Angie from FAR Canada, and Ciara from AARC join me for a discussion about FAR’s unique peer support program how important it is for the love ones of people with SUD to look after themselves, and more.
For links to watch/listen on all platforms visit:www.a2apodcast.com/265
Title Sponosr
AARC - Alberta Adolescent Recovery Centre
PSA Sponsor
Yatra Trauma Centre
Daily Gratitude Sponsor
FAR - Families for Addiction Recovery
PSA by: Jamie Tall
Chuck (00:06.816)
hello everybody. Watchers listeners, support of all kinds. Welcome to another episode of the Ashes to Awesome podcast. I'm your host Chuck LaFlange Checking in from Krabi, Thailand. Halfway around the world, I have two guests today. One is in Calgary, Alberta. She's our friend from AARC It's the Alberta Adolescent Recovery Center. Ciara, how you doing today, Ciara
Angie Hamilton (00:17.281)
I have two guests today. One is in Calgary, Alberta.
Angie Hamilton (00:25.423)
How you doing?
Ciara (00:27.44)
I'm doing great Chris, thanks.
Chuck (00:29.5)
Great, it's good to have you back. And of course our other guest today is Angie Hamilton, who is the founder as well as executive director, and I'm sure some other hats that might not even be in the title, over at FAR Canada, that's Families for Addiction Recovery. How you doing today, Angie? Good, good. Really glad to have you back on. It's been about a month now, as you know, as it should be. Well, I know it's been a couple months now for you, I suppose, right? Because Sydney was on a month ago. Yeah.
Angie Hamilton (00:33.017)
Good, thanks.
Angie Hamilton (00:53.201)
Well, I know it's been a couple months now for the US, I'm just saying. Yeah, I think you're right. I think it was May 25th. Wow, time flies. It sure does, doesn't it? Mm -hmm.
Chuck (01:01.636)
It sure does, doesn't it? It sure does. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, then it was spring. Now it's now you're in the middle of a, of a hot summer. You guys got it hot. I know Calgary has been really hot lately talking to my friends back home, but how's it, how's it been in Ontario? thing. You know, what's funny about that? We got to do some obligatory talk about the weather. Small talk, right? So, the first time I ever experienced humidity was in Kitchener Waterloo. So when I really understood what it meant,
Ciara (01:21.095)
Haha.
Chuck (01:31.772)
When somebody was like, the humidity makes it worse. And as a Calgarian where it's basically a desert, you know, like technically it's close to being a desert as far as the amount of precipitation they get. I had never experienced 90 % humidity before with 30 degree or for American listeners, 90 degree heat. Like I'd never experienced that. So holy cow. When I, when I was at that humidity now for the second time in my life, I'm experiencing that again, right? We're, we're, we're,
Angie Hamilton (01:33.477)
Yeah.
Angie Hamilton (01:52.209)
Holy
Angie Hamilton (01:58.661)
bet. Monsoons.
Chuck (02:01.828)
It's a few degrees cooler than it was a few months ago, but it is unbelievably many more degrees worse. It's like unbearable. Like the humidity is something else, right? So yeah, yeah, yeah. But I treat myself to air conditioning when we record. So yay, I'm sitting in AC for, yeah. Anyway, I think before we get started, if we could just kind of do the usual for people that are new to the platform and haven't caught episodes
Angie Hamilton (02:03.147)
cooler than it was a few months
Ciara (02:18.663)
Haha.
Angie Hamilton (02:18.875)
Good, good.
Angie Hamilton (02:26.573)
started if we could just kind of do the usual for
Chuck (02:31.43)
past. And you can give us a one minute on exactly what FAR is if you could kind of if do that.
Angie Hamilton (02:35.22)
Sure. So FAR, yeah, FAR stands for Families for Addiction Recovery and we're a Canadian charity that was founded in 2016 by parents who had teenagers actually were struggling with addiction and we were formed because the needs of our families weren't being met. Of course, they're still not being met, but we're working on that. And we're active in three areas.
The one I enjoy the most is peer support. We provide three free peer support services for family caregivers, basically to people with substance use disorder and often co -occurring conditions. So we have a live support line that's three hours a day during the work week. And we have family groups four times a month. And we have
pretty unique one -on -one, you know, peer -to -peer support system where people can sign up and we try to match them with our volunteers who are all trained and they get an hour of support for eight weeks in a row or they can spread it out over, you know, four months if they prefer. And so that's the peer support. And then we're also busy in education. We do a bit of research as well with other organizations.
And we're of course busy in advocacy. So we advocate for more protective drug policies and more protective health laws.
Chuck (04:07.068)
Okay, okay. There's a lot we wanna talk about there. Specifically, I think today we wanna get into the peer support. just for, so there's some sort of reference, I think. I'll get you to do the one minute on what is as well, Ciara, just so that people know where we're both coming from and then we'll kind of move forward from there. So what is Arc?
Angie Hamilton (04:15.557)
just so there's some sort of reference, I think. I'll get you to do the one
Ciara (04:28.19)
Sure, so AARC stands for the Alberta Adolescent Recovery Centre, who provide long -term treatment for youth between the age of 12 and 21, and their impacted family members. So there is an involvement from the entire family. There is a heavy focus on peer support at AARC. I'm also a mum who came through treatment there three years ago with my son.
And I now work there as their community outreach specialist because it took us a long time to find treatment at that level. So very grateful to be here. Very grateful for this time with you, Angie. I am a big supporter of what you do. I have seen the difference that it makes. So grateful to be
Angie Hamilton (05:15.441)
Thank you.
Chuck (05:16.688)
Awesome. Awesome. So I guess the tie that binds in this particular case is, is the peer support. Of course, two different things,
But the same in that they're both a type of peer support that are unique. I our actual model is based on peer support. Angie, I don't know if you've had an opportunity to listen to any of those episodes, but wow, right? did you? Okay, of course you did. Of course you did. Yeah. Of course.
Angie Hamilton (05:28.471)
and that they're both a type of peer support.
Angie Hamilton (05:39.677)
Your art told me that it was based on Chris Crowe. And I don't know if you've listened to any of those episodes. I did. I listened to a couple this morning and they were great. I had heard of AARC before. So I knew a bit about it, but I know a lot more now. Very impressive. Yeah, wish that I'd had access to that back in the day. Yeah, me too.
Chuck (05:50.748)
Right?
Ciara (05:51.265)
Very impressive. Yeah, I wish, yeah. I agree.
Chuck (05:57.978)
Yeah, no kidding, right? No kidding. then I guess for yourself and now for Chiara and for someone like Lisa and for so many of the people that been on the show, just what you said, I wish I'd had access to that back in the day. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that. Right. And so I guess that's all we can do, though. Right. That's all we can do. Me as someone who suffered an addiction, that's you know, I wish I had known this, this and this back in the day. So I guess that's all we can do is kind of move forward and help the next.
people that are going through it. Your peer -to -peer support system is again it's unique. You use the word and I'll echo that. Can you tell us more about that specifically in how that works when say Kiera needs some support, she doesn't know what to do, how does it work? What happens
Angie Hamilton (06:40.771)
about that specifically and how that works when, say, Ciara needs some support, she doesn't know what
Angie Hamilton (06:50.993)
So, well, there's many, what I like about our services and what makes it unique is it's kind of like wrap around peer support because people, think, you know, there's a, I'm just gonna do a plug actually for another organization, but they're awesome too. It's PEP, P -E -P, Parents Empowering Parents in Alberta. And,
they have a tagline which they said I could use, because it's not uniquely theirs. it was just when I heard it was awesome, but it was reach out sooner. And there are so many parents who I think think the way I did when I started out, which is my husband, my husband, my son doesn't want help. So is there any point in me reaching out to anybody? Like, what can I do? Right? And the answer, of course,
there's lots you can do. And because the family needs help, just, you know, with a family goes on a parallel journey of recovery right alongside their loved one, like, ultimately, their love one has to kind of accept they've lost control over their substance use. And we have to accept that, you know, we don't have control over their substance use either, you know, and the younger your kid is, the harder that is, I think, to accept for obvious reasons, right?
it were programmed to, I mean, it's our job to protect them. It's our job to ensure that they aren't using, you know, yeah.
Chuck (08:22.012)
Shit. Sorry, I have to interrupt you. Yeah, Ciara, stop recording. I'm not sure, so I have to hit stop record. Well, okay, I'm hitting stop record.
Angie Hamilton (08:32.485)
But, yeah, I'm do something.
Chuck (00:02.916)
So Angie, if you could just kind of take us through what peer support is at, at FAR exactly. And then, you know, how it looks if somebody like say, Sierra of, you know, years back before she went through her process, what have encountered it? She called you guys and how does that go? Kiara. Did I say Sierra or did I say Kiara that time? Did I get it right? I said Sierra, didn't I? I did. Kiara. Okay. Sorry. Continue, Angie, please.
Angie Hamilton (00:04.293)
take us through what peer support is
Yeah, right. Well,
Angie Hamilton (00:24.165)
said Sierra didn't I? You guys.
Ciara (00:25.202)
You did. Either is right.
Angie Hamilton (00:31.267)
Yeah, so usually people find us through our website, well, although we do certainly get referrals from, you know, a fan from other families who have gone through the program or from service providers. But they generally find us on the website. And depending on when they find us, if it's when our live line is open, they just call usually. And otherwise, they can fill out a form online to sign up for our one on
you know, parent to parent or peer to peer program. And we have a group of about 25 volunteers who have all received extensive training in something called the Invitation to Change approach, which is from the Center for Motivation and Change in the States. It's the program we like the best. And it's sort of a combination of something called CRAFT, which is Community Reinforcement and Family Training.
and motivational interviewing and something called ACT, which is acceptance and commitment therapy, all of it is evidenced based approach. It's non -confrontational and empathetic, right? Because, I mean, it's just pretty much widely acknowledged that often part of the problem is that the family members are ready for their loved ones to get help before our loved ones are ready for help, right? And so that's the hard
So they usually fill out a form and Sid will get back to them within a day. And then we do have a bit of a wait list. Sadly, we are always trying to get it down, but it's about one to two months for the one -on -one. But the good news is we have that wraparound support because they can call Sid, know, Monday to Friday on the live line. And we have four groups a month that they can attend.
Ciara (02:00.52)
really fill out a form and soon we'll get back to them within a
Angie Hamilton (02:26.957)
either while they're waiting for the one -on -one services or after when they've completed that if they think they need ongoing support. So that's what I think really makes it unique is the wraparound nature of it. We don't leave anybody high and dry. And even if they want to follow up call from time to time with whoever was assigned to them to provide them with the support, we can usually do that too. So the invitation to change
Ciara (02:35.058)
that's what I think really makes it unique is
Ciara (02:53.787)
So the invitation.
Angie Hamilton (02:56.523)
I mean, it's based on a book really called Beyond Addiction, How Science and Kindness Helps People Change. It's a wonderful read for family members or friends who are trying to support someone. And it's got some basic principles of, you know, what's more effective in terms of support and what isn't. So things like positive reinforcement, right? Catch them doing something good.
Ciara (02:58.076)
based on a book really called Beyond Addictional Science and Privacy, which is wonderful
Ciara (03:10.268)
basic principles.
Ciara (03:19.174)
So things like positive reinforcement, we catch them.
Angie Hamilton (03:24.507)
boundaries to not it's never to like punish the person it is to protect your own mental health and the mental health of the other people in the family right so there do have to be some boundaries. Self care is huge right it's usually what parents do not want to hear like no don't I don't don't focus on me the problems over there and you know they could die it's really scary so like let's just talk about that it's
This is gonna, sadly, it's a chronic condition and you can have great years, but you can also have really bad years and it can go on for a while. this is a marathon and you need to pace yourself. So that self -care thing is like, they say, in a plane, you gotta put your own oxygen mask on first, right? So that's really key. I find the...
Ciara (04:09.614)
self -care, things like, you know, they
Angie Hamilton (04:21.785)
I think the most important thing that we can give other than making sure that they don't feel alone and we truly understand is that it's, sorry, I just lost my train of thought. Anger, anger, that was it. Anger is often a problem initially because it's an offshoot of fear.
Ciara (04:37.358)
Sorry, I just lost my train of thought. Anger, anger, that was it. Anger is...
Angie Hamilton (04:51.087)
Right? And when your child is harming themselves, I mean, just imagine if someone else were harming your child, everybody would understand if you wanted to kill that person, you went after that person, you know, but here they're doing it to themselves and it's frightening. And so parents get frustrated and scared. And sometimes that's expressed as anger and it's kind of, can validate that that's normal.
Chuck (04:52.272)
without a doubt. Yeah.
Ciara (04:54.588)
I mean, imagine if someone else were making a child, everybody could understand if you wanted to kill that person, even after that person, you know.
Ciara (05:10.184)
It's frightening and so parents get frustrated and scared and sometimes that's expressed as anger. It's not even to validate that that's wrong. But it really isn't.
Angie Hamilton (05:20.421)
but it really isn't helpful. It gets in the way and it can make everything worse. it's just like, often our loved ones are using drugs to manage their, regulate their emotions. And that's what we have to learn how to do is to manage our emotions, you know, on our
Right? So, so they have to learn how to do it without drugs and we have to, well, we also have to do it without drugs, but we have to learn the same thing that they're learning. So it really is in that respect, a parallel journey. Right? And so that's hard. It's hard work. It's hard for them and it's hard for us.
Ciara (05:48.038)
So, so,
Ciara (05:51.72)
So we to learn the same thing that they're learning. So it really is in that respect a parallel journey. And so that's hard. It's hard work. hard for them and it's hard for us.
Chuck (05:59.772)
Absolutely.
Chuck (06:06.78)
It's something that Mike from the Yachter Center, who's the third partner of the show, we'll have to get all three of you guys on here together one of these days. Mike, we've talked quite a bit about that from the parent's perspective where perhaps one of the best things you can do is find a way to regulate your own shit so that you're in a better place, and I shouldn't say shit, that's a nasty word to use for this, but you regulate your own emotions so that you're in the right place to make the right decisions.
Angie Hamilton (06:12.627)
Mm.
Chuck (06:36.218)
right at the end of the day, because if you're coming from this elevated place of fear, anger, whatever it is, right, your ability, just like a person who is, you know, who is going through any sort of trauma, traumatic response, is just not capable of making good healthy choices, right? You've lost access to these parts of your brain, right? know, just, yeah. Yes. Yes.
Angie Hamilton (06:56.461)
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly it's like anxiety, it affects your ability to think it affects your memory. You know, so yeah, that we're we're learning how to regulate our emotions, really, right, right alongside our, our kids when they when they start to get into recovery.
Ciara (07:00.553)
affects your ability to think. It affects your memory. So yeah, we're learning how to regulate our emotions right alongside our kids when this story
Chuck (07:10.896)
Yeah.
Chuck (07:16.57)
No kidding. know, Kara, you can. I got it right that time. Just saying cold start here. Positive reinforcement. Let's have some, please, ladies. Yeah. That's now you can make me sidetrack. I'm going to make me sidetrack again. Today, I was actually thinking about how funny it is. How one of the great parts about being in recovery is that you get to like take all sorts of pride and just the most ridiculous things like I didn't burn my life down one more day today. Everybody be proud of me. Right. And it's I'm saying
Ciara (07:20.808)
Thank you, Chris.
Angie Hamilton (07:23.273)
Yeah.
Angie Hamilton (07:29.455)
Today I was actually thinking about how funny it is, one of the great parts about being
Chuck (07:45.04)
funny because it is but it's you know even now it's a year later and it's like I did my laundry I'm actually proud that I adulted and did all my laundry for myself right I get to take pride in this it's just crazy that this is you know it's one of the best parts of opium recovery so you know just now I got a name right everybody be proud of me right so anyway anyway I got sidetracked there
Angie Hamilton (07:47.507)
Even now, it's a year later. I did my laundry. I'm actually proud that I
take pride in this. This is crazy. This is one the best parts of a theater. I got a nail right. Everybody keep trying.
Ciara (08:01.19)
Hahaha.
Chuck (08:09.904)
I got so
Angie Hamilton (08:13.551)
While you're talking about regulating emotions.
Chuck (08:16.484)
Yes, I was there and then I was going to I was going to support her off into something and it just didn't play out for me. So. Now it's awkward. Care, what do you got to say? Right. I'm used to having Lisa with us. And of course, she's she's, you know, predisposed for the next three weeks in a row, which is terrible. But this is normally where she would jump in for me. So.
Angie Hamilton (08:24.247)
Ugh.
Ciara (08:30.056)
That's okay. We can do this.
Ciara (08:44.3)
For sure. Well, I mean, if you want me to just speak to what Angie said, I mean, there's a huge
Chuck (08:48.988)
Please do. Yeah, what's on your mind after listening to all that? What's on your mind? Yeah.
Ciara (08:52.538)
Of course. Yeah, there's there's a huge amount of relatability with, you know, the level of peer support within the Ark program and what you just spoke about, Angie, and the importance of that piece is huge because I think, you know, and as one of those families and having connected with many families in Ark, like
It's not just the youth that's struggling with addiction who is shattered coming through the door. It's the unit, the whole family unit. Of course, at that time, we don't really understand how the process works. So you're coming in, you're in a very vulnerable situation and your total focus is, fix my kid. Everybody has been pushed to their limits emotionally.
Angie Hamilton (09:39.789)
Yeah.
Ciara (09:47.204)
Like for me, and I can only speak to my journey, every decision was made, like my heart was driving me. And that's not a great place to be in on that journey because it's very hard to make those practical decisions that will provide those next steps. of course, mom's nature is, you know, to be concerned about the whole unit and the effect of those decisions going into long -term treatment for everybody. So
Everybody needed support. I needed support. But if you told me that walking through the doors at Ark, I would have said, no, I'm good over here. Once he's safe, we're good. And what happened then when we did, you know, when we were introduced to that support, which was our very first night in treatment, the level of relatability just meant so much. Like to know that we were sitting with families who had
Angie Hamilton (10:27.01)
safe for it.
Angie Hamilton (10:33.049)
introduced to that support, which was our very first night in treatment. The level of relatability just meant so much. To know that we were sitting with families who had walked this walk and the non -judgmental space was very important for us as well. There were so many layers to treatment at ARC that I
Ciara (10:46.662)
walked this walk and you know the non -judgmental space was very, very important for us as well. Like there were so many layers to treatment at ARC that I just, I didn't understand and we learned so much from the community that had been there before us.
Angie Hamilton (10:59.961)
We learned so much from the community that has been there before us.
Chuck (11:05.466)
No kidding. No kidding. I can't imagine.
Chuck (11:12.132)
I can't imagine the sense of relief a parent must feel from either one, from being helped by either one of your organizations. I'm not even a parent, so I really can't imagine, but I try to now. It's just the idea of that sense of somebody gets it, right? Somebody gets it. one of the things that we've talked often about on the show is the stigma that a parent faces, that a loved one faces.
Angie Hamilton (11:25.913)
the idea of that sense of someone guesses. Someone guesses. One of the things that we talked off to the show is the stigma that apparent faces, that I like to face is every bit is real. if you were going to put labels on it, damn, yours is intense as a person who
Chuck (11:42.572)
is every bit as real and if you were going to put levels on it damn near as intense as a person who's suffering an addiction themselves right and of course as course as mothers you guys are you're second guessing everything you do in a day anyway right so yes right you know
Angie Hamilton (11:51.375)
For sure. I was going to say we do it to ourselves, you know, like overcoming the self stigma, right? Like how did we get here? What did I do wrong? Actually, one of my favorite stories is I was in a support group and people were going around and one of the other parents was talking about another support group they were in and they'd gone around and everybody had said everything that they'd done.
Ciara (12:00.658)
Absolutely.
Angie Hamilton (12:20.389)
to support their kid or not. And it helped because people did different things, right? The people that were really hands -on wish they'd been more hands -off and the ones who were hands -off really wish they'd been hands -on. But at the end of the day, what the counselor said was he found that parents are actually kind of narcissistic because they always think it's about what they've done or what they haven't done. And actually it's about their kid. It's
Ciara (12:37.256)
always think it's about what they
Angie Hamilton (12:45.115)
their genetics, their concurrent conditions about what's happened to them, you know, and that's most of it. So again, like, it's important for us to be involved, and we can help and we can make things worse. But generally, it really isn't. It's not about us. You know, it's about them
Ciara (13:02.322)
generally.
Chuck (13:06.148)
No, I think you could talk about the extreme circumstances with childhood abuse and those types of things. Most certainly would lend themselves, right? But for your average, you know, yeah,
Angie Hamilton (13:11.265)
Right, of course, those yeah. Although even then, if I just wanted to say, you know, it's kind of like then there are the kids who have grown up in incredibly adverse circumstances who don't struggle with addiction, right? So it's it is unique to the individual. Like there are people, you know, who come from great families who struggle with addiction and people who should absolutely struggle with addiction because of their upbringing, and yet they're fine.
Chuck (13:28.464)
Yeah.
Angie Hamilton (13:40.143)
You know, it's fine in the sense that they don't struggle with addiction. it's, know, it's assumptions are bad. The assumptions are bad. You just can't assume really anything. But yeah, yeah. As I said, there are things obviously you can do that make things worse, but generally it's not about how they were raised.
Chuck (13:46.613)
Certainly no correlates. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Fair enough fair enough, right?
Ciara (13:46.952)
The assumptions are bad. The assumptions are bad. I just can't see really anything. But yes. Yeah.
Chuck (14:03.878)
Yeah, yeah, right, I know. Yeah, that was that was something with my mom that I know, of course, you second guessed it, right? Like, of course, you second guessed it. We were in a place now with our relationship where it's very different than it was. But now I think back to all the things that I said and I just dear, like, no. Right. How could you have said that? And, you know, because different lands, right? Yeah. Of course.
Angie Hamilton (14:25.048)
Mm.
But yeah, parents have that too. Parents, you know, before they got help, often we've got some stuff too in our closet. So, you know, we need to vacuum up or dust off and deal with or apologize for whatever, right? Like that's the
Ciara (14:29.394)
Parents have that too. Parents, you know, before they got help, often we've got some stuff too in our closets. We need to vacuum up or dust off and deal with or apologize for whatever, right? Like that's the
Chuck (14:39.438)
Mm -hmm.
Chuck (14:52.752)
The group meetings, I want to talk more about the group meetings if we could. Now, of course, I try to mention the group meetings in your sponsorship mentions and we kind of joked about this with you once via text or whatever, it's like, because it's not a regular once a week, right? So it's four times a month and what are they? It was a bit of a mouthful to say in a brief mention. So we'll just,
Angie Hamilton (15:12.859)
it's best to check the website because nobody's going to remember. it's so it's basically, think it's this I think it's the first and third Monday of Monday of the month. And it is also the at seven o 'clock Eastern and also the following
Ciara (15:14.6)
It's best to check the website because nobody's going to remember. So it's basically, I think it's the first and third.
Chuck (15:17.526)
Okay.
Angie Hamilton (15:40.495)
Tuesday, like the next day at Tuesday, because some people can't do like some people like evenings and some people like lunchtime. So that it's also Tuesdays, the second Tuesday and Thursday at noon. But then you know, sometimes Monday's a holiday. So then, you know, let's get check the website is, yeah. Check the websites best way. No, they don't know they can just jump in. Yep. Yeah.
Chuck (15:47.654)
So
Ciara (15:47.901)
So it's also Tuesdays, second Tuesday and Thursday.
Chuck (15:52.764)
So check the website
Ciara (15:54.448)
days of holidays. then, you know, let's get checked in.
Chuck (16:00.806)
And does somebody have to pre -register for that or is it something that you can just kind of jump in whenever, right? Yeah, yeah, it's great, it's great. I actually just thinking I'm gonna have to get Lisa to attend one of those meetings one of these days. Just to, yeah, right? Well, I mean, A, her input I'm sure would be very valuable, right? But just as perspective on the show, I don't think it'd be appropriate for me to be there because I'm not, you know, I'm not the loved one. I am the one, but right, so yeah, you know, yeah.
Angie Hamilton (16:12.027)
that'd be awesome. That'd be awesome. Yeah.
Angie Hamilton (16:23.705)
Well, yeah. Yeah, although every once in a while, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea at all to tell people ahead of time, we've got somebody with lived experience. Because I think parents, you know, know in one of the programs I went to, they had like a circle of the parents on the outside and the kids on the inside. And you know, you were opposite your kid. And then they basically said, okay, rotate to the right and now talk to each other. And that was awesome.
you know, being able and I'm sure that's like arc, right? You're able to talk to the other kids and they're able to talk to other parents and it it's really valuable, right? First of all, people tend to be politer. You don't have the history of whatever hell happened, right? And so it's, yeah, it just, it's really helpful.
Chuck (16:58.46)
I was just thinking that.
Chuck (17:03.022)
I was just thinking there's that, yeah.
Chuck (17:14.566)
No kidding. Kerry, you can speak to that most certainly with at Arc, right? Where because of that peer, because of the recovery home system, you end up talking to and talking, speaking with other kids all the time, right? As opposed to your own, right? And the difference.
Ciara (17:30.832)
Yeah, yeah, there are like peer support happens on so many different levels within the, the arc model. So, you know, absolutely in the recovery home, you're, that's exactly what I thought of Angie, when you, use that example of sitting in a circle, it, it does remove the emotion from that conversation. And that's the therapeutic component of the recovery homes is that you're getting to know these kids.
You can say they're they're strangers, I guess, from the get go. But what happens in ARC is that you're the family are at mandatory meetings during the week. So you're learning about, you know, their journeys to treatment. And you could become part of their solution and part of their community post -treatment. And, you know, they're staying in your home. So you're really seeing the core of these kids. And I think.
like having the recovery home opened really, really helped me understand what my son was receiving in somebody else's home. Like I knew because I could see the core of these kids when they were here and they were in sobriety. I knew that somebody could see the core of my son in their home. So it really was very therapeutic for me. And it provided me with an understanding of like when I received the peer support for myself.
Angie Hamilton (18:35.449)
I knew because I could see the form of these kids when they were here and they were in sobriety. knew that some of could see
Ciara (18:55.526)
and we stepped into that family component. That piece was what helped me understand the support that my son was getting on another level. So it's like pure support on steroids. It's everywhere you turn in ARC and it's so powerful and so effective to learn from somebody who has walked the walk before you or before my son or my husband.
Angie Hamilton (19:04.233)
So it's like pure support on steroids. It's everywhere you turn in our economy. It's so
Ciara (19:19.836)
You know, there's mom support groups, there's dad support groups, then the support groups together, the support groups for the entire family. It's literally everywhere you turn and it allows for very, very honest conversations. We learn to get to know each other on a whole new level. And, you know, I spoke to that in our last podcast as well. When you're connecting with families who are taking care of your kid when you
Angie Hamilton (19:20.004)
You know, there's mom support groups, there's dad support groups, there's support groups together, the sort of support groups for the entire family. It's literally everywhere you turn and it allows for very, very honest conversations. We learn to get to know each other on a whole new level.
Ciara (19:46.63)
I mean, they're taking away the worst feeling in the world that you cannot save your kid. So when that's the foundation of your relationship with these families, it's, you know, they're built to last.
Angie Hamilton (19:46.881)
Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Angie Hamilton (19:58.491)
Yeah, think what's remarkable too is obviously you're gonna have like both parents there, right? And we do occasionally do get both parents both at groups and on the one on one. But probably 90 % of the time, we've got just mom, that that's who shows up. And I, that's too bad. We have we have five or six dads who who are supporters.
But they they end up helping moms too, because there aren't enough dads that are asking for support, which is kind of too bad. You know, it's there.
Chuck (20:38.044)
Right, I think you can see, just social cause track, traditional gender roles, how it gets to that, but I agree, it is too bad, right? Absolutely, it is too bad,
Ciara (20:38.332)
Yeah, it's hard.
Angie Hamilton (20:43.373)
Yeah. Well, they need it because it eats them up too. Like it really does. And they don't talk about it. And it doesn't tend to go away if you don't talk about it.
Chuck (20:50.78)
Of course it does, right?
Chuck (20:55.044)
Yeah, right. Well, I know it's funny you say that because I think our next appearance now, if I've got this right, Kiera, when it Kiera comes on with for art, it's going to be with a dad. That's yeah, yeah, definitely something that's I don't know if it's underrepresented, but it's certainly certainly something that many people don't get to see or hear from is that dad's perspective, right? I mean, we've had a few on the show over the last year and a half, but typically it's more the moms that get.
Angie Hamilton (21:06.42)
Nice.
Angie Hamilton (21:10.14)
don't know if it's underrepresented, it's certainly something that many people don't get to see or hear from as that does respect it.
Angie Hamilton (21:22.007)
Mm hmm. More involved.
Chuck (21:22.8)
Like you say hands on or whatever into it anyway, right? Yeah, yeah. So I'm quite looking forward to
Ciara (21:26.534)
Yeah, I think it's a different feel. Although it's the same feeling, I can't help my kid. It's we just deal with it in different ways. I think that the mom and dad approach is is different and there's no right or wrong way. It's just that's the way it tends to be. Yeah. But same level of support required.
Chuck (21:35.644)
100%. Yeah.
Angie Hamilton (21:41.883)
just as.
Chuck (21:43.056)
Yeah, yeah, right. And men typically it's men it's like, well, I should be able to fix it. Right? Like everything is fixable. I should, you know, I just have to read about it and I can fix it. can, you know, it doesn't, but I can't and there is no easy answers. And it's that's a horror, terrible, terrible place to be. Right. So, yeah.
Angie Hamilton (22:03.001)
I think the moms feel that too. Yeah, I think think a pair like both parents feel that. Yeah.
Chuck (22:05.564)
Yeah, you're right. That's that's just that's pretty universal parent thing, right? And again, I'm not a parent. So who am I to talk to it? But I can only try to empathize, which is what I spend a good portion of my life doing these days. seems just trying to empathize with what other people are doing. So I'm hyper empathetic, though, right? Yeah. No, no, no. I was just saying.
Ciara (22:08.623)
Absolutely.
Angie Hamilton (22:15.747)
That's a good thing to be doing.
Ciara (22:23.152)
I think it's just easier for the moms. Sorry, Chris, I think it's just easier for the moms to deal with the feelings like we don't go, we can't have that conversation. It's more OK, let's do this like we're we're we're broken, we're shattered. And if this is kind of a lifeline, if it means if it means like a step towards a solution, we're we're all in or we find it easier to talk about our feelings. And I think, you know.
Angie Hamilton (22:27.617)
I think it's just easier for the moms to deal with the feelings. Like, don't go, we can't have that conversation. It's more, okay, let's do this.
Chuck (22:52.572)
That's true.
Ciara (22:52.868)
Just from what I've seen, don't want to generalize, but women generally are more open to those conversations than guys.
Angie Hamilton (22:54.826)
I don't want the camera right now.
Chuck (23:04.262)
Absolutely.
Chuck (23:09.595)
to go from
Angie Hamilton (23:12.475)
I
Chuck (23:12.72)
The peer -to support, I wanna talk more about that, but Andruid, go ahead, what were you gonna say?
Angie Hamilton (23:16.707)
just wanted to say, I think the hardest, you know, once they get over any anger that they have, right, and really understand addiction, and this is an illness, and that is why you're seeing these behaviors. And that's, you know, there's like, there's your kid, and then you're your kid on drugs, once they get over the anger. And that's really learning how to forgive their kid for, you know, anything that they've done that's hurt the family. The hardest
for, I think, parents in particular, but all family members is the self compassion. Because we've all done things that we wish, you know, you know better, you do better. So we've all done things that we wish that we'd done better. And that continues even when we're trying our, like none of us are perfect. We're all human beings and we all continue to make mistakes and we're all trying to do our best.
And I've found that what parents struggle with a lot is self -compassion. So that ability to forgive themselves for anything that they think they should have done better, you know, or, as, as they continue to make mistakes, as they will, you know, to, process that in a way, the same way that they would if like one of their friends said, I did this and I, you know, I feel bad about it and I could have done it better.
They would never judge their friend. They'd be there and support them. if it's yourself, there's this kind of mean voice that's sort of like, know better. You should have done better. This is back to your fault. Yeah. Yeah.
Chuck (24:57.114)
If we showed ourselves the same grace that we do our best friends, right? I mean, it just is a blanket
Angie Hamilton (25:03.393)
And I think it's true for the people struggling with substance use as well. They get to a point, often their families have done things from time to time that weren't the best and they get to a point where it's easier for them to forgive them than the harm that they've caused to the family. And that whole self -compassion, to me it seems like it's the hardest thing for people's substance use disorder and the hardest thing for the families is being kind to yourself, forgiving yourself.
Chuck (25:33.68)
can tell you something that occurred to me that it developed it from a really weird place and it was helping people back from overdose, but turning your sorries into thank yous. So if you, it's just, so for me, when I got into, in early recovery especially, you said sorry so many times, over and over and over again. And at this point, your family doesn't need to hear it anymore. Like once you said it once, and if sincere,
Angie Hamilton (25:45.765)
Mm.
Chuck (26:02.65)
Nobody needs to hear it again. And quite frankly, it doesn't really mean anything until you're showing, you know what I mean? Because you'd be sorry. Yeah, yeah, be a living man, right? So this thing that had occurred to me back then was every time I want to say sorry, say thank you instead. Every single time. So instead of sorry, I screwed up again, thank you for giving me another opportunity. Sorry I didn't pay you back. Thank you for trusting me and I will do my best, whatever it
Angie Hamilton (26:08.675)
You live it.
Ciara (26:09.99)
Mm -hmm.
Angie Hamilton (26:13.435)
Thank you.
Angie Hamilton (26:27.067)
So I didn't take that.
Whatever it is, whatever it is that you can turn, whatever sword you can turn into a thank you.
Chuck (26:31.962)
Whatever it is that you can turn, whatever story you can turn into a thank you will do you absolute wonders. It will do you wonders for your family, the way that they perceive you, the way that you perceive them, the relationship, all of it. It is one of the most powerful things that I've ever done was turn my stories into thank yous, right? And it's, yeah, made a big difference.
Angie Hamilton (26:38.895)
wonders for your family, the way that they perceive you, the way that you perceive them, the relationship, all of it. is one
Angie Hamilton (26:53.637)
Yeah, I do too.
Ciara (26:54.502)
I love that.
Chuck (26:58.746)
Anyway, I do, I do. It might be because I'm sick and when I'm sick I tend to be a little more whiny. Yes, emotional, yes, yes, yes. dear. Sorry.
Angie Hamilton (26:59.83)
I see you feel it. I do. It might be because I'm sick. Well, no. Emotional. Emotional.
Angie Hamilton (27:15.184)
Angie Hamilton (27:21.891)
Well, I was just gonna say that that helping helping the parents is something it's it's the part of what I do for far that I really enjoy the most. And because like with thing with peer support is, even though I've been doing it a long time, it does, it still goes both ways, you know, and, like, just the last week, I end up loving all of the moms that that that I support.
And one of them came out with an ex like she just said something I thought it was so profound. And, I said, Can I quote you on that? Like, not with her name or whatever. She was all that. That's not me. It's it's a, I don't know where it comes from. But look it up. So I looked it up. And sure enough, it's a Zen proverb. But it's expect nothing, appreciate everything. And I thought, wow, that is really good advice, you know? Because
Chuck (28:17.382)
No kidding, eh?
Ciara (28:17.904)
I have a flower vase with that on us at home. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, it stood out to me in a market one day and I thought, yeah, that's that's a good way to live.
Angie Hamilton (28:20.495)
Do you? I love it! I love it! There you go.
Angie Hamilton (28:28.995)
Yeah, wow, I got really excited. I just got a cramp in my leg. I was like, really? So if I excuse me for a minute, will I get this crap out of my leg? my god, I'm so old. don't know. Anyway, yes or no. I do need a vase like that. I got to look it up. I got to find one. It's just so I don't know. There are a lot of really good sayings out there.
Chuck (28:30.428)
Yeah, true, it is,
Chuck (28:35.068)
Yeah.
Chuck (28:42.844)
That's hilarious. I'm so excited.
Ciara (28:43.787)
I think you need a vase like that.
Chuck (28:56.186)
Yeah, no kidding, right? No kidding. Well, I just like that's going into a meme, you know, by the time we're done, you know, by the time you guys have like backed your chair away from your desk or whatever, that'll be a meme. yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just awesome page for sure. Right. It's been my life trying to make those but dear. dear.
Angie Hamilton (28:58.329)
Well, just like that's going into a meme. By the time you guys have backed your chair away.
Ciara (29:06.44)
Ha ha ha.
Angie Hamilton (29:19.683)
No worries.
Ciara (29:20.904)
It's okay.
Angie Hamilton (29:25.253)
So Kira, how are you like, you're, cause I know you're still involved obviously at ARC, but it's gotta be more as just a family member. What is your position there? well, you said that it's the community outreach specialist. So what does that do? What do
Ciara (29:40.21)
Sure. community outreach specialist. So, Well, it can kind of go in lots of different directions depending on the day. But I guess ultimately the main part of my position is raising awareness within the community and, you know, making it easier to find treatment at this level.
possibly shortening that journey to treatment for some families. Because at ARC, see the families that come to treatment generally all have quite a long history of different programs or resources that they may have tried. And ARC is known as the last house on the block. So it's not unusual for people that have tried the same thing over and over again with no results.
Angie Hamilton (30:24.891)
tried.
Ciara (30:36.848)
and not to be disrespectful to any of those programs. Sometimes it's the kids that just won't cooperate and they learn on their journey what to say and how to manipulate themselves out of treatment, which is terrifying for the family. Right. I think a lot of the kids, you know, we do have an analogy in our, you know, in our support groups that, you know, prior to ARC, everybody is on this roller coaster. But the person that's struggling the most is
Angie Hamilton (30:38.553)
any of those programs. it's the kids that just have a lot of brain and they learn on their journey from the city.
Angie Hamilton (30:48.981)
Yes, it is.
Ciara (31:04.808)
total control of the ups and the downs and what happens on that journey. it's so, so Arc is a 12 step program. So as the clients work through their 12 steps, everyone who's in program with them is encouraged to work through the 12 steps of Al -Anon. So really, like you mentioned a parallel journey earlier on Chris, and that's really what it's about.
Chuck (31:08.472)
Angie Hamilton (31:27.639)
Yeah.
Ciara (31:31.304)
Like obviously the 12 steps of AA for the clients who are struggling with substance abuse. They're using those for obvious reasons and to find their way out of hell. But the parents and the loved ones that are in treatment with them are learning that same language. And really, think, you know, being taught to like safely step off the roller coaster. And although your child may still be on that roller coaster.
Angie Hamilton (31:37.16)
and they're using those for obvious reasons and to find their way out of hell.
Angie Hamilton (31:58.701)
still be on that poster on post treatment as well. It's like each of you have been provided with tools ahead.
Ciara (32:00.472)
And post -treatment as well. It's like each of you have been provided with tools about how to navigate this journey and support in a different way, in a healthier way that involves like that self -compassion. I'm not getting totally immersed in that, well, the journey, but the blame piece that we spoke about earlier. mean, parents are just like sponges, I think. Like we're feeling pretty down on ourselves anyway, because we can't help our kids. And
Every, every parent that I've spoken to about the journey through parenting youth addiction has been on the receiving end of a ton of blame. So that brings it to a next level. So treatment or a program like learning those new tools to deal with the journey is like, it's so important. And I think not only is it beneficial to me, but it's only it's beneficial to all of my family, but particularly my
Angie Hamilton (32:39.831)
Great.
Ciara (32:59.216)
son who has struggled with substance abuse in the past and how to have a healthier relationship, healthier boundaries, all of those things that you referred to earlier. It's very important. So I'm very grateful that I was introduced to that part of the program.
Angie Hamilton (33:06.799)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Angie Hamilton (33:14.916)
Mm -hmm.
Chuck (33:17.749)
I'm kidding. Right. Ladies, I think we'll probably move on to daily gratitudes now just because I'm like, becoming less and less capable. I'm sorry. I'm trying, but I can't even get any more cough syrup for another eight and three quarter hours. So I'm just like, no, what am I going to do? I can't know.
Angie Hamilton (33:24.013)
I think we'll move on to the other
Ciara (33:28.38)
You're struggling.
Angie Hamilton (33:29.023)
dying, yeah, yeah, no worries, no worries.
Ciara (33:32.551)
I'll be sorry.
Angie Hamilton (33:37.651)
God, Chris. Ice cubes. Ice cubes. You got ice cubes?
Ciara (33:42.458)
Yeah,
Chuck (33:43.58)
I don't even have any water here. That was it. That was, this was it. Right? Yeah. Cause it was monsooning out. And then I was like, dear. But I think I'm going to have to go to 7 -eleven again to sort that out. But yeah. So anyway, anyway, why don't we move into my, my favorite part of the show. That is the daily gratitude saying daily gratitude today would be brought to you by far Canada, actually. Yeah. That's where you are in the rotation. So there you go. Right.
Ciara (33:47.02)
man.
Angie Hamilton (34:08.004)
there we go.
Chuck (34:11.228)
Which makes my job super easy because we just spent a bunch of time describing who Far Canada was. So that's who brought you the Daily Grapdudes. Why don't we start with you, say, Ciara, what are you grateful for today?
Angie Hamilton (34:15.258)
Yes.
What did we start?
Ciara (34:24.137)
as always tons to be grateful for Chris, but, just in the context of the conversation we're having today, you know, the, the families that I met during treatment, and that level of relatability and new conversations that I could have, like helping me, step into the feelings around that journey and just, just be real, like, just like the importance of sitting beside another mom who's just
I'm lost. can't take care of my kid. Like, what do I do? There's so much gratitude for the ladies in particular that I met through a treatment who are, they're vulnerable with their own stories, really in a way that will help others. And having that on this journey is just like, there's, it's invaluable, the support that I have. So very, very grateful for all the amazing ladies in my life.
Angie Hamilton (35:10.794)
that there's, it's invalid.
Chuck (35:19.132)
kidding, as you should be. Angie, what are you grateful for
Angie Hamilton (35:21.531)
Actually, it's kind of almost the same thing really, I was gonna say, well, maybe a little different, but it's the parents who I'm helping, right? I still learn from them. They give me purpose as well. I know I'm helping them. And I don't think they understand how much they help me as well. And even just like that Zen proverb that I'd never heard before that's coming from like, we just learn from each other.
And the feelings run deep. It's kind of like a feeling like you've been through a war or that you're still, even when things are good, you don't know you could be back there at any moment. And that is just the God's honest, yeah. So, you know, and we could be back there anytime. So it's the mums. I'm grateful for all the mums that I've
Chuck (36:05.5)
scripted soldiers, right? That's what you all are without a doubt, you know,
Angie Hamilton (36:20.985)
to know through our organization and before who are in the same position.
Chuck (36:28.198)
kidding me. I'm kidding. I could go on for hours about your gratitudeless there and I really could. Yeah, yeah, conscripted soldiers. I started calling you guys a long time ago and it just you know, but but I won't. I will though I'm gonna steal one of your gratitudes and add to it direction and purpose, right? That's that's what that's what the podcast gives me is direction and purpose you know all the time and for that I couldn't be more grateful.
Angie Hamilton (36:42.277)
I will go on to steal one of gratitudes.
That's
Chuck (36:56.292)
I often say that had I gone and got a normal job like in a warehouse or something, I don't think I'd be sober today. But being a part of this and the people that I've met and, you know, living recovery and all of those things, conversations like this one gives me direction and purpose. And I think without direction and purpose, who knows where I would be. you know, very grateful for that. Most grateful to every single person who continues to comment, like, share.
Angie Hamilton (36:57.211)
I don't even know a good job in a warehouse or something.
Angie Hamilton (37:05.768)
and the people that I've met in living in recovery and all of those things, conversations like this one, this one actually.
Angie Hamilton (37:21.733)
I'm also grateful to every single person who continues to comment, like, share, we're growing fast these days. It's kind of crazy what's happening and we appreciate it more.
Chuck (37:26.108)
I mean, we're growing fast these days. It's kind of crazy what's happening and I couldn't appreciate it more.
Every time you hit one of those buttons down at the bottom, subscribe, whatever it is, you are helping me get a little bit closer to living my best life. My best life is to continue making a humble living, spreading the message, and the message is this. If you're an active addiction right now, today could be the day. Today could be the day that you start a lifelong journey. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call into detox, go to a meeting, pray, go to church, I don't care. Do whatever it is you have to do to get that journey started, because it is so much better than the alternative. And if you have a loved one who's suffering an addiction right now.
Angie Hamilton (37:32.451)
you
Angie Hamilton (37:51.057)
Go to church and you'll hear
Chuck (38:00.944)
just taking the time listening to this episode. you just take one more minute out of your day and text that person, let them know they are loved. Use the words.
Angie Hamilton (38:07.33)
You are loved.
Ciara (38:07.729)
You are loved.
Chuck (38:09.958)
That little glimmer of hope just might be the thing that brings him back.
Angie Hamilton (38:14.917)
Well said.
Chuck (38:15.28)
Here we go.
Shattered Stigma
Yatra
Morning Cup
