Ryan and I talk about making room for what matters and more
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Chuck (00:01.77)
supporters of all kinds. Welcome to another episode of the Ashes to Awesome podcast. I'm your host Chuck LaFlange or Chris Horder checking in from Krabi, Thailand halfway around the world and Mission BC is my very good friend and co -host Ryan Bathgate How you doing today, Ryan?
Ryan Bathgate MA (00:16.418)
I am well. Maybe I got a lot of fresh air, man. So kind of like, you know, like, and you know, I'm old, man. get up early, like, like I watched Matlock the night before or something. I'm up at six this morning. They barely wait. All right. Guess I guess I'll get going.
Chuck (00:35.029)
You
Chuck (00:43.667)
That's awesome.
Ryan Bathgate MA (00:46.122)
Yeah, you know, and did some camping as he came out and it's like, I'm the only one with some color in my beard still up at that time. And it's just like old dogs and old people on the stroll. You know, the dogs are just like, they can maybe do a kilometer. can just see them clunking around. you know, so yeah,
Chuck (01:00.204)
yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (01:14.786)
It's good. I haven't been to the gym in a few days, which is a weird void for me. There's a gym where I was camping, but it doesn't open till nine. And being old, that doesn't work for me. That's way too late. Yeah, I'm ready for my afternoon nap.
Chuck (01:26.189)
It's interesting.
Chuck (01:34.283)
Nine is like lunchtime, right? Like...
Yeah. I'm so the same way. I really am. Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (01:44.066)
Sponge bath, yeah. So, yeah, no, I'm good, man. I'm really full, like, from a life perspective. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I don't want to get crazy into anything,
Chuck (01:53.815)
good. This is good.
Ryan Bathgate MA (02:01.762)
There are things we come across in life that... Well, you talked about, know, Remember Fuck the Noise and like that episode where like there are certain things in my life, like my children, for example, that like make everything unimportant, you know, and yeah. And so like really, you know, it's become about how do I maintain this version of myself so I can continue to
this version for my children. like, it's a how do you explain how an orange tastes kind of moment. Like you could tell me before I had kids about this experience and I'd be like, yeah, that's cool. You know, sounds like Raleigh, North Carolina. I've never been. Yeah, yeah, same thing. Yeah.
Chuck (02:49.709)
I have fur babies, they're like my kids, right? Who is it? He's that guy that he works with Bert Kreischer, that other big, like he's kind of a bigger guy. I can't think of his name, but he's a comedian who works with Bert Kreischer. I can't think of his name. He's a bigger guy. He does a whole bit about, know, people talk, yes, I love my dog. And yes, he's like a part of the family, but.
Ryan Bathgate MA (02:59.829)
You
Ryan Bathgate MA (03:04.332)
Who?
Ryan Bathgate MA (03:09.387)
out.
Chuck (03:19.273)
If that dog hurt my son, I would drown that dog. And then I would bring that dog to my son in a burlap sack and say, here is the dog that hurts you, It's like, you know, not the same thing.
Ryan Bathgate MA (03:23.394)
What
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not, not a fervent, yeah. So when you, it's an eye roll, right? Like, well, I've got two Pomeranians. You're like, eh, yeah, okay. Like, like you really love this apartment, but you can't have dogs. So you get rid of the dogs. like, you really love this apartment, but you can't have kids.
So you get rid of the kid? No, you don't get rid of the kids. You get rid of the dog. You don't get the apartment.
Chuck (03:56.717)
That's a great, yeah, that's a totally fair analogy. Then I can already hear the hardcore dog love or something. I would just never move, and myself included, right? Like, yeah, of course you are, right? But you just can't, the two are not in the same camp, I'm sorry, but they're not, right? And back to your original point, I think until you've been that person, you can never really truly appreciate that, right? Like, you know, so, yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (04:06.582)
Listen, I'm a hardcore dog lover. You know, like...
Not even for a second, yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (04:21.44)
Well, you know, in my case, being a stubborn Aryan idiot, it took me a lot of pain to see it, you know, like, and just like.
Chuck (04:29.921)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (04:35.362)
If I were to get it another degree, would probably be in selfishness. I know how to be selfish. And it's like the world has to smack me in the face and break my nose in order for me to get the point. But I'm on the other side of that point, which is my point. that shift has been transcending to say the least.
Chuck (04:51.713)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck (05:02.647)
So is that something now, this just occurs to me now, Ryan, that you, I mean, you're at a point, the rose colored glasses part where, hey man, like this is it for me forever. Is it something that you think about or you worry about losing perspective of again at any point? Or maybe, go ahead, go ahead, yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (05:19.714)
Oh yeah, oh yeah. I worry about year seven, because traditionally that's where I start to become a fellowship of one. And then I worry about year 10, because I haven't made it past year 10. So there's, mean, but to say I worry about it is like, am I going to be prepared? Yeah, it's not a worry, it's
Chuck (05:26.561)
Yeah.
Chuck (05:38.605)
Fair enough.
Chuck (05:44.159)
aware of it.
Ryan Bathgate MA (05:48.692)
It's kind of a reminder, like, Ryan, you need to pay attention to these years, especially. But, like, rose -colored... I don't do the rose -colored glasses time, I don't think. I think there's too much seasoning on this fucking steak.
Chuck (05:54.327)
Fair enough, eh? Yeah.
Chuck (06:00.237)
Okay. Well, I think it's interesting that you just said you don't think, because does anybody think they are when they are, right? You know, right? Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (06:05.578)
No, if you didn't finish your thing. I said, I think there's too much seasoning on this steak for the road because of colored glasses. I know what's coming. I know when it gets hard. I know when it gets good. I understand where my biochemistry is at relative to a healing perspective. Like, until like my, the neuro transmission is, is returning to form. And like, so like, you know, I understand all that. It's
Chuck (06:15.819)
Yeah. Fair enough.
Ryan Bathgate MA (06:33.314)
And even in my experience, based on what I know, that pink cloud is actually an analog wave sign. So you're in the pink cloud and then you have seven hours of deep depression, you know, like you don't tell anyone about. And then, you know, the next day you wake up and you go to the gym and you get your favorite hoodie on and you get a nice haircut and you're back up there, you know, and then.
the shame of life hits you. So I think that it's much more of a unstable emotional roller coaster than it is about a pink cloud. I just think the pink cloud is what gets talked about at podiums and in interviews. And it is also a really impact. So before I get into a negative look at that, it's a really impactful time because we're starting to understand
Chuck (07:13.655)
Fair enough.
Ryan Bathgate MA (07:29.376)
what the deeper meaning of life is, which is that emotional connection. And we never had access to that before we had that limbic freeze with whatever that substance might be. So there's a lot of value to that process. It's a really hard time because the lows are really low. so right now, what I'm watching happening, it's more like dedicating to a diet and gym.
I'm starting to see the fruits of my labor for the last five months starting to come to fruition. And what it looks like is a guy in the mirror that I don't mind. Furthermore, I actually kind of like the guy because I know a couple of things about him. I know that he's now honest and he's transparent. I am Tegros, enough of the third person. And
When I say I'm gonna do something, I'm do it, which is a really important thing to me. I'm gonna give you my opinion.
Chuck (08:30.605)
That is hands down one of the most important things to me about myself and about who I choose to spend my time with, be it virtually or otherwise, is the integrity. If you say you're gonna do it, are you gonna do it? Let's surround ourselves.
Ryan Bathgate MA (08:41.184)
Yeah. Do you want to hear funny? So relative to that, I'll share a story with names. But it's actually, not, it's not. you know, I, I have a friend of mine who he doesn't like to be called something and it slips sometimes. So you know what I mean? Like I don't mean to, but it's just a natural like thing to do. Anyway.
Chuck (08:52.791)
But it's Jimmy Wednesday. No, I'm just kidding. I'm Jimmy had to.
Ryan Bathgate MA (09:11.212)
So I'd said it a few times and then it was on my mind and I'm like, man, I call that guy. Like it's for my own accountability rate, which is an integrity piece for me. And so I called him, cause I was just driving. It was on my mind if I knew I'd, I didn't do that at that point, then I'd probably forget for another two months, you know? And he thought I was loaded. You kidding me?
Chuck (09:11.702)
Yeah.
Chuck (09:30.184)
Hahaha
Chuck (09:38.241)
Well...
Ryan Bathgate MA (09:40.162)
But then after like, fuck you, I took it personal for about eight seconds and then it was kind of funny, right? And so, then it was like, put it in perspective, he's a guy that I've known for a long time, but he didn't know me in the building myself era, where this was, any friend of mine would know that that's something I do is like, if I need promptly, step 10, it says, we promptly admit when we're wrong, so.
Chuck (09:47.883)
Of course, of course you did, yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (10:09.226)
It took me a while to be promptly in this, so I want to be prompt with those things as a way of maintaining my own sense of freedom. So it really had nothing to do with anybody else. And so, so yeah, so I called him up and I was just like, did you happen to say something? And he's like, yeah, I did. And like, I just thought it was weird. And I was like, yeah, okay, that's fair. And then furthermore, like honestly, come to me first, you know, cause I'll tell you.
Chuck (10:38.391)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (10:39.182)
And maybe this is just getting to know a newer version of me or a revamped version where that is a safe place where maybe traditionally in the last five years it hasn't been. know, again, the cable being awesome myself, I always thought I was, but I probably wasn't, know. And then and then is, you know, what gift is to have somebody that cares. You know what I mean? Like enough because it takes courage to go to my friend that's close and say, hey,
Chuck (11:01.857)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (11:06.72)
Have you talked to him? Is he okay? That's how it went. wasn't like, you guys, fuck it, it. was like, you know, like someone's just kind of weird with this call. Is he good? And my buddy was like, yeah, like one thing I know about Ryan is he's stubborn. And when he's stubborn about his recovery, he's stubborn about his recovery, you know? And so, yeah, but it was funny. It was funny. Like, and it's, you know, it's part of being in the bubble and like, you know, when you're in that, that world, it's like,
Chuck (11:10.967)
Yeah.
Chuck (11:18.029)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck (11:23.349)
Yeah, yeah, that's interesting. That's yeah
Chuck (11:32.449)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (11:35.668)
Every little thing is like, you know, like, because everybody's got month and a half, you know, you know what I mean? Like, it's not like it's not like people are like picking up straws for nothing because like, Jimmy, you used he used in his closet and treatment last night. You know, like that shit happens.
Chuck (11:41.003)
Hahaha
Chuck (11:53.677)
It's gonna be a while before, know, and it's yeah, it's you can certainly understand how somebody got it. That's their default to
Ryan Bathgate MA (11:58.144)
Yeah, and to be honest with my friends, he's put some time together. He's done a really good job, but he's still in the bubble. You know what I mean? So it's just all understandable, but it is funny how, like no one would ever have questioned that before I did this.
Chuck (12:17.901)
I think it's important though that you acknowledge that there's somebody who cares about you, right? And that's what it comes down to. For instance, you know, when I kind of disappeared the day before I left for Thailand, know, Lisa blew up my phone. She called me 30 times, 30 times in a 24 hour period. I didn't realize it because my phone was dead and I was just like, whatever, I was enjoying some time with a friend and whatever.
Ryan Bathgate MA (12:22.54)
Yeah, well
Ryan Bathgate MA (12:31.127)
Ha ha.
Ryan Bathgate MA (12:38.08)
Yeah. Well, Lisa's the one that knew something happened to me first. yeah, yeah.
Chuck (12:42.125)
Yeah, okay, so here we are with Lisa, right? And it's like, do I take that personally? No. Right, not at all. It's like, that is somebody who cares about me and I will never take that shit for granted, right? Yeah, absolutely, right? I can choose to for sure, right? Yeah, right, 100%. So it wasn't even, yeah, it was funny for me, it was one of those profound moments where was like, somebody gives a shit, I can't take that for granted. Right, so, yeah, you know.
Ryan Bathgate MA (12:49.142)
We can.
Ryan Bathgate MA (12:52.972)
Well, you can take that personal. You can take that personal. Shift the lens, you know what mean?
Ryan Bathgate MA (13:09.376)
Yeah, no. And if there's one thing I've learned in the last while is how much shit I've taken for granted in my life. You know, like I said, PhD in selfishness. And most of us do to some extent. It's selfish self -centeredness that keeps us from getting better. You know what I mean? And it uses the ego as a tool to repel, which I know very well. Very, very well.
Chuck (13:16.257)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck (13:24.036)
without a doubt, yeah.
Chuck (13:29.217)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (13:39.498)
So yeah, no, so yeah, I'm good. Back to your question. I thought I do, I'm shifting gears for a reason. I don't know if you, like I don't listen to everyone, especially now, like I don't listen to every one of the shows we do anymore. know, most of it is because I don't know if you ever say, but like listening to my own voice and like, God, he sound awful. And then
Chuck (13:39.576)
Fair enough,
Chuck (13:58.039)
Yeah.
Chuck (14:05.357)
Well, my voice is different. My voice is sexy as fuck. right that we've established that now over the course of many episodes. No, I typically don't remember by the time I've released an episode, I've already rewatched most of it. Right. So, you know,
Ryan Bathgate MA (14:10.908)
Well, that's subjective. That's very subjective,
Well, he's sort
Well, I watched an interview with Dr. Dre and he said in interview he absolutely hates his voice and that's why he's only recorded two albums. And I was like, okay, so it's just a thing in our heads. You know what I mean? you
Chuck (14:35.187)
yeah, yeah. By far more often than not, I hear that from people. I have many people on the show, Lisa never goes back and watches, because she can't stand her own voice. Right? know? Yeah, yeah. She doesn't even like watching a reel if I produce it of her, right? You know? yeah. No, no, certainly not.
Ryan Bathgate MA (14:45.09)
Yeah, yeah, I like
Ryan Bathgate MA (14:51.2)
Well, yeah, so I'm not alone, but I did go back and listen to the last week's episode with Shan. You know, I just thought that I was a really good, like I felt, I felt, I felt emotions watching that show. I, yeah, it was, it was really good, especially like, you know, Shan, Shan comes alive.
Chuck (15:00.311)
with Shan. Yeah.
Chuck (15:09.803)
No kidding,
Chuck (15:19.521)
Yeah, eh? She's, her persona is almost stoic. Quite often, right? She's not a very emotive person at first glance anyway. I'm sure if you were sitting in a room with her, it'd be a very different experience. But so far through the podcast, my, that's been my only exposure to her. And almost stoic in nature and not as a negative. But what we got to see last week was wow. Right? Like,
Ryan Bathgate MA (15:20.128)
And it was fun to watch
Yeah, I mean, it's a set point.
Ryan Bathgate MA (15:40.022)
No, no, no. It's kind of a general set point that she has that stoicism, which is, to me, speaks to wisdom, to be honest with you. Yeah. But yeah, like when she, you know, she loves recovery. like, I think, you know, when you experience the gifts of what happens, you know, actually I was sitting in my home group last week and.
Chuck (15:49.166)
Fair enough, right? Listen to the quiet person.
Ryan Bathgate MA (16:07.806)
And somebody, there someone in their first meeting ever there. And I was sitting and analyzing why is it that I get excited when I see that? Why do I get happy when I see somebody with their first day? Because it's not a good day for them. You know I mean? I know that. We all know it's not a good day for them. And I realized that we know what happens. We know what these gifts
Chuck (16:11.937)
Yeah.
Chuck (16:26.093)
It's really not. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (16:36.406)
that they can expect if they make that commitment and do that work. And it's kind of like the structure and the consistency of the rooms creates a safety with the process for the individual. The other thing it does is it kind of fractures the toxicity of a codependent or enabling relationship. so people
being dependent on the enabling behaviors that kept him from going in the first place. If that makes any sense, you know what mean? Like it now shifts, now the support, it's not like this like, need this person's support because they give me money for dope. You know, it's now like, okay, I can break free from that because this guy's been around a while. He knows what he's talking about. I watch him work what they're calling a program. I think he's doing that. He puts his hand out and shakes people's hands. He doesn't know, which is something I never do.
Chuck (17:35.757)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (17:36.47)
You know what mean? so, which I, it's still like, I don't even try it to be honest. Like, it's not my thing. But, but my, my sponsor, that's why I picked him as a sponsor because I watched him and that's what he does. He, he lives that program. Like the first person, if someone new walks in the door, he shakes their hand and introduces himself. And I'm like, man, like that is, that was a big difference for
when I came back, you know, and I've been at this a long time. I've been to a lot of meetings and still coming back is like, like I said, not a good day. You know what I mean? Like, and he came up and shook my hand and I was like, okay, like I actually made that my home group. It's not even his home group, but the meeting we were at when he did that, I made my home group because of that, that action. And because I also know what's behind that handshake. It's the, am responsible pledge, which.
Chuck (18:10.381)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck (18:29.165)
Explain to me if you will, the significance of home group. I hear it all the time and I know what it means, but to me it's like, who cares? So like why is the home group an important thing to have in the 12 step process? Okay, okay.
Ryan Bathgate MA (18:44.546)
Structure and accountability. It's a value -driven commitment. So if you think about what that is relative to the lens of values, you are accountable, you are committed, you are responsible, you are integral, you're... I'm gonna say honest. You're honest with your time, and you're honest with your commitment. So I'm not talking about verbal honesty.
Chuck (18:55.243)
Yep.
Ryan Bathgate MA (19:13.772)
I'm talking about a living honesty. You know what I mean? There's a purity to it. There is a commitment. It builds self -esteem. It builds self -worth. Every time you show up, you've acted within integrity. Every time you do your commitment, you've acted with integrity, which means your self -worth, your self -esteem starts to grow. And it's not dependent on the home unit. Like I said, the toxicity at times, where the home unit is an enabling unit, and it creates a false sense of safety.
Chuck (19:16.941)
Okay.
Ryan Bathgate MA (19:41.654)
We call it comfort, but comfort and safety are the same thing. It's really uncomfortable to go to and join a home group. takes a lot of courage. It's uncomfortable to go sit in a meeting with people you've never met before and talk about your vulnerable shit. Like it's really uncomfortable, but it's safe. And that is a really good way to explain the difference between comfort and safety. Comfort within the enabling is a toxicity. You know what I mean? It's actually not safe, but comfort within the room. So yeah, a home group, what it does is it also creates
It makes it easier to start stacking those days up. You know what mean? Because like you, you, even if it's early and it's like, I'm committed to this home group. got to make coffee. So I'm not going to go out with that friend tonight. Cause who knows? You know what I mean? Or I'm not going to go and, and have soda limes at the club until three in the morning. You know, like even, even if it's a deterrent, like I don't want to have to tell people at my home group that I went to a club. So I'm just not going to go. And then.
Chuck (20:41.175)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (20:41.282)
And then you play that tape of like, well, I went, my soda lime turned into a double vodka soda lime when no one was looking. Everyone else was drinking, they're having such a good time. I remember actually having fun doing this. And now I'm taking a 24 hour chip because I just got pulled out of a crack house. And that's the way it goes for us. We go out for a drink on Friday and all of a that Friday lasted three days and I don't have job anymore. You know what I mean?
Chuck (21:08.219)
Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. I'm allergic to alcohol. I break out in cocaine. Yeah, right. You know, so yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (21:10.21)
So yeah, yeah, yeah. so the Home Group makes you a part of, it makes you connected to something bigger. It is the very beginning, in my opinion, the opening of a spiritual journey or spiritual exploration. And we do it in a way that it's not explicit that this is a spiritual access point. Does that make sense?
Chuck (21:36.949)
yeah, makes perfect sense. Makes perfect sense. just like I say, I hear it all the time. So I just wanted to unpack that a little bit.
Ryan Bathgate MA (21:38.154)
did I over explain
Ryan Bathgate MA (21:45.504)
Yeah, yeah, it makes me a member as well of Alton Autonomous, which is another commitment and another point of integrity.
Chuck (21:52.575)
Okay, hold on. Makes you a member. I didn't even think that was a thing. I mean, obviously being a member. Well, not obviously. I just thought it was something. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Got you, got you.
Ryan Bathgate MA (22:01.036)
Well, you can be a member without a home group, but it's concretizing, it's galvanizing.
You know what mean? It's not a qualifying agent. The only qualification for membership is the desire to stop drinking or using. Yeah. Tradition three. But it does something behind the curtain is what I'm saying. There's something more about about the belonging.
Chuck (22:09.929)
Okay, that's what I meant. When you said that, that's what I interpreted that as. so, yeah.
And that was my understanding. that's why I wanted to clarify that. Okay. Okay.
Chuck (22:26.56)
Yeah, yeah. I appreciate totally what you're saying. And it does, makes some sense to me now. Yeah.
I think there's other questions I have about 12 stepping, but I think that we're going to save that for down the road. Cause some of it's controversial and I don't think at this point I'd want to have those conversations with you because you're doing what you're doing. I don't know what I mean. Maybe offline we can have those conversations. Um, but I I've been in some rather heated debates lately, so yeah. But the heat is not even
Ryan Bathgate MA (22:48.278)
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Well, you know what?
I, you know, like, hey, I'm in a pretty open -minded place here, like, I don't know if you...
Chuck (23:01.109)
Yeah. Okay. Well, okay. And it's not even controversial stuff really. Maybe it is. You tell me if it is. yeah. Okay. Okay. So the identifying as an alcoholic or an addict at a meeting when you share.
Ryan Bathgate MA (23:05.622)
Why don't we just fire one across the bow and we'll see if it's worth pursuing.
Chuck (23:19.191)
How important is that and why is that important? I have my own opinion on it, but my opinion is very limited. My knowledge is very limited, so my opinion reflects that.
Ryan Bathgate MA (23:32.93)
Okay, so for me, and I'll speak to me because I can't speak for anyone else on this forum, it's fucking noise. Tradition 3 is the primary purpose.
Chuck (23:36.631)
Yeah, of course. Yeah
Chuck (23:45.089)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (23:45.846)
You what I mean? You have a desire to stop drinking, I don't care what you call yourself. You're in the right place. And then, I'm getting some flippies here. See that? Then, so
Chuck (23:50.209)
Yeah.
Chuck (23:55.211)
Yeah, that's weird. I've never seen that.
Ryan Bathgate MA (24:04.546)
I went in Rome. I do that because of a tradition thing. Because that's what they've done since 1939. For me, it's paying respect towards the people that have gone before based on what they did before. It's like we call feminism, feminism because of a respect for where it comes from. But it's actually very gender fluid.
I didn't know I was a feminist until I studied feminism. was like, my God, these are all the same values I believe in. But I believe personally, I identify with substance use disorder out in the world. In my share, I might say that, sure, but I don't say my name is Ryan, I'm an alcoholic. Or I used to say when I had a real problem with it and I cared, I would say I'm Ryan, I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Chuck (24:46.327)
So when you share at an AA meeting, you say that?
Ryan Bathgate MA (24:59.542)
But I also see that as one of those things that I would pick up to separate myself from a solution. And so, you know what I mean? Like having an opinion on something that doesn't fucking matter, which I am a master at. And so now I just see it as absolute noise. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to me. Call yourself whatever you want.
Chuck (25:16.567)
And so I guess, so where the difference there and you said it quite well, Ryan, in my
for me personally and you know if I was going to meetings I would just went in Rome yeah why not because it doesn't matter to me but what's important is that if you get up and you say I'm an addict I'm an alcoholic I'm a whatever I don't give a shit and that's to me that's the important part right there is if you're letting what somebody else says in their share affect you and your ability to to take whatever you need then that says way more about you than it does about that person who's sharing
Ryan Bathgate MA (25:52.098)
Yeah, so as a therapist, I would say let's look under the hood. What's driving that? Is it an insecurity? Is it a fear? Either way, absolutely. Well, 100 % because ego is disconnected. And that's exactly what's happening is you're disconnecting from the greater connection, which is evolutionary. mean, we're not even talking about recovery. We're talking about being human and we need connection.
Chuck (25:56.698)
Yeah.
Chuck (26:01.133)
It's ego, somewhere in there is ego every time, right? In my mind, yeah. Yeah.
Chuck (26:12.458)
Absolutely.
Chuck (26:19.767)
Yes.
Ryan Bathgate MA (26:21.014)
When you're in that state, what are you defending?
Chuck (26:24.779)
Yeah, right, right. And it was I actually had quite an interesting conversation in the comments with somebody. I won't even say heated debate. was maybe it got heated at points. I wasn't on his side of the keyboard, so I can't really say a lot of some canned responses about tradition and that and why it's so important. But. did. You might get a kick out of this. I said and I asked and I'll ask you the same question. Is it anywhere in the literature?
Ryan Bathgate MA (26:25.856)
Yeah, so yeah, I agree.
Chuck (26:53.857)
to say that you have to identify as either at a meeting.
Ryan Bathgate MA (26:57.322)
No, like I said, I've read this in a grapevine. The only thing I've ever heard talked about is refraining from using your last name to solidify the anonymity portion. And I've never read it. I've read that book a hundred times, at least.
Chuck (27:16.705)
Yes, yes,
Chuck (27:26.209)
Yeah. it's so, and that was my question. I've asked two years, the third person now, nobody's been able to say where it says that, of course, but what this one fellow did, it doesn't, it, can, I asked AI where does it say like even that, right? Cause it's pretty, like it's got the entire entirety of, know, human race's knowledge in one place. And it says nowhere does it specifically say though it does elude to it, right? It's for me to paraphrase,
Ryan Bathgate MA (27:33.408)
I don't recall it ever saying that.
Ryan Bathgate MA (27:46.924)
Bye.
Chuck (27:54.591)
He pointed me to the clarity statement, Bill Wilson, that gets passed around YouTube, that Bill Wilson, sorry, might have been, it's not the big book, no, most certainly it's not. I'd have to go back and find it. But in this audio statement that he's making, he says, people with other problems, such as narcotic use, queer sex, and gambling, I'm
Ryan Bathgate MA (28:00.106)
As Bill Sees It, Is it from As Bill Sees It? Is it from As Bill Sees It? It's not in the big book.
Chuck (28:23.981)
Is this really what you just used to justify your point? Somebody who 60 and this is from 67 years ago said Queer sex is one of the problems in there with drug use, right? Like you can't come on man like I Don't even condemn him for saying it that was 67 years ago and that's that was the mindset right? Yeah Absolutely, and that's what I was thinking as I heard it and as I was having this conversation,
Ryan Bathgate MA (28:37.641)
Wow, in all fairness, was a... Dude, that's what I mean. It was in the DSM. Up until 1974, it was in the DSM.
Chuck (28:53.515)
Yeah, right. So I have no, like I don't condemn Bill Wilson for saying those words, because at that time that was relevant. But if it's in the list of drug users, right, then I think we can all agree that that point, you know, antiquated at best, right, you know, right.
Ryan Bathgate MA (29:10.614)
Might be, it might be a call for assessment. Yeah. I wanted to give an example of
Chuck (29:21.037)
Sorry, sorry.
Ryan Bathgate MA (29:27.618)
I to, I can't remember this song. Okay. Dire Straits, Money for Nothing. Listen to that song and talk about cultural lag.
Chuck (29:42.135)
I'll have to check it out. Money for nothing, chicks for free. I can't think of, yeah. I mean, even that's, yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (29:43.254)
Hey.
Ryan Bathgate MA (29:46.632)
With the earring? The earring? You know, do remember? man. He calls him a silly little F word, not your usual F word.
Chuck (29:52.555)
No, I don't. I don't remember the lyrics.
Chuck (30:02.977)
No kidding, hey? Wow. That wasn't even that long ago. It's dire straits, right? Like, wow, hey?
Ryan Bathgate MA (30:04.194)
That's, yeah, In the sh... 1985. See the little F -word with the earring and the makeup. Yeah, buddy, that's his own hair. That little F -word, got his own jet airplane. That little F -word, he's a millionaire. Four times.
Chuck (30:25.034)
Wow. Wow, the three letter version or the six letter version, right?
Ryan Bathgate MA (30:30.618)
huh.
Chuck (30:31.923)
the f
Ryan Bathgate MA (30:33.942)
Six.
Chuck (30:35.245)
Sex, okay.
Ryan Bathgate MA (30:38.464)
I also take...
Chuck (30:38.795)
I fucking love, I love how we have said all sorts of insane shit on this show. then they now we're like spelling out words. No, no, it's like the R word now. Right. mean, geez. All right. I think the N word would come with a little less hassle than either one of those. Right. Like, let's be honest. You know, you
Ryan Bathgate MA (30:45.986)
Censored, I'm not saying that word, man. I'm not.
Ryan Bathgate MA (30:53.726)
Yeah, you see.
Ryan Bathgate MA (30:59.922)
Did you see the way that South Park got around that word?
Chuck (31:03.829)
No, no.
Ryan Bathgate MA (31:05.698)
They say art hard.
Chuck (31:14.059)
You're get me fucking cancelled. Okay. my
Ryan Bathgate MA (31:15.424)
Hahaha!
I'm laughing at the social absurdity, not the actual word.
Chuck (31:23.211)
Yeah, yeah, of course, South Park. love I love South Park, right? They're just so horribly, just horribly offensive, right? know. Right. Back in the 90s, I read an article, it was the guy. I think he was there like he was their agent or he was their manager or something, and he was their liaison in some way, or form to the comedy to Comedy Central. And he said every week.
Ryan Bathgate MA (31:28.278)
Jesus. Weird.
There are evil comedic geniuses.
Chuck (31:53.217)
the day that like the night it released, he wouldn't sleep because he figured this is it. Like this is it. We're all gonna lose our jobs in the morning because not what have they done now, right? Or whatever it was.
Ryan Bathgate MA (31:56.822)
Haha, well, like the other stuff.
Ryan Bathgate MA (32:02.784)
What was it? Was it Damanhur? No, was Family Guy, ironically, that ended up getting, almost starting a war.
Yeah, you remember there, it was like they made a joke about Muslim faith and it did not land well. Like they got canceled in a whole bunch of countries and yeah. And then I think South Park made a spoof on that. They must have been like, hey, hey, we should have been the ones getting that notoriety.
Chuck (32:18.326)
No, no.
Yeah.
Chuck (32:31.551)
Yeah, yeah, which
I mean, creators of South Park are the ones that made Team America, right? So I mean, like, all right, if you want to offensive, I mean, that's the most offensive movie ever made, period, about anything, right? I'm not even going to repeat some of it. No, I can't. can't because I'll get fucking a dribble. Right. Yeah. Right. Anyway, anyway. Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (32:38.848)
Yeah, there's no I in Team America.
Ryan Bathgate MA (32:45.42)
Dude, they're dolls. Taking dumps at each other.
Ryan Bathgate MA (32:55.798)
Fuck yeah. Yeah, for copyright. Yeah, so anyways, I want to... did we finish the questions?
Chuck (33:06.061)
Anyways.
Chuck (33:13.569)
think we did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel satisfied with the answer. Really.
I think if you give that question any more time than we did, it's kind of just feeding into the bullshit. Because you're right, the end of the day, the person saying it, maybe you should because it's respectful of the situation. But what's more important is the person listening to it and hearing it and how you choose to take that. And get over it is my mind.
Ryan Bathgate MA (33:39.498)
Yeah, and you know what I'll say that as a member is tradition three. That's the only requirement for membership is the desire to quit drinking. That's it. Whatever you call yourself doesn't matter. You got it and we know like what it takes to get to those chairs. Nobody wins the lottery and comes to AA.
Chuck (33:49.677)
three years.
Yeah. Right.
Chuck (34:01.815)
ass.
And I guess that was the argument. Well, if you identify as something else, you might scare someone else out of the room. It's like, if you interrupt somebody's share to tell them how they should be identifying, you are scaring somebody out of the room. Like that is where, like, come on. You know what I mean? if we're gonna, you know, I don't think that's a reasonable thing to say about
Ryan Bathgate MA (34:21.259)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (34:25.92)
Well, and to me that's where leadership is required. To give the right messaging. To say that, why are you worried about something that doesn't matter? You know what I mean? This guy made it here, this girl made it here, that's it. That's the win. You know what I mean? Let's hope they stay. And we don't start getting into arguments about shit that doesn't matter and scare them away.
Chuck (34:33.431)
Yeah.
Chuck (34:38.903)
Yeah.
Chuck (34:43.127)
Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah.
Chuck (34:51.391)
Exactly, because at the end of the day, that is the most glaring example of personalities over principles that I can imagine.
Ryan Bathgate MA (34:56.746)
Yeah, and the people who are misidentifying according to social construct, they're the ones that matter here. You know what I mean? They wouldn't even think of that unless someone's like, hey, you gotta identify this with it. You know what I mean? They're just at a meeting. yeah, mean, yeah. It's the noise, fuck the noise, That's what I'll say to that.
Chuck (35:04.469)
Yeah.
Chuck (35:15.991)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
Chuck (35:24.365)
back to noise. Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (35:25.674)
Yeah, and so I will say like, hey, did, well I did some cool things actually this week.
Chuck (35:34.231)
What you do? What you do?
Ryan Bathgate MA (35:39.372)
I don't know if we should talk about it. I got this thing. It's Devo's. And so I went and spent some time with Devo's parents last week. And that was awesome. And yeah, was, and then I went and did my favorite thing to do, which I won't talk about too much on here.
Chuck (35:43.543)
What is that thing?
Chuck (35:47.74)
Ryan Bathgate MA (36:08.227)
But it will say like...
Chuck (36:10.445)
spending time with people you care about.
Ryan Bathgate MA (36:11.816)
Yeah, like love, love the ones you love, man. Like, what I mean by that is like, it's an action word, you know, the moments, the moments that we look back on with fondness, we are able, if we practice to know that it's happening while it's happening, you know, and like, you know, let that hug last an extra three seconds, you know, like
Chuck (36:33.911)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (36:40.436)
laying out, looking at the stars, just explaining the universe to a little one that I love so much, know, and like moments that I'll never forget. Maybe she won't either. I don't know. But like, that's fucking life. That's what matters. You know, like, so you want to like when you ask me a question about how I identify, when I put that up against
Chuck (36:58.093)
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
Ryan Bathgate MA (37:08.502)
laying in a field with my little girl, like, looking at the stars, I don't give a shit what you call yourself. I really don't. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care about what the taxes are, I don't care about Donald Trump getting shot, like, I don't care about any of it. You know, and like, so, yeah, like, I guess what I would say based on this conversation is like, the noise is a trap, and it takes life.
Chuck (37:11.735)
Yeah.
Chuck (37:17.441)
kidding me, no kidding, yeah.
Chuck (37:24.939)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (37:38.314)
It takes us away from life in motion, our ability to be present in the moment with the people we love. like, you know, like, if I'm sitting here, and I've been the guy that's like, why is that guy calling himself an addict in AA? You know what I mean? Like, I've been that. And like, what am I missing if I'm in that space? What space am I not in? Yeah, like, because really, I'm in a, you know, here's a miracle.
Chuck (38:00.513)
Yeah, yeah, that's, that's, that's, like that. Yep. That makes sense to me.
Ryan Bathgate MA (38:07.586)
I go sit in a room in a goddamn dirty church basement with 25 people with substance use disorder and none of them are using. And none of them are, there's not one drink in the room. That's a miracle. Because everyone in that room, they earn that seat through pain and trauma and all the things it takes us to get there. yeah, and like
Chuck (38:22.583)
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Ryan Bathgate MA (38:37.334)
So like, that's what I wanna be thinking about. That guy says, well, my name's Earl and I'm not, and I'm like, good for you. That's who I wanna be. Good for you Earl, you made it. know? Not, Earl, you're fucking this up. Like, you know,
Chuck (38:46.477)
Yeah, Yeah, no kidding.
Ryan Bathgate MA (38:56.29)
Give the guy a chip and a hug and a smile and tell him it's gonna be okay if he keeps coming. That's what we do. Like I said, my sponsor, puts his hand out. He doesn't worry about how you identify. He puts his hand out. Because he knows what it takes to get here. And it ain't fun. Like I said, there's no awesome first meetings. That's not a thing.
Chuck (38:56.381)
It's crazy man. Yeah, yeah, you
Chuck (39:03.115)
Yeah, right.
Chuck (39:09.569)
Yep.
Chuck (39:13.185)
Yeah.
Chuck (39:22.257)
I remember for myself in detox, of course I had to go to meetings, but even my first five voluntary, like, you know, was time to go to a meeting, right? When I got out of detox and I was going daily, I couldn't talk without crying. I couldn't even read the preambles without crying. Right? Fuck you.
Ryan Bathgate MA (39:35.99)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (39:41.631)
Not surprised.
Not surprised at all.
Chuck (39:50.741)
It just is overwhelming like, no, fuck, it's not easy to be there. It's not easy to get there. It's not, you know, right? Yeah. So I can only imagine the first time that I do share some asshole correcting me. I can only like, that would have been like an instant, yep, yoink, yeah. Thank you for the resentment. I've got a deal on the way, right? Like that's how that would have ended right now, right? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (39:55.2)
No. It's not easy to stay. It's
Ryan Bathgate MA (40:02.356)
Yeah,
Ryan Bathgate MA (40:10.262)
Totally, like, I got your house of cards up there, you know, like, one thing, like, I remember being annoyed for all the clapping. I told you a story about Dave, and after that, I was always like, it's way too much clapping. But, so my sponsor's the guy that, he's, so, like in every Amy and say, know, no crosstalk. Everybody looks at my sponsor, like, he's the crosstalk guy. But what he does is like,
Chuck (40:14.891)
Yeah.
Chuck (40:28.983)
Fucks sakes.
Ryan Bathgate MA (40:39.17)
Good job, Gertrude. I just got 14 days. All right, way to go, all right. He's that guy. And I'm like, why? Yeah, right. But I'm like, why am I always with the loudmouths? I know why, because I'm a loudmouth. I just need to find the person. Yeah, well, it's no, it's strategic. I find the guy that's just a little louder.
Chuck (40:44.365)
If you're gonna if you're gonna cross talk right like there's there it is. Yeah
Chuck (40:58.381)
Come birds of a feather. mean, yeah, come on.
Chuck (41:06.861)
Hahaha
Ryan Bathgate MA (41:07.298)
I don't have to be the fastest runner from the bear, just not the slowest.
Chuck (41:10.957)
Exactly.
Ryan Bathgate MA (41:16.95)
Yeah, yeah, I it's, I haven't been to a lot of meetings this week to be honest with you because of, you know, being not around. So, I'll be back on track tomorrow. But, and I miss it, dude. You know, like, it's, when you,
Chuck (41:36.375)
that give you any sort of anxiety? When you say you miss it, like, that, given where you're at in your recovery and all that, does it make you like, I better get back on track? Right? Is it like that for you or no? No? Okay. Okay. I mean, you're missing it for good reason, obviously, right? But yeah. Okay. Okay.
Ryan Bathgate MA (41:46.724)
no no no no no no no. Yeah yeah no it's it's the things that make me nervous are you know if I caught myself lying if I said I was gonna do something I didn't do it if I said I was gonna be somewhere and it didn't show up you know like though the value if when the values are falling off that's when I need to like really ring the alarms.
And so, you know, like, dude, 25 years of this, like, there's, I know what's going on. I know what I'm doing. You know what I mean? And I don't mean that in an arrogant way. I mean it in an experiential way. I know what to expect. I know what happens when I go a long time without a meeting. And what happens is the golf ball starts to shift its trajectory.
Chuck (42:13.293)
Fair enough,
Ryan Bathgate MA (42:40.928)
You know, and so if I keep on that path, I end up over here. That's what I know happens. But if I'm doing like, you know, like if I am, and I know it's this program, but if I'm doing that, that daily inventory, then I'll be looking back on my day and going, you know what, like, and I do it through an emotional assessment. look at how I felt through the day, not what happened. And, and because what I felt will always tell me what happened, you know.
Chuck (42:45.911)
Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck (43:05.495)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (43:08.628)
And so I'll be like, there was an anxiety point there or there was something at a rhythm and I'll look at it and it might be like, shit, you have to do a meeting. You know what? I did notice here's the thing. So I'm doing neuro loop therapy from God loves Stacey. He's, he's helped me out with some, hooking me up with counseling through T -dub. And, that therapy is really cool. They hook up the things to your brain, your ears, your ear and your temple.
and you listen to music and it has this cut out. So I use neuro loop therapy as a theory in my talk therapy as a way to explain how behaviors are born. This is electrical rewiring. And so I was driving and I'm like, yeah, so I'm driving along. I'm heading to golf with another member of our community and there's this big double load truck and he's in the middle of the road and he's offloading this thing and I'm start driving by.
Chuck (43:51.854)
wow.
Ryan Bathgate MA (44:07.36)
He starts putting his hands up like this. And so I politely pull, stop the truck, roll the window down and asked him if I could help him with his problem in different words. And you know, it's mostly, you know, I got a switch blade. We got a mag light and a switch blade. habits die hard. And so I said,
Chuck (44:23.499)
Is that how it happened, Ryan?
Chuck (44:33.527)
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (44:37.154)
had mentioned that maybe it was less convenient for the world, that he was parked in the middle of the road, that there's, I think I had said that there's more than one person on the planet, population of 7 .5 billion, not just you. And so he invited me into a more intimate conversation on the side of the road. And so I thought about it, which is a good sign, you
Chuck (44:58.871)
Hahaha
Ryan Bathgate MA (45:06.592)
And I was just like, yeah, you know what? Nothing good's happening here. Then I'm driving away and I'm going up the mountain to the golf course and I'm like, damn it, Ryan. Like, that's not who you want to be. You know, like, yeah.
Chuck (45:22.203)
Well, you can focus on that or you can focus on the fact that you pulled away. Right. And that is who you want to be. Right.
Ryan Bathgate MA (45:28.97)
Yeah, but I really entertained a... had flashes of jugular. So, but yeah. So the therapy, what it did was it created space between emotion and reaction. And I noticed that from a data sample. I was much
Chuck (45:31.797)
Yeah, I can totally appreciate totally appreciate where you're coming from. Yeah.
Yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (45:57.602)
proactive in my responses and reactive in my responses. I was... Yeah, I do, because I didn't do it for three weeks and I noticed the difference. I was a little testier. I was a little more quicker to reaction. And I probably still am. I just haven't had any major stimuli to test that. So yeah, I feel that. When I don't go to meetings, it's kind of like... The earth is... The sky isn't falling.
Chuck (46:00.759)
Do you attribute that to that neural loop therapy or is that, yeah?
Ryan Bathgate MA (46:26.86)
But it's kinda like, you know, you're gonna be doing this the rest of your life, Ryan. You need to maintain that, you know what mean? And I don't wanna use the definite, so let's just say I'm gonna be doing this for a long time, because I don't know what's... Yeah, and like, the other thing is this commitment I didn't make today that I've made a lifetime commitment to, I didn't uphold my end. So it's not like your piece of shit. It is, okay, tomorrow you're back on the horse, you know what I mean?
Chuck (46:38.037)
They're foreseeable, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (46:55.234)
We need to write the ship. We can't allow this trajectory to take hold. We've got to get back into center. so, yeah, I mean, but again, that's all product of me being through this before. Like, you know, there was a time that I would have deep anxiety and like if I missed my home group or something, you know, like, my God, but now it's, if I'm going to miss my home group, I'm accountable to my home group members. You know, and so like, and again, that's a product of experience.
That's how I stay in the middle. can miss my home group, but I need to let my sponsor know. There's a lady there that's absolutely phenomenal. I love her. She's somebody I let know. She's just a member like me, but something about her commitment, I respect, I think. And so when I'm accountable to her, it makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing. I don't know why, but it just works. know what mean? So, yeah. so, I don't know.
I don't think it has to be complicated. And I think that it's very easy for us to complicate, you know, we complicate the fuck out of everything. And here's another good example, like miss a meeting, not a big deal. Just make sure you're accountable. You know what I mean? And that you're honest with yourself. If you're missing meetings and certain to feel that tension build and you know, the layers of paint are certain to get put on the prison walls and it's getting smaller and smaller, well.
Chuck (48:03.201)
Yeah, we do.
Ryan Bathgate MA (48:23.584)
maybe you got something look at, but either way, you should be talking to your support network all the way along, whether it be sponsor or friends or whatever, you know, like, again, back to the values. Well, yeah, and like, and to me, I want to be value driven. I want to live my life with values. And so accountability is one of those values that's important. And so being accountable to my home group, means I'm a part of that. It's an admission of impact, that this group has meant something to me and I respect it. And so I'm going to
Chuck (48:30.957)
whatever it takes.
Chuck (48:41.42)
of this.
Chuck (48:48.717)
Absolutely.
Ryan Bathgate MA (48:53.108)
accountable to it as a member of that group to uphold the culture of what we're doing. So yeah, no. Yeah, I might over explain that too, but I guess I'm in that mood today.
Chuck (49:03.969)
No, no, not at all, not at all, no, it's good, it's good. I like that.
Ryan Bathgate MA (49:06.914)
And it's interesting being a therapist and being in recovery is really, I'm finding it to be really different this time because in my history, it wasn't an even split. wasn't an equitable fulfillment, I guess. It was kind of one or the other, like an 80 -20, you know, and then eventually 100 % nothing, you know.
Chuck (49:29.549)
Okay.
Ryan Bathgate MA (49:35.198)
So it's, and what I'm realizing this time is that I'm very old school when it comes to recovery, but also very new age when it comes to therapy. You know, and so those two kind of, can have moments of like, shit, I got to make a decision here based on who I am as a human being, not as a therapist or a person in recovery. You know, and what do I actually believe with this? Or, you know, like maybe, maybe, maybe I'm a traditional.
God person and I could give it to go. I don't know how you deal with that for me I'm a little bit more when it comes to the spiritual side of things I mean Spirituality to me is just really the simplest definition Connectability, that's the way I live Under my own understanding of spirituality being connected to other people and to whatever it is that's out there and it's like, know I have an idea that I don't that I don't know what's out there and I don't care what it is I just know that when I'm open to whatever that
My life gets better and that data is data I cannot overlook. So I believe in something. Don't even know what it is. Don't even have a clue. Don't care. So yeah, mean, shit, it's been hard to not make these about recovery just because of where I'm at.
Chuck (50:41.851)
Absolutely.
Chuck (50:49.975)
This is a recovery podcast, but due to the day, right? So, yeah. Or did you say things about recovery or this about recovery? did you just say?
Ryan Bathgate MA (50:52.416)
Yeah, it is, it? Yeah, but you re - Well, I don't remember, but what I'm saying, it's hard to not, because when we were doing this pre -relapse, I didn't want talk of recovery, and actually so. wanted to talk. Yeah, but I mean, and the reasons aren't different. I do believe
Chuck (51:11.339)
Yeah, I know. I might remember. yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (51:20.726)
that the things that we talk about on here are applicable to every human being that's that breeze. If you've ever experienced emotion, then I think you could listen to this podcast and be like, yeah, OK, that makes sense. You know what I mean? Like, that could really help me. Yeah. so like, and that's kind of what I was like focused on before. I'm in a place right now of building a life that has recovery in the center. And it has to based on what I've learned by trial and error.
Chuck (51:28.397)
quarters.
Chuck (51:33.483)
Yeah, well, without a doubt, Without a doubt, right.
Ryan Bathgate MA (51:49.504)
You know, and the one thing I learned is that I can't be who I want to be unless I'm walking a silver path. Unfortunately, or unfortunate, I don't know, I guess that's perspective. But, you know, for a long time, I thought that was really unfortunate. Well, yeah, you know, like I convinced myself that the recovery world was another prison. because for me, was the truth to me at the time, and I didn't understand why.
Chuck (51:50.219)
Yeah.
Chuck (51:57.229)
Absolutely.
Chuck (52:01.97)
say fortunately i mean yeah yeah right
Chuck (52:11.243)
Yeah, I think I remember you saying those exact words, actually.
Ryan Bathgate MA (52:19.316)
I thought it was a prison for everyone else and I had choice. The reality is it was prison for me because I didn't have any support and set myself up with support network. I was everyone else's and that had nothing for me. I didn't make time for my mental health and I didn't make time for my physical health, my emotional health, and ultimately my spiritual health because my ego ruled the roost. I cannot be spiritual and egoic at the same time. It's just not possible. So yeah, it is.
Chuck (52:45.953)
Yeah,
Ryan Bathgate MA (52:47.934)
It is interesting this time. And it's a lot of fun. I don't remember having this much fun going through this. You know, there was a few months that it was emotionally difficult, but still fucking amazing. know? And so, yeah, mean, life on the other side so far is good. I you know, we're only not even at five months, which is hard. It's hard to. It's hard to. yeah.
Chuck (53:03.233)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck (53:13.677)
Fucking newcomer. Yeah, fuck. I just said my 21 months, I'm so much better than you. Right? Clearly. Talk to me when you've got like a year. Just, just, just, just, you know. Fuck sakes. Somebody actually said, I think I might have talked to you about that in an episode. Somebody actually said that to me in the comment. You gotta have a lot more than 20 months to hang out with me. Fuck, easy fireball.
Ryan Bathgate MA (53:18.338)
Yeah, you are, yeah, you rock, I think they're carving. Yeah.
I'd make sure to identify as a maddix.
Chuck (53:41.805)
And it was then that we stopped taking you seriously right then right there right so yeah yeah yeah.
Ryan Bathgate MA (53:43.488)
Yeah, can I see that application?
Ryan Bathgate MA (53:52.514)
Yeah, well, you've got to have a 150 IQ to hang out with me, so bye. And actually not anyone else, just you. Yeah.
Chuck (54:00.237)
Yeah. Anyway. Hey, listen, we're there. We're at the top of the hour. So we'll move into my favorite part of the show. That is daily gratitude. Today's daily gratitude are brought to you by ARC, the Alberta Adolescent Recovery Center located in Alberta, Alberta, that it is. They're doing some crazy things there as far as this peer -to -peer support system.
Ryan Bathgate MA (54:12.642)
That's crazy man, what?
Chuck (54:30.93)
It's amazing what they're doing. So check them out guys. can learn more at arc .ab .ca and wish you got for some gratitude my friend.
Ryan Bathgate MA (54:39.564)
Summer. Definitely grateful for summer. I am grateful for struggle. I am grateful for forgiveness.
Ryan Bathgate MA (54:53.346)
I'm going down a rabbit hole. I'm grateful for just the gift of love that life offers us. The moments that last forever, you know? And I'm glad we have the opportunity to able to cherish these things and people and...
Yeah, man, you know, it's just it's life is just everything about it is a gift. And if I can remain in that space and see it that way, even when it's hard, then I'll have something figured out. I'll let you know when I get there. It'll take me a while. But no, yeah. There's just so many beautiful people in this world that have a purity of heart that make life not just worth living for,
Chuck (55:33.911)
Yeah. Fair enough.
Ryan Bathgate MA (55:49.73)
an experience that I don't know what's next after this. And I think that this might be the hard part, but man, it's fun. know, and so, yeah, I don't know. I love people. I love behaviors. love, and most of all, it's hard to believe there's people that love me and trying to figure out why, but maybe I'll stop doing that because for some reason they just keep doing it. Yeah.
Chuck (55:57.654)
Yeah.
Chuck (56:16.173)
Right?
Ryan Bathgate MA (56:17.066)
Yeah, it's awesome, man. Life is fucking awesome.
Chuck (56:21.097)
Good, good, Myself, I'm gonna call out somebody. Chantel from, go ahead. yes. Of course you do, yes, yes, yes. Myself, it's gonna go to Chantel from Trap House Testimonies. What people might not know about us, Trap House Testimonies is a platform on Facebook, which is a page on Facebook. But we come from the same city most of our life.
Ryan Bathgate MA (56:24.807)
well, I have to. My beautiful children and Maria. Sorry. Yeah.
Chuck (56:49.277)
most of our hard life was lived in Regina when neither one of us lives there now. But so there's a lot of overlap in our lives and we've come we've come very close but our conversations are daily and great and she's turned out just to be this wonderful friend and I just her friendship is appreciated so I'm I'm throw her in. Of course I am very grateful to every single person who continues to like comment share watch talk about the platform the episodes you guys
We are in middle of another massive growth spurt and it's amazing and I love it. And please keep doing the things, because every time you keep doing those things, every time you do those things, you're getting me a little bit closer to living my best life. My best life is to make a humble living spreading the message and the message it is. If you're an active addiction right now, today could be the day, today could be the day that you start a lifelong journey. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, in the detox, go to a meeting, pray, go to church, I don't give a shit. Do whatever it is you gotta do to get that journey started, because it is so much better than the alternative. If you have a loved one who's suffering an addiction right now,
you're just taking the time to listen to us ramble on. If you just take one more minute out of your day and text that person, let them know they're loved. Use the words.
Ryan Bathgate MA (57:51.425)
You are loved.
Chuck (57:53.527)
That little glimmer of hope just might be the thing that brings
Ryan Bathgate MA (57:57.654)
I'm grateful for
Chuck (57:58.039)
Boom.
Shattered Stigma
Yatra
Morning Cup
