:43.991)
What?

Chuck LaFLange (08:50.531)
Right? So it just turned out to be like, and so by the time we get home these people go ahead. Yeah. What were you saying? Yeah. What's that?

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:53.063)
Well, hey, hey!

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:58.434)
Well, I just have a funny little thing. I'm currently wearing an Al Borland Christmas Jersey, Christmas shirt. Who happens to be the famous tagline. Oh, hey neighbor. Yeah, no.

Chuck LaFLange (09:08.187)
What does that mean? Oh, Al Borland. Oh, okay. Yes.

Hahaha!

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:18.646)
Oh no, that was, that was not his, no, it was, it was Dexter Wilson or something. Maybe that was Dennis Samaras. Anyway, I thought it was funny that I was, I was wearing an Al Borland shirt and it didn't work out. They're not all home runs. Anyway, anyways.

Chuck LaFLange (09:20.439)
Oh, that was next door. That was, um.

Chuck LaFLange (09:26.039)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. His tagline was, I don't think so, Tim. Right? Yeah. I don't think so, Ryan. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, all right. I saved it. Here, I'll save it for you. I'll save it for you. I don't think so. I'm saving it for you. I don't think so, Ryan. Right? There you go, done. Right? His line was, I don't think so, Tim. Right? So, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Help me help you. Anyway.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:46.984)
Thanks. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and he can smell any kind of wood and tell you what it is, unless it's the sock.

Chuck LaFLange (09:54.711)
Yeah. Anyway. So, it's a really good thing I've got Thai people to help me find this place, because it's in the dark. They help me get settled. Then they come back and pick me up, take me to the nearest 7-Eleven, so I can get some supplies and stuff for the night, because I'm gonna drive a scooter in Thailand for the first time in the middle of the night. It was just like, yeah, probably not. So, these people just turns out to be salt of the earth. He's in recovery. He's like, everything worked out really, really well.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:00.185)
You've seen that, have you?

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:06.785)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (10:23.471)
really, really well in the end. And then I was up at 5 a.m. this morning, as you know, so that's when I messaged you back. And I had to jump on my scooter to run to 7-Eleven to pick up some supplies to get my little studio thing set up here. And so there I am cruising down and you know, it's neat, man, it's freedom. It's like, it's the type of freedom I haven't had in a very long time, a very long time, you know, just autonomy, I've got my own place, I'm on a, I got wheels now, I'm whipping around, you know, like it's been pretty amazing, pretty amazing.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:47.083)
Hmm

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:52.618)
Okay, okay, let's, I wanna pick that part a little bit.

Chuck LaFLange (10:57.265)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:59.618)
Let's understand how you say that you're experiencing freedom. Now, what do we know about freedom? It's either freedom is choice, freedom is responsibility. How does that work in this instance? What are the choices you've made to be able to cultivate this freedom?

Chuck LaFLange (11:08.571)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (11:14.915)
Yes, both in this case, both, 100% both. Well, yeah, well, I mean, I chose to come out here. I chose to get over whatever, not get over, but maybe embrace whatever trepidation or fear there was to get here. I chose to start dealing with the issues, right? What's that? I chose recovery for one, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:34.197)
Okay, okay, go back though.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:39.626)
Well, this freedom started with the statement, you are loved, and it attaching meaning to it.

Chuck LaFLange (11:43.805)
Yep.

Chuck LaFLange (11:53.063)
True story.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:53.414)
Really, this is your commitment to your father. That's the first choice.

Chuck LaFLange (12:00.751)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:02.678)
Right? It coincides that your sobriety date happens to be the same date as your father's passing.

Chuck LaFLange (12:08.387)
Yeah, well, it's certainly no coincidence. All right. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:13.79)
Right. So you made a commitment there without any knowledge of choice and freedom's connection, without any knowledge of responsibility and freedom's connection. Yet it started, it springboarded a trajectory that a year and whatever later you are experiencing with your own fingerprints what freedom means to you.

Chuck LaFLange (12:24.723)
Hmm

Chuck LaFLange (12:29.723)
Yep.

Chuck LaFLange (12:33.988)
Two months, not even two months now, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (12:39.779)
Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:43.682)
So you made that choice, then you decided, I'm gonna plug in the jug, whatever you want to call it. And then what happens? Oh shit, I have more choices to make. I'm not gonna last if I don't decide to start to make a commitment to process.

Chuck LaFLange (12:51.257)
Yep.

Yeah, yeah, many more.

Chuck LaFLange (13:03.703)
Yes. Yeah, I did.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:04.85)
Damn it got tough.

And then it got really tough because you also made another commitment. And that's to help people the way you know, how, and the way that your, uh, natural talents will allow you to at the, at the greatest potential. And the sacrifice you made to do that is a complete standard of life. In essence, you were much poorer in every way being sober than you were using.

Chuck LaFLange (13:21.327)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (13:39.215)
Thank you, Ryan. Thank you.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:45.691)
Well, it's not a compliment.

It's a validation.

Chuck LaFLange (13:51.56)
Thank you. Thank you. It means a lot to me actually. It means a lot.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:53.114)
Okay, so now...

Well, like, and you went through it and you remember it kept saying, like, you don't work this hard to get nothing out of it.

Chuck LaFLange (14:03.419)
Yeah, right. Yeah, you did. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:05.15)
You know, and I think I said that many, many times. Right? Now, it's a subjective statement because I wasn't sure I was talking about money. I don't think I was. Although the struggles seem to be about money. They weren't. Um, but, uh, so then it's like, you know, we, uh, through, I don't know, the channels.

Chuck LaFLange (14:21.857)
No.

Chuck LaFLange (14:25.679)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:36.958)
Mike comes on the show and that was a choice that you made to bring him on without understanding what kind of freedom might lie on the other side of that. You exercised a consistency of responsibility by pumping out a show every week, three shows, four shows a week, and you committed to that. Therefore, right? And it's a big commitment.

Chuck LaFLange (14:41.7)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (14:46.192)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (14:56.719)
Six.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:03.83)
but that reinforced your value of integrity. And this is all happening outside awareness. Your intrinsic resources start to increase instead of deplete, even in the face of devastating struggle from a social standard perspective. Okay, so you go there and all, the courage it takes, don't get on that fucking plane. Come on.

Chuck LaFLange (15:09.267)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (15:15.813)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (15:23.099)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (15:34.717)
I give myself a lot of credit for that. A month before, a year before I could get on a bus, right? You know, yeah, like getting on a bus was a big deal a year before that, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:34.878)
You know, that's a big... Yeah, well, you should, man. It's a big move. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:47.906)
So I would say that was a launch pad. That commitment, because that's what it was. Let's not mince that. What we're talking about here is locus of control, commitment, perception, environment, and effort. Commitment and effort have been consistent throughout. You exercised your environment shift. You didn't want to be in that environment anymore, and you chose to find a new one through the.

Chuck LaFLange (15:53.628)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (16:06.043)
Right? Right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:17.126)
medium of courage.

Chuck LaFLange (16:19.439)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:20.638)
Right? You go there for a month, and I mean, again, here we go. Stress, the situation room, what's going to happen? How am I going to be able to pull this off? And the decision there is, I'm going to get out of the way. I'm going to show up. I'm going to suit up. I'm going to do the work. And I'm going to trust that the universe has a bigger plan for me as long as I'm putting one foot in front of the other in the right direction.

Chuck LaFLange (16:29.725)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (16:50.351)
Yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (16:51.454)
You get on your scooter at five in the morning, and on that drive, everything comes together.

Chuck LaFLange (16:58.611)
Hehehehe

Chuck LaFLange (17:04.091)
Yeah, it really did. It really did this morning actually. Cause that's what I do. That's my coping mechanism. It really, yeah, right. And it, as I was driving, I was like, yeah, laughter. We all know that man. Humor is my thing, right? That's like, ooh, I'm feeling awkward. Make a joke. Hey. Usually myself, usually myself, right? Yeah. Which is, what's this? Go ahead.

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:05.442)
What you laughing at?

What a monumentous moment.

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:12.379)
That's your coping mechanism? What la-

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:20.901)
that. Yeah, yeah, I'm just going to laugh at you. How endearing. Or me. And but I mean, I'm just saying like you got you got on your scooter and had this moment. What I don't think you absorbed or realized in that moment was how much had gone into getting making that moment happen.

Chuck LaFLange (17:47.151)
No kidding, eh? No kidding.

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:48.386)
how much preparation, how much struggle, how much commitment, how much effort, how much finding yourself and exploring who you are in the world and what you are, what you stand for, what you mean. All coming together at 5.15 on a fucking scooter in Chang... wherever you are. Chang... my... crappy... crappy.

Chuck LaFLange (18:11.443)
Krabby. Krabby town. Krabby town.

RBK Kaleidoscope (18:17.742)
Krabby Town. So it is forever, for the rest of your life, Krabby Town will represent a moment in time that you experience a new sense of freedom that you didn't know existed.

Chuck LaFLange (18:31.387)
Yeah, right, right. Yeah, well said, man, well said. It is, it is. I took a moment when I was driving to appreciate, but not the way you just put it. It really does help put it all into perspective, right? It really does, it really does. No, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (18:34.69)
Pretty fucking cool.

RBK Kaleidoscope (18:47.346)
Well, it's just like, when we don't look at the micro movements, we don't understand the comprehensive complex nature of happenings. Nothing just happens, but everything just happens. You know, I always think like, I'd like to think at some point, I picked a quarter off the ground. And doing so...

Chuck LaFLange (18:58.332)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (19:04.129)
It really does.

Chuck LaFLange (19:13.139)
Thanks for watching!

RBK Kaleidoscope (19:16.499)
I stopped myself from being hit by a bus and never would have known the difference.

Chuck LaFLange (19:21.743)
Right? You know. Yep. No shit.

RBK Kaleidoscope (19:23.277)
You know?

all these little things. And they like, like my career started because of happening like, it was all of this stuff I put together, all of the life lived, I did this interview. And then ultimately the reason I got the job was because I had an experiential deep understanding of the importance of safety, both within my intrinsic life world and the world around myself. And that's what got me the job.

Chuck LaFLange (19:54.2)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (19:55.574)
But I didn't know that. And then I didn't hear from him for two and a half months, so I went and got a job somewhere else, thinking I'm never gonna get that job. I didn't get it until I get a phone call. And then I accepted that job. Because I accepted that job, everything about my life has been different. Because I met Mike Wilson.

Chuck LaFLange (20:10.319)
Right? Yeah, yeah, no shit. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (20:13.054)
And he taught me about this way of thinking. I wish I could tell you that this is me and I've always thought like I have to some degree so there was something to attach to, but he helped me put a dialogue to or articulate words to it and to be able to say big fucking fancy words that nobody gets.

Chuck LaFLange (20:24.017)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (20:28.131)
I often, some of the things I've learned in therapy here, some of the things I've learned over therapy over the last month, it's like, okay, I kinda knew that, but now I have a way to articulate it. It's all the difference in the world once you do, right? Like it just helps you to understand, you know. One of the great examples, and I think this is something that you and I have talked about in different ways. Recovery, it's not about getting sober, not for me, not anymore, right? But you get to this fence.

where it's like, okay, it's not about staying sober. Now it's about finding some meaning to my life and about like, and all the smiling and nodding I did for a year, oh yeah, okay, right? But I never really got any of that until I jumped over this metaphoric fence that Mike kind of explained to me onto what is the recovery side of this, not the addiction side, the recovery side of that fence, where all of a sudden things start to fall into place.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:03.138)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:12.666)
Ehh

Chuck LaFLange (21:26.095)
You and your country ringtone. It's time to change that up. It's been months since we've been hearing that thing. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:30.678)
No, I don't want to change it. It's Marina. Sorry, I'm just gonna tape recording.

Chuck LaFLange (21:36.08)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (21:42.563)
And I know we've got a pretty limited time, I know this today, so, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:43.866)
Um, yeah. And so like, I, you know, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, you know, I, I prefer the term flourishing, although it'll never take, uh, because I don't think a recovery part is just like, I'm not, I'm adding to what exists, but yeah, like my interest is in flourishing. I think that is, you know, we don't define recovery.

Chuck LaFLange (21:54.839)
Yeah, yeah, but it's accurate. I get it. I understand that. Right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:08.414)
Like we don't define love and we don't define fear. We just go along because that's the word people use without really challenging ourselves. So what does it mean to me? You know, and that's why like when I look at recovery, I'm like, it's a medical term means that I'm getting something back that I used to have. And I guess you could look at it that way. But I mean, for me, it's like even my experience is in struggle, but I'm not really because I'm always, you can't cross the same river twice. I'm always gonna be different. Like every day I'm a different person.

Chuck LaFLange (22:15.635)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (22:23.615)
Yeah, which is true in some instances, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've added to that.

Chuck LaFLange (22:34.251)
Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. I'm not disagreeing with you yet. Your point, and I've thought about this many, many times, Ryan, is absolutely valid in my perspective, right? At the same time though, you, I get what you're saying. Split the hair, so at some point, right? I mean, you know. Yeah, yeah, and yes, yeah, you're right, it is, right? And what it means to you is what it means to you, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:52.459)
It's easier to just use the word everyone's using. And I would use a different word if I could find a better one. Yeah, and to me, it means that I was in the hospital and I was sick and now I'm recovering from a sickness. And I don't, addiction's a maladaptive behavior. It's not.

Chuck LaFLange (23:11.247)
Well, but there's something to be said for that. I had a life, I had a job, I had... Yeah, I get what you're saying, okay. Now we're just gonna go in circles, but... Yeah, right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, anyway.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:18.23)
Yeah, but what didn't you have?

Yeah, so having said that though, like launching onto the other side of the fence, you know, of Chris's journey of flourishing. Look at where you are. You are in the most fertile.

Chuck LaFLange (23:28.54)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (23:32.335)
Yeah. Oh man, man. And hey, check this out. Checked, checked this out. Look at where I am. Look at where we, all of us that are doing this thing have brought this to. And now think about where it can go with the healed version of being at the helm.

You know what I mean? Like where, like just imagine that, right? And there is some big, big things happening in my world right now. Things I won't talk about until they happen. But let me tell you, man, like things are about to go next level for all of us. And I'm so excited for it. Right. You know, so unbelievably happy. And that's you get, that's you getting in shit. Right. Let's see.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:11.858)
Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm...

No, no, I got a KK. Not three. She's not racist. Just two. Just two.

Chuck LaFLange (24:20.807)
Oh, okay. Ooh, two K's. Yeah. One K is really bad. Two K's is okay. Three K's is, oh shit. I married a racist, right? So. All right. Hey.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:31.326)
Yeah, you guys like pardon me? Yeah, I was wondering why we're getting a whole bunch of bedsheets. Anyway, yeah, no.

Chuck LaFLange (24:35.972)
Yeah

Chuck LaFLange (24:48.287)
And they got canceled. Just like that, they got canceled. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:51.434)
Edit, edit, let's not get too big too fast here before we cut this off. But no, uh... So, um, I, yeah, I... It's like, you're understanding existential freedom, which is a lot different than the mass-marketed bald eagle fucking star-spangled banner freedom that you're sold in every capitalist...

Chuck LaFLange (24:55.674)
Yeah, yeah. Oh, we're playing that. We're playing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (25:10.215)
Yeah, I am.

RBK Kaleidoscope (25:20.138)
American whatever Which is you know like it took to quote South Park freedom isn't free. You know like Freedom is only free when it's an intrinsic feeling You know we experience it as sensation not as thought or philosophy and That is like on a on a frickin scooter at 515 in the morning You that's where you found that?

Chuck LaFLange (25:27.947)
Hahaha

Chuck LaFLange (25:33.139)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck LaFLange (25:41.03)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (25:47.715)
Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. It's amazing.

RBK Kaleidoscope (25:49.886)
You know what I mean? Like, I found it reading a book and relating my life to that book and understanding, well, like this guy appreciated the sunset in Auschwitz in 1942 as a prisoner of war. And the life I've lived, man, I could take any moment and have a look at it through a different lens and see it as a beautiful process.

Chuck LaFLange (25:59.219)
I'm going to go ahead and turn it off.

Chuck LaFLange (26:09.886)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (26:19.423)
of human struggle and development.

Chuck LaFLange (26:22.671)
Right? You're right. 100%.

RBK Kaleidoscope (26:24.811)
And we can all do that. Like, you know, I'm not special, neither are you, as much as we like to think we are. Every human being on this earth can understand existential freedom and what it takes to build that, create it, and maintain it. The reason I broke that down for you in that way is so you can have an understanding how to maintain that instead of it just being a chance happening, because it wasn't.

Chuck LaFLange (26:31.405)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (26:46.775)
Yeah. No, it wasn't. No, no, no. Yeah, it does. Makes perfect sense actually. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (26:49.762)
Does that make sense?

RBK Kaleidoscope (26:55.792)
Yeah, I did an interesting thing last week that was...

RBK Kaleidoscope (27:02.226)
interesting. And I gathered with, I have to be careful because of confidentiality. But I gathered with a bunch of people to talk about mental health and stigma. And these people have a profession that they share. And it's just like,

Chuck LaFLange (27:12.817)
course.

Chuck LaFLange (27:21.967)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (27:33.418)
We don't talk about enough. We, we, we like, you know, we spend so much time talking about the noise in, in everyday relationships that, um, it's like,

We are designed to communicate, to connect, and that's how we flourish as a species. At what point did we get the idea that it's not okay to be vulnerable, that vulnerability is weakness? When did that happen? And why? Why am I not allowed to cry as a man? Why am I not allowed to be sensitive?

Chuck LaFLange (28:01.619)
Thanks for watching!

Chuck LaFLange (28:16.012)
I don't know. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, right. Well, that's it. I think the world is shifting that way, certainly Western culture is right. It's shifting. It's a lot better than it was 20 years ago. And, you know, in universe willing, it'll be, you know, it'll be it'll be better in another 20 years. Right. So we are moving in the right direction that way. The fact that you had that speak, that event to go speak at says a lot.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:36.298)
What?

Chuck LaFLange (28:41.007)
Right? Like it says a ton. That somebody actually wanted to pay you to talk about this shit. Right? So like that's a big to do. Right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:42.678)
Yeah, yeah, and you know the reason.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:51.54)
But the reason is because of this show.

Chuck LaFLange (28:53.411)
I didn't mean you specifically, that's not what was. I just meant the fact that they wanted to pay somebody to talk about mental health means that there's a fundamental shift happening. They wanted to pay you.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:59.722)
What? What do you mean?

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:08.091)
Oh, yeah. No, no. And that's what I'm saying. I'm irrelevant in this story. My point is, is because somebody was interested in and cared enough about their people that they wanted to go outside the box. So they started to explore what was out there. And this is, this show came up.

Chuck LaFLange (29:31.023)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:31.966)
And so the fact that he had the foresight to even search in this way, understanding traditional leadership does not include processing feelings or accessing vulnerability. And so really what I'm doing is I'm saying this is that small group of passionate, caring individuals. It's going to take guys like the gentleman.

Chuck LaFLange (29:46.597)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (30:00.49)
who called me, which if it was allowed, I'm not sure his name, but I'd like to get him on the show because he has an interesting story.

Chuck LaFLange (30:07.907)
Yeah, well, you have to point me in the wrong direction. So, yeah, right, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (30:13.406)
Yeah, he's a really cool dude, really interesting story and ended up being in a position of leadership with the traditions and stuff. It's a tough spot to be in as a outside the box thinker. But that's what it's going to take. It's going to take leaders like me, like you, like this individual, like Lisa, and the fact is they're everywhere.

Chuck LaFLange (30:38.512)
Yeah, right. Mike, right? You know, yeah. Yeah, they are.

RBK Kaleidoscope (30:43.67)
But do we understand the basics of connection? Like being heard, being seen, being loved, feeling lovable. That's what it takes. And at some point, we all have to give ourselves and our world that we live in the permission to be seen, to be heard, to be loved and feel lovable. And it's really easy for me to be heard and be seen and be loved by you, but how do I feel lovable?

Chuck LaFLange (30:53.079)
Yep. Yeah, right. Right.

Chuck LaFLange (31:05.293)
Yeah, right.

Chuck LaFLange (31:12.021)
Yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:12.938)
And that is you just highlighted. And I know that's always been the like, poker-rew around those four things. Like how do we, we always say it's the hard one, but we don't explain why. It's because there's so many micro movements that go into feeling lovable. Did you feel lovable at 515 on that scooter?

Chuck LaFLange (31:23.555)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (31:29.459)
Yeah.

Demonstrate. Demonstrate I did. Yeah, right. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:35.242)
Right? And look at how much investment you put in yourself to get there.

without even knowing that that's what was going to happen. And it's taken me this long to be able to get something practical to attach that to you. So I could explain it in a way that you can understand in a tangible nature because the theoretical around that is just going to end up being what? You know what I mean? I was like, well, you have to have courage and then you have to make choices and that choices are freedom and then...

Chuck LaFLange (31:52.285)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (32:01.015)
Yeah. A bunch of $20 words, right? Yeah. Right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:10.934)
But until you're on that scooter at 515 in the morning, it just doesn't mean anything.

Chuck LaFLange (32:11.355)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, which you know what brings us back to the smile and nod. I've been doing that for the better part of a year that we've been doing this together. Right. And it wasn't until 5 15 this morning that I really understood that. Right. You know, I've started to understand it and I have, but you know what I mean? Right. Like that's been its own journey. Right. So yeah. Yeah. Right. So, hey, why don't I don't want you to get in trouble with the wife. Right. So I don't want you to get, I don't want you to get in trouble with the wife. So why don't, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:24.052)
Grrr.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:27.862)
Yeah, well, I, you know.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:35.378)
I think that, I was gonna say, I think you have, um...

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:41.226)
Yeah, wow.

Chuck LaFLange (32:44.952)
Right? Why don't we get into daily gratitudes and we can talk more about this. Yeah? No? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:46.742)
Why don't we what? Let's do it. We'll go f- Right now?

Wow, it's kind of just plucking it early here. I think there's so much more to talk about with this. I mean.

Chuck LaFLange (33:01.022)
Okay, hey, I'm just I'm thinking about you. I know I know but you said five o'clock and it's seven after so

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:05.095)
Right on, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:09.194)
Yeah, but I got two K's, man. I got two K's.

Chuck LaFLange (33:12.007)
Hahaha

Chuck LaFLange (33:16.531)
True story, true story, right, yeah. Yeah, okay. All right, yeah, for sure, for sure, right, yeah. Whittle that down to one in no time. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:18.493)
That's gotta be worth 10 minutes.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:24.606)
And so, I want to, you know, and we will soon. Yeah, yeah. Now, I want to ask you a question.

Chuck LaFLange (33:32.19)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:33.838)
I'm serious. Uh oh. Where'd you go?

Chuck LaFLange (33:35.575)
Eh, I'm listening.

I'm here. Are you there?

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:42.686)
Yeah, I'm here, but I don't see you. You can't hear me?

Chuck LaFLange (33:42.803)
Hello?

Oh, okay, just keep going. Just pretend like I can hear you. Yeah, I can hear you.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:51.866)
Okay. I- Where's my mouse? Uh oh.

Chuck LaFLange (33:53.275)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:59.306)
I've got problems.

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:02.386)
I don't know what's happening with my computer.

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:09.314)
Maybe

There we go.

Chuck LaFLange (00:14.153)
All right. Can you see me now? I'm here, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:16.354)
Either...either... No

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:22.219)
Am I really quiet?

Chuck LaFLange (00:24.133)
Nope, you're good. I can hear you. Yep. I've got you turned down so that because you were really loud. That's why.

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:32.578)
Okay.

Chuck LaFLange (00:33.649)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:34.986)
Okay, so like you had a preconception marred by anxiety, fear, uncertainty about what Thailand would be like. How is it similar to what you thought it would be?

Chuck LaFLange (00:47.154)
Yep.

Chuck LaFLange (00:50.761)
completely different, right? Yeah, right. Oh, that's not fair. No, no, that's not fair. I, no, I, I had an idea that I was going to enjoy this. That's why I went for it, right? I knew what I wanted to get out of this, right? So, yeah, no, I think that's probably not a great example of fear and anxiety about my thoughts on Thailand, right? So, yeah. Stop doing that.

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:55.994)
What did you think it was going to be?

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:19.434)
Okay, then how... Do what?

Chuck LaFLange (01:20.577)
Stop doing that with the microphone. Turning it up. You cracked it up again. All it does is change what I hear. That's it. It doesn't change the recording quality.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:25.718)
What am I doing?

Oh, you keep turning it down. I was like, why does it keep going down?

stupid bipolar sociopathic technology. Yeah, and so like.

Chuck LaFLange (01:41.57)
I see. Oh, that was a missed opportunity. I could have fucked with you with it.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:46.814)
Yeah, I already missed it. Uh, so...

Chuck LaFLange (01:48.403)
I'm sorry.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:52.246)
So what is it? What is it?

Where you're at right now, what do you see in the unwritten future? How are you looking at it from an emotional perspective?

Chuck LaFLange (02:07.386)
I'm excited about it, I'll be honest with you, right? Like anything is possible from here. I mean, look where I am. Look what, like I'm in my own place for the first time in years and it's around, it's halfway around the world. I said something in a post yesterday, last night, as I was laying in bed here. I am further away from everything I've ever known than I've ever been, but I'm closer to connection and love than I've ever been, right? Like it's just, it's amazing.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:34.67)
Uh huh. Yeah. Irony. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like...

Chuck LaFLange (02:35.633)
Yeah, you know, right? Yeah, yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:43.498)
You know, can you think about, you know, how much of your life you have spent wishing you just wouldn't wake up tomorrow?

Chuck LaFLange (02:54.552)
Too much man, too much. Yeah. Too much.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:59.69)
Yeah, right. What a difference it is to be able to look forward, not knowing, but being excited about what's going to happen tomorrow instead of being dreadful. Being excited to get up in the morning. And I know for me, that was a big change for me. One day I just noticed that I was looking forward to going to work and getting up in the morning. What? You know? And then I was like, holy shit, I've spent all my life wishing I would just...

Chuck LaFLange (03:10.801)
Yeah, right, right. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (03:22.765)
Yeah, yeah, right. Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:29.422)
fall asleep and not get up. Easiest way out.

Chuck LaFLange (03:31.689)
Yeah, no, man. Wasn't that long ago, I was carrying fentanyl with me, right? So, you know, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:35.286)
It reminds me that...

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:40.33)
Yeah, yeah right, for one reason. And it wasn't about getting high.

Chuck LaFLange (03:43.077)
Yep. No.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:51.95)
So I just implore you to allow that to resonate, allow that to absorb into your being. Because I think it just makes that lens of beauty so much easier to access when you can understand what it's taken for you to find it. What it's taken for you to even know you had choice in how you see the world.

Chuck LaFLange (04:15.698)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (04:19.761)
Yeah. Right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:21.454)
and how you want your reality to be, and what you wanna feel like, and what your goals are from an emotional perspective, which is like the state of peace, like that is, to figure that out and know that that's how you wanna live your life, it's a earth shattering paradigm shift that you could never know how powerful it is by me telling you. You have to know it by knowing it.

Chuck LaFLange (04:41.113)
100 percent.

Chuck LaFLange (04:46.835)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:50.742)
And then you're going to get someone that comes along and it's going to be in that spot. And you're just going to like smile and let them know it's going to be okay. You just, you have no idea what's coming, but it's beautiful. You know, you know, I'm not going to tell you what it is because it's pointless.

Chuck LaFLange (05:08.144)
Yeah, right. I'll just make you smile and nod.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:10.686)
So, yeah, for sure. In that, you know, knowledge and experience is wisdom. That's what you are, my friend.

Chuck LaFLange (05:14.898)
Yeah, right.

Chuck LaFLange (05:26.006)
It's been amazing.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:26.496)
Interesting.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:32.712)
Yeah, so I really wanted to hammer that home. And I know we didn't really have a baseline today, but I think what was talked about was I think an important thing because you get to carry your life on helping people. And with your ability to understand that in a comprehensive state, you're going to be able to see it in other people and how they carry through.

Chuck LaFLange (05:41.727)
Ah, we don't need one.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:59.73)
And you'll know, you know when people are going to be okay, just based on their effort and commitment. You know, and like, you know, that goes back to that thing I was saying, like, all this pays off somehow. Because I know that because of the effort and commitment I see. You know, I don't know how. I don't have to know how. I don't want to know how. I just know it's, I know it's coming.

Chuck LaFLange (06:19.444)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, right, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:23.574)
You know, here we are, and we might only be a tenth of the way there.

We don't know.

Chuck LaFLange (06:30.534)
Mm-hmm. All right, true story. Yeah. Ah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:34.295)
to pull some tears at you today.

Chuck LaFLange (06:39.555)
Yeah, you did. I'm not crying, you're crying. If you wipe them up, it sweats.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:40.55)
Hey? It's fucking dry in here. Air's so dry in here. I got an eyelash. Yeah. Yeah, I got a... Definitely have an eyelash. I think I have a cyst. Yeah, so, um, yeah. You know, that, I think...

Chuck LaFLange (06:59.488)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:10.046)
I want that's what I wanted to say so I you know if we want to move to grad 2 I'm cool with that now um but I just hope I hope I just ask that you when you finish this here I hope you take a couple minutes to really let that hit you and really let that soak into the foundation because it's really cool man like

Chuck LaFLange (07:15.365)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (07:22.139)
Mm-hmm.

Chuck LaFLange (07:25.404)
Oh yeah.

I will be, I will be, something I'm gonna talk about in my vlog today actually, so I need to think about Need to think about that how I want to say it and what I know so yeah

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:35.115)
Well...

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:40.078)
And I just want to say one more thing personally, I'm extremely proud of you and all you've done and what you've managed to accomplish. And it's all completely relevant to your commitment and your effort, which you've never been short of.

Chuck LaFLange (07:43.005)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (07:47.174)
Thank you.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:00.522)
That was really an eyelash.

Chuck LaFLange (08:00.563)
Well, there's good times in my life.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:05.654)
There's been times, you mean there's times in your life where you're human?

Chuck LaFLange (08:09.246)
Yeah. Well, that would have dealt, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:10.602)
Yeah, there's times in our life where we're not at where we typically are. And there's times in our life that we're above that. And everything's changing and everything's moving and nothing stays the same.

Chuck LaFLange (08:21.597)
Yeah, right. Right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:23.414)
You know? Yeah. So, if I could, our homeboy, our homeboy's down there, Devo's in there, down there right now. What's that? Yeah, that sounds, sounds far. Jameis in the middle of the country, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, he's-

Chuck LaFLange (08:24.889)
All right. Okay. Enough of this crybaby stuff. All right. Okay. Yeah, I saw that. He's up in Chiang Mai, right? Yeah. He's in Chiang Mai. I saw that on Facebook. Yeah. It's, it's like 12 hours. Yeah. It's where most of the treatment centers are out here. Right. So, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:48.586)
Yeah, it's where the cabin used to be, you know. Yeah, so, yeah dude. Um, and I didn't mean to like, I just, you know what, the truth is, is that I am, I'm really proud of you. Um, and I also, I'm super grateful for the amount of time you put into this, cause I don't have it. And without you, this would be nothing for me personally. And so it does not be on me how much weight you pull with this.

Chuck LaFLange (08:51.391)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (09:00.125)
Thank you for that man. Thank you.

Chuck LaFLange (09:11.121)
Yeah, yeah, right.

Chuck LaFLange (09:17.29)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:17.478)
I know I come on here and talk for an hour and go on with my day. You do a hell of a lot more than that.

Chuck LaFLange (09:26.1)
Yeah. Okay. It's time for my favorite part of the show. It's nothing. It's time for my favorite part of the show. And that's daily gratitude. Okay. What you got for us?

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:26.514)
And so, yeah. What are you laughing at?

Ah!

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:42.354)
I'm grateful.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:46.026)
that the world is changing. I'm grateful that there are people who are willing to take a minute to listen to the crazy shit that comes out of my face. I'm grateful that there's people that, I mean, my biggest fear is that I was so insecure that people thought I was crazy because of the way I am and the way I think. And maybe I am, but there's some people that are really open to it. And the fact that I can make...

somewhat of a living thinking the way I do. I didn't ask for my name, I didn't ask for my life, I received it and it could have been a lot different. And I'm grateful that I got to be who I am and living this life that I get to live and I get to help some people along the way. It's beyond meaningful.

I get to live a fulfilled life because of other people accepting me.

Chuck LaFLange (10:47.621)
Yeah, right, right. Yeah. I'm kidding, eh? I'm kidding. Always family. Myself, I've got so much to be grateful for. Today, though, I'm going to keep it to a couple of quick things. I'm grateful to, to me.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:48.939)
And that's cool.

and my family.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:57.767)
I'm out.

Chuck LaFLange (11:08.873)
Today I am.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:13.026)
to be.

Chuck LaFLange (11:15.545)
Just, yeah, I'm grateful for my own effort, my own shit, my own, you know, my choices that got me here, so, yeah. And I'm also very grateful to each and every person who continues to like, comment, share, support us in any which way that you do, please continue to do that. Anytime you do any one of these things, you're getting me closer to living my best life.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:15.886)
to be you.

Chuck LaFLange (11:42.953)
as life is to continue making humble living, spreading the message, the message is this. If you're in active addiction right now, today could be the day, today could be the day that you start the lifelong journey. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call in to detox, go to a meeting, do whatever it is you gotta do to get that journey started because it is so much better than the alternative. And if you have a loved one who's suffering in addiction right now, just taking the time to listen to this, just take one more minute, text that person, let them know they're loved, use the words.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:11.998)
You are loved.

Chuck LaFLange (12:13.801)
That little glimmer of hope just could be the thing that brings them back.

Chuck LaFLange (12:20.229)
Alright, fuck. That's gonna be a really good episode when I put it together here, man.