271 - CRYSTAL RAYE

Chuck/Chris (00:01.276)

Hello everybody, watchers, listeners, supporters of all kinds. Welcome to another episode of the Ashes to Awesome podcast. I'm your host, Chuck LaFlange Chris Horder whatever you want to call me. Checking in from Krabi Thailand, halfway around the world in virtual studio. Joining me from Oklahoma is my special guest today, Crystal Raye. How you doing today, Crystal?

Crystal Raye (00:21.95)

I'm doing wonderful. Thank you very much for having me.

Chuck/Chris (00:25.104)

Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. It's, yeah, I've been looking forward to this. I we had to do a reschedule there. Just no internet randomly. That was shitty. that's life in Thailand. It's the power and the internet can both be less than reliable sometimes. yeah.

Crystal Raye (00:38.465)

Yeah.

Crystal Raye (00:46.452)

always a fun adventure and experience, you know, always everything in perfect time.

Chuck/Chris (00:48.634)

Yes, yes it is. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Hey, so why don't we get into it here? I do like, and I never discussed this with you pre -record, I don't like to spend a lot of time doing the addiction story, though in this case I think much of your story is going to be very relevant to get to a place where you are. So why don't you just kind of take us back to when, you know, substances, alcohol, whatever became a part of your life and kind of run us through that, if you will.

Crystal Raye (01:20.192)

So, to be honest, was an active functional addict most of my adult life. And about five years ago, I really started to get serious about my recovery. And well, not five years ago, let's back up a little bit, probably about six years ago. And I was in...

intense outpatient treatment four times a week and was doing really well, but had a moment where I had a relapse and on that day

Chuck/Chris (01:56.157)

Can I ask what your DOC was back then?

Crystal Raye (02:00.936)

lots of things, but mostly methamphetamines and heroin. And, just, and I drank a lot. And so the combination of the three and whenever I could, and just to numb the pain, numb the mental anguish that I was going through. And, but I was for most, most of my adult life, I was a functional opiate addict.

Chuck/Chris (02:05.956)

Okay.

Chuck/Chris (02:19.994)

No kidding, A. No kidding. Okay. So sorry to interrupt you, but you can, yeah.

Chuck/Chris (02:27.79)

functioning.

Crystal Raye (02:27.957)

and like functional opiate addicts. So I took those a lot. And then it just, it progressed.

Chuck/Chris (02:31.256)

Opioid addict. Yeah. Yeah. Gotcha. Gotcha. Does that start? How does that start for you? I know so often, and you'd be right around that time where that would have been a painkiller situation that led to that or was it recreational that kind of got you?

Crystal Raye (02:46.412)

So I was, what started my opiate addiction was I was prescribed pills while I was pregnant with my second child for back pain.

Chuck/Chris (02:59.183)

Okay.

Crystal Raye (02:59.392)

and I took them as prescribed, home pregnancy. And then once I had my child and I didn't have the prescription anymore, I had the habit already. And so I had friends that got pills regularly for their own chronic pain and they would sell them to me. And so I would, you know, it was just like a...

Chuck/Chris (03:11.77)

Yeah.

Chuck/Chris (03:20.015)

Of course, of course.

Crystal Raye (03:24.588)

It was so like going to the grocery store and buying fruit. was like I in my own mind, like I could afford it and then my kids were taken care of and everything was, it wasn't hurting anybody. So it just kept that progress for about 10 years after that.

Chuck/Chris (03:41.294)

Okay.

Crystal Raye (03:42.814)

And then my addiction grew into, I went through a horrible divorce in that time. And then I started using methamphetamines. And then when the methamphetamines weren't working, I graduated to heroin.

Chuck/Chris (03:58.276)

Okay, okay. Yeah. And you were in Alaska for this, correct? Correct, yeah. It's something interesting. We used to do Memorial Monday episodes quite a bit on the show where we'd have a parent or another loved one come on and kind of speak about some of the they lost to the battle. And what I came to found out was that at that time, and we're only going back about a year,

Crystal Raye (04:04.204)

correct for most of it, yes.

Chuck/Chris (04:24.004)

Alaska had the highest overdose rates in the country, in the United States, Which is kind of crazy when you think about that, but you think being a little more remote, that it'd be a bit tougher to get up there, but for whatever reason, their overdose rates are considerably higher. So I would assume that their usage rates would align with that, right? But that is just an assumption, so.

Crystal Raye (04:45.693)

Right. I was surprised at how easily accessible it was up there, being how remote everything is. But it's everywhere and even in remote areas of Alaska.

Chuck/Chris (05:01.946)

No kidding, no kidding. Absolutely. And the combination of meth, I was never an opiate person, but I did get into meth for my kind of the last portion of my, the last days of my active addiction. But the combination of, of well, fentanyl, not heroin, but actual fentanyl and, and methamphetamine, I think it's the perfect storm for horrible things to happen. Right.

one drug that people will do literally anything for and then another drug that will keep them awake for three weeks at a time doing it. And here you are, right? Like it's just awful, awful. It's perfect storm. Yeah, how I often refer to that. So anyway, I guess I did need to interrupt you because I interrupted you, but please continue with your journey and you know, we'll get back into that.

Crystal Raye (05:36.66)

Right.

Crystal Raye (05:43.87)

if needed.

Crystal Raye (05:50.198)

So I was in outpatient treatment four times a week and I relapsed. was in that time, I was also not taking care of myself and really enforcing my own personal boundaries for the people that were around me or the people I was choosing to surround myself with. so in the days that led up to my fire, so...

I'm not sure, I don't really, I'm not sure how much of my story your audience would know, but after a drug relapse, I tried to end my life by setting myself on fire. I didn't think about the next moments and I'm very thankful to still be here. I haven't had the balls to, go ahead.

Chuck/Chris (06:41.161)

Can I ask, were you actually high at that point or had you come down and it was just the regret?

Crystal Raye (06:46.092)

I believe I was coming down. I was sleeping and I was somebody that had abused me as a child knocked on my window. So I was sleeping. I was awoken by this predator in my life watching me sleep. So I was triggered there and he was already told not to be on my property. But he's a family member and that's a whole nother story for another day. But

I came flying out of the trailer that I was in and I was very angry. I know that I had been using drugs with him in these previous days leading up to that. So it wasn't like I hadn't seen him. And so that's what I'm talking about. When I say I wasn't supporting my own boundaries by not keeping people that made me uncomfortable out of my life anyway.

So there was other areas in my life that I allowed him to be in because he had a vehicle and I would just like call him when I needed him to do something for me because I knew he would, even though it was just a, I don't even know why I would reach out to him, but I knew he wouldn't tell me no. And so that in itself, anyway, I don't know why he was there that day, but I was pissed off when I seen him as soon as I seen him.

And I came out the door and my chainsaw gas was sitting there. And I didn't even think about the next moments. I was angry at myself that I had relapsed. I have two adult children. They're adults now, but I was thinking about all of these things. How am I going to explain all of this to my family? I had been doing so good and I threw it all down the toilet. And so like all of this is running through my head. Well, he's

there and I was pissed off and I don't really understand what I like. I stopped trying to remember all of the pieces, but I do remember pouring gas on myself and lighting the lighter. And I, he had to end up, he ended up putting me out. We had no running water and there was a tote of like dirty laundry that had been rained on sitting there. And he poured it on me and like smothered out the fire and took me over.

Crystal Raye (09:04.704)

to my uncle's house, which is about a quarter of a mile down the road. And they called the EMS, a helicopter life flighted me to Anchorage and anchor in Anchorage, they stabilized me and then life flighted me to Seattle. And I spent five and a half months in the Seattle burn unit. And three of those months I was in a drug -induced coma. And for the first three weeks,

I was under an assumed name because they weren't sure if that person that put me out did it to me or if I did it to myself because of the extenuating circumstances of the abuse that had happened before. And so it was really traumatic for everybody. I was in a coma. didn't know my family did not want to believe that I would do that to myself. And like my family was all

did not want to believe the person that put me out. And my mom came into the hospital room when my my organs were failing. And this is the hardest part of my recovery, I think was knowing that at any moment I could could be my my last breath. And my mom begged the doctors to let them talk to me. She knew that I couldn't speak. And

that I was in a lot of pain, but she begged them. said if she might not make it through the night, I need to talk to her, please. And she, I remember her walking into the room and saying, Crystal, I know that you're in a lot of pain and that you may not, you may not be able to tell me in full words, but I need to know. I need to know if you did this to yourself or if somebody did this to you.

and all I could do was shrug my shoulders and say, I did it.

Crystal Raye (11:07.818)

And that was the hardest thing for me because I knew it every part of my being and my mom's being. She wanted it to be him that did it and for somebody to pay for it. And I knew in that moment that the Lord was giving me a choice to take the higher road and just to be honest and let them all know. Yes, I was fucked up. I fucked up and I am taking accountability, but there was extenuating circumstances that I still don't know. And I stopped making myself try to remember.

there's a reason my brain doesn't want me to remember and the facts are the facts and it's a hard thing to share but in the moment as soon as I lit the lighter I heard my higher power tell me crystal you don't get to choose and now you're gonna be a lot more pain and that's the only thing that I remember after lighting myself on fire and knowing like

that I had to tell the truth from there on out and knowing that I I may not see tomorrow. How do I want to be remembered as a liar or like I didn't want them to be able to find anything out later that, you know, that I lied about even especially to my mother's face. But it's been really hard for my family to accept that I would do that. And so they still

Chuck/Chris (12:23.536)

Yeah.

Crystal Raye (12:36.66)

to this day when I, even though I'm doing so well now, it's hard for them to look at my face and know what I used to look like and accept that I'm still this beautiful woman, but I look a little bit different than what everybody thought I would at this point.

Chuck/Chris (12:55.131)

Huh.

Chuck/Chris (13:04.38)

Sorry. That's a lot. That's a lot. Yeah. Yeah, is.

Crystal Raye (13:07.28)

It's okay. It's a lot. And I'm honored to be able to share how I turned my ashes into awesome because like that's part of why your podcast caught my eye. That's part of why your content catches my eye because I relate to it in some way. And then I see some of your posts and it gives me like an inappropriate chuckle. And I'm like, if you cannot laugh about your past, like

Chuck/Chris (13:16.987)

Chuck/Chris (13:32.258)

Hahaha.

Crystal Raye (13:37.086)

If you, like, if that's how I had to get through it.

Chuck/Chris (13:37.692)

What was that comment you had made? It left me speechless and got laughing all at the same time. What was it?

Crystal Raye (13:42.153)

you

Crystal Raye (13:47.196)

So I also started school for digital marketing. so because I'm online, I can't really leave the house. And there's a lot of burn survivors that are afraid to try things because our skin is so sensitive and stuff. And so I joke about a lot of things. But I say as a digital marketer, know, I can

tell you that I tried cremation once and it's a one out of five stars and I do not recommend it.

Crystal Raye (14:24.97)

haha

Chuck/Chris (14:28.924)

And just like that, we're all going to hell for laughing at it too. whatever. Yeah. Wow.

Crystal Raye (14:29.004)

You

Crystal Raye (14:35.336)

I know. And then there's another little joke that I like to say because like in my, this, in the...

Chuck/Chris (14:42.534)

Fire away. Yeah, let's have it.

Crystal Raye (14:47.564)

throughout my injury and lots of my I've had more than 30 surgeries and on Christmas Eve while I was in the ICU they removed my finger and so I have one less digit and I say want to burn one I did

Chuck/Chris (15:03.854)

Wow.

Chuck/Chris (15:08.061)

no... no...

Crystal Raye (15:11.461)

and so it's kind of inappropriate but they took it off that that was the hottest point of the fire and I burnt one of my digits off.

Chuck/Chris (15:14.574)

I'm out.

Chuck/Chris (15:19.62)

Well, I guess that'll happen, hey?

Crystal Raye (15:23.382)

But I also am a peer support volunteer now. Like everything since my life since that day is so much better. And that's part of why I wanted to share my story is because I at one point didn't believe in myself enough to want life. And now I wake up every day when the Lord opens my eyes and I'm thankful for this beautiful life that I have that I'm gifted with.

And I dedicate parts of my day to the people that donated their skin to me. I dedicate parts of my day to the burn unit that saved my life. I dedicate a mile of my day to the burn unit every day. I go move my body for a mile every day and just have a set of daily operations for my own self care that have helped me. And so I have tried to share those with my audience and my

my followers and supporters as well.

Crystal Raye (16:31.882)

It's just all so much different now than how I used to live my life.

Chuck/Chris (16:36.868)

kidding. So I know that obviously, you know, five years ago, it at your recovery date. I have to ask in completely ignorant to all things burn, you know, especially, you know, anything passive, maybe a second degree burn. So I have no idea. I can I can imagine I can try to imagine, I should say that the pain was unbelievable when you when you did. You know, when you when you were finally woke up from from whatever was going on there.

How does that fit in with you being an opioid addict?

Crystal Raye (17:11.756)

so it was excruciatingly painful. They say a burn is the most painful injury anybody can sustain. And for me being 80,

Chuck/Chris (17:23.06)

Yeah, I'm sorry to interrupt. I watched a guy get they used a cordless drill. I think it was a DeWalt drilled hole in his shin bone to give him IV fentanyl because he had third degree burns on his leg. Right. So that like that kind of pain, I think at that point when I saw him be relieved about having a hole drilled in his shin bone, it was like, OK, that's pain. Right. When that's the point of relief for you. Right. So

I I shouldn't say I have no idea, but certainly not the idea that you have. So continue though, please. Yeah, sorry to interrupt.

Crystal Raye (17:58.08)

Yeah, that's the craziness that they have to go through to relieve the amount of pain. Like I was on methadone and I can't even remember all of the medications, but they used to come in like two hours before my one hour shower every day to give me extra medication. So was extra drugged before they started scrubbing my skin to where it bled profusely.

And had to, they were getting it down to an hour. So usually it would take like three, two to three hours for them to scrub me. And like, they can only make you, like they can only put you out so many times a week or, you know, so many times every, for your brain to be able to catch up to the drugs that are, putting you, they can't put you under that often. So like they were putting me under every three days for a surgery.

Chuck/Chris (18:48.634)

Of course, yeah. Yeah.

Chuck/Chris (18:54.874)

Yeah.

Crystal Raye (18:55.752)

And then like once a week, they would put me under for like a cleanse. like they would put me out so they could scrub me even more because my skin all over my body was necrotic. And if they didn't scrub that off, I would have had more amputation. It would have gotten worse. And so the pain was...

Crystal Raye (19:21.58)

I can't even describe it and the pain that I go through even today, even though I'm healed, like I don't, I still have parts of my skin that split. have like different things that I have to think about every day and will have to for the rest of my life. 80 % of my sweat glands are gone. So I overheat in an air conditioned building. Even when I'm outside, I have to like put a timer for like 20 minutes and go back inside.

Chuck/Chris (19:45.53)

Wow.

Crystal Raye (19:51.564)

And a lot of times if you're like in a vehicle that doesn't have air conditioning, it could take you more than 20 minutes outside to get there. So I could like be mindful about everything I do and how far away from the house I go and how far, you know, if I can safely be there and back within that timeframe without having a medical event because I, I live in Oklahoma. It's not always like a hundred degrees here, but

Chuck/Chris (20:19.588)

Yeah, yeah.

Crystal Raye (20:21.62)

There's lots of little things. so the pain and being an opiate addict, it's for a long time after my, when I got released, I would tell people, look at me, I'm never going to be sober and nobody should expect me to be. And that's how I like less. And I would surround myself with people who would allow me to relieve my pain any way I wanted to after my injury. And then because I'm on

disability and I get a check every month, I would surround myself with people that would want to use up my check and then leave me high and dry as soon as it was gone. And that was the cycle. And until I decided I've had enough and my family had had enough and I had one friend that lived in Oklahoma that I had never used with and he offered to send me a ticket and he did. And so that's where I live now.

Chuck/Chris (20:59.376)

Of Yeah.

Crystal Raye (21:20.94)

have since October of 2022.

Chuck/Chris (21:29.078)

the timeline. And again, because our journeys are so similar, and we talked about this pre -record, right, but we are like a week apart in our recovery dates. So I'm just, I'm trying to imagine all of this being so recent for you. Yeah, I can relate to that part of it anyway. So you moved to Oklahoma.

Crystal Raye (21:56.054)

this.

Chuck/Chris (21:56.666)

what's recovery start to look like? This is where things I like to get into it now. This is as much as the addiction stuff is super important and yes, we do have to cover it, but I really like talking about recovery. So let's talk about recovery.

Crystal Raye (22:07.936)

Right. So recovery for me started to look like just being honest with my medical team, getting, when I moved here, I didn't know anybody but my the person I live with and he works and I was just the expectation was for me to stay sober and to get hooked up with burning it here and

just a medical provider here that could help me navigate getting some reconstructive surgeries and stuff. So I had four reconstructive surgeries last year.

Chuck/Chris (22:49.524)

So are you still sorry at this point, just to keep us apprised at current year, are you being prescribed opiates for the pain? No, okay, okay, okay, okay. Is that because of the addiction or because they felt you didn't need them?

Crystal Raye (22:58.4)

go.

Crystal Raye (23:04.8)

Well, it's for both.

Chuck/Chris (23:07.162)

Both. OK. OK. Fair enough. OK. Sorry. Continue.

Crystal Raye (23:09.604)

so I was real with all my providers and they were real with me. Like the type, all of the surgeries and things that I had to have done could not be done without being prescribed medical or being introduced with opiates into my system again. And so last year I had my surgeries and I was very closely watched and really like

communicated with my providers in a way that they were willing to give me whatever I needed and to communicate with me. Like they sent me home with pills and I gave them back the week, the next week. Like I was like, okay, I can, they trust me enough to have them if I need them. And if I don't, I'm just gonna give them back. And I watched the bottle on my counter and I was just like, I can, I'm bigger than this. And I like.

Fuck you, I don't need you. And so took them the next week. I just took them back to the burn unit and had them dispose of them.

Chuck/Chris (24:09.563)

That is an amazing kind of strength right there, I will say. Good for you. Good for you. I don't know that many people, you know.

Crystal Raye (24:15.988)

I mean, it was hard. was like, especially when like your doctors are giving you the go ahead and I'm like, do I really want?

Chuck/Chris (24:23.778)

yeah, right. We're addicts, right? Like, we're usually looking for resentments, never mind, you know, some sort of, you know, validation that we're allowed to, right? Like, my, I can only imagine how hard that would have been to or, you know, yeah, what a position to be in.

Crystal Raye (24:33.29)

Mm -hmm.

Crystal Raye (24:38.154)

Well, and to be like... I really had to change my whole environment to get clean. And I don't...

Crystal Raye (24:49.516)

So I'm not a 12 -stepper. did have done some of the 12 -step stuff and I had a sponsor for a little while, the Who's a Burn Survivor 2, that I still talk to you, but we don't do the steps. But it was just, that's my own personal, my own personal thing. But if it works for you, great. It's just not something that works for me. And, but, sorry, I got distracted.

Chuck/Chris (25:05.148)

I'm not a 12 step turn or 12 step or myself either, right? So I can relate. Yeah. Yeah.

Crystal Raye (25:19.692)

My whole recovery journey is that whatever works for you. If I am feeling like I need a meeting, I go online to the 24 hour meeting or like I look at your guys's posts and like hope shot and hard knocks talks and travel. I get I connect with people online in the recovery community that have a little bit more sober time than me or you know, maybe who are struggling with their first 90 days because I always

Chuck/Chris (25:35.184)

Yeah. Yeah.

Chuck/Chris (25:44.71)

I'm kidding.

Crystal Raye (25:48.524)

told myself in beginning the first three days was the worst, then it was the first three weeks, and then it was the first three months. Once I got that first 90 days, I was like, my gosh, this is like the soberest I've been in my whole adult life. And then...

Chuck/Chris (26:02.67)

funny our journeys are so so so similar so similar i i just did a couple name drops there so chantel from trap house testimonies and i actually lived like the trap house that you see in her in her logo there it's actually a block away from my last address when i lived in regina before i got clean right so we're actually very close chantel and i talk daily right and of course hard knocks talks is in the same part of the world so you know that's a that's another one

Crystal Raye (26:13.387)

Mm

Crystal Raye (26:22.835)

Well...

Chuck/Chris (26:32.43)

It's funny that I'm way the hell over here now, but it is what it is. Another person to watch, and I don't know if you have or not, is Hayley. Hayley Delacheved. Yeah, so her date is very similar to ours as well. It's not far off, right? So her journey is somewhat similar to yours as well. She woke up in hospital after essentially dying, you know? so now she's navigating the liver transplant scene for what that is, right? So, yeah.

Crystal Raye (26:34.698)

haha

Crystal Raye (26:39.711)

Yeah, I do.

Crystal Raye (26:45.963)

Mm -hmm.

Crystal Raye (27:00.812)

I just learned that about her story. did not know that she was on the liver transplant list until recently. so I lots of prayers and like anything is possible. And it's amazing how much we can accomplish when we have just one person that believes in us. And I

Chuck/Chris (27:03.696)

Yeah.

Chuck/Chris (27:09.296)

Yes.

Chuck/Chris (27:24.611)

Right.

Who's that person for you?

Crystal Raye (27:29.612)

My children.

Chuck/Chris (27:31.786)

Okay, that's wonderful. That's wonderful. Okay. Yeah. What a great answer. What a great answer.

Crystal Raye (27:34.764)

Yeah, so yes my children Actually, so my youngest was 15 at the time of my fire and my oldest was 20 and Mom guilt is real and I feel you know That's probably my biggest regret about my injury is at the moments that I stole from my children But I I know that they are seeing how much I am doing and growing now and eat

Chuck/Chris (27:44.229)

Okay.

Crystal Raye (28:04.606)

I have a better relationship with them now than I have ever, even though we don't talk as much as I would like us to. They're adults and they have their own lives and you know, it's, they have their own, you know, their own path of healing from this as well. But I was actually just able to spend from, I went to Hawaii for four days in July to

Chuck/Chris (28:15.802)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chuck/Chris (28:22.35)

Of course, of course. Yeah.

Crystal Raye (28:33.228)

celebrate my 21 months being sober with my youngest son. And we celebrated it in Hawaii together and he lives there. So it was awesome.

Chuck/Chris (28:33.423)

Okay.

Chuck/Chris (28:39.92)

Okay.

Chuck/Chris (28:43.502)

okay, okay, okay. Wow. Wow. Okay. That's wonderful. Hawaii in July. That must have been hot.

Crystal Raye (28:51.02)

it was not as hot as Oklahoma. Yeah. It's like 85 every day.

Chuck/Chris (28:54.16)

yeah, yeah, fair enough, fair enough. Okay. Well, I guess, okay, no, that tracks, that tracks. This here in Thailand, which would be similar on the equator, I guess, July is not, certainly not the hottest month, right? So it goes back to April, I guess would be about the hottest, hottest it gets here. yeah. Anyway, sorry to get off track on you there. So your children, your people, where were we at?

your recovery journey, so

you decide to get clean, what have you been doing then to, if not 12 steps, and like myself, I'm not a 12 -stepper either, so I can relate to that. It's funny how many parallels there are. If not that, what is it that, like, do you work a program of some kind? What are you doing?

Crystal Raye (29:44.46)

So I...

I started learning digital affiliate marketing and I have a high performance business coach and I have like a small pod that I meet with on Mondays and then we have our big group that we meet with on Fridays. And it's just like we call it our accountability groups and we just talk about like what we're working on for the week for our business and how we can support each other. it's just, it is...

Chuck/Chris (30:03.429)

Okay.

Crystal Raye (30:15.018)

different than like the groups because we're not talking about addiction, but it's a whole nother little community of people that I can say, hey, this is what I'm struggling with. like we talk about imposter syndrome. We talk about the struggles with tech. We talk about the struggles with personal development and. Right. And so there's we're all in different we're all in different like areas of the world and we're all in different.

Chuck/Chris (30:32.796)

It's all relevant right across the board, of course, right? So I like that. Yeah.

Crystal Raye (30:44.662)

doing different things online with our business. I'm pursuing public speaking and things like that for the visible difference in mental health community. And there are other people that are pursuing like real estate investing or they're trying to create another community for their sobriety journey. And some stay at home moms that are trying to make money from home as stay at home moms.

We're all trying to build our audiences on like TikTok and Instagram and YouTube. so talking to other people that are on the same journey, learning the same kind of things is one of the ways that I stay sober and they all, like I just share all the little milestones I go through with them. And it's just been really helpful to.

Chuck/Chris (31:26.0)

Cathartic for sure, would think. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Chuck/Chris (31:33.317)

Yeah.

Crystal Raye (31:37.184)

have this little tribe of people that support me even though even when I can't when I don't believe in myself they'll be like, Crystal you got this.

Chuck/Chris (31:46.68)

mental health, I mean, you've been through so much. have you like, has therapy been a part of your journey at all? actual? Yeah. What? So can you tell me what kind of therapy you've, you've experienced?

Crystal Raye (32:01.75)

So I went to counseling once a week for a while. When I was in the hospital, I had like a team of psychiatrists come meet with me at least once a week, if not daily. And I also, so through my peer support journey,

Crystal Raye (32:23.966)

It's, we have a support group like twice a week through the, it's called the Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors. And we have psychiatrists and different counselors, different medical providers in the burn community that come in and talk to us and have different public speakers. And that's how I also connect. But I don't currently go to therapy on a regular basis. But if I feel like I it, like I have my

Chuck/Chris (32:31.813)

Okay.

Crystal Raye (32:54.241)

I have a good rapport with my counselor and so if he doesn't hear from me, he knows I'm doing well. I just reach out when I'm struggling and I really don't feel like it's something that I need on a regular basis because of the community I have surrounded myself with. If I didn't interact with people on a regular basis, I would definitely be going to therapy once a week.

Chuck/Chris (32:58.053)

Okay.

Chuck/Chris (33:01.905)

Yeah.

Chuck/Chris (33:09.404)

That's awesome.

Chuck/Chris (33:15.28)

I got you.

Chuck/Chris (33:21.958)

Yeah, yeah, fair enough, right. Again, there's another parallel because I'm essentially most of my life is lived through the computer and through online. So I can totally appreciate very much what you're saying. Of course, I came to Thailand to receive trauma treatments, but that's a whole other story, right? Yeah.

Chuck/Chris (33:51.516)

So you're sober, you've got almost two years in you now. It's just amazing. Congratulations on that, by the way. Congratulations on 22 months, right? And that is, I'm sorry, tomorrow?

Crystal Raye (33:57.185)

Thank you.

Crystal Raye (34:01.251)

Tomorrow.

Chuck/Chris (34:03.164)

tomorrow. So I'm gonna try and have this out for your 21 month and this this episode for at least for you. It's absolutely amazing. Let's talk social media. So you got a few things going on. You TikTok you've mentioned that TikTok.

Crystal Raye (34:06.847)

wonderful.

Crystal Raye (34:17.27)

So I have a TikTok and I have a YouTube channel. I have Instagram and Facebook. I just, I started my YouTube to document my progress as I navigate the ups and downs of permanent disability and rebuilding my life after my traumatic injury and just trying to learn what life looks like for me.

And so I've been sharing that pretty consistently online for the last 17, 18 months. yes, it is. And I was going to tell you, it's really hard to keep up with you. I'm like, you do have a few groups. like, my goodness, I can't even imagine. Because it is so, it's a lot of work, social media marketing. It's a lot of work.

Chuck/Chris (34:55.386)

Okay, yeah. That's a grind, eh? That is a, isn't that a grind? my, yeah, it takes so much time to, yeah, yeah.

Chuck/Chris (35:16.772)

Yeah, it is right. I also have like I have the Sonny in the Sidecar page. I don't know if you've seen that with with dumbass here. Yeah, I'm talking about you. I have Sober Savagery, which is another page that I've just recently set up. I did that one because I have sponsors for the podcast and I can't can't rightfully post all the humor that I do. So on a page that's associated with them. So I set up Sober Savagery to keep like a wall between the worst of the worst.

Crystal Raye (35:21.684)

Mm -hmm.

Crystal Raye (35:37.811)

Mm

Chuck/Chris (35:45.466)

And even then I find myself though, kind of taming like, should I? No, I won't post that, right? Some stuff's just in bad taste, right? But yeah, yeah, no kidding, right? But those are the two main things anyway. I don't do TikTok at all. How is it going for you, if I can ask? It's a grind, like it's a real, so I'm just, genuinely curious. Like you've got about the same amount of time I do into that. Maybe a touch less from the sounds of it, but.

Is it growing well for you? it frustrating? Where are at with all that?

Crystal Raye (36:16.786)

it's frustrating every day. feel like I have had experience with computers and cell phones and stuff and I'm like how did I turn into my mom about the tech and the computers and it's I feel like an old lady about how frustrated about technology I am but it's only because I don't know it and I'm like okay I gotta force myself to sit down at least for like

20 minute, half an hour to like learn it. And cause it's just repetition and to find out where the button, what the buttons do and, you know, and so.

Chuck/Chris (36:54.618)

Yeah, yeah. That's funny. That's funny. I often say every time I touched my mouth for six months, it was a learning curve. Right. And it's we didn't keep up because we were checked out in active addiction. Right. So when everyone else was like, like learning this stuff and just kind of coming to them naturally, we're off getting high and doing our thing. And then all of a sudden you're trying to catch up to everybody. And that's why you feel like your mom. Right. Because I went through the exact same thing. I've been a tech guy my whole life. Right. Latest and greatest this, that I'll figure it out. No problem.

Crystal Raye (37:05.376)

Thank

Crystal Raye (37:17.656)

Right.

Chuck/Chris (37:23.664)

And then all of a sudden, what the fuck is going on? So yeah, I can relate to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Crystal Raye (37:26.348)

right I'm glad I'm not the only one but yeah and that's exactly it it's like I purposely didn't have a cell phone like I like I don't need an electronic leash nobody's trying to get a hold of me nobody wants to talk to me and I don't talk to nobody I don't want to hear it I don't want to have to answer it if it rings so I just didn't have one right

Chuck/Chris (37:41.082)

Yeah.

Chuck/Chris (37:47.972)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And now here you are trying to make a living at, know, with what people are holding. I get it. I get it. I totally get it. Yeah. Where's most of your activity at? where's what platform are you kind of doing the best at right now?

Crystal Raye (38:07.596)

I think Facebook and YouTube, they're both growing pretty fast. have, I want to say I have about 800 followers on Facebook and 600 on YouTube. But really,

I, in that, all of, like just in sharing my story, the connections that I have made within the Byrne community have helped so much. So I didn't realize.

Chuck/Chris (38:36.83)

yeah, totally powerful. Yeah. And the recovery community as well. There's, there's a lot of grace given by a lot of people. It's amazing. It really is. Right. Like it's, you know, you've got the Haley's and the Chantels of the world, got Sonia Johnson, Jamie Tall, Benjamin Lerner, Matt, Matt Keegan. I could go on and on, right? These are all like amazing people who will just help you for the sake of helping you. Right. And, and, and to help get it's who's, that's just who they are.

Right? we can certainly talk more offline about maybe some things that might help you as far as, you know, what's worked for me anyway. But I can tell you, let's make a metaphor about recovery.

Crystal Raye (39:14.582)

the ass.

Chuck/Chris (39:21.724)

In the early days, you struggle so hard just to keep sober. Right. And then one day it just clicks. We're like, OK, I get it now. It's the same thing. So you're at 800 followers. You'll be at a thousand, then you'll be at two thousand, then you'll be at three thousand. You go, what just happened? Right. Like it just it just happens. You know what I mean? Because growth compounds growth. So there's some there's some math and stuff to that, which I'm sure you've more than covered. Right. But just like recovery where, you know,

Crystal Raye (39:38.508)

Yeah.

Chuck/Chris (39:49.806)

One day you're struggling just to stay sober and the next day you're focused on, how can I continue to grow as a person? Right? You know, so it's kind of that same idea. If I can, you know, if I can bring a parallel like that to it. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Crystal Raye (40:02.956)

Thank you. One thing I try to remind myself is what would I expect out of a toddler? Because yeah, I'm 22 months over. That's still toddler in my recovery. And so not to use it as an excuse to like make, you know, just to be lazy, but like, I can't expect more of my recovery than what is there. And I don't know what I don't know.

Chuck/Chris (40:26.544)

Yeah.

Crystal Raye (40:29.254)

and I'm just thankful to be given another day every day to keep chasing my dreams and whatever that may be and try not to chase the numbers because

Chuck/Chris (40:35.301)

Yes.

Crystal Raye (40:41.172)

The more I look at, like if I compare myself to others, I will be in my head all day and my path is unique to me and everybody else's path is unique to them. But how can we all help each other? Yeah, like you said, like there's maybe little tools and tips and tricks that I don't know yet that you could help me out with. And that's amazing. And that's how I try to arrive online. So how can I serve the people that are watching my content best?

Chuck/Chris (41:00.986)

Yeah, yeah.

Chuck/Chris (41:09.442)

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, right.

Crystal Raye (41:10.521)

and sometimes it's I have to give myself a pep talk so I'm gonna just record it and give it to the world.

Chuck/Chris (41:18.918)

I'm kidding, no kidding, hey, no kidding. Listen, Crystal, this has been an absolutely amazing conversation. We'll move into the final segment and that is the daily gratitudes. And so that is my favorite part of the show. What are you grateful for today?

Crystal Raye (41:35.914)

my children, my community, and my sobriety.

Chuck/Chris (41:41.132)

That's a great list. That's a great list. For myself, it's another connection with another recovery content creator. I'm so happy that you've reached out. It was actually Chantelle that turned me onto your platform, I do believe, in the first place. So thank you to Chantelle for that. So I'm grateful for that. She's pretty great. I'm also grateful to every single person who continues to watch, comment, share, talk about whatever you're doing to help support Grow the Platform. It's absolutely amazing.

Crystal Raye (41:55.092)

Awesome. Thank you Chantelle.

I'm not done.

Chuck/Chris (42:10.16)

getting bigger and bigger every day. And every time you do these things, you're getting me a little bit closer to living my best life. My best life is to continue making humble living, spreading the message. And the message is this. If you're an active addiction right now, today could be the day. Today could be the day that you start a lifelong journey. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call into detox, go to a meeting, pray, go to church. I don't care. Do whatever it is you gotta do to get that journey started, because it is so much better than the alternative. If you have a loved one who's suffering an addiction right now, just taking the time to listen to our conversation.

Crystal Raye (42:19.051)

Thank

Chuck/Chris (42:37.786)

You can just take one more minute out of your day and text that person, let them know they are loved. Use the words.

Crystal Raye (42:43.092)

You are loved.

Chuck/Chris (42:45.094)

That little glimmer folk just might be the thing that brings them back. Boom.