203-KALEIDOSCOPE WEDNESDAY - SECRECY+JUDGEMENT+SILENCE=SHAME

Chuck LaFLange (00:02.37)
Hello everybody, watchers, listeners, supporters of all kinds. Welcome to another episode of Kaleidoscope Wednesday on the Ashist Awesome Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Flange. Good checking in from Krabi, Thailand. Halfway around the world in virtual studio, is Ryan Bathgate. How you doing today, Ryan?

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:17.75)
Oh, uh, also, I think, you know, like, if I was an HB two pencil, I would be pretty much right down to the nub. You can't sharpen this pencil anymore. And yeah, I'm tired, man. I'm feeling it like. Like, yeah, so basically, December hits.

Chuck LaFLange (00:32.413)
Yeah

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:44.81)
And I've been to the gym twice in a week instead of the five, six times. My meal prep is not prepping. You know, Doritos and all the bad things, sleep's gone through. I'm just ready to like not work for a little bit and then get right back at it. And so I've given myself a probably an awful excuse, but I've allowed myself.

Chuck LaFLange (01:03.422)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:12.606)
to just let it go for a couple weeks and with full intentions of getting back at it. And that's kinda like, it's just like, you know, like, you know, I said, like when we were done summer, like it's grind time and that's, my life is grindy. It's very grindy. And so, yeah, yeah. I'm tired. I'm, I don't know.

Chuck LaFLange (01:15.498)
Well, you know, it is Christmas, so...

It is great.

Chuck LaFLange (01:29.994)
Hahaha

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:41.514)
Like, I feel it, like, when I'm, you know, low energy, the, my exposure to like, the expansion of phenomenological thoughts starts to dissipate. And like, I stopped thinking about the wonders of the universe and I start thinking about.

love handles, you know, and like, uh, napping, like I miss napping. I remember I used to be able to nap all the time, man, you know, and when I'm, when I'm not tired, I don't care about napping, you know? And like, yeah. So, so yeah, I've just, I'm in a place that I, I'm, I'm ready to, I'm ready to take a little bit of time and chill and, uh, and get back to reset because like, honestly, I really enjoy.

Chuck LaFLange (02:05.442)
Ha ha

Chuck LaFLange (02:16.478)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:36.747)
I enjoy my mind when it's functioning. I like to think about stuff. Let's look at it from a confidence perspective. I like to think the way I think. And really, in reality, it's a...

Chuck LaFLange (02:40.114)
Yeah, I don't think that's arrogance. Okay, it's borderline arrogance, but yeah. I just kidding, man. I just kidding. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:59.546)
Point of evolution because like I said many times that I always was really insecure about the way I thought and so now I'm at a place. I enjoy it and now I'm too damn tired to go there So yeah, I mean, you know, but I mean, you know, let's

Chuck LaFLange (03:09.874)
Yeah, yeah, right, so. So I have to ask, is part of that, sorry, is part of that exhaustion, exhaustion if I can use that word for it, is part of that because of, I mean you're in the community services, right? It's Christmas, there's some extra stress is put on that way, is it like an empathetic exhaustion? Maybe that's about what's going on around you, or is it something else driving that there?

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:31.336)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:39.99)
So I'll just, I'm going to correct the term, if you like, I like to do. Compassion fatigue is the word you're looking for. It is, it's a large part of it is because of, part of my portfolio involves us providing gifts and Christmas dinners to families that can't afford that. And so a lot of my, the last month has been about

Chuck LaFLange (03:45.092)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (03:48.349)
Yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:09.122)
organizing these things and making a lot of partnerships and working out, getting donations and campaigning. So, yes, definitely a lot is that. And then you add on top of that the therapeutic aspect of a lot of clients going through holidays. And it's a difficult time for people. And the phone calls and the...

Chuck LaFLange (04:29.806)
sure is.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:34.598)
Yeah, yeah. And you know, like, I'm sitting complaining about a life that I absolutely love, but everything wears on you when you don't have good balance and the proper access to self-care. So yeah, I need to sleep more and I need to eat better. I need to go to the gym more. Ultimately, I need to work less, Chuck. I need to work less.

Chuck LaFLange (04:51.871)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (05:01.918)
Yeah, yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:03.507)
And I don't know how that's gonna happen. And so that can be frustrating at times, but... Um, yeah. Yeah, I mean...

Chuck LaFLange (05:07.478)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:16.962)
I guess I sit and complain about that stuff, but let's really look at it here. I don't...

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:31.395)
I've never had to worry for one second in my life that my village was going to be wiped out by rebels. I've never had to worry about walking through a field and stepping on an old mine. I've never had to walk more than the distance from my sink to my couch for water.

I've never had to worry about that water being contaminated You know, uh, and so like yeah, I don't have anything to complain about But I'm tired man. I'm tired You know, so

Chuck LaFLange (06:11.609)
You're allowed to be.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:15.974)
Yeah, I, but it just, you know, like go buy an Apple like my old.

Chuck LaFLange (06:18.777)
KTA.

Chuck LaFLange (06:22.626)
KTA used to say, when he was still co-hosting with us, he'd remind us all the time, say, turn your half-shoes into get-tos. I get to go to work and be tired. I get to fucking shop for my family. I get to, I get to, I get to, right? All those things. And I just, I think you've, while you know that, you've just said that in a much longer, more eloquent way, but, you know.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:44.414)
Nah, that's something I used to say all the time. Interesting. All the time, yeah. Yeah, and it was a lot of truth there.

Chuck LaFLange (06:47.39)
Oh yeah, that was, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:00.658)
Yeah, dude, I'm in a position that I get to help people every day, one some way or another. Like, nothing to complain about. But I think I just want to, I just want to week in my pajamas.

Chuck LaFLange (07:06.358)
Right? Yeah, yeah, right. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Chuck LaFLange (07:19.336)
That's loud. Yeah, I'd say I'd say all right. I do I know exactly what you mean Well, you know, whatever

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:21.969)
You know what I mean? Maybe litter a shower in here or there, probably. Yeah.

Yeah, so, but I did like, I did really enjoy last week, our show. And it was very like, just kind of like, hey, what do you want to talk about kind of thing? And like, yeah, but it really high

Chuck LaFLange (07:38.306)
So did I, so did I, you know.

Chuck LaFLange (07:47.053)
Right? Well, I'll tell you what, we have kind of a plan going into this today. Oh, go ahead, go ahead. No, I'll let you finish what you're saying, because I, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:54.356)
Bye!

I think it's really, is it important or is it sad? Every moment of every day is a happening as the earth spins around the sun, every time. And it happens in motion as life is in motion. And we get kicked out of that experience all the time with the presence of thought, whether it be thinking about tomorrow or thinking about yesterday. And it's just like...

What a shame it is because at any given moment, we can apply meaning to whatever it is at any given time. And like, how often do we just miss that opportunity? How often do we just, you know, like not take advantage of? And, you know, I looked at that experience you had last week and it was just like, you know, how many times have I went through that?

in my head about a chance happening that was not a chance happening. I ended up working for one of the greatest human beings I've ever met that was a total accident and taught me all this stuff that ends up coming out in the show all the time that I would have never had any understanding.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:25.61)
had an interview and we talked to this guy, but I went to school. I had to become sick of smashing a fricking nail into a two by four feeling like my life was wasted away. And so it's never just the micro movements always tell the story. How often do we look at the micro movements? And I'm going to answer that pretty much never without consciousness, without awareness or without some understanding of like phenomenological discipline.

Chuck LaFLange (09:37.502)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (09:54.642)
Yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:55.102)
which is a discipline of consciousness. So yeah, I mean, so it was, I thought about it all week, our show, and that experience for you and how really cool. Yeah, and so you were gonna say something there.

Chuck LaFLange (09:58.899)
Okay.

Chuck LaFLange (10:04.338)
Yeah, well, that's a good sign.

Chuck LaFLange (10:11.946)
Well, as we were talking about what to talk about in this episode, because we're kind of last minute doing things again, which, if history tells us anything, the times that we've done that, yes, the times that we've done that, though, have turned into some of our best work, so, right? And we weren't really sure. And I... Well, we did those couple mini-series there, that worked, right? You know, yeah. And I'm...

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:21.251)
Yes we do.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:29.346)
I can't really think of any times we haven't done that to be honest.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:35.499)
Hehehe

Yeah, but even those were still like...

Chuck LaFLange (10:43.318)
I'm looking at the mailbag questions today and I'm thinking maybe we'll switch this up and we'll start there because what we end up doing is we talk about what we're going to talk about and then we sneak the mailbag questions in at the end right and I don't feel like sometimes that and that's me that does that rushes that along for interest of you know programming time and producing and all that jazz so why don't we just like why don't we start out with some mailbag here right well yeah of course right

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:48.194)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:58.357)
Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:05.798)
And in case we need someone to blame.

Chuck LaFLange (11:10.622)
Why don't we start out with the mailbag questions and it has let's have some conversations about that and Then see where the day goes if that makes sense to you, right? Yeah Yeah, okay

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:12.534)
Yeah. Okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:22.214)
Okay, you know what though? I actually like... Before you do that, can I talk about something personal?

Chuck LaFLange (11:24.235)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (11:29.936)
You can absolutely talk about something personal.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:34.358)
Cause I do, I got something going on. Medically.

Chuck LaFLange (11:36.386)
What do you got going on? Oh, what's going on?

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:42.622)
Yeah, yeah, I'm for sure getting old. So I already have arthritis and I have concussion issues. But so recently I have an extremely dangerous blood pressure.

Chuck LaFLange (12:04.952)
Really?

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:06.122)
That came in at 190 or something. So I started a new medication for that. Now I gotta go get another medication that I've been forgetting to do. And now I have to go do an EKG, I think it's called or something like that. Cause I have a very dangerous, it's blood pressure.

Chuck LaFLange (12:10.155)
Oh.

Chuck LaFLange (12:19.18)
Yeah, that's what the things right? Yeah

Chuck LaFLange (12:26.287)
Oh, okay, okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:28.094)
So I have dangerously high blood pressure. And so that's kind of like mortality wise, like, ooh, like, yeah. Well, yeah, and like the youth is wasted on the young. Well, I'm the poster child of that statement, man. I mean, you know, not thinking, yeah, well, yeah, like, but I've always done sports and, you know, and been.

Chuck LaFLange (12:37.782)
I guess your attention, hey, I guess your attention.

Chuck LaFLange (12:47.582)
I think we can both stop.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:58.366)
made to the gym and did that stuff and it's just like, yeah I'm 45 with a one year old and a six year old and dude like it's ain't about optics anymore, it's not about cosmetics like, I gotta start looking at my health as a real thing. That I have to look at my health in a way that I always thought old people had to look at their health.

Chuck LaFLange (13:21.514)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:23.142)
And so that's me now. So I'm kind of scared. Yeah, well, I'm scared. It scares me. And I'm scared. It does. It scares me in that I'm not gonna be around for my little girls. It scares me I'm not gonna be around for my beautiful wife. It's scared.

Chuck LaFLange (13:25.546)
Well, we're old people, buddy.

Chuck LaFLange (13:32.13)
That's it? Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:05.006)
Disappear here? No. See, when we started this, you saw something that I always thought was there, right?

Chuck LaFLange (14:11.735)
Oh, sorry, one second.

Chuck LaFLange (00:00.748)
I'm not going to be there for my beautiful life. So everything after that went quiet.

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:06.457)
Yeah, so like, it scares me not to be there for my beautiful wife. But when we got together to get to do this, you know, you saw something, a value that I had. And it's a value that I've come to realize that might be there. And it kind of scares me that it may not ever get out. This perception and this philosophy. And like, what if it gets wasted, man?

Chuck LaFLange (00:17.759)
Yeah, I did. Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (00:27.17)
Wow.

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:35.241)
Like what if nobody hears it? What if it doesn't help anybody? Because I end up with having a heart attack or a stroke or something. You know, yeah, I hope so.

Chuck LaFLange (00:38.326)
Well, it's already helped, but you know. Well, and I mean, so.

Chuck LaFLange (00:46.295)
We know that it has and buddy I gotta say If I was sitting here saying these things to you, what would you say?

RBK Kaleidoscope (00:57.676)
Hmm. Ha! Going for your counseling degree or something? Ha, ha.

Chuck LaFLange (00:59.394)
fear the unknown. But it's that fear the unknown, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:08.098)
What did I say to you?

You know what I would say to you? I would ask you what is meaningful to you, and then what else matters.

Chuck LaFLange (01:17.676)
Yeah, okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:22.034)
Now how does that apply to me? I have no idea.

Chuck LaFLange (01:26.437)
I think here's something mama Norma who you're more than familiar with has said to me a thousand times in my life okay thousand exaggeration yeah

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:28.075)
No, no.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:33.489)
Yeah. Don't touch the remote.

Chuck LaFLange (01:39.711)
Where the fuck did you get that? And... And I know you're lying.

RBK Kaleidoscope (01:43.325)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't tell me you weren't watching TV today. I'm gonna count to five.

Chuck LaFLange (01:51.926)
No. She has said to me at some of the worst, most worrisome moments of my life, so she always says, it's never as bad as you think it's going to be. And you know what, she's been right. Because we catastrophize. We hyperbolize these things in our brain. We go right to, I'm gonna die. But the thing is, you live in one of the most developed, like healthcare wise, or the most developed countries in the world, right? You have access to a great doctor.

You're aware of it early on, right? Well, early on is subjective, but you're gonna do all the things that you need to do because of those beautiful wife and kids, right? And you're gonna mitigate this high blood pressure shit and you're gonna crush it because that's what you do now, right? You know, right? So.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:20.926)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:37.482)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (02:40.905)
I think, I think Chuck, I think that what we're doing can really help people live a fulfilled life and it scares me that we're not going to get to enough people.

Chuck LaFLange (02:51.67)
We are, we are. And we are gonna, we talked about some programming changes, some format changes here earlier on. We're gonna get some, we're gonna reach a lot of people. You know, I'm, yeah. So do I. Last week being massive to me, right? Massive. All week that has been occurring to me, and I've made several posts, I've done several things about it.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:02.457)
I hope so. I hope so because I really think we can help people with these ideas.

Chuck LaFLange (03:19.166)
had some really great conversations off air, which are my real favorite ones, right? Just to be able to talk about this with a very good friend of mine back home in Regina, who's struggling all the time, not with addiction, the usual topic, but some other things. And I think that just her alone, I've been able to help, right? Like in a big way, I've been able to help. Because of that conversation we had last week, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:38.697)
That's my usual topic.

Chuck LaFLange (03:47.982)
So, and then I pointed her to the episode and said, take a listen, it'll mean something to you. And she did. So, right, you know.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:50.445)
So.

RBK Kaleidoscope (03:55.345)
Did it help?

Chuck LaFLange (03:56.426)
Yeah, absolutely it has. Absolutely it has, right? Sometimes we just gotta, yeah, go ahead. No, no, go ahead. Yeah, you first.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:01.481)
So let me... Let's go ahead

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:07.145)
Well, I'm curious, how did it help you?

Chuck LaFLange (04:12.166)
For me, example, I'm not a very tidy person, right? But I was thinking about last week and about how all those little things added up to something great in my life, like outside of my awareness, because I was doing, and they weren't little things, some were little, some weren't, right? I find myself this last week making like a real effort.

You know, and part of it is, is I have a dog that sheds an insane amount of hair. I don't even know where the fuck it all comes from. But I like, so I, and I don't like animal hair. I'm really surprised that I have a shedding breed at all. Right. You know, so I sweep, I sweep three, four times a day. I'm like, I'm taking care of this place. And a lot of that, like, because of that conversation last week, it's like, you just got to keep doing these things, man. And I know like keeping a clean house. Isn't going to.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:46.615)
I get it.

RBK Kaleidoscope (04:51.009)
I got a mini Eskimo, I know your pain.

Chuck LaFLange (05:06.782)
lead to but isn't it? Right? Like it's those things that make me feel good about I get up and I feel good about where I live, I feel good about what I'm doing. I'm in a now I'm in a space where I can do my job that much better, where I can have these amazing conversations with people and try and help out. So yeah it helped, helped a lot. Right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:10.464)
What?

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:26.093)
So I gotta speak to that a little bit if you don't mind. Think about when you do those micro movements, what that does for your self-esteem, your self-worth and your self-respect or intrinsic resources. Messy head is a...

Chuck LaFLange (05:30.646)
course.

Chuck LaFLange (05:38.03)
Oh, yeah, 100%. And you're the one that comes back, that's 20 episodes ago, right? But it's absolutely, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (05:46.393)
Yeah, yeah. It's called, it's neural loop feedback response theory. And this is what I used to do on the treatment floor. I would say you make your bed in the morning and because you made your bed, you feel good about who you are for at least a second. Do that 20 times in a day and then try and have bad, low self-esteem.

Chuck LaFLange (05:56.234)
Yep. Yeah, right. It's a start.

Chuck LaFLange (06:03.178)
Yeah, yeah, right, so.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:04.777)
You know what I mean? And it's a daily thing. We can do it every day. So, um, on a deeper level.

Chuck LaFLange (06:08.662)
Yep, yep, so.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:15.541)
How has it changed your outlook? How has it changed the way you see yourself? How has it changed the way you see your place in the world?

Chuck LaFLange (06:22.006)
Um, a lot of pride. A lot of pride.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:27.437)
Mm. Confidence?

Chuck LaFLange (06:30.162)
Oh yeah, oh yeah, right? I mean, I don't know if that's a result of that particular episode, but it's certainly a result of the things that have happened leading up to the episode. The episode really made me to understand it more, which of course understanding is, you know, yeah, okay, well said, well said, yeah, yeah. So just to understand that, and to be able to understand it means that I can further build on it that much easier, because now it's inside my awareness and outside my awareness, and I just keep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (06:44.885)
The episode is a flashlight.

Chuck LaFLange (06:59.874)
Just keep doing the fucking good things, you know? Just keep doing the right thing, and we'll all come together, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:03.881)
Okay, let me ask you something.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:10.925)
Do you like yourself right now? Do you like who you are?

Chuck LaFLange (07:13.291)
Yeah, I do. I do. Okay, yeah. Which is... It was a long time ago if ever. Right? I was probably too young to even realize what liking yourself was. It was the last time. Right? So, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:17.165)
When was the last time you were able to say that?

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:24.909)
Think about.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:28.513)
Think about how powerful that is.

Chuck LaFLange (07:31.39)
It is man, it really is. That's the type of thing that we need to get out to the masses at the end of the day, right? So, you know, yeah, yeah man. And we're good, and you're gonna be fine. Yeah, well, it will, it will, it will. I mean, just in case, just maybe give me rights to your book, like in writing somewhere, and then that way I can, you know.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:39.855)
That's what I'm talking about.

And it scares me that it does- it won't.

RBK Kaleidoscope (07:57.549)
Hehehehe

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:01.769)
Well, I'll have to go through Dawn Rockable that, but...

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:10.141)
Yeah, I'm like, I don't need, I don't need, you know, and then you talk about that, like, what happens if that thing's a flop?

Chuck LaFLange (08:17.914)
Okay, now we're talking about fear of the unknown and this is right, like come on. Right? You know better than that. This is right out of your mouth now. Right? Fear of the unknown. Right? You know.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:18.947)
UGH!

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:30.925)
Here's what I know, I'm just as human as every other human being on this planet. And I doubt because I care.

Chuck LaFLange (08:35.15)
but you're not allowed to be, you have to put on the mask all the time. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:41.999)
Yeah, and I'm fucking exhausted.

Chuck LaFLange (08:43.986)
I hear you man, I hear you, I hear you. Well.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:47.879)
Masks don't work well for me, dude.

Chuck LaFLange (08:49.834)
No, no they don't, so. What interesting. Interesting. Okay, there's a.

RBK Kaleidoscope (08:53.961)
No. Okay. So yeah, thank you for humoring me with that.

Chuck LaFLange (09:00.906)
There's no humoring about it, man. That's some very real shit. I'm glad that you're, you know, comfortable enough on the platform to talk about it and people need to hear that. People need to hear it from somebody who they're listening to so much and they are listening, brother. They are listening. So, you know, that we are all human. We are all human. And, you know, we all are. We are all human. Whatever. You know what I'm saying. I think that vulnerability is a powerful thing.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:24.661)
We are.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:28.817)
It's everything. It's access to everything beautiful in the world. And it's hard and it's uncomfortable and sometimes it sucks. But for all of our faults and glory, we are loved.

Chuck LaFLange (09:36.79)
Right?

Chuck LaFLange (09:43.218)
Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. By Lord Jesus, not just...

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:49.578)
NAH

So... don't you fuck with me.

RBK Kaleidoscope (09:59.085)
And on the seventh day, let me ask you a question. Do you think that common sense and religion can coexist in the same sentence?

Chuck LaFLange (10:09.141)
Alright.

Fire away weather, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (10:22.566)
I am not answering that question on air. There's no way, and that just gives me shit to edit out. So I'm not happening. Not happening, nope. Right? Ha ha ha. Nope. Right? Ha ha ha. Fucking canceled today. Not happening. No, no, no. Ha ha ha. So, while we've been sitting here, just for this last minute or two, I uh.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:30.324)
I told you, I told you.

RBK Kaleidoscope (10:42.303)
Oh, yeah, not a big hit in Indiana.

Chuck LaFLange (10:52.962)
I'm trying to find a comment that somebody made. You just made me think about this. And a comment somebody made on a post that was very similar to what we were talking about. And Mallory, who, by the way, Mallory, thank you very, very much for your generous donation. She's helping me buy a cabinet because I have zero furniture in this place. And I need somewhere to put food and dog food and that type of thing, so. Yeah, yeah, right. The hanging bags from the stairway thing.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:13.513)
I saw that post. Thank you, Mallory.

Chuck LaFLange (11:19.966)
Hey, you do what you got to do. What that doesn't show is I also have bags hanging from the curtain rods. Right. Like I've got things hanging everywhere on that main floor. Right. Yeah. So anyway, when I talked about this post and it was it was a really it's kind of cool. I was talking to she was talking to me about my lack of sleep. And, you know, I said, hey, you know what? Like I'll sleep when I'm dead. I got a lot of living to catch up on. And I kind of talked about where I came from and where I'd gotten to.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:26.391)
Hehehehe

Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (11:47.185)
Ehh...

Chuck LaFLange (11:48.518)
and you know, very similar to what we talked about last weekend. And her reply amongst a bunch of other replies, comments on that post was, keep doing what you're doing. Awareness, vulnerability and love save lives. And you're doing all three.

So yeah, we are doing something here, man. 100% we are, right? And I read that statement and just went, that was really powerful, right? And it's something to kind of kick you in the ass and keep you motivated, right? So, you know, yeah, awareness, vulnerability, and love. So, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:17.921)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (12:26.813)
Yeah, I... I, um...

So it's just so important to live a life worth living, and I guess in my own insecurities.

I guess I feel at times that I fall short or...

Chuck LaFLange (12:44.354)
No, man, no. Here's the thing, bro. If you died tomorrow, the impact you have had on my life has been profound. Since we started working together nine months ago, something like that, you have undoubtedly had a bigger impact on my life than any one person I know. There's you and everybody else, right?

So, so long as I live for a day longer than you, your work will go on for a day longer than you. You know what I mean? So, if that's any comfort or morbid, or I don't know, but you know.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:25.564)
Yeah, that's quite profound.

Chuck LaFLange (13:31.211)
So.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:31.305)
And I guess that speaks to my insecurity. I really appreciate you saying that, man. I don't take those comments very well. It'll make me uncomfortable.

Chuck LaFLange (13:45.942)
But if it were me, you'd tell me to accept the compliment and move on.

RBK Kaleidoscope (13:47.061)
But that's me, it's meaningful.

Yeah, but it's not you. I'm arrogant. Never forget. I'll never let you forget.

Chuck LaFLange (13:59.651)
Ha ha

Chuck LaFLange (14:04.15)
Hey listen buddy, why don't we get into mailbag? I think this has been a great conversation and there's some really great questions and important ones to answer today so I'd really like to get into that. If that makes sense to you. All right, all right, all right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:09.302)
Yeah, okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:15.613)
Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and I gotta relieve the wife with the kids here. So, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (14:23.094)
Yeah, right. So tell her to get on her Christmas shopping earlier then. Just talking tough in front of my friends. Don't say that. Okay. Right. All right. So Ed Biko Ontario. Okay. I had to remember how to say this. Okay. Clint in Ed Biko Ontario says, how's your family? Sorry.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:32.541)
Yeah, yeah, you know, keyboard warrior. I'll let her know.

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:49.341)
Wrong. Etobicoke.

Chuck LaFLange (14:52.522)
Etobicoke Etobicoke. All right. Okay. Clint in Etobicoke Ontario. I had no idea where Etobicoke was. So how should families communicate with their loved one about their addiction during the holidays? Are there any do's and don'ts?

RBK Kaleidoscope (14:56.705)
That's outside of Toronto.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:14.607)
Oh

Well, I think, you know, I would be remiss to add or expand on that. I think that, you know, addiction is a small part of mental health. So I would speak more to mental health. If we could be specific to addiction, but what about people with PTSD? What about people with anxiety disorders and depression disorders? And you know what I mean? And so I'd hate to leave those out. Clint, I'm sorry. Sorry.

Chuck LaFLange (15:46.07)
I'll give you a peek, I'll give you a glimpse into the future. We've actually got a couple questions specifically about mental health this time around. And our audience being what it is. So maybe answer this one, the question as it is, and then we'll get a chance to address those things in future questions here. Yeah? Okay. Great.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:53.791)
Oh, okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (15:59.841)
Sure. Okay. So I think like, you know, the conversation is dependent on absorbability or understanding, I think. You know, I have a one-year-old and a six-year-old and I don't want to get too personal. But I have family members.

that my kids have never seen. And the reality is, they probably never will. And so, you know, they asked me why they can't visit them or something like that. And so for them, I speak to about being not well. And that it's, it is,

Chuck LaFLange (16:35.287)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:00.329)
It's a very difficult thing to not be at full health. And sometimes it really limits people's capacity and ability. And it's not about any person. It's not about, you know, like they don't want to, it's not that they don't want to see my girls. It's that the circumstances don't allow that based on their health. That's for a one and a six year old.

So if we're talking about people with a better rational understanding, obviously a higher age group, then the last thing I think we want to do is we don't want to reinforce shame. We don't want it. So what is shame? Shame is about secrets. It's about silence. And it's about... What's the third element? Secrets, silence and judgment. And...

Chuck LaFLange (17:57.325)
Thanks.

RBK Kaleidoscope (17:58.441)
So I'd want to take that off the table, and I would speak directly to it that there is...

RBK Kaleidoscope (18:09.329)
So see this kind of it's good one thing I don't ever want to do is to ruin Anybody's right to their own confidentiality, especially around medical issues So I would I would ask the person with the affliction how? What would be okay to speak to the family about? how would how they would want me to express that and hopefully it would be a conversation about

Chuck LaFLange (18:29.834)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (18:37.861)
openness and honesty. And then with that permission, I would say that, you know, this, our loved one has a, is going through something really difficult that is a known as substance use disorder that is diagnosed medically. And it's a really hard thing from...

from a social perspective, it's a hard thing from a personal perspective, and it's a hard thing for a family dynamic. And so what we need to do is we need to really pour our heart and soul and love into supporting this individual the best we can. So the dues are honesty, openness, permission, and keeping a dialogue that is inclusive.

asking questions, having and answering questions with honesty. You know, we, there's no like, we're not outing Santa Claus here, you know, it's not like these like secrets we're holding on to for tradition. If we're creating secrets, it's usually because we're uncomfortable. And so the don'ts would be, don't lie. Don't lie.

Chuck LaFLange (19:52.938)
Yeah. Yes.

RBK Kaleidoscope (19:59.617)
Don't make things sound like they are different than they are. And don't dehumanize. Don't shame. Don't vilify or make that person a bad person. And I would express it as like we all have trouble in life. We all have struggles. And whether it be substance use disorder, or maybe you're bad with money, or maybe you're not clean.

or organized, or you know, that it can be such a variation of things. And I would explain that like, you know, you have, maybe you have problems making a sports team. That's a hard thing to go through. And like, this is a bit different, but it's still a hard thing to go through. So I would try to have some kind of humanistic common ground and understanding. And I would do everything I can.

to bring empathy or compassion into the conversation so that the family members can feel with instead of othering and against. So there's always this open avenue of love and support and I'll always go back to setting firm boundaries and having integrity within those boundaries. So the do's are open, honest, transparent, permission. The don'ts are secrets, dehumanizing,

Chuck LaFLange (20:59.851)
Right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:19.506)
vilifying and hiding.

Chuck LaFLange (21:21.694)
Yeah, yeah, right, right. Well said, brother. Really well said, actually. I think we've talked a lot in other episodes and this one about boundaries and because with the holidays, oh, it's so important, right? Like it's so important to talk, and not just the boundary side though, maybe arguably more importantly is the humanizing side. Right? So well said, man. Well said. Yeah, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:29.451)
yards.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:37.75)
Yes.

RBK Kaleidoscope (21:44.201)
Yes, yes. I think they go hand in hand. A boundary is a recognition of self and others. You know, this is where I end and you begin. Doesn't mean we're different. We just have different realities.

Chuck LaFLange (21:53.265)
Right?

Yeah, yes, right. So, all right. Well, thank you to Clint for that one. Yeah, yeah, right. Really well said, actually. Jessica in Malibu. Jessica says, I am two months sober. Six months ago, I was driving intoxicated and killed someone in a crash. I'm going away for a long time and now that I am sober, it is really hitting me.

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:02.689)
So I hope that works, Clint.

Chuck LaFLange (22:26.27)
I'm not a bad woman, but my life is ruined. I don't know how I can go on. I don't even know what my question is. I am so fucking lost. Wow. Jessica.

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:46.339)
I, um...

RBK Kaleidoscope (22:50.105)
Oh, I can't, I feel that.

I feel... I feel that trap.

Chuck LaFLange (23:01.954)
Can I say something right off the bat? Congratulations on you for being sober now. And being sober, that is, I can't imagine a harder time to stay the course. So congratulations to you for that. Continue though, right? Yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:02.302)
and not knowing.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:19.509)
M-more. More.

Chuck LaFLange (23:22.999)
It's a big deal. Like that's, if there was ever something that makes you want to get drink or forget or numb or right, that that's going to be the thing, right? Yeah, right. That's there. So congrats on six months, right? You know, yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:25.58)
Yeah!

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:31.863)
if you ever needed a reason. Yeah. And so, me remember...

RBK Kaleidoscope (23:40.749)
You remember on probably just about every third episode, I talk about one of the most important values that we can have and that's courage and like, wow, the courage and so my answer to that, yes, of course you feel like that, Jessica, of course you feel trapped and like it's over, but.

The courage alone lets us know that it's not over. If you have the ability to have the courage to do something about this, it's not, we don't know what's going to happen. The future is unwritten. We don't know. How many times have we heard a story like this from a keynote speaker, somebody on a podcast, somebody writing a book?

Chuck LaFLange (24:08.214)
Damn straight.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:26.345)
about how my life was absolutely devastated and I came through. And the most, one of the most phenomenological or the greatest phenomenons of the human experience is our ability to have resilience. And like, this is what we have to lean into with the fear of the future is a fucking thing, but it is just a lack of information and like, what, what can we do that? I mean, for me, that's my question. How do I turn this pile of shit into fertilizer?

Chuck LaFLange (24:26.839)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (24:39.72)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (24:54.657)
How do I make this something that is fertile and cultivatable into something beautiful? And all of the elements are here. Like, I don't know how long a long time is. I'm not a judge, can't make that call. I'm not even a fricking lawyer, nor do I wanna be. But I do know, if I were to be honest,

Chuck LaFLange (24:54.996)
Yeah, hey.

Chuck LaFLange (25:03.594)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (25:08.298)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (25:12.882)
Yeah. I think a long time is if you've been, you know, a long time, if you've never been to jail, a long time is a week. It's such a relative thing. Right. So like, yeah, you know, and something like this, whatever it is, it's going to be a long time, right? Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (25:21.237)
I-I don't-

RBK Kaleidoscope (25:25.833)
Yeah, and so I don't know what that means. But I do know, like, I'm gonna be frank, and I'm using that word probably because my brain just triggered that. The book, Man Search for Meaning.

Chuck LaFLange (25:42.946)
Yep.

RBK Kaleidoscope (25:43.861)
Never too far away from me. This guy.

RBK Kaleidoscope (25:51.037)
I don't know if I've said it many times because it's just so meaningful to me. He lived four years in Auschwitz and watched a sunset come up through barbed wire fences with the smell of rotting bodies all around him and saw beauty in the world. Meaning is what we make. It's not something that we find or happens to us. It's something that we make.

Chuck LaFLange (26:12.642)
Yeah, right.

Chuck LaFLange (26:19.902)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (26:21.649)
And how do we take this and make meaning from that? And I know like, I bet, you know, like, I bet, Jessica, I bet you feel really alone. And I bet you feel like the world has judged you and discarded you and turned you away. And there's probably evidence to support that in some level, but there's what we're not seeing is the evidence that's there that...

There's a human being inside of you that has got the courage enough to get sober and write that. So that admission within itself tells me that there's something in there that can and will propel you into something that is far beyond anything you could ever imagine your life being, if you want it. And if you're willing to work for it, if you're willing to do the things it takes to be able to do it.

be a human being within this world, knowing that we make mistakes and some of them are devastating and some of them have grand consequences, but it does not make us any less human than we already are. It does not take anything away other than the struggle that we learn from in order to make a life worth living, a meaningful existence. And if Frankel can find beauty in a sunset in Auschwitz, I can find meaning anywhere, at any time. And Jessica Soken you.

And I can guarantee you that if you can see the world as a beautiful place and yourself as a beautiful human being within it, everything will change. It's just a matter of maintaining that and living within that every day. Whether it's in a jail, I mean, Mandela was in a jail cell for 28 years and found freedom in there.

Chuck LaFLange (28:05.924)
His light only shines brighter.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:06.037)
Why can't I find freedom here in it? Exactly, and more meaningful and more impactful. And more importantly, he believed in himself that he could change the world enough that he fucking did it. And so can you, Jessica.

Chuck LaFLange (28:20.57)
Right? Right. So, yeah.

Well said, man. Really good, really good answer to a tough question.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:25.289)
So yeah, that's tough. That's, yeah, that hits me, man. Well, I mean, fuck Jessica. Like, that's hard, it's hard. But I've never come across anything worth it in this world that wasn't hard. If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth it. It wouldn't stick, it wouldn't stay.

Chuck LaFLange (28:35.853)
Wow. Yeah, it is.

Chuck LaFLange (28:43.566)
story.

Chuck LaFLange (28:49.169)
Wow! Well Jessica, thank you. And again, keep on keeping on with it. You know, six months is just the beginning for you.

RBK Kaleidoscope (28:58.945)
The other thing I'll say, Jessica, is that if you're sober now and if you have not had your court date, there might be more leniency coming your way. I don't want to make an expectation, but in my experience, people that have done the awful things or have had awful things happen to them that try to choose a life of health, in this case sobriety, that society seems to, you know, be root for the underdog. But we've got to have something to root for.

Chuck LaFLange (29:28.066)
Yeah. Right. So. OK. Moving from the West Coast to the East Coast. What do you mean?

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:37.441)
What's happening there?

RBK Kaleidoscope (29:41.205)
Hold on. I don't know, did you have a reaction that you're a bit blurry on my screen, but it felt like there was a shift or something? Did you have something there?

Chuck LaFLange (29:50.408)
No, no, I mean it's a lot to take in and it's a big question but nothing outside of what we've talked about anyway.

RBK Kaleidoscope (30:00.542)
Okay, just checking.

Chuck LaFLange (30:04.434)
Moving from the west coast to the east coast, Emma in Fort Lauderdale, Florida says, my brother suffers from PTSD, depression and other mental health issues. He has recently stopped taking his medication and is spiraling. He will be here for Christmas and I need some tips on how to handle him around my kids.

RBK Kaleidoscope (30:26.313)
Mm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (30:35.657)
You know what keeps coming to me here?

is seek to understand rather than be understood what is happening in your brother's life that he feels the need to go off his medication.

Chuck LaFLange (30:55.895)
Bye.

RBK Kaleidoscope (30:56.237)
That's what my first thought is. What's going on there?

Chuck LaFLange (30:58.446)
Quite often it's because the medication's working.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:03.721)
Or maybe it makes them tinny, maybe they can't sleep, maybe they get constipated, like there's so many things. But how often do we judge?

Chuck LaFLange (31:08.562)
Yeah. Well, it's just why I specifically said quite often, right? But yeah, right. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:16.329)
Yeah, yeah. But my point, you know, to me that that's a bit of noise. I mean, the question is, is like, why? Why? Why in society do we judge so quickly when someone goes off their meds? I mean, because obviously there's evidence that we see bad things happen. But do we ever wonder why? Do we ever ask the human being what their experiences?

Chuck LaFLange (31:17.695)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (31:31.562)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (31:35.71)
Yeah. Yeah, okay.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:38.409)
You know? And like, like dude, I've been to a million counselors and therapists and not many of them have worked for me because not many of them have seeked to understand.

RBK Kaleidoscope (31:55.885)
And so I would start there. Now spiraling, I don't know what that, I don't like that's kind of a big broad word. I don't know how that manifests. So like if it's spiraling into violence, then I would say that probably not good to have around your kids at all or family at all. If we're spiraling into violence, it might be time to make a certification call. Like I don't know the degree of that.

Chuck LaFLange (32:08.459)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (32:24.982)
Yeah, great.

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:25.393)
If it's manageable, then how do we access your brother as a human being who happens to have mental health issues? How do we move away from your, you have mental health issues and you're off your meds, which means you're not a human being. You know, like, does that make sense? In other words, I'm Ryan.

Chuck LaFLange (32:45.526)
Yeah, of course it does. Specifically, she's asking about abound her kids, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (32:51.305)
Yes, I know, and I'm getting there. I'm getting there. But I mean, for me, I don't identify as high blood pressure. I'm not riding high blood pressure. And I realize that that's such a menial comparison. But when we have fear, it's really easy to dehumanize because then I can compartmentalize and I can vilify.

Chuck LaFLange (32:52.619)
Yeah, okay.

Chuck LaFLange (33:00.246)
Yeah, yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:13.297)
I can make that person the enemy. Let's not do that. Is this manageable? Is there a way that your brother can be your brother, not on his medication and still enjoy being an uncle?

Chuck LaFLange (33:17.205)
Mm-hmm.

RBK Kaleidoscope (33:28.429)
Is that possible? And like, if it is, then we can maybe then we talk about, here's some boundaries, like, hey, let's understand. I want to understand what you're experiencing from a mental health perspective. How can I be your support? I need to be very frank with you in that is I love my kids and I love you. And I need to know that they're going to be safe with the affliction that you have. And I need a commitment from you. You know what I mean? If that's the severity of it.

and we want to entertain this union. Because most people, when they're treated like an adult, will act like one. And so if it's me and I have a mental health issue, and it's my sister, God rest her soul, were to come to me and say, Ryan, I know you're off your meds right now, and I know your mental health is quite acute, and I'm kind of worried about you being around my kids right now, but I really want that to happen.

Can we talk about that a little bit? I'd be like, yeah, for sure. You know what, to be honest with you, I'm probably not even gonna come now that you've asked me that question because I don't trust myself. Or, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go back on my meds for Christmas. And I'll go back off them when I'm done because I don't like them. But I want to be part of this family. Or...

Chuck LaFLange (34:38.988)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (34:52.433)
I'm not going to go on meds, but I promise you I'm going to be good. But what I will do is I'll stay open with you and I'll communicate with you. Or I'll say, if you're going to not be in your meds, you can be around kids. Can we talk? Can we check in? And maybe every couple of hours or something, just, you know, see where we're at. Like, just so I can feel better. Like, can you help me with that? You know what I mean? So many avenues we can take. It's about clear communication. It's about articulating with kindness. So it's setting good boundaries. It's about seeking to understand.

And it might end up being that, you know what, I just don't feel comfortable with it. And I think that we're going to stay home this year. You know, and ultimately, Emma, that's your decision. You can do that, you know, and then, you know, how do you articulate to your kids? Well, yeah, you know, your uncle's not well. And I think we're just going to have a little intimate Christmas together this year, but we'll make good plans next year. Maybe we'll go see him in the spring.

Chuck LaFLange (35:29.326)
Yeah. Right.

Chuck LaFLange (35:36.03)
Yeah, 100% it is. Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (35:52.125)
I don't know, you know what I mean? It doesn't have to be so finite. Yeah, yeah, and ultimately, Emma, your kid's safety.

Chuck LaFLange (35:52.478)
Yeah, yeah, whatever it takes, yeah. And I think you've talked about this earlier in the episode too, Ryan, about being open with the kids with a level of comprehension or whatever, right? Hey, you know what, just be mindful of the fact that Uncle's sick and the excitement might be a little much for him or whatever and just try and stay chill, right?

RBK Kaleidoscope (36:18.901)
Yeah, and if something comes up you're not comfortable, just come tell me. You know, I'm how... And your uncle loves you. Your uncle wants the best for you. Don't forget that. You know, and I would say that to your brother Emma. I would say like, kids love you. They want the best for you. And that's all that really matters to you. And sometimes, you know, like in the worst case scenario, you gotta love from afar for this period.

Chuck LaFLange (36:24.927)
All right.

Yeah, of course he does, right? Yeah, yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (36:39.094)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (36:47.915)
That's worst case scenario.

Chuck LaFLange (36:51.804)
Yeah. Absolutely. Sorry. My dog is shaking the desk. I was petting him with my foot, and he's like, I stopped. It's like, I don't think so.

RBK Kaleidoscope (36:58.802)
That's not enough. That's not enough. More! That's funny. Yeah. Ayy. Fresh beginnings.

Chuck LaFLange (37:07.334)
still on some rickety furniture here so yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (37:15.334)
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining. I got myself a real chair. I'm not using that wooden chair anymore. So there's that, right? You know, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:17.131)
Um

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:21.27)
Dude.

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:24.957)
Hey, hey, quick, quick. Have a look. Quick, yeah. Your life's fucking awesome. Your life is awesome. Quick.

Chuck LaFLange (37:28.118)
Yeah, yeah. What am I looking at? What am I looking at? Oh, yeah, it is. I've got nothing to complain about. Nothing, right? I mean, all I had to complain about was the bullies up the road. I told them what time it was, so whatever. I'm good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you, it's interesting.

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:39.361)
Quick quick!

RBK Kaleidoscope (37:46.489)
What bullies? Yeah, you're the bully. Yeah, we're going to have to hit the thing, I think, bud.

Chuck LaFLange (37:58.99)
I'm the only non-Thai person in this neighborhood. The only one. Right? So it's an interesting feeling, right? You know, it really is to be kind of, isolated sounds the right word, because I'm far from isolated, but to navigate that, and to experience some low key racism. That's an interesting thing. Puts things into perspective for me in a big way, right? I'll tell you what, if you're pissed off at the person at Tim Horton's, because they can't understand your coffee order, shut the fuck up.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:00.938)
Go.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:20.277)
Heh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How pr- how-

Chuck LaFLange (38:29.67)
That person is in another country, doesn't understand the language, and somebody put them on the speaker. They're having a bad day, you're not. My empathy has gone way up. But yeah, we better get to my favourite part of the show. That's the Daily Gratitudes. What you got for us today? What you got for us?

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:30.453)
Hehehehehehe

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:37.517)
Hehe

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:46.793)
Yeah, yeah, I don't mean to push it, but I... Health, fuck man.

Chuck LaFLange (38:51.911)
Oh no, no. We're there. We're there.

RBK Kaleidoscope (38:56.989)
I am grateful to be alive. I'm okay. I'm really grateful for what you said to me earlier. About if I were to die tomorrow. That I've had an impact on your life. And that's making me emotional. To be honest with you. Um, I think we'll, well, it's not really, it's not, you're doing a camera.

Chuck LaFLange (39:06.598)
Ah, well, let me know.

Chuck LaFLange (39:14.486)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (39:19.234)
That's a rare thing.

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:28.561)
I think we all want to mean something to somebody at some time. And you really, you really, I mean, I've known you for so fucking long, but haven't really known you until now. You know, like, and I think that's reciprocal. And to know that I've had a positive impact in your life is...

Chuck LaFLange (39:44.118)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (39:55.351)
huge.

RBK Kaleidoscope (39:55.801)
it feels like it's worth it. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't, I mean, I can guess those. I didn't really know to that degree until now. Now, when you put it that way.

Chuck LaFLange (40:04.546)
Yeah, yeah, hands down man. There's, there is, I don't think there's, outside of MUM, I don't think there's two other people's combined efforts who have had a bigger impact on my life. So, let's put that perspective for you, right? You know, yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:22.636)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:26.413)
Well, you got me this time. Fuck you.

Chuck LaFLange (40:28.846)
eyes are sweating. Wipe them up it's sweat. If you wipe them up it's sweat.

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:32.49)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (40:38.222)
You're crying.

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:38.58)
My eyes are sweating so hot in here.

RBK Kaleidoscope (40:45.693)
Yeah, you don't know me. And then, yeah, like, I'm also like, dude, I have like, this fucking amazing relationship, I'm swearing, this amazing relationship with this beautiful woman that just, I don't understand how I got to deserve.

this like matching of a soul who happens to be an absolute smoke show like yeah I've I have met the best human being in the world and I get to wake up with her every morning and uh and then our two little beautiful little babies who uh Cameron is now saying bye and dada and brings me the remote and uh yeah

Chuck LaFLange (41:25.038)
kidding.

Chuck LaFLange (41:32.874)
Aww. More importantly, she brings me the remote.

RBK Kaleidoscope (41:39.561)
It's a brazen world. Mackie takes it away. The camera brings it back to me. Yeah, I mean, I'm just so, uh...

Chuck LaFLange (41:41.558)
Yeah.

RBK Kaleidoscope (41:53.205)
I don't, yeah, I fucked up a lot in my life. I fucked up a lot. And to just have it pay out this way, like I don't deserve this life. And for whatever reason I get to live it like this, man, I just want this stuff to work for people. And that's the only way I know how to make it okay and make it all balance out.

Chuck LaFLange (41:59.767)
Yeah.

Chuck LaFLange (42:22.966)
Yeah, right.

RBK Kaleidoscope (42:22.989)
I just want, I want, I want what I, the way I think to help fucking people. Somehow. Instead of, uh.

Chuck LaFLange (42:28.382)
Yeah. Well, so far so good, brother.

RBK Kaleidoscope (42:34.237)
Well, maybe Chuck, maybe we are enough. Maybe.

Chuck LaFLange (42:40.258)
Maybe we gotta be. For myself, oh, no, go ahead. All right, now we're just, now we're carrying on. Okay. My daily gratitude. It's gonna be sunny, my dog is truly a blessing in my life. Right? Christmas is here, I'm not going to be alone alone.

RBK Kaleidoscope (42:44.745)
Yeah. Well, the evidence is there, man. I mean...

RBK Kaleidoscope (42:52.661)
I was just saying the evidence is there, like... Yeah, we are killing them. Go on now.

Chuck LaFLange (43:10.218)
I'm not physically alone and for that I'm very grateful. I'll do a reciprocal one here and say, you brother, like really, like really, you know. And I guess, you know what, this will be our last episode before Christmas. So to all of you listeners, all of you out there, Merry freaking Christmas to everybody. I hope the holidays are everything that you want them to be and more, I really do.

If you can find the time to like, comment, share, do all the things, really you appreciate it every time you do, you're getting me a little bit closer to living my best life. My best life is to continue making a humble living, spreading the message. The message is this. If you're in active addiction right now, today could be the day, today could be the day that you start a lifelong journey. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call into detox, go to a meeting, just get that journey started. Your family needs you. You are loved.

If you have a loved one who's suffering an addiction right now, you're just taking the time to listen to us. Get rather emotional today. Just take another minute out of your day and text that person. Let them know they are loved. Use the words.

RBK Kaleidoscope (44:20.917)
You were loved.

Chuck LaFLange (44:22.978)
That little glimmer of hope could just be the thing that brings it back.

Chuck LaFLange (44:29.55)
There we go. It's funny, there's a little bit of a.