241 - CASEY JORDAN

[00:00:00] I am 31 years old. This will be the first time in my life that I can say I've done this on my own. I haven't had somebody. That's like sometimes that could dependency and that enabling it looks great on the outside but on the inside the person that's living in, damn it's miserable.

[00:00:30] I'm sure that's been met with all sorts of emotion from the wonderment and the worry to just excitement that he's doing okay. He's ready to start the next phase in his journey or the next chapter in his story if you will.

[00:00:41] And we just want to get back on and let people know because a lot of people are following him again these days and you know hoping for the best and praying for him.

[00:00:48] So listen, if you like what we're doing here on the show guys, don't forget to like comment or share on the video. Subscribe, do whatever it is that you're doing, whatever platform that you're on.

[00:00:56] Those things really, really help us and help us to keep spreading the message and I can't think of a you know and I really do appreciate every one of those things.

[00:01:04] Today's title sponsor is the Yachter Trauma Center here in Krabi Thailand where I reside. Guys they treat trauma. They do it very, very, very well.

[00:01:11] They offer residential treatment program as well as some online therapy options as well.

[00:01:15] I don't think I will ever stop screaming from the rooftops at the difference they've made in my life.

[00:01:19] I mean every single word that I say and I'm very, very glad to be partnered up with them on the show.

[00:01:23] If you go to our website, a to a podcast.com slash trauma there you will find some information about Mike Miller, the head clinician who's also guested on the show here multiple times.

[00:01:32] Now I want to say five or six times as long as there's a whole bunch of episodes that he's done with us and of course the contact information to get in touch with the Yachter Trauma Center where you know maybe you can address some of the things that need addressing.

[00:01:44] So check them out guys and in the meantime, I hope you enjoy the show.

[00:01:47] Hello everybody, watchers, listeners, supporters, walk guides. Welcome to another episode of the Ashtwosman podcast.

[00:01:52] I'm your host Chuck LaFlandre checking in from Krabi Thailand of course halfway around the world somewhere in Minnesota these days.

[00:01:59] It's Casey Jordan. How you doing today, Casey?

[00:02:01] Hi Chuck.

[00:02:02] Oh you know, just living the dream. Living the dream right.

[00:02:05] So she's middle of the night here starting to cool off.

[00:02:09] Well, I guess it's five o'clock in the morning. It's 27th so that'd be somewhere about 80.

[00:02:14] 80 degrees now so things are starting to get a little cooler. We're getting close to the rainy season here in Thailand. So there is that right now we've got three months of steady rain ahead of us.

[00:02:23] Better than learning that the state bird of Minnesota is a mosquito because I have been bit by a mosquito at that.

[00:02:30] Uncountable times.

[00:02:33] I've been here for six weeks and I was like this place is heaven on earth. There's no bugs.

[00:02:39] And then last night I woke up and I had mosquito bites across all my toes. The tops of my toes were covered in mosquito bites.

[00:02:47] Oh, I'll drive you crazy.

[00:02:50] I'm walking. I'm covered. My whole body is a mosquito bite right now.

[00:02:55] We're working the swamp today. She decided we're going to work in the swamp today.

[00:03:02] The swamp is just hatched in the last two days and we were going to go stand in the swamp.

[00:03:09] Anyway, so what's going on my friends? The last time we checked up on you, you had some plans in the works. You weren't really sure what was happening.

[00:03:17] You're living the Minnesota dream as it were.

[00:03:21] And of course we talk often but the people that are paying attention don't really talk to you as much as my fortune itself gets to.

[00:03:28] So what the fuck's going on?

[00:03:30] I'm not about answering my phone so the only people that I talk to are you and a couple, like two other people get to hear from me. That's it.

[00:03:37] For me, I got wheels on my ass all the time so I was getting antsy and I was like I'll just drive to Washington

[00:03:45] and I will shorten the flight and that will make it simpler because then I won't have to transition from two airports to one.

[00:03:52] And then I was like it doesn't make any sense.

[00:03:55] No, it doesn't make any sense.

[00:03:57] I had a whole lot of trouble for me if I drive and leave my car in Washington state and then fly to Alaska.

[00:04:04] When I could just leave my car in the nice place of Minnesota where it's already at and fly from Minneapolis to Washington and then Washington to Alaska.

[00:04:15] So the plans of kind of, there was a meeting of the mines and have a mine so you told me that I needed to do something a little different.

[00:04:24] So I was like, then I watched the episode of me and Ryan Bathgate and you and I was like, yeah, maybe this guy knows what he's talking about.

[00:04:35] Maybe I should listen. I should shut up and listen for one.

[00:04:39] I mean, um...

[00:04:41] I love you brother but you do tend to get a little flady.

[00:04:44] Dude, in sideways, I got no brakes. The tires have been all the time and they put me in the sand and I'm big trouble.

[00:04:53] I'm honestly like, I'm so happy that like they'd all spun back around.

[00:04:58] I was sad. I was like depressed. I was worried that like I was going to look really stupid because none of this was going to work.

[00:05:06] And then you just keep showing up for me dude. Honestly, you just keep...

[00:05:10] Wow.

[00:05:11] It's not a monetary. It's not a financial show up. It's not like...

[00:05:16] Fuck no. I can barely show it for myself that way.

[00:05:19] Yeah.

[00:05:20] I got six bucks. I got six bucks right now.

[00:05:23] But I'm so happy. I'm like, the mosquito bites on my toes right now. I'm having a blast.

[00:05:28] And I'm headed to Alaska and...

[00:05:31] So what are we going to Alaska for? What's that all about? Let's talk about that.

[00:05:36] Met some people in Minnesota. They need some help.

[00:05:41] They have a bee in Alaska. They take precious minerals from.

[00:05:47] So they needed an extra guy on the crew.

[00:05:51] I don't currently have a real job. I'm working on the farm, 20 bucks an hour cash, whatever.

[00:05:56] Everybody's like, that's good money. You don't know what life's like anymore.

[00:06:01] That's not great money. Schedule is all tentative to when a 68 year old woman wants to work me.

[00:06:07] So the pot of gold is not that big at the end of this rainbow, but the piece is awesome.

[00:06:14] It gives me an opportunity to financially take care of myself, take care of my kids, take care of anything.

[00:06:21] If I have anything I need taken care of, I'll be able to do it on my own.

[00:06:25] And that's the first time... I'll be 31 years old. I am 31 years old.

[00:06:29] This will be the first time in my life that I can say I've done this on my own.

[00:06:33] I haven't had somebody...

[00:06:35] That's like sometimes that codependency and that enabling, it looks great on the outside,

[00:06:41] but on the inside the person that's living it, damn it's miserable.

[00:06:44] Yeah, right. I understand that. I still working towards self-sufficiency, right?

[00:06:49] Yeah, it's been stuck in the pits of codependency.

[00:06:53] You honestly don't know what it's like to be self-sufficient.

[00:06:56] Even when you're...

[00:06:57] In a long time.

[00:06:58] Yeah.

[00:06:59] Even at my most self-sufficient in the last 30 years,

[00:07:02] if a thousand dollar hiccup happens in my life, I'm so screwed.

[00:07:07] Yeah.

[00:07:08] Every man and it's like, I don't have to live like that.

[00:07:12] I don't have to be under somebody's thumb.

[00:07:14] I can take care of myself, but this gives me...

[00:07:16] Alaska gives me the opportunity to...

[00:07:19] And I genuinely like me when I'm being me and I'm not doing what I'm told to do.

[00:07:25] Like...

[00:07:26] Yeah.

[00:07:27] It's kind of like the whole F-Around and Recover mission.

[00:07:30] That got strong, strong, strong and misconstrued.

[00:07:34] I told people that I was going on that trip,

[00:07:37] and then when the vehicle didn't work out for the trip,

[00:07:41] the story got changed so that I ran away,

[00:07:43] but I was already going on the trip.

[00:07:45] So I just had the car, I just went ahead and did it in the car.

[00:07:48] Yeah.

[00:07:49] Mission's never stopped.

[00:07:50] That's a mission that I'm never gonna give up.

[00:07:52] Honestly, it's like...

[00:07:53] Mission trip started.

[00:07:54] This is a mission trip.

[00:07:55] I'll do the same things in Alaska that I've done this whole time.

[00:07:58] I mean, I'm not stopped dude.

[00:08:00] I haven't stopped giving the love.

[00:08:02] I haven't stopped where they're at.

[00:08:04] Like that's never, that's never time changed.

[00:08:06] The mission is not changed.

[00:08:08] Cool.

[00:08:09] My actions might not reflect that all the time,

[00:08:12] but you go see me in the streets with somebody that needs some help,

[00:08:15] and then you tell them about my guy.

[00:08:16] You know, back up, back up, back up.

[00:08:18] No, man, not me.

[00:08:19] You know.

[00:08:20] Yeah.

[00:08:21] Yeah.

[00:08:22] I love, I love and always turn my day around.

[00:08:25] Kind of an argument.

[00:08:26] I'll keep this short,

[00:08:27] but me and my boss were kind of going at it today.

[00:08:30] She was trying to watch me do something and tell me how to do it.

[00:08:33] And I was like, go.

[00:08:34] I was like, because this,

[00:08:35] this is not gonna last very long.

[00:08:36] I'll pack up and leave if you're going to stay and scream at me

[00:08:39] over how I use a shovel.

[00:08:40] Like just go.

[00:08:42] Five minutes later,

[00:08:43] I drove the tractor for the first time,

[00:08:44] the happiest person in the world.

[00:08:46] And I didn't like that stuff from my day dude.

[00:08:49] And I was,

[00:08:50] I went through the woods.

[00:08:51] I had to leave in fourth or third gear,

[00:08:53] but that's cause she didn't want me to pop a willies and stuff.

[00:08:56] But I didn't get to pop any willies on the tractor.

[00:08:59] But when I did go to parking,

[00:09:00] I almost wrecked it cause she didn't tell me the tractor didn't have brakes.

[00:09:03] So I put it in road gear and drove it for about a quarter mile.

[00:09:07] And then as I went down the hill,

[00:09:09] I hit both brakes and the only the right side worked.

[00:09:12] So the tractor went real quick that way.

[00:09:15] But you know,

[00:09:18] I had an idea of how to stop it.

[00:09:20] So I didn't wreck it,

[00:09:21] but what a little bit of excitement can do for the day.

[00:09:24] I mean,

[00:09:25] Yeah, no kidding.

[00:09:26] Right.

[00:09:27] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:09:29] Right.

[00:09:30] How we doing with,

[00:09:32] with sobriety,

[00:09:33] with recovery?

[00:09:34] Was that looking for you these days?

[00:09:36] Um,

[00:09:37] I'm grateful that I like

[00:09:39] eat my way back onto the internet because there's not really a big recovery

[00:09:43] community here.

[00:09:44] There's not really a big,

[00:09:46] there's not a lot of people.

[00:09:48] So like there's either people,

[00:09:50] people that are in treatment or in transitional and I'm not,

[00:09:54] you know, I'm not going to be here alongside.

[00:09:55] I'm with anywhere transitional.

[00:09:57] Um,

[00:09:58] I have done a little bit of person to person stuff just,

[00:10:02] you know,

[00:10:03] met some people going through it in the community.

[00:10:06] There's a ton of death here.

[00:10:08] Um,

[00:10:09] Yeah,

[00:10:10] there's a lot of,

[00:10:11] there's a lot of overdoses.

[00:10:13] And there's a lot of change in the narrative, dude.

[00:10:15] There's a lot of like,

[00:10:17] um,

[00:10:18] not wanting to admit that it was an overdose.

[00:10:20] Like we're still stuck.

[00:10:21] This place is still kind of stuck in that shame of

[00:10:24] my brother.

[00:10:26] Yeah.

[00:10:27] I don't want people to know that that's what it was like.

[00:10:30] Um,

[00:10:31] yeah.

[00:10:32] That's,

[00:10:33] and I don't know that's how it ever goes away because some of the

[00:10:35] most,

[00:10:36] um,

[00:10:37] Yeah.

[00:10:38] That's a family thing.

[00:10:39] So if you're in the culture,

[00:10:41] it's easy for people to come to terms with that.

[00:10:43] They're easy to admit that,

[00:10:45] but they're families who are not inside that culture.

[00:10:47] I think it's much harder for them to come to terms with that.

[00:10:49] And it doesn't that,

[00:10:50] I don't think that goes away with time.

[00:10:52] I think that's just going to be like that for forever.

[00:10:54] Right?

[00:10:55] You know,

[00:10:56] you know,

[00:10:57] so it's more painful.

[00:10:58] Like I hurt for the family because I'm like,

[00:11:01] that's got to hurt to hide that because like that's,

[00:11:04] you have people like me that would hug all of you.

[00:11:07] You know what I mean?

[00:11:08] Like,

[00:11:09] because like nobody deserves to die from it ever.

[00:11:13] No,

[00:11:14] they don't.

[00:11:15] No,

[00:11:16] they don't.

[00:11:17] On this tide,

[00:11:18] if we're talking recovery,

[00:11:19] death and pain and,

[00:11:21] uh,

[00:11:22] the,

[00:11:23] oh shit.

[00:11:25] The illusion of what good is when you're using,

[00:11:28] like none of that's worth it.

[00:11:31] None of that's,

[00:11:32] it's all faux pas,

[00:11:34] like even the good days are not good.

[00:11:37] No,

[00:11:38] no,

[00:11:39] they're not.

[00:11:40] No,

[00:11:41] they're not right.

[00:11:42] When people ask me here how things,

[00:11:43] how I'm doing,

[00:11:44] I won't talk about me for a quick second here,

[00:11:45] but it's,

[00:11:47] it's that often it,

[00:11:48] well,

[00:11:49] how I usually respond is it's a grind.

[00:11:51] It's a real grind.

[00:11:52] Right?

[00:11:53] Like there's days where the stress is overwhelming and all that stuff,

[00:11:56] but

[00:11:57] the worst day today is better than the best day 20 months ago.

[00:12:02] Right?

[00:12:03] And it's,

[00:12:04] and that's just the way that it is.

[00:12:05] I always liked that because when I think like the very worst thing that I go through here

[00:12:09] is just so much better than being a slave to my,

[00:12:13] my trauma,

[00:12:14] my disease,

[00:12:15] my like all the things that come along with,

[00:12:18] with being an active addiction.

[00:12:19] Right?

[00:12:20] So, right?

[00:12:21] Yeah.

[00:12:22] Yeah.

[00:12:23] So that's a matter of perspective.

[00:12:24] Faux show.

[00:12:25] Faux show.

[00:12:26] All right, Casey.

[00:12:27] So we know that you've got some plans in place now to,

[00:12:30] uh,

[00:12:31] to get on up to Alaska and that makes me really happy for you

[00:12:34] because she's been, um,

[00:12:36] a little eclectic sometime in your decision making and that.

[00:12:39] And you know, I get to talk to you daily, but,

[00:12:41] uh,

[00:12:42] the reality of that is,

[00:12:43] is that I think you need some help getting there.

[00:12:45] And if people want to donate,

[00:12:48] I know there's your new cash app.

[00:12:49] I mean, we can,

[00:12:50] we can talk about that.

[00:12:51] But if people want to donate,

[00:12:52] what are they donating for exactly?

[00:12:54] And if we can give some clarity,

[00:12:55] maybe we can,

[00:12:56] we can help invoke some generosity from the people that love and care about you the way I do.

[00:12:59] So,

[00:13:00] right?

[00:13:01] What do you need?

[00:13:02] Three really important things that I'm going to have to pay for in the next couple of weeks.

[00:13:06] Uh, next,

[00:13:07] the next seven days more importantly is the plane ticket.

[00:13:10] Um,

[00:13:11] it's gonna cost me about five.

[00:13:12] I from Minneapolis to Washington.

[00:13:15] That'll happen.

[00:13:16] Um,

[00:13:17] I don't currently have the money for that.

[00:13:18] Um,

[00:13:19] after that is,

[00:13:20] um,

[00:13:21] my cell phone slash out.

[00:13:23] Um,

[00:13:24] paying for that back to my other internet things,

[00:13:27] which is good for everybody because that's how I make money.

[00:13:31] Um,

[00:13:32] so that's the $500 honestly at this point because I have to pay more.

[00:13:36] Um,

[00:13:37] but then after it's just gear for the,

[00:13:40] what I'm doing the trip,

[00:13:41] um,

[00:13:42] I'm going to Alaska.

[00:13:43] Um,

[00:13:44] giving away everything that I had prior.

[00:13:45] I have a couple pairs of jeans and a few shirts and a pair of boots right now that

[00:13:50] probably aren't going to cut in Alaska.

[00:13:52] Um,

[00:13:53] so I'm just,

[00:13:55] if anybody's willing to help me get the things together,

[00:13:58] get money together to get the things that I need.

[00:14:01] Um,

[00:14:02] I appreciate all the support.

[00:14:03] That'd be awesome.

[00:14:04] Right.

[00:14:05] And if anybody like,

[00:14:06] let's say what is your cash out right now?

[00:14:08] If you want to hit the number two and case.

[00:14:11] So it's CJ.

[00:14:12] It's your case.

[00:14:13] CJ to case.

[00:14:14] Okay.

[00:14:15] So, um,

[00:14:16] and of course that'll be on the website at 808 podcast.com slash Casey along with,

[00:14:21] uh,

[00:14:22] with a little bit more about what's going on in the story and not here.

[00:14:24] So,

[00:14:25] um,

[00:14:27] we've talked quite a bit Casey again.

[00:14:29] I'm happy that you found some direction because Alaska in my mind and from what I

[00:14:34] can tell,

[00:14:35] you know, being on the other side of the freaking world from you Alaska,

[00:14:38] if you can get there and you can get this happening,

[00:14:40] it puts you in a position.

[00:14:41] It's a jumping off for the rest of everything that you want to do.

[00:14:44] Right.

[00:14:45] So, um,

[00:14:46] in self-sufficiency,

[00:14:47] I know I am closer today to self-sufficiency than I was a month ago and hopefully a month

[00:14:50] from now I am myself as well,

[00:14:52] but I can appreciate how humbling it can be to not be how shitty of a feeling it

[00:14:58] can be to not be,

[00:14:59] but how great of a feeling it is to know that you're moving in that direction.

[00:15:03] So I'm glad that I'm glad that you've adjusted your plan to a more realistic

[00:15:07] one.

[00:15:08] I'm really glad you're not driving across the car.

[00:15:10] Damn.

[00:15:11] Again,

[00:15:12] yeah,

[00:15:13] he's not driving across the country.

[00:15:15] Thank God.

[00:15:16] Yeah.

[00:15:17] Right.

[00:15:18] All right,

[00:15:19] my man.

[00:15:20] All right.

[00:15:21] Um, well, let's, let's leave it at that.

[00:15:23] That's going to be a short episode.

[00:15:24] I think there's not a lot going on.

[00:15:26] I'm really glad.

[00:15:27] I'll say this.

[00:15:28] I am fucking proud of you that you're still sober,

[00:15:31] that you've just had your two year, what seven days ago now.

[00:15:35] A week ago.

[00:15:37] Okay.

[00:15:38] Well, in my world at seven days.

[00:15:40] Yeah.

[00:15:41] Oh yeah.

[00:15:42] You're dead.

[00:15:43] Yeah.

[00:15:44] Yeah.

[00:15:45] So six days ago,

[00:15:46] you know that you celebrated your two years,

[00:15:48] which is just incredible.

[00:15:49] I'm glad that you managed to maintain that because there's been all sorts of reasons or excuses for you not to have done that.

[00:15:56] So keep up the good work on that, my friend.

[00:15:58] Keep up the good work.

[00:15:59] That's what changed it for me was when I started doing it for me.

[00:16:02] Like,

[00:16:03] yeah,

[00:16:04] of course, that's right.

[00:16:06] Yeah.

[00:16:07] Well,

[00:16:08] text me my favorite part of the show.

[00:16:09] That's daily gratitude.

[00:16:10] What you got for us brother?

[00:16:12] And,

[00:16:13] um,

[00:16:14] I didn't get to talk to my mom.

[00:16:16] Uh,

[00:16:18] stuff.

[00:16:19] But,

[00:16:20] um,

[00:16:21] I'm grateful for my mom, man.

[00:16:23] Um,

[00:16:24] yeah,

[00:16:25] you have this long.

[00:16:26] Um,

[00:16:27] I wouldn't have made it this far.

[00:16:29] Um,

[00:16:30] I know.

[00:16:31] I know that my kids are taking care of because of my mom.

[00:16:35] Um,

[00:16:36] because there's been a lot,

[00:16:37] there's been a lot of anger on my end.

[00:16:39] Um,

[00:16:40] what I got gave Chris.

[00:16:41] Um,

[00:16:42] just say that man.

[00:16:44] Um,

[00:16:45] you know,

[00:16:46] everything's all the time.

[00:16:47] I got a lot of love and I got a lot of love to give.

[00:16:49] Um,

[00:16:50] you know,

[00:16:51] I don't know.

[00:16:52] Um,

[00:16:53] but very for my mom because I know my kids are safe, man.

[00:16:56] And that's,

[00:16:57] that's important.

[00:16:58] I get to do what I'm doing right now because my mom's got my kids.

[00:17:01] So,

[00:17:02] I mean she doesn't have my kids watching my kids,

[00:17:04] but my kids are safe because of my mom.

[00:17:06] My kids don't have to worry about anything at all dude.

[00:17:10] I worry about nothing because of her.

[00:17:11] And I,

[00:17:12] I'm grateful for that.

[00:17:13] That puts me in a good position to work on me.

[00:17:17] That's,

[00:17:18] uh,

[00:17:19] I love that.

[00:17:20] It's beautiful.

[00:17:21] It's beautiful brother.

[00:17:22] Yeah.

[00:17:23] Yeah.

[00:17:24] Yeah.

[00:17:25] I am,

[00:17:26] I'm grateful.

[00:17:28] I'm grateful that you're good.

[00:17:29] I'm grateful that you seem to be on the upswing.

[00:17:32] I'm grateful for your friendship brother.

[00:17:34] I really am.

[00:17:35] You make me smile almost every day.

[00:17:37] Usually I'm laughing at you, not with you,

[00:17:39] but I'm laughing.

[00:17:40] So that's what matters.

[00:17:41] Right?

[00:17:42] I'm,

[00:17:44] I'm also grateful to every single person who continues to like,

[00:17:47] watch, comment, share, do the things, subscribe.

[00:17:50] Every time you do one of these things is getting us a little bit closer

[00:17:52] to living my best life.

[00:17:53] My best life is to make a humble living spreading the message,

[00:17:55] the message of this.

[00:17:56] If you're an active addiction right now today could be the day,

[00:17:59] today could be the day that you start a lifelong journey.

[00:18:01] Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member,

[00:18:03] call in a detox, go to a meeting, pray,

[00:18:05] go to church.

[00:18:06] I don't care.

[00:18:07] Do whatever it is you got to do to get that journey started.

[00:18:09] It's just so much better than the alternative.

[00:18:11] If you have a loved one who's suffering an addiction right now,

[00:18:13] you've taken the time to listen to our conversation.

[00:18:15] If you should take one more minute out of your day and text that person,

[00:18:18] let them know they're loved.

[00:18:19] Use the words.

[00:18:20] That little glimmer of hope just might be the thing that brings them back.

[00:18:24] Boom.

[00:18:25] Okay.

[00:18:26] Much better.