255- RYAN BATHGATE

Chuck (00:02.121)
Hello everybody, watchers, listeners, supporters of all kinds. Welcome to another episode of the Ash is Awesome podcast. I'm your host Chuck LaFlange Actually, I'm Chris Horder and I am in Krabi, Thailand halfway around the world. This is my good friend and co -host Ryan Bathgate. How are you doing today, Ryan?

Ryan Bathgate MA (00:16.76)
today's a good day, man. I don't know why. I got, I got, I got, you know, just another day, but like, it's just like, this process is really fascinating to tell you the truth. Like, and you know, it's like, you forget, you forget about how transformative, the, the processes from like, from like all facets, like.

You know, biochemically, there's repairs happening within my synaptic gaps and my dendrites are returning to form. In other words, my... Okay. Rewind. My brain's healing. And, you know, I've lost 35 pounds in six weeks.

Chuck (00:53.705)
All right, so now we're going $20 word territory here, right? So yeah, let's bring that back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (01:07.832)
And so my target goal two years ago was 190 and I couldn't get below 200 forever and Yesterday morning step on the scale at 185 and that is yeah, right like crazy and that like You know last night I fucking baseball I hit a home run turned a couple double plays laid out for a ball came up with it like just like All things fucking millhouse man coming up millhouse, you know To quote Simpsons

Chuck (01:08.265)
Wow.

Chuck (01:18.121)
Whoa, good for you, man. Good for you. Yeah.

Chuck (01:33.737)
Hahaha

Ryan Bathgate MA (01:37.912)
You know, like, yeah, so like, I, you know, there's just like really, what's the word I want to choose here? There is a powerful.

agent in transformation that is, you know, and like we fear change as beings and really the only permanent thing is change, you know what I mean? Like, so like, you know, we're always changing but you know, to go in, it's just like why did I take so long when I know how good it gets, you know what I mean? But that's also that like, that fog, that veil that goes over our brain when we are, you know, in our cups or...

in the midst of this imposter that is the substance use disorder mind. But what happens is we get a little taste of responsibility, that freedom starts to happen. And by responsibility, I mean I am responsible to sobriety right now. And that includes the maintenance part and the work part because it just doesn't happen on its own.

Chuck (02:34.505)
Chilling, eh?

Ryan Bathgate MA (02:52.952)
And everything we have in our life takes maintenance or it disappears. Whether it's a car, whether it's a bike, whether it is this computer, now relationship with others, but most importantly, the relationship within. And like that, you know, I say the farthest distances between your head and your heart, you know? And...

Chuck (03:05.097)
a relationship, your sobriety, your whatever. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (03:20.44)
And to have that synergize is just a feeling that is beyond the English language. It's just impossible to articulate because it's, yeah, it's like, it is euphoric. But most of all, it's like, you know, I woke up today and it was like, you know what? Fuck, things are gonna be okay. You know, like, things are just gonna...

Chuck (03:29.481)
awesome.

Chuck (03:39.689)
Wow, wow. This is a big change since we got back to work together here, man. Like this is totally, this is another version of Ryan, right? Right? Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (03:47.364)
I don't have DID, okay? For those that don't know, DID is Dissociative Identity Disorder. And you know what, actually I had this conversation, I was talking to my therapist so I can actually, I can breach confidence because there isn't any. And so, you know, we're talking about like, it was like, I was explaining about like the height of the worst, you know?

Chuck (03:59.017)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (04:17.304)
and how it was like, like I was in a blackout. And so it was very much like what I know of DID, which I've worked with in the past. And like, it was like, I went to sleep and I woke up in a jail cell. You know what I mean? And with just like...

Chuck (04:33.097)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (04:36.504)
this like dreamlike flashes of instances that happened along the way and maybe three or four of them in the span of like two days. So yeah, I feel like everything's gonna be okay but it's so much better than that because I woke up today not hating myself for the first time in a long time. Furthermore, I woke up today enjoying who I am.

Chuck (04:45.929)
No kidding, eh? Yeah.

Chuck (04:58.153)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (05:04.568)
liking who I am. And I can say like it's been probably seven years since I've had that feeling, you know, and that explains the slow process in the corrosion that leads to the need to cope, which is ultimately the relapse and you know, cutting, battling, powerful, geez. The...

Chuck (05:05.125)
Wow. Yeah.

Chuck (05:22.473)
Yeah. Yeah.

Chuck (05:27.177)
And I think you just said cutting back from being powerful right at the right moment there. That's the thing is you don't even realize that you're hating yourself. It's similar to, hey, we were just talking about the glasses. You know about my glasses here? And it's kind of the same thing though. You have no idea how bad. You don't know, but you're going to find out when you get yourself a pair of $3 readers and see what happens. Like I have, right? You have no idea how bad things are until it's not bad. And then you go back and go,

Ryan Bathgate MA (05:34.616)
No, no, no clue.

Ryan Bathgate MA (05:44.472)
glasses.

Ryan Bathgate MA (05:55.192)
Yeah, yeah. It's all like, it's all hindsight 2020, like, you know, like, but yeah.

Chuck (05:57.129)
right. Yeah.

You know, it's going to be just an eye reference, the whole episode.

Ryan Bathgate MA (06:08.888)
hindsight. Yeah. Not 2020 hindsight. Yeah, so I, it's yeah, man, like the world has opened up and, and, you know, to go from, to go from just like dreading what tomorrow's gonna bring to like, hey,

Chuck (06:16.393)
Yeah

Ryan Bathgate MA (06:38.328)
tomorrow might be fucking cool. You know, like, you know, like, you know, I'm gonna go sleep tonight and when I get up tomorrow, it's gonna be fucking great. Like I haven't experienced that in a long time. And like I said, like you go, it's like this, the shift is really, it's confidence to arrogance is what happened, you know? And like the confidence came from maintaining a life that I enjoyed, that I enjoyed myself in, that, and I like...

Chuck (06:40.201)
Yeah, right.

Chuck (06:47.497)
Yeah, no kidding.

Chuck (07:04.521)
Okay.

Ryan Bathgate MA (07:07.032)
You know, like I, in those days, people looked up to me, people sought advice from me. You know, they, I never had a dirty look. I never had a snide remark, you know, and like those started to pick up and especially in the last three months. But I mean, to be honest with you.

Chuck (07:22.313)
Yep. Yep.

Chuck (07:27.657)
And then so the confidence turns into arrogance when you get complacent with it, right? No? Okay. Okay.

Ryan Bathgate MA (07:31.832)
Confidence turns into arrogance, no. The difference is love and fear. Confidence comes from love, arrogance comes from fear. And so, arrogance shows up when I start to feel like people are gonna find out, you know, find out what? I don't know. And that's the fucking, you know, that's the whole sticky part. It's like, that's why we don't.

Chuck (07:40.649)
Okay.

Ryan Bathgate MA (07:59.352)
We don't see it because it's not acute. It just slowly happens and it's like, okay, so now I've built up this image and instead of having humility to go with ebbs and flows of life, it's like, I got to maintain and keep reinforcing the optics of what is or what isn't, but is instead of being like, I'm having a bad day. I don't know. I don't have an answer for that. Or I don't have capacity right now.

You know, things like that, like respecting myself, respecting my boundaries, respecting my mental health, my self -care, my, you know, all those things that just went down the toilet because I needed to keep this thing up. So that means answering every question with authority, whether I was right or wrong or whether it was even fucking real or not, didn't matter. If I said it in a certain way, people would believe it because why wouldn't they? You know what I mean? You know, I just need to be right about a couple of things once in a while and it has credibility. So.

Chuck (08:47.401)
Exactly, exactly, exactly. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (08:54.072)
You know?

Chuck (08:54.121)
hahahaha

That's so wrong and so right at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. no, no, that's yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's, that's yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (09:00.248)
It's reality, dude, and it's not just me. I'll speak about me, but if you're listening and you're having a look at yourself, take a look. Are you in confidence or are you in arrogance? Is it fear -based or is it love -based? Is it intrinsic or is it extrinsic? You know what I mean? Because the arrogance, the ego is all about what you think, not about what I think.

Chuck (09:17.225)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (09:25.016)
And when I'm confident, it's like, I love your opinion. I might take something from it, but it might not. And that's up to me. Yeah. And you know, and I...

Chuck (09:32.041)
 about confidence, Ryan, but before we do that, I want to just take a quick mention on our special sponsor for today's episode, is FAR Canada, it's Families for Addiction Recovery. They are a non -profit organization in Canada who focuses on the family members of people who suffer an addiction. They do a really great job of it. They have peer support, they have a group therapy, or a group community, I should call it, I guess.

And you can also call them during business hours for some phone support as well. You can learn more about them at FARCanada .org. Am I right? Sorry to interrupt, but hey, they're paying the way, right? So, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (10:06.617)
No, forget about the money. What they're doing is so needed. They're hitting a sector or a part of this fucking calamity that is substance use disorder and attending to really an underserved population, which is families. Right? You know?

Chuck (10:18.633)
Right?

Chuck (10:33.769)
100%, right? And as you know, and we've, hell, we can open up this topic a little bit too, right? As you know, right from the get -go, that's been one of my personal objectives, right, is to help the families. And again, underserved is, if 10 people are affected by addiction, low arbitrary number, I pull out of my ass, but if 10 people are affected by every single person's addiction, then 10 % of the resources are going to those people, right? So it's crazy.

Ryan Bathgate MA (10:44.504)
Yep.

Ryan Bathgate MA (10:56.12)
Don't smell it.

Ryan Bathgate MA (11:01.368)
Yeah, yeah, and you know, like the amount of hours that I've spent on the phones with families is, you know, and it's, it's, from my experience, it's like, I take for granted my knowledge of substance use disorder, I take for granted my knowledge of mental health, because when I hear people that aren't familiar, it's like, okay, wow, okay, we got, we got.

Chuck (11:02.153)
Like it's crazy, right? You know, yeah.

Chuck (11:08.393)
right. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (11:30.264)
We got a long way to go here, you know, and like, yeah.

Chuck (11:31.433)
 immersed in it all the time, right? It's just, it's easy. I know Sydney, the last episode we did was Sydney from FAR Canada, who's the person that will answer the phone 90 % of the time if you call. That whole episode was based on the three most common things that she hears when a family, a loved one calls in. I should say family member, because it's not exclusionary to that, but when a loved one calls in. And...

Ryan Bathgate MA (11:44.984)
Mm -hmm.

Chuck (12:00.969)
The first thing always is anger. Not at the disease, at the person, right? It's by far the most common thing and she has to like, yeah, yeah, the behaviors, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, she, one of the things that she speaks about and here's exactly why. She has to, one of her jobs or one of the things that she's really good at, I should say, is moving people away from anger towards the person and moving it towards the behavior, right? Because once you do that,

Ryan Bathgate MA (12:08.6)
The behavior, the behavior is attached to the person, yeah. But it's not, it's not, here's the thing.

Ryan Bathgate MA (12:27.384)
Yeah, and yes, however, you cannot attend to the behavior. You don't fix the behavior, you fix the driver. You know what I mean? And so the behavior just becomes a manifestation of something deeper. And it's a hostile takeover. It's like I said, DID. And there's like...

Chuck (12:30.057)
Right? You've accomplished something, right? You know what I mean? So, yeah. Yeah.

Chuck (12:39.977)
Yeah.

Chuck (12:51.209)
It's similar for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Without a doubt.

Ryan Bathgate MA (12:55.608)
Like I said, seven years since I've been me. That's a long time to not notice.

Chuck (12:59.145)
Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (13:02.52)
You know what I mean? And it's not like up and down. It is a slow gradual trajectory in a spiral down. There's no up. There's no reclamation of my existence. It doesn't happen until I get some space away from substance use. I get some time spent on the drivers of that substance use, typically trauma, or my case, certainly. And also about, the basics are like,

Chuck (13:10.569)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (13:32.216)
structure, consistency, that's safety, that's how we make safety in our life. So I'm at the gym by eight o 'clock, I go to the nooner, I do some reading. Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what it is, I love nooners. I think there's something less personal. And that's actually one of my best friend's name is nooner. His name's... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Chuck (13:42.633)
the noon or being a meeting just to so people, you and I know what I'm talking, you're talking about now, right? But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chuck (13:51.977)
Every time you say it, I'm like, mooner, hee, right?

Yeah, yeah, Jeff Nooner, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (14:01.624)
Yeah, my homeboy. by the way, just, I mean, I'm gonna go deep into some arrogance here and it's comical. Last night, I now can have a new moniker. I crush home runs, I turn double plays and I lay out for fucking everything, okay? That's what I do. That's how I play ball. And that's what I've been telling everybody on my team, say, don't run.

Chuck (14:21.097)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (14:30.648)
I had to try it back there. I hit a home run, I turned double play and I laid out for when I came up with it. Honestly, 185 pounds, dude. What a difference. What a difference, man. my God.

Chuck (14:34.089)
That's that's pretty awesome, man. That's pretty awesome. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, no kidding. I can't even begin to relate because I probably got a lot more than that on you. So yeah, I'm working on it again now. So yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (14:44.024)
Well, I kind of conclude that like, I think, well, you know what, you know, I got some tricks to talk to you after it's not on air. So, but there is some consistency to any image. What I'm saying here is like this, the structure is essential in my ability to navigate calamity. Okay. Calamity is chaos. Right. And you know, as the shift happens, like you gotta remember biochemically, I'm, I'm, I'm in reparation. Like,

Chuck (15:05.833)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (15:13.88)
So my emotions are all over the place, especially my limbic system at the point that I'm at. Yeah. And so, so, you know, that, so this is starting to get a lot better in, in the way that I'm seeing the world, my ability to choose the lens. I want to see the world through, you know, like I, I, I've gone through these struggles with resentment and, and really like I heard, I heard, I heard someone, I heard two things in the last week that really stuck with me.

Chuck (15:17.833)
I can relate to that. Yeah, most certainly. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (15:42.232)
The first one was, acceptance is always the answer.

Chuck (15:49.577)
Okay.

Ryan Bathgate MA (15:50.328)
And I sat in that and tried to think about a scenario that acceptance wasn't the answer. And I couldn't come up with anything. It always ends up there, whether I fight it or not. I always end up at this place of acceptance for my own sanity. You know what I mean? The other thing I heard is that addiction is a nuclear orbit that devastates everything, everyone in its path.

Chuck (16:13.225)
Yeah, right.

Ryan Bathgate MA (16:13.272)
And you know, like, and so like we look at like the difference between being in the middle of substance use disorder and being on the healing end of that. And like the difference is like.

The amount of love is equal to the amount of hate.

Chuck (16:34.985)
So to doubt. That's recovery community, right? I mean, yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (16:36.024)
you know, and...

But I mean, like, you know, like I'm not hurting anyone right now. I'm enhancing. Whereas, you know, six months ago, it was a very different story. You know, and like, there's just no up until you're in solution. And to be in solution is really about...

Chuck (16:50.153)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (17:04.92)
one foot in front of the other. It doesn't matter what I think or feel, it's what I do. And that's what really matters at this point in my life right now. Because I mean, honestly, do I want to go to a meeting every day? No. I like them a lot more than I thought I would. And I do remember a time that I really enjoyed them. Now that I'm here, now that I'm in this space, I'm like, yeah, you know what? Like, 1999, 2000, 2001, loved them. Again.

Chuck (17:19.081)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (17:33.368)
2010, 11, 12, loved them. But somewhere along the line, it's like I never did that 110 % of knowing that I'm of substance use disorder. I always...

Chuck (17:48.265)
So come 2030, I'm gonna double back and hey, hey, what's going on?

Ryan Bathgate MA (17:52.44)
I'll tell you what if 2030 I do it again, then I Don't deserve to be around man. Like honestly like come on

Chuck (18:02.633)
No, I'm saying that that seven year mark is where we make sure that it doesn't happen again. So we check back in, make sure you're still liking those meetings and figure out why not if you aren't before it turns into something else again, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (18:05.72)
Yeah, 30.

Ryan Bathgate MA (18:10.808)
Well, yeah, like if I'm 31 years at this and still making the same mistakes like Talk about insanity like you know, I just I don't I don't see it. I don't see it I no matter what call it whatever you want. I am I am that I am You know alcoholic if you will I am I do whole characteristics of strong addictive tendencies

Chuck (18:19.785)
Yeah, no kidding, right? Well, and many, many people, right? So, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (18:40.504)
And I don't, I still have a hard time identifying in that way. I just, I think it's a stigma thing. There's something gross about, I'm an addict. But I'll go to meetings, I'll play the game. Like I'm Ryan, I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, sure.

Chuck (18:48.105)
Yeah.

Chuck (18:51.977)
I still don't, I do not like it. I don't like it as a term. But I find it's necessary because it's convenient and it's in how you use it. Right? You know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? But an example, this is a conversation I had with Lisa. There's an American woman here in Krabi that I'll go for coffee with sometimes. A little bit older than me. She's a yoghurt, whatever. She's funny. She's hilarious, actually. But so anyway.

Ryan Bathgate MA (18:57.464)
I don't either. Sometimes when in Rome, man, yeah, like, honestly.

Chuck (19:21.897)
I was telling her about when my ex -wife, I was her third husband. So when she was getting divorced from her second husband, I was telling her about how I might have to sell my car, my Mustang to pay for this lawyer. And it's like, you got a race car, you're a drug addict. Boom. As you can see, that's it right there. Before I am anything, I am a drug addict. And she didn't mean it like insulting, she was completely ignorance in the not no way, not in the shitty person way.

Ryan Bathgate MA (19:42.904)
Yeah, fuck -

Chuck (19:51.785)
Right? You know? Yeah, well for me, me, right? So like I spend my whole life talking about this stuff. For me it was an opportunity. Say, hey, no, that's the problem right there. That's like, that's not okay. Right? I told you something from 10 years ago and the first thought is you're an addict, right? There's so much more to me. Like at that time I was actually, you know, I was managing a trucking company or a branch of a trucking company. I was doing quite well in my life, right? It was high functioning. If I was using drugs, it was very, very little at the time.

Ryan Bathgate MA (19:52.056)
Yeah, how'd it land?

Ryan Bathgate MA (20:02.424)
Mm -hmm.

Ryan Bathgate MA (20:11.544)
Yeah.

Chuck (20:21.545)
And, but, first thing that comes to her mind, so it was just an opportunity for me to correct that language and let her know that that's not okay to view people like that. But if I'm sitting here talking to you, it's like, yeah, I'm a fucking junkie. So it's a big double standard, right? You know, right? You know?

Ryan Bathgate MA (20:30.552)
Yeah, and honestly, like...

Ryan Bathgate MA (20:36.12)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, like, you'll never hear me use that term. Personally, like. No, I know, I know. Yeah, you know, and it is because we're immersed, like, you know what I mean? Like, I just like I said, I take for granted the knowledge and experience that I have in this field. Like.

Chuck (20:41.833)
Yeah, yeah, fair enough, fair enough. And really, I don't. I'm making a point of extremes here, right? But yeah.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Ryan Bathgate MA (20:57.496)
And it really shows up when you hear things like that. And it's like, you know, I'm not even mad at somebody like that. It's just, you don't know. You know what I mean? Like...

Chuck (21:06.025)
Yeah, yeah, right. That's totally what it was, right? Yeah, yeah, certainly. And I could have chosen to take that any which way, right? But for me, it was just like, no, see, that's the thing is it's not okay, right? To view people that way, right?

Ryan Bathgate MA (21:12.824)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (21:17.674)
Yeah, like, you know, I'm into baseball. Doesn't mean everyone has to be into baseball. Everyone has to understand that. And I don't know shit about dance. You know, so I would look like an idiot talking about dance. I can't wait.

Chuck (21:23.049)
Mm -hmm.

Chuck (21:30.473)
I'll get a sidetrack on you for a second. My little brother Levi, for anybody that knows me, knows of Levi, he's one of the best human beings in the world. He just is, right? He's incapable of hurting and so capable of being hurt. Because he's just that person, right? So he's at the wedding with the same ex -wife and he, fucking bastard, he comes up to me and he says, can you get everybody to quiet down for a second? I...

I made an interpretive dance for this. This is at the reception.

Chuck (22:05.865)
I was just like, you know what? You know what? All right, just go grab the microphone and say what you need to say, man. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. And I'm dying. Like, I'm dying inside, right? I was pretty high and drunk at the time, too. But anyway, just like, go whatever, man. Do your thing. So he gets up on stage, and he says, so I made this interpretive dance.

Ryan Bathgate MA (22:07.)
Please say more. Please say more. Please say more.

Ryan Bathgate MA (22:16.984)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (22:23.288)
Yeah.

Chuck (22:28.841)
And then he's like, I'm just fucking with you. You guys come out back and see me. I got a fire dance to do for you. And he's got like this fire dance thing that he does with like, you know, and that's super, super cool. But what a guy, man. What a guy. Yeah. No, no, no. I don't even know what interpretive dance is. Like, I'll be honest with you, right? So yeah. But I was not looking forward to it. It sounded pretty, yeah. All right. That's my brother for you. So. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (22:35.064)
Did he have ribbons?

Ryan Bathgate MA (22:54.168)
Well, I can't help but move into a state of judgment. I'm sorry.

Chuck (22:58.153)
Of course, of course. Hey, right? I mean, it starts with interpretive dance. It ends with wham, right? Like, that's like the only one.

Ryan Bathgate MA (23:04.28)
No, no, no, no, no, no. Wake me up before you go go. All right? Man. I'll give you a careless whisper. Huh?

Chuck (23:09.833)
It's an institution, right? It's an institution.

I can't title another episode on George Michael's man. I can't do it. Funny that episodes of quite popular actually that one's doing quite well. So yeah, who would have thought right? Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (23:22.68)
Father figure, come on. Freedom.

Ryan Bathgate MA (23:30.904)
George Michael's is shit. Yeah, I bet. I bet. I probably got more guilty pleasure. I mean, I used to think Elton John was, but Elton John's cool shit. But I remember being like 14 and one of my friends was getting bugged about liking Elton John. And I came in and I was like, Elton John's awesome. What are you talking about? Shut up. And then they all shut up. And he's like, thanks, man. I was like, no, I really like Elton John.

Chuck (23:45.241)
yeah, yeah, right.

Chuck (24:00.201)
Yeah right yeah right how can you come on right you know so there's our critique of music for this week folks yeah right jeez jeez anyway of course go ahead see what

Ryan Bathgate MA (24:00.664)
Yellow brick road, man. You know, he's like, really? He's like, yeah, I'm just awesome, rocket man, but come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (24:13.752)
Yeah. So do you want, do we want, do you want to circle back to we kind of branched off of confidence, arrogance and all that shit like.

Chuck (24:22.281)
Yeah, yeah, so kind of what I wanted to mention was it was an episode with with our mutual friend, of course, you know, Jason McMillan, Jimmy, Jimmy Wednesday. I don't even know if we're allowed to call him that. Sorry, sorry, buddy. But we did it. So yeah. And we won't get we won't do the backstory on that. So yeah. I love Jason.

Ryan Bathgate MA (24:31.832)
Jimmy, Jimmy.

Ryan Bathgate MA (24:37.496)
Devon's laughing in heaven right now.

Yeah, he's... Hey, hold on. Such a good interview. He's so good on the platform. Like, yeah, just an honest... And like, you know, like he's... Now, he also brings vulnerability remorse to another level.

Chuck (24:49.353)
We did that episode, a couple episodes a week. You can see it on the website. Just look for Jason, right? Yeah.

Chuck (25:00.521)
His right? His? He's just relatable, the most relatable person ever. Yeah, you know. Insightful, well spoken, you know. Yeah.

Chuck (25:15.593)
Yeah, recording remorse therapist, that's my part -time job. Yeah, yeah. It's funny, you and I used to have those sessions post -recording, right? And that's, I don't remember last time we had one of those. But it's funny, just about everybody that comes on will have that.

Ryan Bathgate MA (25:17.568)
Yeah, right, yeah, right, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (25:27.928)
you know what? The one I came back and I... Like I thought I was gonna be sick when I was in the gym listening to that. Like I was just like, my God, I really, I really...

Chuck (25:32.585)
Okay, that's right too. Yes, yes, yes, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah.

Chuck (25:40.105)
Yeah.

But how, in your, okay, confidence, this fits right in. So in your community and in your people's, how was that received that you've heard? Because I know people in your life have listened to it or watched it, whatever, right? So, yeah. No, not at all, right? Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (25:52.344)
you know. Yeah. Not a bad thing. Courageous, relatable, vulnerable, you know, all good things. But to me, I mean, I'm sitting there doing curls with the curl bar and I'm just like, I almost dropped the thing through up when I say,

It's gotta come down, you gotta break it down, you gotta take it down. Yeah, but then, you know what, then I got a message from someone that was like, wow, that really, you know, like, I'm there. They said, like, I'm there. And I come in, you know, talking about the slow corrosion of it all, like, you know, short, long, early recovery is no joke. Long -term recovery ain't no fucking joke. You know what I mean? And like, and I look at, I look at,

Chuck (26:24.585)
You

Chuck (26:32.136)
Yeah, yeah, right.

Ryan Bathgate MA (26:52.184)
All the things that I just thought were stupid is just like why? Who cares? What does it hurt for me to believe in something? What does it hurt for me to do steps? You know, like, I'm all of a sudden better than that? Like, what the fuck happened to me? You know what I mean? Yeah, like, why not?

Chuck (27:08.137)
Absolutely, right, yeah. Well, and I told you, I mentioned it pre -record, but absolutely inspired to maybe work some steps here for the first time in my recovery. You know what I mean? Because of you, as a direct result of what you're going through right now, right? I mean, at this point in my life, I would be a much healthier person walking through the doors than I think a lot of people are when they do that, right? But why not? Why not, right? Like, you know?

Ryan Bathgate MA (27:19.128)
Hey! Yeah!

Interesting.

Ryan Bathgate MA (27:34.872)
Honestly, you're not gonna lose anything. You know?

Chuck (27:38.185)
No, no, most certainly not, right? There's one group here that is once a week and it's like a half an hour drive. Though I guess for my new place it'll be like a 10 minute drive, so it'll be a big difference, right? And of course I could do them online with somebody too if I wanted to, right? But the logistics of it I'll figure out. I wanna go check out this meeting when I move down there. So that's in 11 days I'm moving, so yeah, yeah. What's that?

Ryan Bathgate MA (27:54.52)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (28:03.992)
hey, I got something. I got something. That bit of a squirrel. I did my first Zoom meeting last week. Ever.

Chuck (28:07.753)
What's that? Yeah.

How's that for you?

Ryan Bathgate MA (28:13.464)
it was pretty cool actually like, there's this, it's a group called, the grateful eight, which is, online at eight o 'clock Pacific standard time. and, my, my sponsor actually runs a good dude. That guy goes 13 years meeting every day. Like, and that's what I'm talking about. Like, why not? Why not? You know, and, yeah, no, it was cool. Like,

Chuck (28:37.321)
Yeah, no kidding, right? Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (28:42.296)
It was really lighthearted and like fun. I don't know, like I thought it would be really like, you know, before this, you know, before this Renaissance, I thought they were stupid. Like what online, you know, like why? Well, because I'm afraid of something clearly.

Chuck (28:47.113)
Cool.

Ryan Bathgate MA (29:00.536)
Why would I not do something good for me? And it's like, you know, substance use disorder is just so quirky in that way that like, if I have a fucking, you know, if I get a cold and take some antibiotics or something, you know, I get better. If I have substance use disorder, I go to meetings and try to, you know, believe in something and have attachment to something healthy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Chuck (29:00.745)
Yeah, yeah, right.

Yeah.

Chuck (29:13.993)
Yeah.

Chuck (29:23.729)
Yeah. No, don't do that. Don't do that. Right? Yeah. Right. Right.

Ryan Bathgate MA (29:30.584)
and just do drugs until you die and that's that's the answer that's

Chuck (29:33.769)
And that's that's the brain, right? Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (29:37.112)
Totally man, and that's what I mean. It was like the last at least five years has been me, this imposter, it was like a hostile takeover.

of and and and and like this version of me was just like dropping my values as I move along just one by one by one honesty integrity you know vulnerability authenticity all of it gone by the time I hit the you know my my version of a bottom and like now I look at it and I'm like how how how could I ever

ever, ever, ever take the chance of hurting my family. How could I ever fucking do that?

Chuck (30:28.201)
Now it seems so obvious, right? Because now you've got glasses on and everything seems so clear, right? But, not to go back to that, but it's true, right? You just don't, when you're in it, it's not the same thing. You don't have that mindset, right? You've been convinced different by your own brain that you're different and it's just, fuck.

Ryan Bathgate MA (30:31.736)
Hmph.

Ryan Bathgate MA (30:41.72)
No, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (30:47.576)
And you might, you know, take this clip out and you can put it in your mandated treatment argument. You know, because I can't say that I made sound decisions. I made rational decisions. Actually, I really fucked my life up, to be honest with you. Like, and, and every...

Chuck (30:57.768)
No, no.

Chuck (31:02.249)
Yeah. Right. Well, and hey, you went to jail for a weekend, whatever it was mandated treatment. Right? Like it's a version of it. You know what I mean? But really, you got pulled out of your shit, made to figure it out. And like, hey, either you do this or things are gonna get really fucking bad for you really fucking fast. Right? Like, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (31:07.288)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (31:19.736)
To be honest with you, it was a mandated treatment because that was the bail conditions. So, like, and it was that, but you know, that was the options were that or an eight by eight, like, or a crime school, if you will. You know, the first thing, did I say that before? The first thing the guy said to me in there is, you bringing anything in? I was like.

Chuck (31:24.041)
Yeah, right. So this is different levels of mandated different, you know, there's this whole spectrum on that, right? But you know, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So, there's something to be said for it, for sure, right?

Chuck (31:47.229)
Hahaha!

Ryan Bathgate MA (31:49.368)
Like, look, I'm just here to get out of here, okay? You know, like, you know, like, grab your ankles, lift up, cough, like, x -ray machine, you know what I mean? Like...

Chuck (31:53.673)
Yeah, alright.

Chuck (32:03.887)
so you were, you were actually in the, in the remand or whatever out there, right? That you weren't just at the RCMP station.

Ryan Bathgate MA (32:08.792)
No, it's bullpen. Yeah. Pre -trial. Yeah, there's guys in there. Pre -trial. Nicknamed bullpen. Bullpen is...

Chuck (32:12.489)
Sorry.

Chuck (32:17.097)
Okay, okay, so remand though is what we would call that here, okay, or in Alberta, I guess, right? But yeah, pretrial, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (32:20.952)
Okay, pretrial here. Yeah, so yeah people that are don't get bail go there until their trials

Chuck (32:27.241)
Yeah. Okay. I see. I just had this picture of you sitting in like an RCMP shop or something or city police or whatever for a weekend. Right. Okay. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (32:31.64)
no man, no no no. I had my little TV in there and my metal bed that caught, no pillow. No pillows. My little jumpsuit, my three striped Velcro shoes. And I have those and I'm gonna frame them. And never fucking forget. Never forget, Brian. Never forget what this does to you. Never forget.

Chuck (32:40.233)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chuck (32:54.985)
Yeah, right.

Ryan Bathgate MA (33:01.112)
You know what I mean? And remember, for me to pick up a drink was a solution. And that's one thing I don't ever want to forget, is that I was already gone before that, before that moment. That was me coping. And my ability to cope when I'm clear headed, when I'm on a plane of sobriety, my ability to cope is quite seamless. You know what I mean? Like...

Chuck (33:01.577)
kidding.

Chuck (33:10.857)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (33:27.48)
Where I'm at right now, it's like, you know, I got just a lot of heavy shit going on, but it's gonna be okay. And like, that's a fucking miracle, man. Like, I don't have stress today. Today. I'm not gonna talk about tomorrow, because I don't know. It's unwritten. But today, I woke up without it. I went to a show and got the... What's the word?

Chuck (33:33.545)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (33:57.432)
the privilege of sharing today and that was nice, you know, in talking about a paradigm shift. Communities call it spiritual waking and that's typically as a result of steps, but I'm in this paradigm shift right now. I know that because A, I like who I am. B, I stand for what I believe in, like I do when I'm me.

I have agency, I have autonomy, and I have the confidence to know who I am. I think I know when to stand up for what I believe in, and I also know to say what I'm wrong. And I don't want that to change. It will, but I don't want it to. I want to work at maintaining that. And that means, you know, this is, you know, I heard this, probably my first home group in the 90s.

Chuck (34:44.745)
Good.

Ryan Bathgate MA (34:52.728)
Like I said to me, you're in for the fight of your life for your life for the rest of your life. And that hasn't been more true than it is today. And now it's like, you know, I'm 110 % sure that I have substance use disorder. 110%. There's no more back trap doors. There's no more, well, maybe, or I was young or I was irresponsible or...

Chuck (34:57.769)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (35:21.272)
fucking Neural Loop Theory, like what an idiot, my God. Yeah, so, yeah, and like, maybe this is like a renaissance of confidence, I don't know. But, you know, I don't feel like the arrogance is anywhere near where it used to be. I don't, yeah, well.

Chuck (35:24.457)
Yeah, yeah, right. Right.

Chuck (35:35.497)
Maybe.

Chuck (35:41.097)
It's not. For what that's worth, it's not. I mean, you know, if you say so. No, just ask yourself. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (35:48.856)
Come on it's part of my charm Yeah, yeah according to me it's part of my charm Yeah, like in and it's all really because like it just I'm just trying to get out of the way You know, like I don't have to know Everything I don't fucking know anything. You only I need to know is I love my heart

Chuck (36:00.969)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (36:14.36)
and that my ability to be connectable is essential in my ability to be peaceful. And arrogance is the eagle, the great disconnect, Chuck C. Talk about a new pair of glasses. That's a really famous book written by a guy named Chuck Chamberlain that changed my life in 2000 and...

Chuck (36:31.273)
Okay.

Ryan Bathgate MA (36:35.672)
I think I got that because I had done a bunch of step fives and my sponsor at the time He would buy this book with the big book in it It was a brown cover with a pair of gold glasses on it and it was a talk given by a guy named Chuck Chamberlain in California and I think 1975 and it is phenomenal like He literally is like Every day you wake up you get to put on a new pair of glasses. You get to see the world any way you want He's like every day I wake up I get this I get to fall in love with my wife again and I was just like That's beautiful. And that's where I want to be

Chuck (36:59.657)
Okay.

Ryan Bathgate MA (37:05.578)
Like, I want to be of love and in love to quote Viktor Frankl. And that is a meaningful existence. And like, I can make meaning out of anything. And I do it all the time. I'm not in my office, but you know, like, if you were to, you know, this guy gave me a little rock, little stupid, stupid rock, and I've had that rock for 17 years. And I haven't seen him for a long time.

Chuck (37:21.897)
Ha ha.

Chuck (37:29.961)
Ha ha ha.

Ryan Bathgate MA (37:32.92)
But that rock means something to me, you know? And I have the ability to attach something to anything anytime I want. And that, my friend, is freedom. But freedom comes with responsibility, right? And responsibility is the same thing. And so there's a pledge in specifically in A .A .A. it's called I'm Responsible and I'm responsible to have my hand out for it.

Chuck (37:39.017)
Of course, yeah.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (37:56.856)
Any alcohol can suffering and and for that I'm responsible and for that I'm free and that's really that's really the the byproduct that you know We want to talk about like a selfish outcome The other self's outcome is that we get to experience what it is to be free in our own existence which is a fucking magical place to be and and I just like I can't it's just it's so hard for me to understand how I forgot

Chuck (38:13.801)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (38:22.104)
how great that is. Like talk about it coming back from powerful. Like it takes that and like makes it like, no, it didn't really happen. But remember that time you were right? Remember that time you, remember that time you sounded smarter than everybody? Yeah, that's what you want. Yeah, yeah. Everybody loves you. Yeah, yeah. And wow, that's stuck in its reality, man.

Chuck (38:33.737)
Hehehehehe

Yeah.

Chuck (38:48.169)
hilarious yeah but bang on right bang on

Ryan Bathgate MA (38:51.864)
Yeah, and that, and you know, like, and you couldn't tell me that. You know, and that's like that part of stuff. One of my biggest challenges is being so fucking difficult. Difficult. You, you, you, nobody can tell me anything. Nobody can, you know what I mean? Like. And like, if you tell me a fact, I'll just one up you.

Chuck (38:56.489)
Yep. Yep.

Chuck (39:04.809)
Is being so what?

yeah. Yeah.

Chuck (39:14.377)
I know what you mean.

Chuck (39:18.025)
Yeah

Ryan Bathgate MA (39:22.04)
Or I'll say it back to you in $20 words and you'd feel like an idiot. You know, like... Yeah, you know. Never experienced that before, no. Yeah, man.

Chuck (39:26.601)
Maybe, yeah, if you say so. Yeah, I guess, right? Yeah. No, never, right? No, no, no. I think literally half of our last 10 conversations before your life blew up, but pretty much that describes it. So yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (39:42.648)
Yeah, you know, if you look at that anthology, you can really see the corrosion. I mean, it's just in one in one year.

Chuck (39:47.497)
yeah, with outside of you, right? Yeah, out like and of course with hindsight. So it's no better than like I didn't notice from A to B or from A to Z as it was happening. Right. I didn't see B, C, D, E because of course that last year is accelerated. Your timeline is much longer than that. But for me, I was I was there for a year of it. Right. I didn't see it happening. But with the benefit of hindsight, I sure saw it happening. That makes sense. Right. You know.

Ryan Bathgate MA (39:53.272)
get with ya.

Ryan Bathgate MA (40:00.28)
No. No.

Ryan Bathgate MA (40:15.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too, man. Like, I look back and I'm like, who the fuck was that? You know, like, like poor Marina, man. She's a saint, you know, like, no, no, but like, well, think about it. She got, we got together and I, I met her at my five year cake, you know, so she got, and then the next five years was sober, but.

Chuck (40:16.329)
And only with the benefit of hindsight, right? Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah.

I can only imagine. But for her too, I wonder. Right?

Chuck (40:35.273)
Yeah, yeah, so. So.

Ryan Bathgate MA (40:41.4)
I'm gonna say two of those years. I was probably on the arrogance train already. I was probably fucking choo -choo in a way at that point. So she hasn't got to experience this version, which sucks. But like I said, everything's gonna be all right.

Chuck (40:48.169)
Yeah.

Chuck (40:58.825)
things will go the way they go, right? But I just, I mean, for someone that's closest to you, and in this case, it would be your wife, right? But is that where, like, does she see it happening or is it this, does she double back, same as me, does she double back and go, yeah, now I see it happened, right? Or, you know, she's gonna get glimpses of it, of course, like nobody else in the world would, you know, so it'd be a bit of a different timeline. But at the same time, is it this, shit, when did that, when did he, when did he,

when did he become a liar? Right? You know what I mean? Like when did that happen? You know, so, no, of course not, of course not, no, right? Yeah. And that's just a curiosity thing for me is like for somebody that's that close, I've never had somebody that close to me through that kind of timeline, right? So who's to say, you know, right? Like.

Ryan Bathgate MA (41:30.136)
I, you know, to be honest with you, I can't answer that. Cause I have to ask her.

Ryan Bathgate MA (41:48.504)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure. Like, I'm sure. And, you know, like, it's not... Everything I'm doing right now has, you know, like... I know who she is. You know, and I know that she has a massive heart and is extremely understanding. She's just... I think she might be the best human being that I know, to be honest with you. Like...

Chuck (41:59.817)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (42:18.328)
myself aside of course. Just kidding. That could help. Yeah, no, no, she really is. Like, even, you know, if that 10 years is all I get, then even in that shit, it's been the best 10 years, you know? And like...

Chuck (42:20.904)
Yeah.

Chuck (42:24.713)
Choo choo.

Ryan Bathgate MA (42:45.4)
She makes incredibly beautiful children.

Chuck (42:49.193)
Good breeders.

Ryan Bathgate MA (42:50.808)
yeah. She's a breeder. Yeah.

Chuck (42:55.401)
I used to have this guy that I'd go to the bar with and you'd see one walking by, tell your parents to make some more.

Ryan Bathgate MA (43:00.856)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I thought of something I used to yell that I can't say it either. Yeah, no, definitely, it's a family program. Program. What am I, 80?

Chuck (43:10.153)
We probably don't do that. Yeah.

Chuck (43:14.953)
Yeah. Literally now, of course. That's all kind of changed a little bit to sponsors being what they are. I've had to temper my own proclivity to off color humor, I guess, if we're gonna say that, right?

Ryan Bathgate MA (43:23.672)
Yeah, I guess we should probably...

Ryan Bathgate MA (43:28.696)
Well, man, what everyone doesn't know is the stuff that you send me, just me. And even sometimes you're even like, I wish you could post this. And I'm going to leave it there. That's funny.

Chuck (43:44.193)
When I posted that one to the big magnifying glass, I'm looking for my defects of character, right? Chantel from Trap House Testimony says, what was her response? Did you find any? Because I got screenshots, bro. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (43:57.324)
Yeah, no trying to burn them with the fucking magnifying glass in the Sun Start a fire. Yeah, no, like You know what dude like life is a fucking gift man is is it is this just crazy adventure like You know

Chuck (44:04.521)
Yeah, right.

Ryan Bathgate MA (44:26.924)
We all go through this really hard stuff at some point, you know? And it turns out to be some of the most valuable fertile ground that we'll ever experience. And like...

And I'm kind of at a place that like there is so much to learn from this experience. There's just, there's just like it, it, it, without a doubt, you know, I'm gonna say like an hour of my life changed everything, you know, and it was fucking awful. Absolutely awful. And I would not wish it on anybody. and not, you know, it was, it was awful for everyone at my hand, you know? And so,

But what I get from that is, you know, I got to wake up today feeling like I'm okay. Somehow, you know, and again, like the power of fucking resiliency is the greatest phenomenon in the fucking universe, in my opinion, and like our ability to keep going, you know, and it all comes down to that same fucking thing. It's all...

Chuck (45:18.377)
Somehow, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (45:35.8)
It's all the medium and the connection and transaction of love and that's what carries us and it evolves us because it's not thoughts. Our thoughts are disconnectable, you know? Thought is not relatable, but a feeling is, you know? And especially when it comes from the center, that fucking pure spirit in that love transaction is just like...

Chuck (45:50.825)
Mm -hmm.

Ryan Bathgate MA (46:02.776)
Like I think of my kids and it's just like I didn't know I Didn't know that I could be so afraid of something and love something so much at the same time, you know, like And to be honest with you like one of the things that I've learned in this in this this period is like I Don't got a fear love anymore You know all that's gonna do is cause pain And that's and that's all it's done and like, you know, I was afraid I was afraid to be fathered

Chuck (46:03.849)
You're kidding, eh? Right. Right.

Chuck (46:13.701)
That's beautiful.

Chuck (46:22.473)
Yeah.

Chuck (46:25.865)
Yeah, true story, right?

Ryan Bathgate MA (46:32.344)
Because I didn't know how You know and I didn't You know, I didn't have a lot to draw on to be honest with you and like and so that scared me and I think that created a distance like You know, I'd be in the room, but I wouldn't be there You know what I mean? And like what a disservice to those two beautiful little kids, you know that didn't they didn't get a choice They ended up with me You know

Chuck (46:39.977)
Yep. Yeah.

Chuck (46:48.329)
Yeah. Yeah.

Chuck (47:00.041)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (47:00.695)
And now I'm like, I got a responsibility. I got a responsibility to give these kids the best life I can. It be, you know, like, if me wearing a pink tutu and a backwards thong with a camel toe is gonna make my girl's life better, I'm gonna do that. Right down fucking, right down Main Street. I'll go to Heisens and Main, I'd pretty fit in there. I'll go right down in North Vancouver, how's that? And like, you know.

Chuck (47:04.361)
No kidding, eh?

Chuck (47:27.465)
No kidding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (47:29.816)
Yeah, like, why not? What do I care? What? And anybody, anybody, like, I don't, honestly, it's just like, I'm living in this space that you gotta earn the right for me to care what you think. And I'm really there, you know, and you know, going through this is like, shit, you find out where your friends are, man. Like, you know, and I, I can, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go right at it.

Chuck (47:50.665)
true story.

Ryan Bathgate MA (47:57.4)
Say I want to talk I want to talk about one guy. I Got a friend his name is Chris McCloud His nickname is Christmas cloud Because that was just funny thing that happened not on pure and This guy's been there without a doubt No judgment support calls every day checks in listens like God like

I want to be a friend like that to somebody. You know what I mean? Yeah, and like, and so I mean, like, you know, you talk about Jeff Noon, boom, he's there right away. Bam. You know, like wherever you need. How do I help? How do I, you know, like, fuck. And so that's what, you know, you really it's just like the the people that matter show up and show me why they matter, you know? And so those guys, they have an opinion. I'm going to hear it. Good or bad. I'm going to hear it. They've earned it.

Chuck (48:28.841)
No kidding, Eddie. No kidding. Yeah.

Chuck (48:54.569)
Yep. Yep. Yeah. Right.

Ryan Bathgate MA (48:56.024)
You know what I mean? And they got something to say and I'm gonna hear it. But someone, you know, I was shaking hands in a line for baseball and someone said something. I didn't hear it, but McLeod did. And he's like, I'm not gonna tell Ryan about that. That person doesn't matter. So he tells me, he told me about it today. That was like months ago, right? And I was like, yeah, see, that's a good friend. Cause I probably would have fucking lost it. yeah.

Chuck (49:15.753)
Yeah, right.

Chuck (49:20.553)
Yeah, right, especially at the time when you're not, you know, your best self, right? So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so, yeah. Hmm, no kidding, right? Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (49:26.488)
It was raw. It was very raw like a week later and Yeah, and I I I can't I can't guarantee anyone's safety in that moment So he he made a good call. He told me what today and he was like, yeah, but that you know that person doesn't matter And I was like, yeah, totally that has not earned a fucking anything in my life. You know what I mean? and where are you there?

Chuck (49:41.129)
Yeah, exactly.

Chuck (49:45.257)
 gratitudes, right? So yeah, I know the time does fly. The time does fly. And to save myself cutting something in after the fact, daily gratitudes are brought to you by AARC It's our new sponsor. Our new sponsor, that's AARC. That's the Alberta Adolescent Recovery Centre. Of course, in Alberta, they focus on the entire family.

They have a peer support model that is absolutely unique beyond any, it's different than anything I've ever heard of. This Saturday, we're doing an entire episode with their executive director, Dr. Voss, and of course their public relations person, communications person, Kiara Brady. Absolutely amazing organization what they're doing there. So if you are in Canada and you have a team that's struggling, they might just be a solution for you. Give them a shout, you can learn more about them at AARC, that's AARC.

Ryan Bathgate MA (50:14.936)
I love it.

Chuck (50:44.073)
dot ebi dot ca. So, yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (50:46.232)
I'd like to learn more about that peer support model somehow.

Chuck (50:49.257)
It's you, man, it is unbelievable. And you can, well, you can learn more by watching the episode, but we can certainly talk about that as well. So what you got for some daily grindstoods, buddy?

Ryan Bathgate MA (50:57.144)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (51:00.888)
Nuder McLeod fucking love you guys Jimmy to like Jimmy Jimmy in there Jason he's he's been Just awesome like Stacey like you know just so many I'm lucky I'm very fortunate

Chuck (51:08.777)
Hehehehe.

Chuck (51:20.873)
No kidding, eh? No kidding.

Ryan Bathgate MA (51:21.816)
Yeah, I got people that believe in me when I can't believe in myself. And that is nothing short of a fucking gift and a miracle. I'm so grateful for the people around me. And yourself, you know. Of course, Dr. Rock. Don, great, just a great guy. You know, like, yeah, Pete, he just, I don't have words, man. Like.

Chuck (51:24.969)
Yeah.

Chuck (51:36.745)
Thank you.

Ryan Bathgate MA (51:51.352)
people, you know, it's in this shit that you find out who you are, you find out who other people are, and like, the people that have shown up, it's just like, I just hope, I hope that there's a time in my life that I can be there for them, somehow. Like, I want the opportunity. I'm grateful for...

Chuck (52:05.193)
Getting it. Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (52:11.224)
I'm grateful for this chance. I'm grateful for the life I've been given and the chance I have to reclaim it and make something of it, especially for my beautiful family, which is my, of course, my last gratitude. I'd like to include Rita, Marina's mother, in that. She's amazing. Yeah. And huge supporter of the show. Yeah, huge supporter. But...

Chuck (52:35.177)
Yeah, she's a big supporter of the show as well. So yeah, she is. Yeah, I see her all over the place in the comments. I just love it. I love it. And I had an idea who she was before the last episode we did together, but now that I know who she is, it's like, I just like this little, cool, there she is again, right? So thank you, Rita.

Ryan Bathgate MA (52:42.36)
She has a...

Ryan Bathgate MA (52:51.48)
She is a beautiful soul and yeah, she embodies love and kindness. It's amazing to me. Yeah, so that's, yeah, I could go on, but you know.

Chuck (52:54.377)
Yeah.

Chuck (52:58.505)
Yeah, right. That's awesome.

Awesome. I know you could. I know you could. I'm going to keep mine simple this time. It's the Sunny, my dog. I found this over the last month or so, a couple of months even, the walks have gotten shorter and less frequent. I've been putting on weights. And then I was looking at him about a week ago. I was just like, man, like I can't do this. What's this? He's a driver for me, right? Like he's just get out there. And so I'm back up to twice a day, making sure that I'm doing my end for him.

Ryan Bathgate MA (53:05.304)
Yeah.

Ryan Bathgate MA (53:25.368)
Yep. Hey!

Ryan Bathgate MA (53:31.224)
and what do you know, it's working for you too, eh, weird?

Chuck (53:33.353)
Yeah, go figure, right? Go figure. I'm also grateful to every single person who continues to watch, comment, share, like, talk about all those things. Smash the buttons, because every time you do those things, you're getting me a little bit closer to living my best life. My best life is to make a humble living spreading the message, and the message is this. If you're an active addiction right now, today could be the day, today could be the day that you start a lifelong journey. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, call into church, go to a meeting, pray, I don't care. Do whatever it is you kind of do to get that journey started.

is so much better than the alternative. If you have a loved one who's suffering an addiction right now, you're just taking the time to listen to us talk. If you just take one more minute out of your day and text that person, let them know they're loved. Use the words. That little glimmer of hope just might be the thing that brings them back.

Ryan Bathgate MA (54:12.568)
You were loved.