268 -RYAN BATHGATE STEPS 7, 8, & 9.

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_03]: It's a really sucks, but the silver lining is what I went through.

[00:00:06] [SPEAKER_03]: When I put myself and other people through has given me a gift of perspective and really

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_03]: shown how much power I do have and I know that because of how badly I've hurt people.

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_03]: That's a lot of power.

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_03]: So I have responsibility with that and that responsibility is just to be the best version

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_02]: So it's just a few words from my Nicole Holst-Ride Basket.

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, listen, the title is Monster for today's episode is The Octatrometre Center here

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_02]: in the Recovery Thailand, Ryder's side.

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_02]: They treat addiction through the lens of trauma and they do it very well.

[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Of course, my healing journey started in Thailand when I came to experience their resident

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_02]: treatment program at The Octatrers Center can absolutely change my life, highly recommended

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_02]: for anybody who might have some trauma-soul in the back in life.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_02]: We should learn more about them and of course see a bunch of episodes where my ability

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_02]: head clinician is started.

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_02]: If you visit hwapodcast.com slash trauma and in the near time, enjoy the show.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Hello everybody, watch us listeners, support us all kinds.

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to another episode of the Ash Dawson podcast.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm your host Chuck LaFlan, check it out from the crowd in Thailand.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Halfway around the world in virtual studio coming from Mission BC is my very good

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_02]: friend and co-host Ryan.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_02]: The afkate how you doing today, Ryan?

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I'm pretty good.

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_03]: And as you can probably see, so's this bit in my forehead.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_03]: So I'll just get that out of the way.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Everybody, look at it.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_03]: Look at it.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Now I've noticed that I've been talking for you 10 minutes and I didn't even notice

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_01]: it damn thing.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Now you're welcome.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_03]: We'll be looking at that in a whole show.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_03]: Just look here.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_03]: I should have put a circle around it.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_02]: I got a goofy sticker or something.

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_03]: No, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_03]: What is your smiley face around it?

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_03]: You've got clown nose.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_02]: There you go.

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_02]: There you go.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Going really good things.

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Here's his thing like when you live in rhythm, life happens in rhythm.

[00:02:12] Yeah.

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_03]: And that's one of my experience seeing is like being value-driven,

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_03]: drives value.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_02]: Just, that's funny because I just released that real of you from a year ago talking

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_02]: about that.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, right?

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_02]: So now that it's different.

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm living it now.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_03]: So that's cool.

[00:02:40] Yeah.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_01]: You said it.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I did.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_03]: Go game, man.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Like follow my arrow.

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_03]: This is my life.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_03]: This is what happens.

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_03]: And like I think about that today, we can never be more than human.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_03]: Like if I would just wish I'd get to that through my thick fucking skull sometimes.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_03]: I could never be more than human.

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_03]: I will always be fallible.

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_03]: I will let you down.

[00:03:08] [SPEAKER_03]: You will let me down that's relationships.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_02]: No, can I?

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_03]: Like how, you know, I wish I had more grace with it.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Because of this, but I mean, you know, expectations and yeah, whatever.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's all, it's all rich soil for cultivation.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, there's just like, you know, in like, I don't like, I do the daily

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_03]: reflections every day as part of this life I live.

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_03]: And like, it's really it's we were in a part.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_03]: It kind of got you know, it goes like throughout the year,

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_03]: you kind of like go through steps and like things and stuff.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_03]: Like one day is kind of the same and a little bit different and a little bit

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_03]: different and then on your own and also need to be still have to look to see what

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_02]: they are.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_02]: You don't have that shit memorized.

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Fucking new comer.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, let me, let me read how works.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I don't need that.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, man.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what, and I got to say to the audience because it's been a while.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Since I put an episode out last week, we did try and record with our good

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_02]: friend Jimmy Wednesday Jason Macmillan and we had some technical issues.

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_02]: I wasn't able to release that episode.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_02]: For you to that, I was sick and then post that.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_02]: I've had a wicked toothache.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_02]: So this is actually the first episode that's been out in over a week now.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_02]: And for me, that's completely like that's craziness, right?

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_02]: So I apologize for somebody that's missed it.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_02]: But no, I'm in rubber.

[00:04:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Just flip it back on track.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Stop it.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Stop it.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_02]: I've beat myself up enough over that.

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_02]: So back on track now.

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_03]: So right, Lisa.

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_03]: People come to me for support.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_03]: We've had a baby.

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_02]: That's funny.

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll tell you just a funny question.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I just popped into my head.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_02]: I told you there's one other Canadian in my Thai language class.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_02]: He's from Victoria, right?

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_02]: You're part of the world.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_02]: And yeah.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_02]: But he says, besides me, in most classes, anyway, he says, beside me.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_02]: And a couple weeks ago, I failed to do my homework.

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I never actually do my homework.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_02]: And the teacher cut around to me and couldn't Chris and she'd asked me something.

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_02]: And I went, didn't do his homework.

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_02]: He was so fucking mad.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Did he do his homework?

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_02]: No, we had no homework at all.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_03]: It took a big bite of cheese there.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yeah.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Solid is a soup sandwich.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Quick introduction for PSA.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_02]: And today's PSA is brought to you by far Canada.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_02]: It's families for addiction recovery.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_02]: But for a bunch of free services to families who do people who have loved ones who were

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_02]: suffering with SUD.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_02]: You can learn more about them at faracanada.org.

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Here's PSA.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, my name is Jamie Taule and I want to talk to you about something I never leave home

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_00]: without.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: This right here is nasal and the lock zone.

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_00]: There are a couple of different name brands of it.

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_00]: This one is called Revive.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00]: It is an emergency treatment for opioid overdose.

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_00]: You might think, well, I don't use opioids.

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, you never know who's life you could save.

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Someone who loves and someone who is love.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: So don't leave home without it.

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so yeah.

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_02]: But that's my life now is, you know, it's been sick.

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_02]: But Thai language class, mothers at Thai, mother's day was this past weekend.

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Some Monday was a holiday which was normally a school day for me.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_03]: So yeah, mother's day in August.

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_02]: Well, you know, some different holidays here for sure.

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_02]: They don't observe Christian holidays.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_02]: So we don't have Christmas in Thailand.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_02]: We don't, you know, Easter.

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_02]: We've known of that.

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_03]: So that's a bit of a trip, especially it is it's a different experience for sure.

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_02]: That said the major retailers do because why wouldn't they because capital is power.

[00:07:23] Yeah.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, everybody loves a good reason to put up some decorations and sell some

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_02]: or emerge, right?

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_02]: But yeah.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_02]: But as a country, they don't it's certainly not a holiday.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, the whole thing has been a very different experience for me that way.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_02]: We're coming up almost a year now, man.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_02]: It's been 10 months this month.

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, shit.

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_02]: That's happening fast.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_03]: That doesn't make it.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I was okay.

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, okay.

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, you know, even the meetings, that's my world right now.

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_03]: So we're going to talk about that.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Is that good?

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Like you think they can't sell some recovery podcasts.

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, I mean, you've been going to meetings.

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_02]: So it seems to me it's a relative and relevant.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Right?

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I mean it.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_03]: I mean it.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm relatable to a lot of our audience.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm so like I was thinking about like, I guess I can, I can, this time it's a lot of

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_03]: observing like I'm being around quite a while.

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_03]: And you know, it's new experience to be new with a lot of knowledge.

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_03]: And and experience.

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_03]: And so like you can see I was talking to, I was actually talking to Jimmy in like,

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_03]: you know, or he's telling me about like the, yeah, it got two years like your whole

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_03]: world is recovery and everyone you know when everything you talk about, you know what

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_03]: you mean?

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_03]: And like service service and you know, you talk.

[00:08:50] [SPEAKER_03]: Hi, my name's Ryan and I'm GSR and I'm 13 spots.

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, you're like, and I'm like, well, Jimmy, you know what?

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you actually say the same thing about you, you know, that time you're like five

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_03]: years and you're like realizing that there's, A's needs to be a party life.

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_03]: If it's not all you life, you know what I mean?

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_03]: Like so I could say the same thing about you.

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_03]: I could make fun of you.

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_03]: And he's like, what did I mean?

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, you know, Jimmy's about it.

[00:09:16] [SPEAKER_03]: So, so I saw, you know, thinking like, he's, he gets to that space where like, you're

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_03]: saying things, I'm saying things.

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Let's put it back here because I just definitely, this guy that I don't really

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_03]: don't know what they mean.

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Give it away.

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_03]: Turn it over.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what you mean?

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_03]: And like, and so I was thinking of myself, like it's, you didn't, because

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_03]: you were the smallest five.

[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_03]: These saying came from somewhere.

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_03]: They made sense to someone with substance at some point.

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_03]: And so like, and then I was like, okay, so I'm looking at the steps.

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_03]: And I, and I have this like flash of like step seven.

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_03]: And I was always like stupidest step.

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Like, first of all, I, you know, I just train by your stock.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_03]: I still like, you don't take things away from humans.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_03]: You only add to what are the exists.

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_03]: So we've talked about that for right.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_03]: They've got word recovery.

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_03]: You're not actually recovering.

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_03]: You're growing more.

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_03]: And so yeah.

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_03]: So like step seven, I've had this moment where I realized it.

[00:10:23] [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't hate step seven.

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_03]: I was afraid of step seven.

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_03]: Now step seven is humbly asked God's removal or shortcoming.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, that's the yes.

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_03]: And so whatever that means to whoever you are skydiving, you know, like,

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_03]: whatever and you know, I'm lazy.

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to use that word because it's three letters.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_03]: Just use that word because it's yes.

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, let's just say that.

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_03]: And because yeah, it's one constant.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_03]: So easy.

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_03]: So and you know, my beliefs, like you go into our show, but what that is.

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_03]: So you know, you can like, it's exactly.

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_03]: But the thing about that is like that connection or that belief.

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_03]: I believe that's a really personal thing.

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_03]: And I don't think.

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_03]: I need to justify that what my beliefs are anybody to be honest with.

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Of course, you know, very, very personal and if I share that with you and sharing a part of me,

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_03]: you know what you mean?

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_03]: And so so anyways myself, where I mean, I was in point my life that like I if I walked by the

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_03]: a mirror, I looked down and say like, your an asshole.

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_03]: You already mean like, yeah, couldn't look myself in the mirror, but I saw my reflection

[00:11:37] [SPEAKER_03]: called it names.

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_03]: That's how I felt for myself, you know, and so the fear came from if you took away all

[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_02]: and recently we're talking about recently as you were going to know, no, no, no, no, no,

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_03]: okay, this is this is like way back when I'm learning this stuff original.

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_03]: And but but like I learned it through experience, but I didn't put it together until that.

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_03]: So I did the action, I experienced all of it, but it was in retrospect that it all

[00:12:06] [SPEAKER_03]: was under the same sense, okay.

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_03]: And so because I thought if you took away all my defects and I would be left absolutely

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_03]: empty, I thought that all I was was the shitty things I am.

[00:12:18] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_03]: And so like then what and that and this is all like I think this was happening just outside

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_03]: of awareness, like it wasn't a conscious like I'm going to not have anything left

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_03]: you know what I mean?

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_03]: It was like that's how I felt about myself.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_03]: So it was more of a reflection of, you know, Alan wants his everyday ordinary consciousness

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_03]: leaves out one and it takes in.

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_03]: And I think a lot of our consciousness is happening outside of our consciousness.

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_03]: Of course again, back to the phenomenology and all that stuff.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_03]: So but you know, like I, I mean, as far as you can tell me, like there's one job

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_03]: for us in our life and that's to enjoy the ride.

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_03]: And so if I believe in something that you know is making ensuring that I'm not lonely.

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_03]: And that is through a connection through conscious contact or the truth to call about and

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_03]: and that's just today.

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know any more.

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_03]: My point being that name doesn't matter.

[00:13:20] [SPEAKER_03]: So it would never leave me with nothing.

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_03]: So what happens is this, this removal and when I say that, you know, like we,

[00:13:30] [SPEAKER_03]: what does that mean give away your defense, turn over, take it out, God, take them away.

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_03]: What does that mean?

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_03]: And to me, what that means is like when I'm driving and I'm wrestling, you've been wrestled not like.

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Well, let me tell you, right?

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_03]: It's freaking exhausting.

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_03]: It's exhausting.

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_03]: And so when I'm wrestling with something, it's because usually I have some kind of

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_03]: ego or disconnect or defect or whatever you want to call it that is attached to an idea

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_03]: that I'm holding onto.

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_03]: And if I just let that defect go like my ego doesn't need to be here, take your thing with it.

[00:14:09] [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm just going to try and enjoy the day without that bothering me conscious process.

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_03]: And I just need the courage to do that because I don't really know what's on the other side.

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_03]: I need, I need the willingness to be able to open my mind to a different perception.

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_03]: I need the sincerity or authenticity to be within my own experience and to be okay with it.

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, so there is things that, so instead these defects go and discourage and willingness and and and sincerity.

[00:14:41] [SPEAKER_03]: They come in and and so now I'm gifted with with with values with strength.

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_03]: And that that and that also I'm doing this one driving.

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_03]: And just like that's not mine anymore, you know, like whatever I'm wrestling with it's just it's not mine.

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't need to be validated by whatever this is or I don't need to to fear the rejection and whatever whatever it is because everything I have is here and I and I have everything I need.

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't need the outside thing that I was arrested in order to be okay because ultimately why do we wrestle with things?

[00:15:17] [SPEAKER_03]: Because we are trying to figure out how to be okay.

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Right.

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, like yeah.

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_03]: Right.

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_03]: Maths for so tracks.

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Right. And so like I'm in an in your location point.

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going through this thing.

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_03]: And I've been doing this constantly where it's like because it you know, all slapped you in the face like out you know and I did some **** shit like I.

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_03]: It's a bad I'm a bad person sometimes and I have consequences to that and I live in those but I don't have any control of part of it.

[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_03]: I've literally been just like driving and I'm like no, you know what?

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_03]: That's not me. That's not mine right now. I'm responsible for that and I will pay the paper when that comes but it's but I can't be in it right now because it'll suck the life at me.

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_02]: So can you do anything about it right now that that's it that's right.

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Right and it's like you don't I just a lifestyle choice that that goes back a long time right for my mom say that shit to me. You know when I was you know 20 kind of thing right.

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, but the words I use are God take this just take like it's my friends sitting in the passenger seat just take it. Thank you.

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, please share.

[00:16:34] [SPEAKER_02]: It's just bumper sticker to buddy.

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm pretty I'm usually pretty good and I fucking walk right into that.

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_03]: We're all fallible.

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_03]: So

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_03]: I will say that I don't

[00:16:58] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know. I don't know. Let's just say I don't know enough about Christianity to be a subscriber

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_02]: So that can be a fish on your bumper anytime. So what you see?

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, Jesus just my god

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_03]: So

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_03]: But but honestly to that that that that that goes like that and then I don't have to live in that all the time.

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_03]: But but there's still stuff like I still have responsibilities here in my in my past.

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_03]: And so we and then we look and start making this list and you know whether I'm not going to get into the logistics of making this.

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_03]: I will say that what what I'm doing is I'm creating an order of responsibility.

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_03]: And what that really means is that I am creating an order of freedom that I can achieve by accessing accountability.

[00:17:52] [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, a dialectically opposed to that is my state of victim.

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_03]: Less responsible more victim less accountable more victim.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Right? So you ever heard the saying the spirit doesn't grow in a victim state.

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_03]: No, I don't think I have actually no okay well we haven't here for years but it is that you cannot grow as a victim.

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_03]: So I think that's the way to do this thing that you've done.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_03]: You're not content, might as easy and you're not saying I was loaded but I'm sorry like you know that the amendment and men is to change your ad to improve something that's a definition.

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_03]: Changing the behavior to improve your life and your ability to be accessible.

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_03]: And that's an important part because that to me that's a spirit of spirituality's connectivity really simple.

[00:18:59] [SPEAKER_03]: When I'm in a state of spiritual enlightenment I'm a state of connectability to other human beings when I'm not it's the opposite and usually not lonely and we know how that goes.

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_03]: So, so that's like that set six, seven, eight, nine in a really practical sense how that works is like you give something up that is of deficit and you bring in something of asset.

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_03]: Which are your values.

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Then you live in those values as you own your responsibilities and often it's more of an honor I'm honoring somebody by changing this behavior it came at the cost of their pain and that is really unfortunate but I will but it is enough pain to create change for the rest of my existence and that that change will always be represented by this person I'm making an amendment to.

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_03]: And that's how I can pay that back is by living that a men's throughout my day to day and every time if I really want I can I can make that when I feel that change happened I know I did this in the men's I can think of that person and what that person needs to me now that person is it's become celebrating.

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_03]: Really is honoring that person absolutely yeah yeah and you're doing it for the rest of your life or until you do another point or my case until you stop going to meetings relapse have to come back.

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_03]: You go do it step to get it.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_01]: It's funny because it's true.

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_03]: So yeah so like so I guess what I'm saying is those things like turn it over to me that's what makes sense is a practical application.

[00:20:42] [SPEAKER_03]: And give it to God or whatever you know and I've always been like that's the fact as that's supposed to mean you know what I mean but now I understand in a practical ways.

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_03]: You know it's no different than having a text conversation all day long I just have a I'm having a conversation of whatever it is and I don't even know all I know is dude fucking worked.

[00:21:02] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and I can't talk about that but it worked.

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_03]: And my the thing and you know I'm thinking about today and it's like.

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_03]: Give it you know give it over and whatever it is and I'm like as long as whatever this God is does what I want.

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like no I need to accept the outcome whatever that might be and trust that that is the thing that needs to happen because.

[00:21:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't need to look very far for evidence that when everything seems to work all the way it's supposed to be for the better when I'm acting in in righteousness or you know I have a line mentor rhythm whatever we want to call it when I'm living in that space things work out for the best.

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_03]: And I have a lifetime of that when I do the right thing the right thing happens huh yeah when I do the wrong thing I get arrested.

[00:21:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:22:00] [SPEAKER_03]: Like I know we're like figuring out all social issues for the history of time for every society that's ever existed but you know it it's true the point is it's always like you know I heard really.

[00:22:17] [SPEAKER_03]: The guy look up to and I said before we said acceptance is always answering and I was like and.

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_03]: It's about how much pain you want to go through until you get there.

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_03]: And that's your choice really is an that's what I mean like when I'm wrestling with that thing.

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_03]: I can't do anything other than that other than cross the bridge where I come to an accept responsibility for the outcomes.

[00:22:42] [SPEAKER_03]: That's all I can do and in the meantime I do my best in between there.

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_03]: You know whatever it is that I can do better I mean try as long as I'm doing that like you know why is it any different like people want effort they don't come as less relevant in most cases.

[00:22:57] [SPEAKER_03]: You know people want to see care and you can manage to you're trying you know and honestly and why would I be different about what I expect from myself.

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_03]: Because I always expect myself perfect outcome.

[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah and that is a fucking track.

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Every time.

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_03]: It's the epitome of deficit thinking like it's a distortion perfection is not the the most perfect thing in the world is beautiful for its imperfections you know despite his level but I fucking butterfly wing you know what you mean like those things are amazing but they're not perfect there's no like.

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_03]: Design but or there is but I don't know what it is it's cool nature's cool and I know there's no straight lines and right angles in it so.

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah so anyway so that kind of came up for me that you know like I guess what I'm saying is like.

[00:23:54] [SPEAKER_03]: I think it's okay to question the things that are coming out your face.

[00:23:59] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't think in a cynical way I don't think that's helpful.

[00:24:03] [SPEAKER_03]: But in the curious way and like what what does that actually mean to me.

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_02]: What the velocity lens is always a good thing even if you know back at yourself you know it's an asset lens yeah yeah so.

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah and like I said I did for years I just would say what they're saying.

[00:24:22] [SPEAKER_03]: I mean like if it was a new but I do.

[00:24:26] [SPEAKER_02]: That's an interesting premise in general and it's funny that you say that after.

[00:24:32] [SPEAKER_02]: A couple years and five years as a couple landmarks that you've mentioned now and then of course you know just in this episode.

[00:24:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Something that I've talked about in kind of the recovery thing is that metaphoric fence that you get to around whatever that is for me it was almost.

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_02]: To the on the one year to the day because where it went from being about the addiction to being about the recovery.

[00:24:54] [SPEAKER_02]: It went from it went from not went from being about not getting high to growing right and it was like and then all of a sudden in one of things I say is all those things that you went oh yeah yeah I know I know it's like but you don't.

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_02]: And all of a sudden all of this shit started to make sense to me right these these little nuggets that we're being said like actually started making sense to me so it's it's a funny thing that you mentioned that now.

[00:25:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Not that continues to happen right as you as you go through the process whatever.

[00:25:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, no but it's actually what you're talking about is and I've kept it in for God about this but is so relevant to what we just talked about with those steps.

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_03]: Because really yeah that that's the part where you're like meet yourself for the first time.

[00:25:38] [SPEAKER_03]: And even saying the book the way it's laid out is like you know six you get ready seven you give something up and you actually get something back.

[00:25:46] [SPEAKER_03]: Eight you get ready to be responsible you need a whole step to be ready to do that clearly it's a big deal.

[00:25:52] [SPEAKER_03]: Now you get responsible you shed victimhood you enter and then it says and then right after that is the promises where it tells you like don't regret the past you.

[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, nor do you shut the door and use it to help others and like you know those promises happen and then right after that it says on page 84.

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_03]: You've now entered the world of the spirit.

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, welcome to you welcome to freedom welcome to your world you know and like I.

[00:26:21] [SPEAKER_03]: Okay part of me's like this is all from book written and I'm pretty no I don't really be like and I'm like.

[00:26:28] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't fucking care because I'm living in.

[00:26:32] [SPEAKER_03]: You know the relevant I mean yes it is right it's my reality and the synergy is undeniable for me.

[00:26:39] [SPEAKER_03]: You know and maybe that's been different this time maybe I've never really experienced it this way before.

[00:26:46] [SPEAKER_03]: But I've also always been so cynical you know like yeah now it's about my friends I don't care I was just going to say now it's now is just you're a very different person than the last.

[00:26:57] [SPEAKER_02]: I think it's a very different time you've gone through this process now right because you know it was watching.

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Watching a podcast with Jordan Peterson and Pierce no Pierce Martin he's he's the British guy that was a journalist.

[00:27:12] [SPEAKER_02]: And you're a.

[00:27:13] [SPEAKER_02]: You're talking about Simon Cowell on American America's head talent next.

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah and about and and Pierce who's known Simon Cowell personally for 20 seven years said the moment and he can he watches it he sees it in the show the moment he had kids.

[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_02]: He changed fundamentally and you can see that in him in that he's not it's funny that you were so cynical to that was one of the words that he used as well.

[00:27:45] [SPEAKER_02]: He's you know what I mean he's much more there's a lot that has changed for him fundamentally as a person.

[00:27:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's awesome.

[00:27:51] [SPEAKER_03]: You know like of course it does of course it does right and and also you want to talk with noise like.

[00:27:58] [SPEAKER_03]: It's just like you're just like whoa it's loud and you're just so much shit.

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_03]: That's a matter.

[00:28:05] [SPEAKER_03]: You know like that's loud and obnoxious when before it's like so cool.

[00:28:11] [SPEAKER_03]: That's worse.

[00:28:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you know it's just it doesn't I don't care like for example like disease or not disease don't care.

[00:28:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, does this God exists for me.

[00:28:23] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean like the only reason why is because that's going to help my little girl.

[00:28:30] [SPEAKER_03]: And I have evidence for that you know and that's it that's all I don't just matter what I think there's a matter what I believe.

[00:28:36] [SPEAKER_03]: Doesn't matter if they're stupid or not if it's fucking working for her in her don't care.

[00:28:41] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean and that's the difference like before I would fucking plant myself on a hill of theory and dialing.

[00:28:49] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, right.

[00:28:51] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I can't even I did that clock in six months ago.

[00:28:55] [SPEAKER_03]: So it's not even kids it's about getting myself back with kids.

[00:29:02] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and honestly I'm embarrassed to say that really.

[00:29:08] [SPEAKER_03]: I mean use the word should of because it did shame me should have happened the moment Matthew came into this world.

[00:29:13] [SPEAKER_03]: And what did I do I drank.

[00:29:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, fuck that chicken shit.

[00:29:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:29:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:29:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Wow.

[00:29:21] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you know like I was a hubris man thinking you can handle anything and just don't you don't know it's like yeah of course I can build a house okay build a house.

[00:29:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Hmm.

[00:29:32] [SPEAKER_03]: You know I'm getting nails.

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_03]: No fucking clue.

[00:29:37] [SPEAKER_03]: You know have a kid sure of course I can have a kid.

[00:29:39] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm gonna be the best now what you know.

[00:29:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, let me look at my template and that's not a good fucking blueprint.

[00:29:47] [SPEAKER_03]: It'll only.

[00:29:49] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh okay we're starting to get the crayons.

[00:29:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah we're starting to do blueprint.

[00:29:55] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, I'm not kidding.

[00:29:57] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so you know it gets socks really sucks.

[00:30:02] [SPEAKER_03]: But you know the silver lining is that like what I went through this is what I put myself and other people through.

[00:30:11] [SPEAKER_03]: His given me a gift of perspective and and really shown how much power I do have and I know that because of how badly I've heard people that's a lot of power.

[00:30:27] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, so I have a responsibility with that in that responsibility is just to be the best fucking version I can regardless of what you think and regardless of what I think to be honest because it really doesn't fuck the man.

[00:30:40] [SPEAKER_03]: And if I start acting on them what I think again, I'm gonna end up where I was.

[00:30:44] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, especially with the air.

[00:30:46] [SPEAKER_03]: You're gonna say fuck.

[00:30:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Think and I know something is just stupid thing ever done.

[00:30:52] [SPEAKER_03]: I want to get just dumb or and dumb.

[00:30:55] [SPEAKER_02]: And just knowing you the way that I do now right and of course we've talked a lot over the last year right here.

[00:31:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I still see that being not.

[00:31:05] [SPEAKER_02]: That is going to forever be your challenge.

[00:31:07] [SPEAKER_02]: You see when you go and check.

[00:31:10] [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?

[00:31:10] [SPEAKER_02]: And I don't mean that in any sort of drugatory way right but like it's it's going to be the fuck is you are you're very intelligent guy.

[00:31:18] [SPEAKER_02]: You're outspoken.

[00:31:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Right and it's you put those two things together right away and you're gonna have some fucking ego challenge right so.

[00:31:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Well, that is something that you're going to have to make with intent and you're very much doing now.

[00:31:31] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean you can you tell and it's obviously because your life is improving.

[00:31:37] [SPEAKER_03]: And you had the other thing.

[00:31:40] [SPEAKER_03]: Like, David Dannon called is that the fucking silver tongue is going to kill me.

[00:31:44] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, yeah in that like, I can talk people into shit.

[00:31:48] [SPEAKER_03]: This doesn't make sense.

[00:31:50] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:31:52] [SPEAKER_03]: It's like, oh, yeah, like it's real.

[00:31:54] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it's really.

[00:31:58] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:31:59] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah and it's in Chuck. It's been like that from the time I hit you.

[00:32:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I understand 100% to understand right for me.

[00:32:07] [SPEAKER_02]: I went through anger management through my teens over and over and over and over again right and the reason I went through over and over again is because.

[00:32:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Like I by around two.

[00:32:16] [SPEAKER_02]: It was I knew exactly how to say everything and they wanted me to say and then it was like okay.

[00:32:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah, you're way better. You're way better.

[00:32:23] [SPEAKER_02]: And then something would happen again and I'd be putting holes in walls or hurt somebody and I'd be back at anger management.

[00:32:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:32:30] [SPEAKER_02]: And then I went through that over and over and over again.

[00:32:33] [SPEAKER_02]: And I was probably 35 when it all made sense to me when everything that I learned and all those different anger management.

[00:32:40] [SPEAKER_02]: And with all those different counselors and psychologists and whatever else.

[00:32:44] [SPEAKER_02]: That's probably 35 when it all made sense.

[00:32:45] [SPEAKER_02]: So here's when I hear it hurt, right?

[00:32:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Here's the dichotomy of all that smart enough.

[00:32:51] [SPEAKER_03]: We're smart enough to figure the system out enough to manipulate it.

[00:32:55] [SPEAKER_03]: But so stupid.

[00:32:56] [SPEAKER_03]: We can't see that there's a solution.

[00:33:00] [SPEAKER_03]: What all of our energy to the wrong fucking machine.

[00:33:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and I was smart in it.

[00:33:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, instead of just like learning it right, I'm going to, you know, I know better.

[00:33:09] [SPEAKER_03]: So this can help me.

[00:33:11] [SPEAKER_03]: Could have made me this city.

[00:33:12] [SPEAKER_03]: It does not mean you know.

[00:33:17] [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.

[00:33:18] [SPEAKER_02]: And I should correct myself.

[00:33:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I think I was about 30 actually when I when I when I also had things.

[00:33:23] [SPEAKER_03]: And in, you know, I'm 46 putting shit together from one else.

[00:33:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Twenty two man like.

[00:33:28] Yeah.

[00:33:28] [SPEAKER_03]: Like I said, like right I did that first step seven.

[00:33:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I think it was 20 and it's making sense now.

[00:33:35] [SPEAKER_03]: Twenty fucking six.

[00:33:37] [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.

[00:33:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[00:33:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Take back the highly intelligent part.

[00:33:40] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:33:40] [SPEAKER_03]: I wouldn't do.

[00:33:42] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't need that pressure.

[00:33:45] [SPEAKER_03]: No, I want it.

[00:33:49] [SPEAKER_03]: Color me dumb.

[00:33:50] [SPEAKER_03]: That's it.

[00:33:52] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:33:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Tell the ladies, trick.

[00:33:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Keep the expectations low and it will be pleasantly surprised.

[00:33:59] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yeah.

[00:33:59] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm sorry my life.

[00:34:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:34:03] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:34:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:34:04] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't have this.

[00:34:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Why don't everything on here?

[00:34:06] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't have a thing.

[00:34:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Lock.

[00:34:08] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, a thing.

[00:34:09] [SPEAKER_02]: Easy.

[00:34:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yeah.

[00:34:11] [SPEAKER_02]: We're half an hour into it now.

[00:34:13] [SPEAKER_03]: No.

[00:34:14] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:34:14] [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.

[00:34:16] [SPEAKER_03]: So.

[00:34:17] [SPEAKER_03]: Anyway.

[00:34:18] Yeah.

[00:34:18] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know if I don't know if that makes.

[00:34:20] [SPEAKER_03]: That all makes sense to me from the practical aspect.

[00:34:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Even though some of it is a bit.

[00:34:28] [SPEAKER_03]: Who eat food and you know what?

[00:34:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I guess my experience with that is like how much pain do you want to go through before

[00:34:34] [SPEAKER_03]: you just try it out and see if it works.

[00:34:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I did.

[00:34:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Just weird and randomly.

[00:34:42] [SPEAKER_02]: A guy who I've never met on messenger father's a god thing maybe there for you right?

[00:34:49] [SPEAKER_02]: I talked to him once on messenger years literally three years ago when he helped a friend of mine

[00:34:57] [SPEAKER_02]: who was lost.

[00:34:59] [SPEAKER_02]: So I don't know this guy.

[00:35:00] [SPEAKER_02]: He's in Regina.

[00:35:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know at all.

[00:35:03] [SPEAKER_02]: Randomly messages me at like what would be like five in the morning, four in the morning

[00:35:07] [SPEAKER_02]: your time kind of thing.

[00:35:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, I hope everything's going well free man.

[00:35:12] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like dude, like I don't even know you right?

[00:35:14] [SPEAKER_02]: But it's like, okay, well since I talked to you, life's changed.

[00:35:16] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm sober.

[00:35:16] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm living in Regina.

[00:35:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Or I'm living in Thailand.

[00:35:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Not Regina anymore.

[00:35:20] [SPEAKER_02]: And she's like, I'd like to quit man as a world meeting.

[00:35:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, but the god thing.

[00:35:27] [SPEAKER_02]: So in my response to him was it's like, how bad could it be compared to what you're doing right now?

[00:35:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Like how bad couldn't like how anti-God can you possibly be compared to what you're doing right now?

[00:35:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Like you're telling it's four o'clock in the morning and you're texting a complete

[00:35:44] [SPEAKER_02]: fucking stranger looking for attention because you're so alone in shitty like go to a meeting.

[00:35:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Right?

[00:35:50] [SPEAKER_03]: How much more is going to be just like it's fucking, you know, it's fucking, well, you know,

[00:35:57] [SPEAKER_03]: it's insane, it's insane.

[00:36:00] [SPEAKER_03]: It's insane.

[00:36:01] [SPEAKER_03]: It's insane.

[00:36:02] [SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I did this in super-ready for many years of super-ready where I was just like,

[00:36:08] [SPEAKER_03]: I fought it all.

[00:36:09] [SPEAKER_03]: I fought everything.

[00:36:10] [SPEAKER_03]: I fought God.

[00:36:10] [SPEAKER_03]: I fought disease.

[00:36:12] [SPEAKER_03]: I fought fucking to steps.

[00:36:13] [SPEAKER_03]: I picked them apart.

[00:36:15] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, I then became a counselor which gave me fuel.

[00:36:19] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, like, and honestly, like steps are a little bit unethically, you know, I think.

[00:36:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:36:26] [SPEAKER_03]: It's just poor all your drama out to this fucking Tyler.

[00:36:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

[00:36:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Fuck.

[00:36:34] [SPEAKER_02]: Probably a fucking Chad.

[00:36:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:36:37] [SPEAKER_02]: A shameless Chad's.

[00:36:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, no.

[00:36:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:36:44] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't have you but following the memes at all on Facebook, the Chad thing we've been

[00:36:47] [SPEAKER_02]: picking on Chad's quite a bit.

[00:36:48] [SPEAKER_03]: No, okay.

[00:36:49] [SPEAKER_03]: I'll get in on it.

[00:36:50] [SPEAKER_03]: No, you know.

[00:36:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:36:52] [SPEAKER_02]: That's the one upper.

[00:36:54] [SPEAKER_02]: That's the house.

[00:36:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, you'll see the one, Ruz.

[00:36:58] [SPEAKER_03]: I fucking moved to Luz and you think.

[00:37:01] Yeah.

[00:37:03] [SPEAKER_02]: That's Chad.

[00:37:03] [SPEAKER_02]: That's always Chad.

[00:37:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:37:05] [SPEAKER_02]: And of course, a good buddy of the friend of the show.

[00:37:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Big 12 step for actually Chad value.

[00:37:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Actually, I'm on with you and I could be a great episode.

[00:37:14] [SPEAKER_02]: He's out of, uh, awesaw.

[00:37:15] [SPEAKER_02]: I think.

[00:37:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Um, he's been taken at quite personally as these memes keep coming out.

[00:37:21] [SPEAKER_02]: So yeah, it's always a fucking Chad.

[00:37:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Today I put one up.

[00:37:25] [SPEAKER_02]: It's a baby with like face tattoos.

[00:37:27] [SPEAKER_02]: This is this is Chad at the recovery house.

[00:37:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Chad, the one upper first recovery home.

[00:37:33] [SPEAKER_03]: I did.

[00:37:33] [SPEAKER_03]: I did see that one.

[00:37:34] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:37:35] [SPEAKER_03]: He's Chad.

[00:37:36] [SPEAKER_03]: Do you need a son?

[00:37:40] [SPEAKER_03]: Do you need a little bit of a govios?

[00:37:43] [SPEAKER_03]: Pretty funny.

[00:37:45] [SPEAKER_03]: You do.

[00:37:45] [SPEAKER_03]: He's good for those two.

[00:37:47] [SPEAKER_03]: He's, he's, he's pretty.

[00:37:48] [SPEAKER_02]: He'll let know.

[00:37:49] [SPEAKER_02]: He actually, he shared one of those.

[00:37:52] [SPEAKER_02]: One of those ones that I done.

[00:37:54] [SPEAKER_02]: That was a Wolverine and Deadpool meme.

[00:37:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Um, but that was yeah, it was speaking to that.

[00:37:58] [SPEAKER_02]: It's like dude, man.

[00:37:59] [SPEAKER_02]: Like your, your full of shit right here.

[00:38:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I used to move kilos.

[00:38:03] [SPEAKER_02]: It's like dude, you've got multiple charges for boosting meat.

[00:38:05] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:38:13] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:38:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:16] [SPEAKER_02]: I should say that response to one of my end.

[00:38:19] [SPEAKER_02]: And then I was like, oh, shit.

[00:38:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to use that.

[00:38:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for the.

[00:38:21] [SPEAKER_02]: So.

[00:38:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I'd like to.

[00:38:24] [SPEAKER_02]: I'd like to give her on with her.

[00:38:25] [SPEAKER_02]: You and I she is so fucking funny.

[00:38:27] [SPEAKER_02]: And it's been well over a year now.

[00:38:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:30] [SPEAKER_03]: Let's make it happen.

[00:38:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.

[00:38:32] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, uh, next week.

[00:38:33] [SPEAKER_03]: I'll put it out.

[00:38:34] [SPEAKER_03]: Reach out to her.

[00:38:34] [SPEAKER_03]: I will.

[00:38:35] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:38:36] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:38:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:38] [SPEAKER_03]: The.

[00:38:39] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll come to the doctor.

[00:38:41] [SPEAKER_02]: I really look forward to that.

[00:38:42] [SPEAKER_02]: So make that right.

[00:38:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.

[00:38:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:44] [SPEAKER_03]: She's hilarious, man.

[00:38:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:38:48] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:38:49] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, we had, we had ball tournaments together a couple of weekends in

[00:38:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Roso.

[00:38:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yeah.

[00:38:55] [SPEAKER_03]: And you know, I'm in his round.

[00:38:56] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, I'm in his round.

[00:38:57] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, she's right.

[00:39:00] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I'm in his round.

[00:39:01] [SPEAKER_03]: He's a little bit of a part in here.

[00:39:04] [SPEAKER_03]: Sorry.

[00:39:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:39:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:39:06] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, she told.

[00:39:07] [SPEAKER_03]: We're on the boat and she told the speed bump.

[00:39:11] [SPEAKER_03]: Story to our friend and she nailed it.

[00:39:13] [SPEAKER_03]: Like it was so funny.

[00:39:15] [SPEAKER_02]: The speed bump story.

[00:39:16] [SPEAKER_03]: What's she ran herself over the old car?

[00:39:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, the yellow.

[00:39:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, the yellow.

[00:39:21] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, my yellow.

[00:39:22] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll go and tell where something would ever.

[00:39:24] [SPEAKER_03]: I had like when I saw it or something.

[00:39:26] [SPEAKER_03]: It was again.

[00:39:26] [SPEAKER_02]: It was like, it's up.

[00:39:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:39:27] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't remember.

[00:39:28] [SPEAKER_03]: It was like, it's tired.

[00:39:31] [SPEAKER_03]: It ended up bossing in the denies to make it all better.

[00:39:34] Yeah.

[00:39:36] Yeah.

[00:39:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:39:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Let's get her back on.

[00:39:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.

[00:39:39] [SPEAKER_03]: Hey, can we, can we, can we shut out cakes here?

[00:39:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Is that weird?

[00:39:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think so.

[00:39:45] [SPEAKER_02]: So long says something that, you know, I mean there's a,

[00:39:48] [SPEAKER_02]: The anonymity thing, right?

[00:39:49] [SPEAKER_02]: So, right?

[00:39:50] But.

[00:39:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Wow.

[00:39:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:39:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.

[00:39:53] [SPEAKER_02]: But what do you see?

[00:39:54] [SPEAKER_02]: You're a judgeman, right?

[00:39:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:39:56] [SPEAKER_03]: I'll go.

[00:39:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Good friend of my cookie years last night, Dan.

[00:39:58] [SPEAKER_02]: Um, Dan, congratulations.

[00:40:01] [SPEAKER_03]: And, uh, really, really good guy, really good friend and, uh, he's worked hard

[00:40:06] [SPEAKER_03]: and that just wasn't a good macho for that.

[00:40:09] [SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely.

[00:40:09] [SPEAKER_03]: We can.

[00:40:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, the people choose to be popular to board or not, right?

[00:40:13] [SPEAKER_02]: So, congratulations.

[00:40:13] [SPEAKER_03]: I know him and he's pretty, he's like, he's he as he is.

[00:40:17] [SPEAKER_03]: And that's, you know what I mean?

[00:40:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Like, a lot of people are like, I'm, I'm a little bit more closer to the best

[00:40:21] [SPEAKER_03]: with it.

[00:40:22] [SPEAKER_03]: But here I am.

[00:40:22] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm just sure.

[00:40:25] [SPEAKER_04]: Very good.

[00:40:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, you know what's funny here, I'm fine, but like in, in out in the public, if I, if I

[00:40:31] [SPEAKER_03]: know you for me, and don't, don't, don't say that.

[00:40:33] [SPEAKER_03]: Don't take pictures in post to about the script meeting we're at with me in your picture.

[00:40:37] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't like that.

[00:40:39] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what I mean?

[00:40:39] No.

[00:40:40] [SPEAKER_03]: Or like, if I have a milestone, don't put it on Facebook, please.

[00:40:45] [SPEAKER_03]: You don't want it.

[00:40:46] [SPEAKER_02]: And then that's all personal choice, right?

[00:40:48] [SPEAKER_02]: So, hey, listen, what do we move into my favorite part of show?

[00:40:52] [SPEAKER_02]: That's a daily gratitude.

[00:40:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Just a quick reminder that daily gratitude is brought to you by art, that's the Alberta

[00:40:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Atlas and Recovery Center in Alberta, Canada.

[00:40:59] [SPEAKER_02]: They're doing some amazing things, treating teenagers and the entire family.

[00:41:04] [SPEAKER_02]: It's a peer to peer support system there.

[00:41:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely next level.

[00:41:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Check them out guys at arc.ab.ca.

[00:41:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Huge daily gratitude.

[00:41:11] [SPEAKER_02]: So, what you got for us?

[00:41:14] [SPEAKER_03]: Did you?

[00:41:15] [SPEAKER_03]: We're able for alarms to that go off?

[00:41:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Kind of.

[00:41:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, okay.

[00:41:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Trust me.

[00:41:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm doing okay.

[00:41:23] [SPEAKER_03]: You know what?

[00:41:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.

[00:41:27] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to, I probably can say for the first time ever that I am grateful for whatever

[00:41:31] [SPEAKER_03]: it is that's out there.

[00:41:34] [SPEAKER_03]: And like, has shown up for me.

[00:41:38] [SPEAKER_03]: It would be a big way.

[00:41:41] [SPEAKER_03]: And yeah, like, the hardest year in my life and by far, the thing that's going to catapult

[00:41:49] [SPEAKER_03]: me into the next phase of my life, I believe will be peaceful and harmonious and just full

[00:41:56] [SPEAKER_03]: love and what's important.

[00:41:59] [SPEAKER_03]: And having said that obviously, my beautiful girls, Tammy and Mackie and Maria.

[00:42:07] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I don't know.

[00:42:09] [SPEAKER_03]: I dare to use the word blast.

[00:42:11] [SPEAKER_03]: Like, I don't feel squealing.

[00:42:13] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, because it has a lot of religious connotations to that word.

[00:42:17] [SPEAKER_03]: So there is blessed.

[00:42:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Sounds like, it's blessed to me.

[00:42:21] [SPEAKER_03]: You can be honest, like there's a very metaphysical element to it for me in my beliefs.

[00:42:27] [SPEAKER_02]: So the blessed it is.

[00:42:29] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:42:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:42:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Nice, good.

[00:42:32] [SPEAKER_03]: Life's really good.

[00:42:34] [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm glad to be at this far.

[00:42:37] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm excited to see this next.

[00:42:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Me too.

[00:42:39] [SPEAKER_03]: Me too.

[00:42:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Well, personally, I'm, you know what?

[00:42:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Thankful for whatever it is that's gotten you this far, buddy.

[00:42:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm really, yeah.

[00:42:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:42:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:42:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Knowing that you've got good news that you're looking down the barrel over right now,

[00:42:54] [SPEAKER_02]: that's, uh, that's awesome.

[00:42:56] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, right now.

[00:42:58] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm genuinely very happy for you.

[00:42:59] [SPEAKER_02]: But you get to, yeah.

[00:43:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:43:02] [SPEAKER_03]: Me as a man, yeah.

[00:43:02] [SPEAKER_03]: I'd be crying all day.

[00:43:04] [SPEAKER_03]: So.

[00:43:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Fair enough, right?

[00:43:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:43:08] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm also grateful for a weird thing.

[00:43:11] [SPEAKER_02]: My 70 year old landlord guy.

[00:43:14] [SPEAKER_02]: I found out I had diabetes made me go to the hospital with him to get my blood sugar check,

[00:43:18] [SPEAKER_02]: because that's how they check blood sugar here.

[00:43:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Nobody actually has the little machines and strips in all that.

[00:43:23] [SPEAKER_02]: But he took me down there with them and it was this big process,

[00:43:25] [SPEAKER_02]: but it was like just to have somebody that gives a fuck about.

[00:43:29] [SPEAKER_02]: That's really thankful for that.

[00:43:31] [SPEAKER_02]: That's kind of nice.

[00:43:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Anyway, it's even me also.

[00:43:36] [SPEAKER_02]: I couldn't.

[00:43:37] [SPEAKER_02]: I can't fucking, I don't remember their names, right?

[00:43:40] [SPEAKER_02]: I either not like, you know,

[00:43:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it's a name.

[00:43:42] [SPEAKER_02]: It's a hard to remember, right?

[00:43:44] [SPEAKER_02]: It's a Steve.

[00:43:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, it's our can.

[00:43:47] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:43:47] [SPEAKER_03]: We're in our Chad.

[00:43:48] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:43:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Whatever it is, right?

[00:43:50] [SPEAKER_03]: Let's call Chad.

[00:43:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.

[00:43:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[00:43:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Chad's his name.

[00:43:54] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm also grateful to every single person who continues to support the show,

[00:43:57] [SPEAKER_02]: like the show, talk about the show,

[00:43:59] [SPEAKER_02]: comments on the platforms do the things you guys.

[00:44:02] [SPEAKER_02]: We're growing faster than ever.

[00:44:04] [SPEAKER_02]: Still, it's amazing and it's incredible.

[00:44:06] [SPEAKER_02]: And I appreciate you all so much.

[00:44:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Every time you do these things,

[00:44:09] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to give me a little bit closer to my best life,

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_02]: my best life is continuing making humble living spreading message.

[00:44:14] [SPEAKER_02]: And the messages is,

[00:44:15] [SPEAKER_02]: if you're an active addiction right now today could be the day today.

[00:44:17] [SPEAKER_02]: Today could be the day that she started a lifelong journey.

[00:44:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Reach out to a friend reach out to a family member,

[00:44:21] [SPEAKER_02]: calling detox, go to a meeting, pray, go to church.

[00:44:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't give a shit to whatever it is you have to do to get that journey started because it is so much better than the alternative.

[00:44:30] [SPEAKER_02]: You have a loved one who's suffering in addiction right now.

[00:44:32] [SPEAKER_02]: You just take the time to listen to this episode of you just take one more minute at a young day and text that person.

[00:44:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Let them over there.

[00:44:36] [SPEAKER_02]: I hope that you've helped use the words you are loved.

[00:44:40] [SPEAKER_02]: That little room or full, just might be the thing that brings them back.

[00:44:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Bye!

[00:44:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to shit.